April 24, 2007 UC Families Newsletter Circulation: 997 Moderator: Karie Frasch email: ucfam@lists.berkeley.edu Website: http://parents.berkeley.edu/ucfamilies Post a Message or a Reply: http://parents.berkeley.edu/post_ucfam.html ----------------------------------------- * Contents ----------------------------------------- New Postings *Considering Law School Responses *Crisis of Faith - in a Career, that is *Cat at UC village? *Childcare and commuting Media *“Perfect Family Planning” Chronicle of Higher Education New members ----------------------------------------- * New Postings ----------------------------------------- Considering Law School ------------------------------------------- I’m a single parent of a 12 year old, considering returning to school, probably law school. My main question right now is if it will really be possible to finance it? I’m fine with taking out massive loans, but I just cant tell how to figure out if I can make it. I wouldn’t be able to work, because of my son's special needs, and would just want to go full time. I did it, as an undergrad, when my son was young and made it fine with grants, scholarships, loans and welfare. But now that I’m earning more (staff at UCB), I am questioning my ability to support myself and my son solely on financial aid. Anyone with personal experience with this? Or with suggestions of where I might be able to get more information? Emily --------------------------------------------- Responses --------------------------------------------- Original post: Cat at uc village? ------------------------------------------- The UC Albany Village website says no pets are allowed in the units. Anyone sneak in a cat? I can't imagine getting rid of our family cat to move into family student housing, but our options are limited. Any advice? Anon Response: cat at UC Village ------------------------------------------- There are a few people who live here now who have cats. We spy them out the window pretty often. I think a few people actually have little dogs too. Linda Reply: Cat at UC Village ------------------------------------------- We lived in the Village about 10 years ago, and a number of people had cats...but you didn't hear it from me. :) Before we moved in, we had two cats, one liked it indoors and the other liked it outdoors and we had to call him to come in. We took the indoor cat with us to the Village. Good friends fostered our outdoor cat for two years and returned him when we moved out. We tried not to call attention to ourselves and moved the cat when the apt. needed maintenance, which wasn't often. It worked out well, but I'm not sure if they're more vigilant now, or not. Cat owner Original post: Childcare and commuting ------------------------------------------- I'll be starting journalism school at Berkeley in the fall and I'm hoping my kids will be accepted at the UC childcare center. I'm wondering how fellow parent/ students deal with getting their kids to childcare and themselves to campus. According to the folks I spoke with at the childcare center my kids will be in different locations (different ages and Haste St is for full-fee only). I was hoping to take public transportation to campus, but that seems pretty unlikely if I have to drop off two kids at two different places on my way to school. My husband is available to help -- he BARTs into the city each morning for work. How do people manage this? (Not sure where we'll be living either -- maybe Albany Village.) mama of 2 Response: Childcare and commuting ------------------------------------------- Don't get discouraged. You overestimate how hard it is with two kids... we (either I or my husband) do it every morning. We drop one on one side of the campus, then walk the other to her daycare on the other side. Then I go to class. We do all of this on the bus, as we sold our car a while ago because we didn't use it enough. Plus, whoever told you that Haste St. is full fee only might be a little off. They do have spots for subsidized care, but the squeaky wheel gets the grease. One of mine is there, and we don't pay a thing... but she had a sibling in the system (at a different site) so we had that advantage. Don't stress yet! It's easier than you think... mine are 3 and 1, not the easiest ages, but we make it work. They're great bus riders now! Plus, everyone on the bus in the morning has kids. If yours throw a tantrum, big deal. Response: Childcare and commuting ----------------------------------------- We solved the problem with living within bike distance to the campus (close to El Cerrito Plaza actually) and get a pre-school close to our home. We have a bike trailer so I can drop off my 3 yr old son at the pre-school in Albany (he started there 2 1/2 years old) on my way to work. The bike trailer stays there and my wife picks him up after lunch or in the afternoon depending on his schedule. We looked also into childcare on campus, but I think it is much more convenient to have childecare close to home. When looking for a home check if childcare/pre-school, malls, a BART station or major bus lines, and may be a car sharing pod is close and that you can bike to campus. For us this is the case and we save a lot having no car and free exercise biking around town. RK Reply: Childcare and commuting ------------------------------------------- Hi, mama of 2, I'm a mama of one who is also going to start journalism school this fall. I have no advice, but am also hoping the Cal day care will take my daughter. I'll be commuting from San Francisco, which kind of scares me. I'm interested in making contact with other J-school mothers so e-mail me if you are interested. Maya Original post: Crisis of Faith - in a Career, that is ------------------------------------------- I'm an Asst. Professor with 2 small children. Today I'm going through one of those crisises of the career life. I had a manuscript rejected. I think it's really important work, but the reviewers just didn't get it. I've taken time off w/ my kids and am back at 100% now, but feel a lot of pressure to catch up w/ papers and national recognition and all the aspects of the career. As junior faculty, there's a lot of time spent on activities and setting up projects that really have nothing to show for them. Yesterday I was home w/ my 3 yr old, who had no school. We didn't have to rush anywhere, I spent some quality time w/ him and we did a bunch of errands. It was nice. Today he didn't want to go to school. Why did he have to? I see some behavioral issues in my kids and I see them behind where they could/should be in some academics - How much harm is being in school & daycare all day causing? I recognize this is a common problem. Any thoughts on how to work through these feelings? I love my work and I love my kids. I feel I have no role model for how to do this right. I'd love to be a super parent - great at my job and great w/ my kids, but know that's impossible. How do you set limits appropriately and maintain a good level for both? What resources exist for this? And really, specifics are better than vague statements - i.e. here's a website that lists good, cheap, healthy food, delivered to you or easy to buy premade, here are jobs you should skip, whether at home or work, here are things you should make sure you do, even if you sacriface work or home., etc. Here's a good way to say no to your senior colleague, without looking like a total slacker. :) (Oh, and like most of you, I imagine, we have no family in the area, and are a 2 professional parents family.) Searching for the happy balance REPLY: Crisis of faith ------------------------------------------- I completely sympathesize and empathesize with you. I, too, am a jr fac, with two kids under 6. This is really, really hard. I would urge you to stick with the faculty position, though obviously you need to do what is best for your mental health, your situation, etc. If you truly love your work, it is worth continuing - your kids will get older and do other things, and when that time comes for me, I want to have a career of my own, with interests and an identity other than a mom. Tips (which others may wince at, but are necessary): * try to get as much time off teaching as you can, even if that means concentrating your teaching in one semester/ quarter. Look for internal campus grants, see if you department has a 'credit' system to buy out a course, etc. I think the most precious thing for a jr fac with kids is time. * do large-batch cooking on weekends, freeze and then re- heat. Don't be afraid to do simple, easy (but healthy) meals for dinner - an omelette, quesedilla, even a p&j sandwich with some veggies on the side. This was hard for me--I loved to cook pre-kids--but it is impossible now. * while the kids are bathing, sort laundry, and throw a load in as they are getting in their pjs. I am doing much more house work at night than I did before. I don't enjoy it, but this way I have my weekends free. * pay someone to come in every 2 weeks to clean the house. I never wanted to do this (for cost and principle) but broke down this past January. Now, instead of spending most of Sat cleaning, I can spend most of it with the kids. * get into a routine to do work in the evening after the kids are asleep (low brain work - grading, writing admin emails, etc.), but give yourself the whole weekend off * jealously guard your early mornings (1-3 hrs) for writing/ research. Like exercise, I think you have a better chance of getting it done if you do it first thing. * learn to say ''no'' to any request for administrative/ committee work. Do NOT be the best committee member. Do the minimum. This feels very wrong and strange to those who are perfectionists, but tell yourself you can throw yourself into worthy campus causes post-tenure. * force all students to see you in office hours (but be generous with these). This sometimes feels unfair to the students especially if you might want to spend more time with them, but you need to jealously guard your time. * once you've prepared a course, push to teach it repeatedly. Perhaps a bit boring, but much less time spent on course prep. Also, give yourself a limit on how much course prep you do. If it isn't done in your time period, then you wing it. * build a reading grp with other junior fac., in your dept or elsewhere, to read each others work and comment on it. We've done this and it has been great for feedback, support, etc. More generally, in my case, I truly believe that I'm a better mom because I work. Long periods of doing childcare wear me down. After work, I'm genuinely thrilled to see my kids, and when I'm with them, I try to be there 100%. I also think I have more confidence and self-esteem as a person because I'm a prof and a mom. Hang in there! doing the balancing act, too Response to Crisis in Faith -- in a Career ------------------------------------------- Your feelings seem quite justified to me. I'm tenured, so I have more choices now, but I still feel like I am shortchanging both my daughter and my job. Here are some specific and somewhat random pieces of advice about keeping the balance and being the best parent you can be while on the tenure track: 1) Hire a housecleaner. It's the single best thing I did for myself and worth every penny. And we have only my income, so it isn't easy to afford, but again, so worth it! 2) If you do committee work, try to be the chair so meetings are scheduled around you. 3) Be there and fully present for your kids' morning goodbye, dinner, the bedtime ritual, and one full weekend day. You'll be surprised at how productive you can be when you have one built-in day off. 4) Your senior colleagues should be protecting you from mindless scutwork. If they are not, I suggest taking on one visible thing and using it as an excuse (''I'm so sorry, but working on the new curriculum structure is taking up most of my free time''). That reminds the asker that you are, indeed, contributing. It may also be wise to say yes to someone's minor request the time after you say no. Individual no's do not matter. What matters is having senior colleagues who say you turned them down every time. 5) You can start a babysitting co op in your neighborhood at www.babysitterexchange.com. It gives you free babysitting (though you have to put in hours, too), and you might be able to shorten the daycare time and substitute a regular ''playdate'' at your home a couple of days a week. 6) Don't assume you can only work at home. Sometimes two hours at a coffee shop are more productive than four at home, where laundry and dishes seem more appealing than wrestling with ideas. 7) Oh-- and-- put that rejected article back in an envelope, unrevised, and send it to another journal. Most articles take a try or two or even more to find their home. Hope something here helps... Beth Reply to Crises of Faith in Career ------------------------------------------- Crises of Faith in Career I understand your situation. I am a professional and my husband is a postdoc at UC Berkeley.I also have a child. When my son was younger it was really challenging. I did my dissertation while my son was under 2 years old. Ugh ! Now he's 9 which is much easier. I'd like to comment about your manuscript rejection. I know a lot about this topic because I have published a lot in my own field; and I am a professional academic editor. The people I work with have their mss rejected a lot for no reason that anyone can understand. There are so many reasons why a mss is rejected. I have worked on several professional journals and currently I edit for one on the UC Berkeley campus. Let me list some of the reasons that are seemingly arbitrary but often true to life: 1. the editor is excited about a manuscript but a professor on the journal's board recommends the journal accept another article by a professor he knows. The editor shooses to publish the article recom. by the prof., not because she thinks it's better; not at all. The fact is she has to work with this person a lot; and if she doesn't do this favour for him, he will be forever ''against her'' which means he will disagree with on ever single point from then on or he will disagree with her over every little issue that comes up; and when the time comes to reevaluate her position, he will vote against her and discourage other people to renew her contract. This is a very real occurance in the academic publishing world. In addition, there are numerous other reasons, as you suggested in your post, the edit didn't understand what you were trying to convey. One thing I always do when I submit is to ''introduce'' my article or research in a short letter or email along with the submission. This is not only so the editor can easily read a synopsis of my paper but so I can ''interpret it'' for her; so when she actually reads my mss she can ''frame it'' within my own interpretation. Anyways, my response is long. But I hope it shows you that their rejection is nothing about you or the quality of your paper or research.It still hurts, I know. Especially when you've worked hard and long on the research and meticulously went over and over the writing of it, and still rejection. It hurts. Anyways, feel free to email me if you need help: kimberlyfujioka@yahoo.com I live in University Village. My website: http://www.englishwritinghelp.com Kimberly Reply to Crisis of Faith ------------------------------------------- You have put your finger on it. Your problem is one of the most important issues of our time. As you don't want or need annoying advice about how to speed up all your chores (which I couldn't tell you anyhow, as I hardly do my own), perhaps you'd enjoy reading a solid political perspective that might allow you to see yourself as part of a much bigger picture, and even help you get charged up in the morning (well, it does me). I suggest you (and everyone) read Ruth Rosen's article on the ''Care Crisis'' in the March 17 '07 Nation magazine: http://www.thenation.com/doc/20070312/rosen Professor Rosen is an emeritus professor at Davis, and she is visiting UCB in History this year. She's a remarkable person, and I wish this article could be the spark that changes our world... If anyone is already working for universal health care, or for some other project that will improve women's lives (not to mention the lives of men & children) will you let me know? I think a lot of us are extremely frustrated and angry with the current state of things, and it would be great to put that energy to some real use. Last thing - I've stayed home, I've worked and I've been a full-time student with small kids. And the only thing I know for sure is that the grass is always greener, no matter what I'm doing. I love my job now, and that helps a lot, but I do feel as though I hardly ever see my family. The best balance for all of us was working or school part time. Unfortunately it's unaffordable. Best wishes to all who struggle with this issue. Leah Reply: Crisis of faith ------------------------------------- I am an Asst. Researcher with one kid (3 yrs). I think I know your felling. On the one hand you need to work hard for your career and it is not always going well, which means you have to work even harder. The responsibility for your family only increases the pressure to excel and thus secure your career. On the other hand, you have to spend time with your kids and wife because you love them and they love you. But don't worry about daycare and school. I assume you have found a good daycare/school and you trust the teachers there. The kids learn there something they cannot learn at home: social skills. Our son goes to daycare/pre-school since he is a few months old (was it 6 or 8 months, I am not sure anymore). He is not going all day, usually till noon and not all days. Sometimes he says he does not want to go to pre-school, but then when he is there loves to be there. And he is better in interacting with other kids than some that have always a parent around. Just make sure that you reserve some quality time with your kids, too. My wifes works on Saturdays, so I reserve the Saturday totally for my son. And he loves that and it is very important to him. Have faith in your work  (discussing your paper with co-workers might help) and with a good time management (clear separation of work-time and family-time) you should feel much better, I hope. anon ----------------------------------------- Media ----------------------------------------- “Perfect Family Planning.” By Julia Goode. April 24, 2007. Chronicle of Higher Education. http://chronicle.com/jobs/news/2007/04/2007042401c/careers.html (subscription required) --------------------------------------------------------------------- - Post a message * http://parents.berkeley.edu/post.html - Subscribe, Unsubscribe, Address Changes, Help * http://parents.berkeley.edu/subscribers.html