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Therapists for Divorce/Considering Divorce
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My husband and I have been having escalating marital conflict; although we intermittently see a counselor for the two of us, I would like to start seeing someone just for myself, to help me think clearly about how to handle what is becoming an increasingly difficult situation. I really don't want to end my marriage, but I'm starting to feel hopeless about it. I would like to see someone with quite a bit of experience (both as therapist and spouse/parent), who can see the big picture, but who can also help me get clear on appropriate boundaries and a way forward. Recommendations for smart, intuitive therapists in Berkeley/Albany/Oakland area gratefully accepted. sad wife
My spouse and I are looking for an experienced counselor who can discuss with us frankly and realistically the long-term advantages and disadvantages of staying married versus separating in our present situation. We have been married for over 10 years, and have two elementary-school aged children. We have seen traditional couple therapists in the past, and at this stage are more interested in speaking with someone (counselor, mediator,...?) who has worked with families going through separation/divorce and can wisely advise how to minimize impact on children, develop co-parenting plans, legal considerations, etc -- as opposed to aiming strictly to help us stay together. We are approaching this problem in a collaborative manner. Please send recommendations for specific professionals in Berkeley/Oakland/Albany. anon
I'm looking for a therapist who can help me work through deciding if I should stay in my marriage in the face of a long term affair and lack of sexual intimacy. Not sur how much of this is midlife crisis or if depression is a factor; I guess that is more to explore. Ideally the person would be:inexpensive, thoughtful, nonjudgemental, and in a location where there is parking. Any suggestons? About to burst
It was nice to read about marriage counselors saving relationships, but my needs are a bit different. I want a divorce and my husband doesn't. It would be nice to see someone, alone or together, who could help my husband understand that a divorce will be a reality, and that an amicable one would be better for all parties, including our 2-1/2 year old.
The number one reason that I recommend this counselor (listed below) so highly is because she was straightforward with us. She was not looking for repeat business, but simply told us that if we chose to get back together than she would work with us at that time. Otherwise, she was not looking to have someone stay in a relationship just for the sake of the child. And especially, for the well being of the child if there is continual arguing and unhappiness in the home.
I wish you well. I know that it is a really hard situation to be going through.
419 Kearney St.
(She has a sliding scale. When we went to her we were not covered by our insurance)
As it happens, I just completed a family law mediation training and have quite a few excellent resources for families to deal with this painful process.
One of the most interesting things I learned was about the most up to date research on divorced families - which is not that readily available because it is very hard to read. It turns out that some of the more recent and more sophisticated studies show that there are differences between children of divorce and children in intact families, but not that much. It turns out that the single most important factor was the level of conflict in the marriage and post-marriage communications. Children of high conflict families are less well adjusted that those not in those situations. Simple, huh. Children also do far better adjusting to divorce when the parents do not embroil the children in conflict - like asking the child to carry hostile messages to the other parent or asking the child to hide info from the other parent, etc.
Anyway, below are some resources I have discovered which I think are quite helpful. Kids' Turn: This is an EXCELLENT organization which has workshops for parents and kids to learn to help kids deal with divorce. They have 6 week workshops and I have talked with several parents who rave about it. The phone number is 415/437-0700. They hold workshops all around the Bay Area now.
_Healing Hearts: Helping Children and Adults Recover From Divorce_, Hickey, E. and Dalton, E. (1994). Carson City, NV: Gold Leaf Press.
_Parent vs. Parent: How you and your child can survive the custody battle_, Herman, S. (1990). New York: Patheon Books.
_Surviving the Breakup: How Children & Parents Cope with Divorce_, Wallerstein, J & Kelly, J. (1980). New York: BAsic Books.
There are also books for kids: I don't know anything about these books:
_Boy & Girl Book About Divorce_, Gardner, R. (1970). New York: Bantan Books.
_Two Homes to LIve In, A Child's-Eye View of Divorce_, Hazen, B. (1983). New York: Human Sciences Press/Plenum.
I found the following URL helpful when I led a Single Parents' Group at the French-American School in SF. Some of these things are great; some are a little weak from my professional perspective. In any case, here it is: http://www.parentsplace.com/readroom/spn/index.html
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