Therapists for Divorce/Considering Divorce
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Therapists for Divorce/Considering Divorce
My husband and I have been having escalating marital conflict; although we
intermittently see a counselor for the two of us, I would like to start
seeing someone just for myself, to help me think clearly about how to handle
what is becoming an increasingly difficult situation. I really don't want to
end my marriage, but I'm starting to feel hopeless about it. I would like to
see someone with quite a bit of experience (both as therapist and
spouse/parent), who can see the big picture, but who can also help me get
clear on appropriate boundaries and a way forward. Recommendations for smart,
intuitive therapists in Berkeley/Albany/Oakland area gratefully accepted. sad
I would recomment Dr. Barbara Swenson - her website is
couplecenter.com. She focuses on couple issues, and is
wonderful. She's skilled and compassionate, and has helped
with a lot of related parenting issues. She has offices in
Walnut Creek, Lafayette, and Rockridge. Good luck!
I can recommend Audrey Martin to help you sort out your
marital situation. She is a licensed Marriage and Family
therapist here in Oakland (Rockridge) and fits the profile:
she is smart, intuitive and a clear communicator. She has
years of experience helping people navigate relationships
with self and other in her profession. Having had her on my
side myself, I can attest to her skills and wisdom. Her
phone number is 510 428 1505. Best wishes to you.
Jane Weisbin, now at the Oakland/Berkeley border on
College Ave at Alcatraz, is smart, funny, kind,
challenging, nonjudgmental, engaged and supportive. I
interviewed a half dozen therapists on the phone when I
needed relationship help, and chose her without hesitation
when she mentioned my right to be, in her
words, ''ambitious for my own happiness.'' She makes it
clear that you can't change anyone's behavior but your
own, and helps you think through what you're afraid of,
what would happen if you made different choices, and
supports you through the scary parts. She has a middle
school aged daughter and is married. You'll love her.
I have been where you are. Rozelle Vogelman helped me
tremendously. (510) 910-3537
I would give a hugely enthusiastic recommendation to Dr. Lisa Lancaster. I have
been seeing her regarding marriage issues and have found her to be incredibly
thoughtful and effective. She is in Berkeley. Her number is 510-841-2525.
My spouse and I are looking for an experienced counselor who
can discuss with us frankly and realistically the long-term
advantages and disadvantages of staying married versus
separating in our present situation. We have been married
for over 10 years, and have two elementary-school aged
children. We have seen traditional couple therapists in the
past, and at this stage are more interested in speaking with
someone (counselor, mediator,...?) who has worked with
families going through separation/divorce and can wisely
advise how to minimize impact on children, develop
co-parenting plans, legal considerations, etc -- as opposed
to aiming strictly to help us stay together. We are
approaching this problem in a collaborative manner. Please
send recommendations for specific professionals in
I highly recommend Mary Duryee, PhD. She is a psychologist
and mediator for divorcing parents. She is extremely
compassionate and helpful in navigating what is best for
everyone and how to make the difficult decisions involved. She is in Oakland
and can be reached at 510.839.7080 and you
can learn more about her at www.maryduryee.com
Gene Seltzer of Duane & Seltzer in Berkeley did a wonderful
job mediating our difficult legal separation. At the time we
had two elementary-school aged children. He was extremely
sensitive to their needs, and the general well-being of the
family. We're legally separated rather than divorced so we
can continue to share health insurance benefits - we are not
going to reconcile.
On the lawyer-ing side, he took remarkable notes and
distributed them promptly. He filed all the paperwork on
time and correctly. He went to bat for us when the court
didn't understand that we really did want a legal separation
(apparently everyone gets divorced these days). He did
everything he could for us to reach an amicable agreement -
and we pretty much did. His support and expertise were
I highly recommend having a conversation with him. You'll
know whether he's a good emotional fit for you.
signed, mother of two
I'm looking for a therapist who can help me work through deciding if
I should stay in my marriage in the face of a long term affair and
lack of sexual intimacy. Not sur how much of this is midlife crisis
or if depression is a factor; I guess that is more to explore.
Ideally the person would be:inexpensive, thoughtful, nonjudgemental,
and in a location where there is parking. Any suggestons?
About to burst
I sympathize with your situation and have gone through a
similar experience. There is a great therapist who
specializes in couples and family therapy. Her name is
Debra Milinsky. She is in Berkeley and her office number is
in the Berkeley directory. She is thoughtful and
non-judgmental. Best to you.
You are not alone, my friend. I was recently there (so similar) and
with the help of an excellent therapist have moved into a place of hope
and new possibility for my marriage that I didn't think I could muster
again. You take an essential and brave step in seeking help. Don't stop
til you get it - until you feel your decisions resounding with joy
through your whole being. My therapist is Roslyn Whitney, Graceful
Transitions - www.roswhitney.com. She is in SF. But DON'T stop there!
Check her out. Visit once a month and do the rest by phone. Whatever it
takes. She's had practice with me and many others; she's ready for you!
I highly recommend Molly Merson for therapy. She is warm,
direct and non-judgmental. She has a sliding fee scale and
her office is located at Shattuck and Ashby. Her number is
It was nice to read about marriage counselors saving relationships, but my
needs are a bit different. I want a divorce and my husband doesn't. It would
be nice to see someone, alone or together, who could help my husband
understand that a divorce will be a reality, and that an amicable one would
be better for all parties, including our 2-1/2 year old.
To the person that wants a divorce. Judith Tabb (the name I submitted a
few days ago) did just that for us. We started seeing her when our
marriage was too far gone and she ended up helping us through the moving
out, telling the kids, etc.
Judith Tabb, 527-9645. She lives in Berkeley and has an office in her
home. I believe she also has an office in Marin, but we saw her in the
evening at her Berkeley location. Best of luck.
Your situation sounds similar to what I went through two years ago.
Although we were not married, a five year relationship was coming to an
end with a two year old child involved. I wanted to leave and he wanted
me to stay. Unfortunately the relationship had reached a point where I
felt that me leaving was the only feasible possibility. I did agree to
go to a counselor, however, who simply told my "x" that she could not
tell me to stay if leaving is what I wanted. She did, however, help us
get through some of the emotions and help each of understand why the
relationship was coming to an end. I also learned quite a bit about how
we project our emotions onto to others. That remains to be helpful to me.
The number one reason that I recommend this counselor (listed below) so
highly is because she was straightforward with us. She was not looking
for repeat business, but simply told us that if we chose to get back
together than she would work with us at that time. Otherwise, she was
not looking to have someone stay in a relationship just for the sake of
the child. And especially, for the well being of the child if there is
continual arguing and unhappiness in the home.
I wish you well. I know that it is a really hard situation to be going
419 Kearney St.
(She has a sliding scale. When we went to her we were not covered by
Date: Wed, 9 Oct 1996
As it happens, I just completed a family law mediation training and
have quite a few excellent resources for families to deal with this
One of the most interesting things I learned was about the most
up to date research on divorced families - which is not that
readily available because it is very hard to read. It turns out
that some of the more recent and more sophisticated studies show
that there are differences between children of divorce and children
in intact families, but not that much. It turns out that the single
most important factor was the level of conflict in the marriage and
post-marriage communications. Children of high conflict families
are less well adjusted that those not in those situations. Simple,
huh. Children also do far better adjusting to divorce when the
parents do not embroil the children in conflict - like asking the
child to carry hostile messages to the other parent or asking the
child to hide info from the other parent, etc.
Anyway, below are some resources I have discovered which I think
are quite helpful.
Kids' Turn: This is an EXCELLENT organization which has workshops
for parents and kids to learn to help kids deal with divorce. They
have 6 week workshops and I have talked with several parents who
rave about it. The phone number is 415/437-0700. They hold
workshops all around the Bay Area now.
_Healing Hearts: Helping Children and Adults Recover From Divorce_,
Hickey, E. and Dalton, E. (1994). Carson City, NV: Gold Leaf Press.
_Parent vs. Parent: How you and your child can survive the custody
battle_, Herman, S. (1990). New York: Patheon Books.
_Surviving the Breakup: How Children & Parents Cope with Divorce_,
Wallerstein, J & Kelly, J. (1980). New York: BAsic Books.
There are also books for kids:
I don't know anything about these books:
_Boy & Girl Book About Divorce_, Gardner, R. (1970). New York:
_Two Homes to LIve In, A Child's-Eye View of Divorce_, Hazen, B.
(1983). New York: Human Sciences Press/Plenum.
I found the following URL helpful when I led a Single Parents'
Group at the French-American School in SF. Some of these things are
great; some are a little weak from my professional perspective. In
any case, here it is:
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