Support for Grief & Loss
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Support for Grief & Loss
Jan 2008
I lost a baby at 20 weeks a year ago and am having major fears
about trying to have another child because the grief was so
severe. I have been blessed with one healthy child, but the
unexplained loss that I had has made trying to conceive again
very stressful. Can anyone recommend a counselor - preferably
in SF, but I would go anywhere to see the right person -- who
has addressed these multiple issues? Thanks so much.
Anon
First, I want to say I am very sorry for your loss.
I had a stillbirth 3 years ago this month and have not had children before or since
due to fertility issues despite my being under 30. I can recommended a therapist by
the name of Donna Rothert. She facilitated a support group on pregnancy loss and also
saw patients individually. I saw her in both capacities over the course of 10 months
in 2006-07. She has offices in Oakland's Rockridge district and in Walnut Creek
though I only saw her in Oakland because I'm on this side of the hills. She is very
knowledgeable on infant loss, miscarriage and stillbirth. More than anyone I have ever
seen. http://www.donnarothert.com/
Grieving Mama
The therapists at Perinatal Psychotherapy Services (Donna Rothert, Gina Hassan, and
Lee Safran) are wonderful. They deal with pregnancy loss issues all the time. They
are in Berkeley, and may be worth the trip, or they may know excellent people in SF.
Good luck. You're not alone.
http://www.perinatalpsychotherapy.com/
I am sorry for your loss. Having gone through a stillbirth and 2 subsequent
pregnancies, I totally recommend counseling to support you through the process.
I saw Kim Kluger-Bell. She is warm, understanding and knowledgeable. She has written a
book about pregnancy loss and is well known in the field. She is in Berkeley on Solano
Ave.
I wish you peace on your journey.
Been There Too
I'm so sorry for your loss. I missed your original post, so I don't
know if you have heard of SAND (stands for support after neonatal
death), a support group run through Alta Bates Hospital. I started
going to SAND in 1982, close to a year after losing my first child to
premature birth and several months after starting work with a grief
counselor. I didn't go earlier because I couldn't imagine that hearing
many different stories about losing a baby would make me feel better,
especially since I was having trouble conceiving again. However, SAND
proved to be invaluable in my emotional recovery from the loss and
subsequent infertility. First, I met women with similar stories which
helped me set aside ''what if.'' (What if he had been a girl, what if I
were of a different ethnic category, what if I had gone to the doctor
sooner, what if he had received treatment at a different hospital...We
were all at risk.) I was encouraged by the women going through
successful 2nd (or 3rd or more) pregnancies. I received incredible support for moving
on--through adoption and (10 years later) a birth as well. I went to
SAND regularly for about 2 years. According to the website, SAND meets
from 7:00 to 9:00 pm on the first and third Wednesdays of each month at
3030 Telegraph Ave. (at Webster St.) in Berkeley. It is free and
registration is not required. For more information, call (510)
204-1571. I wish you the best in finding the help you need and in
growing your family.
Sympathetic mom
October 2007
I am looking for a grief support group in or near Berkeley. My
daughters father committed suicide two weeks ago. We have been
seperated for five years but were on good terms. My daughter is
10. I called suicide prevention but they don't deal with grief. I
have called many numbers and a: got no return call (800)260-0094
b: number out of service c: told suicide is too specific. We
are having a hard time due to the violence of his death. I am
waiting for my daughters school to refer a psychologist but am
interested in a group of others who have this unfortunate
experience. Alta Bates refered Pathways but haven't been able to
get through yet. I keep calling numbers that are refered and then
they refer and on only to be told finally that they don't deal
with suicide or better yet they do but in Los Angeles. Does
anyone have RECENT experience and phone numbers?
Having a hard time
Sutter VNA & Hospice in Emeryville has a number of bereavement support
groups. I looked on their website, but didn't see any groups for children.
Perhaps they would have a referral for you. Also, Jewish Family & Children's
Services in Berkeley may have a good referral. Have you considered family or
child counseling in the interim until you find a support group for your
daughter?
Wishing you healing.
I'm so sorry for your family's loss. Try contacting the Bereavement
Counselor at Zen Hospice Project. I'm sure she'll be about to refer you to a
kid's group. When I volunteered there we had a kid's group meet in the guest
house, but I don't think they still run that program.
http://www.zenhospice.org/15_bereavement_services/bereavement-services.htm
Jennifer
I am so sorry to hear about your and your daughter's loss. My husband died
about a year ago, and I wondered how to help my two kids (then 7 and 4) deal
with their grief and loss. I found a counselor who was experienced in grief
counseling for children, and got the kids and I enrolled in a support group.
I strongly recommend doing both individual and group.
I felt very fortunate to find the East Bay Agency for Children's Circle of
Care program. They conduct free biweekly support groups for families who
have experienced a loss. It was good for my kids to be exposed to others who
had also been through a loss. A 10-year-old would have been right within the
ages covered. They had kids from around 4 through 11 or 12 as I recall. I,
too, found it really helpful to talk to other parents about the experience
of grieving with kids. They meet in the evenings and serve pizza, and do ask
for contributions to defray the food cost. They conducted the children's and
parents' sessions concurrently. They are located in Oakland, and many
Berkeley families participate. Here is a link:
http://www.ebac.org/programs/circle/index.asp
My other thought is to contact hospices in the Berkeley area. They also
often provide family grief support groups (there is one in Dublin that I am
aware of (Hope Hospice).
I don't know if you have a counselor for your daughter, but I also highly
recommend Jan Dombrower, but she is in Hayward (510) 537-8630) and that
might be a bit far for you. Grief counseling for children is one of her
specialties, and she was very helpful to me and my children after their
loss. A couple nice things she did for them: worked with them to create
''memory'' boxes where they could store small items that remind them of
their dad. And one day they decorated helium balloons for their dad and then
released them into the sky.
Again, my deepest sympathies.
Ellen
Call Circle of Care
, 510-531-7551 in Oakland. They have really wonderful
support groups for familes who have experienced the death of a parent. There
are usually other kids in the groups who have had a parent die of suicide -
which helps tremendously. You'll have to do a brief phone interview, and
then meet with a counselor. Groups are on weeknight evenings, in Oakland
near the Mormon temple. Can't reccomend Circle of Care highly enough.
good luck
April 2007
My mother recently passed away. Can anyone recommend a grief
counselor in the East Bay? I would be interested in seeing
someone who is also great with working with family dynamics.
Thank you
anon
Sheryl Sheets on College Ave near Ashby is great for grief counseling for
loss of a mother. She has an MFT. I worked with her during my mother's
terminal illness and after my mother's death. She was at (510) 549-9297.
Anon
I have been working through the loss of my father and also
my my feelings regarding my aging mother with Yvonne Mansell who
specializes in death and dying, mindful parenting, and menopause.
I have found the work manageable due to her ablilty to bring
compassion, honesty, and at times, humor into most difficult moments. She
offers individual and group sessions. Her office is in Albany and you can
visit her website at www.yvonnemansell.com
Best of luck to you.
Howard Lunche is an incredible grief counselor. He reallly helped me
understand and manage my immense grief after my husband died. He also
wrote a book about grief that I gave to the people around me so they could
understand what was happening with me. I very highly reccomend him as a
caring and compassionate therapist. his number is 841-2930 and his office
is in berkeley.
Feb 2007
I am looking for some grief support, in a group setting, for my
mother who recently lost her husband unexpectedly. While she is
a Christian, I think a nonreligious based group would be
better. She lives in the east bay, so somewhere between
Richmond and Oakland would be preferable. Please let me know if
you can suggest a supportive environment of people that are
going through the same heart-ache and loss. Posting or personal
email are fine. Thank you for reading.
K
I'm so sorry about your loss. Our church, First Presbyterian
Church, Berkeley, has a group. I think it's not overly religious
but it does have some very kind people in it. I hope she'll give
it a try.
http://www.fpcberkeley.org/widows_widowers.asp
s.
I know this isn't quite what you asked for but since your mom is a Christian, one option is
to call some local churches to see if she could be paired with a Stephen Minister. Stephen
Ministers are lay-persons who are trained to walk with someone in a time of crisis or pain.
They are NOT there to ply a hurting person with platitudes about suffering, but to really
listen to the sadness, anger, guilt, etc., as a person in crisis is experiencing it, giving
them a safe place to grieve. They generally meet once a week for as long as they are needed.
First Presbyterian Church of Berkeley has Stephen Minister (in case you need a place to
start), but Stephen Ministries spans many denominations.
Erin
Feb 2007
Dear BPN members,
I am a pediatrician and am writing to see if anyone knows of any support groups or therapists
for parents who have lost a child.
Unfortunately, I only know of some in Oakland or Berkeley, but the family lives in Tracy, but
would travel to Pleasanton or Castro Valley easily.
Any help is greatly appreciated. Thank you, Laura
Hi -- I would start with Compassionate Friends (www.compassionatefriends.org) - they
are a national organization with many local chapters. Most local chapters have a weekly
support group and they can also help connect to other resources.
eva
Please check out Circle of Care
(http://www.ebac.org/programs/circle/groups.asp) - this is an organization specializing in grief, loss and
trauma. They have groups appropriate for living with loss and living with illness for all age groups and
they offer these services for free.
They are located in Oakland.
Buddy
June 2003
I'm writing on behalf of my next door neighbor with a two year
old daughter whose husband was recently killed riding his
bicycle to work. She is very interested in talking with other
parents who have lost partners while their children were young.
Does anyone know of a grief support group and/or individuals who
have been through this experience who she can talk with,
commiserate with, get some perspective. Any ideas or referrals
welcome.
Thanks in advance - Julie
Ann Martin Children's Center
has a bereavement program that helps
families cope with the loss of a parent --call 655-7880 and ask
for Linda Cozzerelli, LCSW
The best option for grief support groups in our community is
Circle of Care,
formerly know as PediatriCare. They provide
services to children starting with toddlers on throught
teenagers. Groups focus on illness of a parent or death of a
parent. Groups are held concurrently so parents meet in their
group and at the same time kids meet in theirs. They are
located in Oakland. Their number is 510-531-7551.
Good luck.
I am so sorry to hear about your neighbor's tragic loss. That
is truly awful and how kind of you to find support for her.
VNA Hospice has a wonderful bereavement support program. Their
phone number for the east bay program is (510) 450-8596. Their
website is http://vnahnc.org/support/.
Hope this is helpful.
Hannah
The Center for
Attitudinal Healing (based in Marin but I believe have various
groups around the Bay Area) also provides bereavement support.
Their website is
http://www.localcommunities.org/servlet/lc_ProcServ/dbpage=page&mode=display&gid=01004011550947263615155189 and their phone
number is 415-331-6161.
Hope this is helpful.
Hannah
There is a great group called Namaste which provides free grief
counseling. I worked with them about 10 years ago. They may not
be active any more--if they are you should be able to find them in
the Berkeley Phone book under the name ''namaste''.
July 2002
My 17-year-old stepdaughter lost her mother to cancer two years ago, and
while she is a strong and courageous young woman who is healing well, she
might benefit from some peer support. Does anyone know of a support group
for teens who have lost parents?
Thanks!
Amy
Editor note:
There are some previous recommendations about this:
"PediatriCare, a program of East Bay Agency for Children, offers
support groups and home based counseling services for families coping
with illness, bereavement or loss...."
PediatriCare
also
"Grief Counseling"
The Women's Cancer Resource Center in Berkeley has a support group for teens
who have a parent with cancer. They may be a good resource for a grief
support group as well.
Their phone number is: (510) 548-9272.
Alta Bates Comprehensive Cancer Center would also be a good resource: they
offer a variety of support groups. Phone: (510) 204-1591.
Therapist needed for recent traumas
November 2001
I need to find a grief counselor for some recent traumas, The following
names were recommended to me. Does anybody know anything about the
following counselors?
Georgia Schwimmer, Albany
Roberta Stern, Berkeley
Marilyn Girard, Berkeley
Deborah Scott, Berkeley
I don't have information about any of the names you posted, but I thought
I'd recommend another therapist in case you're interested, because I found
him so extremely helpful. I saw Howard Lunche (LCSW) for bereavement
counseling after my brother died, and I can't say enough good things about
him. He balanced his listening and talking very well, he remembered every
single detail I ever told him about my brother, and he seemed to have
perfect insight into how I was feeling and the development of my grief
process. One last thing (and take it for what it's worth--I don't know if
this describes your situation)... I noticed that all the people you listed
were women... when I was looking for a grief counselor, I thought I would
prefer a woman, but I decided I'd interview all 3 of the people I'd been
referred to (including Howard). But even in that initial phone call, Howard was head and shoulders above the others. He's in the phone book... give him a call.
Kristine
For the person requesting recommendations for grief counselors, although
not on your list, I would like to recommend a therapist who helped me
work through some extremely difficult issues around my father's death.
His name is Howard Lunche, and he is an MSW in private practice
specializing in grief. Howard worked with Hospice for many years, and
he was recommended to me through my family doctor, who suggested that I
take his Grief Education class. This class is held the third Saturday
of each month at Alta Bates Herrick campus from 10 AM till 12 noon.
If you are interested in attending, you just need to call him to let
him know you would like to come. He only charges $10 for this class.
He provides valuable information about what grief is all about (and it
is different for everyone). He also gives out a wonderful no-nonsense
booklet that he authored on the subject. To sign up for the class,
call Howard at 841-2930.
I think grief is a very, very specific issue, and to be honest, I don't
know how many therapists are really qualified to deal with it. My
father's death and dying affected every facet of my life. My husband
attended the class, and it gave him a better understanding of why I was
feeling and behaving the way I was. I am forever indebted to Howard
and I cannot say enough good things about him.
By the way, I was seeing another therapist while my father was dying
as well as for awhile after he died. I wish I had met Howard sooner,
as I am convinced it would have helped me to have a more meaningful
experience. The other therapist was not equipped to help me, but what
was unfortunate, is that she did not have the humanity nor the
professionalism to admit this to me. I wasted precious time with my
father that I can never retrieve.
I would also recommend Howard Lunche in Berkeley. He is gentle,
compassionate, concerned, and really sees who you are.
Leah
I was part of a grief group for, as I remember, 6 or 8 weeks, put
together by the Visiting Nurses Association
hospice center. The VNA has
these groups going on continuously. It doesn't matter what caused the
person's death. The group was very very helpful to me - both the
facilitators and the participants are right there with you when you talk
about the experience, and one of the things we each did was have a time
to tell about the person we had lost, and show pictures, etc. After
each "presentation" there was a time for other people in the group to
ask questions or talk about what they had heard or seen about the person
and your relationship with them. It was incredibly supportive, if
scary. It really does seem to allow you to say what you need to say,
and what you can't necessarily say to the rest of your family or
friends. I was in a group that started about 6 months after my mom's
death. I wanted to get into one three months earlier, but didn't
understand that you have to go to their Emeryville office and be
interviewed to join a group - that just calling to be added to a list is
not enough. There were a couple of people who found it too soon to be
able to be part of the group, and were not able to continue coming.
Anyway, I highly recommend it whether or not you find a good counselor.
Susan
Nov 2001
My husband recently passed away. Does anyone have any recommendations
for a therapist/counselor who could advise me on how to deal with my
children and their questions and grief? While they have seen
therapists, the verbalized issues about their father seem to arise
only when they are with me. Thanks.
A good resource is the Alameda Co. Crisis Counselling Center. They
offer grief therapy groups for adults at $10/session, and may be able
to advise you on getting help with your children. I attended a group
for survivors of suicide after my sister committed suicide two years
ago. It was excellent therapy, and I found that group therapy was
much more effective than indivudual therapy. I don't have their phone
number, but the Suicide Prevention Hotline will give it to you and
they're in the white pages.
[Editor] as of March 2004:
Crisis Support Services of Alameda County
(800) 309-2131 24-hour crisis line
Crisis Support Services of Alameda County
(800) 309-2131 24-hour crisis line
http://www.crisissupport.org/
To the woman whose husband recently passed away and who wanted referrals
to professional support around your family's grief, I offer an LCSW
(Licensed Clinical Social Worker) on Piedmont Ave. in Oakland named
Thana Christian. Although I have seen her alone, I know she has a lot of
experience with family dynamics and pediatrics and is the most caring
person I've ever met. I can't imagine a counselor/therapist who could be
of greater assistance to you at such a sad time. I would be happy to
give a more in-depth referral if you e-mail me, or just call Thana
directly at (510)547-1779. I am very sorry to hear of your loss. Whether
you work with Thana or not, I wish you the best and congratulate you on
reaching out to find help for you and your kids. Michael
Rachel Clark is an excellent grief counselor and counsels with families and
kids. She is in Berkeley -- her phone number is 524-2918. Cam
There is a great group called Circle of Care,
208-3535, that helps families
cope with death and terminal illness. They're based in Oakland and have
many ongoing support groups as well as counseling.
I would like to pass along to the parent who lost her husband that I
received good information and referral from CARE Services staff Anna
Denoon and also that CARE staff person Laurie Yamamoto is facilitating
two grief and loss workshops on November 6&13 from 4-6. I am seeing
Susan Bresee, an LCSW with the Redwood Center that is on Dwight Way
near campus. I am also participating in a bereavement group
facilitated by a counselor from Pathways Hospice in Oakland, which
provides individual, family and group counseling. Because it's open
enrollment she may want to review health plan coverages for their
mental health coverages. I switched to UC Care last year because I
thought it had the most extensive mental health coverage/provider
options and that has been a real help...my best wishes to this parent.
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