Therapist who specializes in sexual issues

I am looking for a marriage/couples therapist for my husband and myself who also specializes in sexual issues. The last time we did therapy together it was very successful, but in the end we both felt that the therapist we had was not a perfect fit for us. Since then, we have had a second child and it is time for therapy again! This time we would ideally like a woman who practices close to Piedmont Ave. in Oakland. Thank You! Everywoman

Therapist specializing in sex therapy

I am looking for a recommendation for a couples counselor specializing in sex therapy, or the sexual relationship as an entry into deeper issues between us. I have read through previous recommendations on the website, but few mention sex therapy specifically. I think this would be the easiest way to enter into a discussion of the ways we relate to one another and it represents much of what I see elsewhere in our personalities. That said, I'm not looking for a counselor who only deals in sexual issues - I am guessing that our intimate relationship is how we manifest our other issues. Also, we are a hetero-couple, with few ''on the fringe'' relationship desires. We also have kids together and this would also be discussed. I am looking for someone in the Berkeley area (within about 10 miles is reasonable). Lastly, if you have more than one recommendation, that would be great since I have to match with our mental health benefit. Thank you!!!!! anon

''Sex-Positive'' Therapist?

I have never seen a therapist before, but I'm long over-due. I have worked in the sex industry for years and I'm in an open relationship, so I am hoping to find someone who is positive about/open to unconventional life choices. I am afraid that I'll start seeing someone who will secretly be thinking, ''You did WHAT!? Well, there's your problem!'' I understand that good therapists should withhold judgement, but I still can't help feeling that if she believes/assumes that momogamous marriage is the best relationship and that sex work is always bad and harmful, it will impact my therapy experience. Any recommendations for me? Thanks

Therapist for husband's sexual addiction

My huband of five years has a sexual addiction problem. I finally threatened to divorce him unless he seeks counseling specifically for this issue. (Bascially, I have caught him 3-4 times using phone sex services, online porn, and online sex personals, which really upsets me. He admitted when confronted with specific evidence that last week, while we were in a fight, he saw a ''massage therapist'' who performed ''extras.'' I strongly suspect he is having an affair in addition to all this, because he lied to me about his whereabouts last weekend and he just ordered some Viagra sent to his office (definitely not to use with me)! Any recommendations? I checked the site but there was nothing in this particular area. I think my husband would respond better to a male when discussing this kind of thing.

How do I deal with the cheating issue if my husband vehemently denies he is cheating? He only responds to hard evidence and I only have circumstantial (but I have a LOT of it; I am convinced, but he knows I can't nail him so he just denies everything). Do I have to hire a private investigator to catch him in the act? We have two young children and I work; I can't be following him around....

Finally, for those of you who have asked your spouse to attend therapy by themselves, how will I know that he has actually gone to the appointments? How will I know if he is making progress? He is in complete denial that this is a problem. Thanks for your help. - Anguished Wife

I found the following website helpful when I was investigating the topic: http://www.sexaddicthelp.com/Therapists/

I also highly recommend any book by Philip Carnes. His stuff is really good. It is hard to find books about the topic that aren't heavy handed in a religious way. Good luck. a surviving spouse

We initially sought out couples counseling. I balked at the idea of couples counseling at first, because I thought that, clearly, this wasn't a ''relationship'' problem, but a problem my husband had. I was right, but, equally, of course, however he and we addressed his problem -- and divorce was very much on the table -- it was something that we would probably need couples counseling on, so that's where we started, really for lack of a better place to start. The thing is, in making his admission to me, my husband had ''hit bottom'' in his addiction, and was at a place where he was ready to admit that he had a problem. He started going to Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous Meetings, and worked the program. It's now been four years since he has acted out on his addiction, we're still married, have a loving (and sexual) relationship, and he's a different man -- or, he's himself again, the man I fell in love with in the first place.

But, what's the catch about SLAA? Yeah, the first step. He has to be ready to admit he has a problem, and from your message, it doesn't sound like he is. You might want to start with couples counseling. At least then you'll know he's there, and he will hear you talk about the pain it's causing you. You can also call SLAA yourself for more information --- (415) 979-4715. I'm sorry I don't have a couples counselor to recommend; I wasn't that impressed with ours, although he got us pointed in the right direction, which is something.

I wish you all the best in this. It will be a long journey. Still on the journey, but starting to enjoy it again

Your questions and your anguish point to a deep loss of trust in your marriage. Sure, you could obtain ''hard evidence'' with a private investigator or by devoting yourself to the task -- but you already know that he has deceived you. If the problem is his unwillingness to 'fess up, then hard evidence solves that problem -- for that moment in time. But it seems to me that the real problem is his untrustworthiness, and I don't think any trustworthy person deserves an untrustworthy spouse.

I'd like to suggest, gently, that you step back and think about what kind of atmosphere you want to raise your children in. An atmosphere of spousal deceit and distrust?

Think about whether counselling can change his untrustworthiness (regardless of its cause, sex-addiction or who knows what). Can any person overcome a problem that they are unwilling to acknowledge?

Then think about whether you deserve this life, and whether your kids deserve it.

Best wishes and good luck to you. Many of us have been in your shoes, but a lot of us have stepped out of those shoes and have found a better life. Happily Remarried

Marriage therapist good at sexual issues

I married a man I love but for whom I have always felt little sexual desire. Ten years and two children later, I've had a purely sexual affair and realize that our situation is untenable. Could anyone recommend a marriage therapist who is very good with sexual issues? Thank you.

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