February 10, 2006 UC Families Newsletter -- A new online newsletter and resource for faculty, staff and students at University of California campuses who are balancing academic goals or careers with family life. Circulation: 637 Moderator: Karie Frasch email: moderator_ucfam@parents.berkeley.edu Website: http://parents.berkeley.edu/ucfamilies Post a Message: http://parents.berkeley.edu/post_ucfam.html ---------------------------------------------- Contents ---------------------------------------------- *Responses Original post: Babies matter - academia and family Original post: Summer camp to learn Mandarin Original post: Is your department family friendly? Original post: Getting SHIP (Blue Cross) to cover a home birth *New postings UCB grad students starting toddler playgroup Same sex families Sabbatical year questions *News/media The Parent Trap, a New York Times Op-Ed *New members Since 2/1/06 ---------------------------------------------- *Responses ---------------------------------------------- You can post additional responses at: http://parents.berkeley.edu/post_ucfam.html Original post: Babies matter - academia and family -------------------------------------------------------- I am currently the Graduate Dean at Berkeley and a researcher on the effects of family formation on the careers of academics. I am also a mother of two grown children and navigated these issues while they were growing up. Despite intensive research in this area it is still difficult to answer the question often asked of me by my graduate students, "when is the best time to have a baby?" What do you think? Before women begin graduate programs should they be given more clear information about the challenges of managing family and career in academia? Should more be done to help graduate students make decisions about the timing of these issues? What can current professors do to better encourage promising young women to stay in the "pipeline" to satisfying tenured jobs? And finally, when do you think is the best time to have a baby? Mary Ann Mason Response: Babies matter - academia and family ------------------------------------------- I'm in the middle of this now. I'm a postdoc with a 22 month old son. I definitely DO NOT think that only women should be given information about challenges of managing a family and a career in academia. This sends a message that (a)it is the woman's responsibility to manage the family and (b) it's too hard so you have to decide RIGHT NOW (before even starting grad school or in many cases meeting the future dad) which it is going to be. In my case, my husband stays home with our son and his career has been much more affected than mine. However, I must admit that I had rather naively assumed that because my husband was staying at home my career would sail on practically uninterupted...NOT the case. 3 months of maternity leave plus 6 months of sleep depravation plus a year (okay in my case 6 months) of having to pump breast milk every 3 hours plus having to be home at a reasonable hour so my husband doesn't go insane equals delaying my search for an assistant professor position by a year. I think what would help women with babies the most is a break for both genders when it comes to assessing productivity at the end of a four (or five or six) year postdoc if they've started a family. I haven't started looking for academic positions, and it may turn out that I don't continue in academia. I do feel that if this is the case it will have nothing to do with the birth of my son. Response: Babies matter - academia and family ------------------------------------------- I think the best answer to that question is that there is never a *convenient* time to have a baby. Like any of the people in our lives we come to care about, your child will be a challenge from time to time and will demand your time and attention on days when your focus might have been elsewhere. He or she will also get sick at the absolute most inconvenient time and will stay awake on the nights you most need to burn the midnight oil. But, that being said, being in academia and having a child can be especially rewarding for all parties concerned. I (mostly) have the summer to be with my family and the hours I spend away from home working are far less than when I had a 9-5 job. My child has a great example of what it means to be committed to the process of learning and has contact with a group of brilliant and creative adults. It is tough. I spend a lot of late nights reading and writing and a lot of bleary eyed mornings afterwards playing with the kiddos in the park. I have found a few things to be crucial: -get or keep your sense of humor, you won't survive without it -learn to be in the moment, if you spend the time you are writing worrying about your child's cough, nobody wins. And, by contrast, if you spend the day your child first starts to walk wondering if you'll get tenure, you've cheated yourself and him/her. -plan ahead as much as you can, but cultivate a sense of flexibility. Keep a bunch of frozen dinners on hand and be prepared for the day your toddler will only be satisfied with one for breakfast. -for every person who rolls their eyes after you miss a deadline because you were busy holding a child who was feverish and inconsolable, there will be two who have been there and give you a pat on the shoulder and the understanding look that gets you through today. grad student & mom Response: for Mary Ann Mason ------------------------------------------- First and most importantly, this is NOT a women's issue. As long as we single out women in discussing this topic, we let men off the hook. Especially in the sciences, many of them continue to think it normal or even better to have a stay at home spouse, something that almost no academic woman has, and this preconception often discourages them from taking their female colleagues and students seriously. Moreover, how many of the children growing up in de facto single parent academic households, whose parents teach at other campuses in other cities and even other countries, live with their fathers? UC lags far, far behind the many state university systems that compete with us and the Ivies by offering good jobs to almost all spouses who want them. Providing excellent affordable daycare is also a more encouraging sign than warning female students entering doctoral programs of the hazards ahead, something that will just confirm to their professors of either gender that they don't belong there. Not to mention healthcare. Just today I overheard a grad student describing how his wife was delaying a second prenatal exam because they could not afford it! That being said, the two best times, in my experience/observation, to have a baby as a female academic are early or late, that is as a graduate student or as a tenured faculty member. If one does so as a graduate student in the humanities, one needs to be able to focus to finish a dissertation, but the extra year or two will not cost you much professionally. What will cost you enormously is, prejudice against women and against mothers in particular aside, the flexibility to apply for jobs around the country, unless you have an usually accomodating spouse, and to move up the ladder to a second university quickly once you have relocated from the institution where you attended graduate school. If you wait until after tenure, it may well be too late, but by this point you have a pretty big buffer. Your career will probably go on autopilot for several years, and if you teach at Berkeley you can still expect all kinds of extra trouble in moving up the ladder, but you are in a far, far stronger position. Of the mothers (out of twice that number of women) in my department, all fit one of these two models. The percentage of fathers is not any higher, by the way, and while I do not know all the details, I suspect it is largely true of them as well. an disenchanted professor Response: Best time for baby ------------------------------------------- I don't think there is a best time to have a baby, regardless of your career. I just turned 31, my daughter will be 10 next month, I've been a single mom for over 3 years and I am currently a postdoc at UCB. Having my daughter when I was 21 has not hurt my career; rather, it made me focus on my work and end goals. Compared to my peers, I have published, participated in teaching and conferences at about the same level - and I have interviewed for 4 tenure-track positions, so I know my CV has faired well through a child. To be completely honest, given my personality, I'm not sure when I would have planned to have a child - I would be facing the same question of the best time. For me, the best time was during undergraduate school. As I have moved through the various stages of academia (undergrad, grad, postdoc), I have come to realize that the stress tends to increase as you move through - and have encouraged other couples to go ahead and have kids during grad school rather than wait. Yes, the degree may take longer - but many faculty are more than happy to work with students on a different schedule - and in the end it probably won't impact your career to have spent an extra year or so in grad school. I think staying in the academy requires dedication and a realization that change comes from within - the structure appears rigid from outside but once you are in the system, there is more flexibility. As more and more families with different structures become part of the system, the entire system should become more flexible and family-friendly over time. Yes, I think there should be more opportunities for discussion of post-grad school life - for both men and women - and also concrete solutions/ideas for tenure-track/family issues from those who have already been there. Kristen Babies matter - academia and family ------------------------------------------- Hi Mary Ann, First, let me say that I am intensely grateful for your research in this area. You are one of the very few people who seems to have a clear understanding of the importance and complexity of this issue. Second, in regard to when the best time to have children is, my opinion is that it is NOT at the same time that one plans to start a tenure-track position. Either before, when one is a graduate student or postdoc and has a bit more free time (although the grad students might not believe me here, it's true), or after one has tenure and the pressure has eased somewhat, would be better. And to keep women in the professorial pipeline? My opinion is the single most effective move would be to make part-time positions a real option for women (and men, for that matter). My goal all through graduate school was to have a tenure-track position; however, I have a child now, and do not see any possibility of working the number of hours such a position (full-time) would require. 35-40 hours a week is all I have in me; 60 or more is physically impossible. Although the current practice is to grant faculty members who have a child a semester, or perhaps a year, of reduced time, this would not have worked for me. My child is 4 years old, and there is no time during his life when I would have been able to work more than 40 hours per week. Although my evidence is anecdotal, I have spoken with a fair number of female graduate students who are considering both having children and starting a career, and with only one or two exceptions, all of them feel as I do about the amount of work they think is reasonable for them. The doubt they express about their ability to do the amount of work required to get tenure is nearly universal. Karen Original post: Summer camp to learn Mandarin ------------------------------------------- I would appreciate recommendations for a summer camp my five-year-old can attend to learn to speak Mandarin. We are interested in a school in San Francisco. ActNet on Judah has been suggested. Thanks. Response: Summer camp to learn Mandarin ------------------------------------------- A friend of mine in San Francisco is planning on enrolling her son in the summer immersion program for 3 to 5-year olds at the Chinese American International School. Here is a description: http://cais.org/special_programs/summer-mandarin_prek-k.html Lynna Original post: Is your department family friendly? ------------------------------------------ I have a young child, and with all of the recent talk of family friendliness I’m wondering what makes a department or workplace family friendly anyway? Do you think your department is family friendly? I think the administrators in my department generally follow the policies of my university but I wouldn’t say we are particularly family friendly. Staff at UC wondering if Im missing out Response: My department is family friendly! ------------------------------------------- Yes, my department is extremely family friendly, and I count my blessings on a daily basis! I am a single Mom with a 9 year-old. I have no help whatsoever from my ex-husband, and I could easily be a bitter person if I didn't have a fabulous job and wonderful people to work for. Due to California’s budget and no pay raises for the past 3 years, inflation and child-care expenses had far surpassed my income. I was looking at moving into a smaller place or taking on a second job just to break even. I approached my supervisor a few years ago, after researching some family life/work alternatives for people in my situation. Due to my findings and my supervisor’s willingness to trust in a trial run and me, we were able to find a solution. I have since moved into a house, keep on top of my daughter's homework and additional activities, and now I am actually financially secure (I’m even contributing to a 403(b) and a college savings program)! Heres what my department agreed to: ~ Telecommute from home during my daughter’s after school hours. ~ Free access to high-speed DSL at home (by means of a departmental corporate partnership with a local ISP). ~ Use of a departmental-issue cell phone (so that I wouldn’t have to use my home phone or get an additional phone line at home for work purposes). ~ Occasional telecommuting on days my daughter is sick or other times for short doctor visits, school fieldtrips or errands (rather than requiring me to use sick or vacation pay). SUSIE Response: Is your department family friendly? ------------------------------------------- Hello- I would say that my department does the bare minimum of what is legally and technically required as far as being ''family friendly.'' When my child was ill I was asked, ''Can't someone else take him to the doctor? Don't you have parents or a neighbor?'' I was told to remove pictures of my family from my office as it wasn't 'professional.' Yet, my bosses were glowing about a new lactation station. bitter mommy Original post: Getting SHIP (Blue Cross) to cover a home birth ------------------------------------------- I've just been told by the UC student health insurance office that, while they have no problems covering a midwife as an out-of-network provider, they won't cover any expenses related to a home birth. So, my prenatal care is fine, but the birth will not be covered. My midwife, who charges a single fee for prenatal and birth services, says that there's no problem, since the home birth carries no fees itself; all fees are only for *care*, and have nothing to do with where the care occurs. That logic makes sense to be, but I'm afraid it won't make sense to Blue Cross. (My insurance is the UC Student Health Insurance Plan, a Blue Cross Prudent Buyer plan). I'm concerned that Blue Cross will kick back the claim, saying that since the birth was at home, they won't pay for any of the care. Has anyone tried to get a home birth covered under SHIP? Or has anyone successfully gotten a company with a similar policy to cover a home birth? Will just not telling them where I have the baby work? I've got 8 months to try to make this work, so any advice on tactics to take (or avoid) will be much appreciated. anonymous for now Response: Getting SHIP (Blue Cross) to cover home birth ------------------------------------------- Congratulations on your pregnancy! A friend of mine who was a Berkeley grad student when she was pregnant and gave birth told me her midwife was able to bill SHIP in such a way as to reimburse some, but not all, of the out-of-pocket costs. The justification was that they were treating her (covered) as opposed to the fetus/baby (not covered). I inferred from your message that you are 1) female and 2) a Berkeley grad student, so this might apply to you. If you're interested, I'd be happy to put you in touch with her. We also had a home birth, but my wife was not a Berkeley student at the time and so I assumed that there was no chance she would be covered. We were considered lucky that her plan (Kaiser) won't kick you out for having a home birth as some insurers will. As a general matter, the reticence of insurers to cover home birth is ridiculous and illogical in that it is just as safe as hospital birth and has fewer interventions (citation below), plus the actual cost is usually significantly less expensive. http://bmj.bmjjournals.com/cgi/content/full/330/7505/1416 David ---------------------------------------------- *New postings ---------------------------------------------- You can post a response message: http://parents.berkeley.edu/post_ucfam.html UCB grad students starting toddler playgroup ------------------------------------------- We are 2 Berkeley PhD grad students (psychology and bioengineering) looking to start up a playgroup/parents group on the weekends. We dont seem to have many local acquaintances in similar life stages as us (that is, trying to keep up with a toddler and the pace of academia at the same time), and were hoping to change that! We have a 19-month-old son, plus a daughter arriving in June, and we live in Albany. We dont have a specific group format in mind we could rotate houses, meet at parks, whatever works. Just looking to establish an environment where we can relax about our applesauce-covered offspring and neglected research. Its not necessary that you be a grad student also postdocs, faculty, staff, non- academics also welcome. If interested, email melissa@berkeley.edu. Melissa SAME-SEX FAMILIES ------------------------------------------- I applaud the progressive initiatives to make UC a more humane and family-friendly environment for faculty and staff employees as well as student parents. But I'm concerned that a distinctive population -- same-sex families (couples whether with children or without) -- has received so little attention. Yes, registered domestic partners and their children are eligible to benefit from UC health coverage, family leave policies, etc. Yet I've read nothing in the various recent work-and-family research papers or policy statements that acknowledge that LGBT people often face special challenges on the job and in balancing work and family. Such additional challenges cannot possibly be addressed so long as GLBT people remain institutionally invisible. UC is presumed to be a non-homophobic environment -- is that true across the board? Shouldn't we be asking the same questions about non-straight women and men that are being asked about women and men in traditional heterosexual families? How can we collect and examine the experiences and wisdom of UC LGBT faculty, staff, and grad students? On the most basic level, who are we, how many of us are there, across what ranks and levels and units do we work and study? Are there places or circumstances within UC where GLBT people hit a 'glass ceiling' or 'closet wall' in their careers? In what ways do personally-held and/or institutionally-supported 'closets' dampen our voices or push our careers and/or families to the margins? Do LGBT people access formally-entitled family benefits equally or differentially compared to their heterosexual peers? How do the ''dual career'' problems affect LGBT couples in making career choices? Do GLBT graduate students ''leak out of the pipeline'' (or concentrate) in certain academic disciplines more than others? I hope to spark some discussion in this forum and perhaps inspire UC to recognize and incorporate this important element of difference into work-and-family research and policy making. Sharon Sabbatical Year Questions ------------------------------------------- My family is going on sabbatical staring in June 2006 to the Geneva area. We have never gone on sabbatical before, and need advice about the following issues: 1. Health Insurance. What do families do about health insurance while on sabbatical? We could either select the (expensive) plans that cover you out-of-network? Did you find insurance in the country you were visiting? 2. Moving Overseas. Did you use a relocation company? Did you ship things? 3. Renting out your Berkeley house. Did you rent out your house in Berkeley while you were away? Did you use a realtor or rental agency? Karen ------------------------------------------ *Articles and media ------------------------------------------ You can post comments or discussion points about any of these, or offer new ones - http://parents.berkeley.edu/post_ucfam.html The Parent Trap, A New York Times Op-Ed on Betty Freidan http://www.nytimes.com/2006/02/08/opinion/08warner.html?ex=1140152400&en=121a43c9a429c8a0&ei=5070&emc=eta1 --------------------------------------------------------------------- - Post a message * http://parents.berkeley.edu/post.html - Subscribe, Unsubscribe, Address Changes, Help * http://parents.berkeley.edu/subscribers.html