Therapist for Depressed Elderly Mother

Hi, I am hoping someone can make a personal referral to a good psychiatrist, psychologist or therapist, preferably no further south than Berkeley. My mother, who is close to 80, has had a very bad year. She lost her husband, had several serious illnesses, and had to move to assisted living in Pinole. She has always been prone to depression (she is bipolar), she's physically and psychologically frail, and she's given up. I believe she would benefit from some talk therapy. (She is already on medication for depression and we don't want to put her on any more, at least not until we've tried talk therapy.) She is in a difficult financial situation at present so it needs to be one of the following who are on her insurance plan. (And I can't pay for her.)

I am looking for feedback for any of the people on this list. All the following are in Berkeley except for the first two, who I've had trouble getting in touch with: Elizabeth Milnes Ph.D. (# disconnected--Richmond); Richard Bloom Ph.D. (still waiting for return call--Pinole); Patricia Hart Ph.D.,; Susan Brand Ed.D,; Robert Dolgoff M.D.; Ronald Elson M.D.,; Peter Freedman M.D; Stuart Gold M.D. Bonnie Kahane Ph.D.; Peggy Kelly Ph.D.; Catherine Lee Ph.D.; Arlene Marcus Ph.D.; Joel Marcus M.D.; Christopher Michel M.D.; Patricia Miller Hart Ph.D.; Meshulam Plaves Ph.D.; Robert Roller M.D.; Rick Trautner M.D.; Richard C Unger M.D.; John Rosenberg M.D.

I know many of the people on the list are doctors rather than ''talk therapists'' but I have to work with the confines of her insurance (grr!!). I feel it is important to hook her up with someone good--she has had poor experiences with Dr. Stamford in Berkeley and Dr. Frank at Herrick Hospital (psychiatric wing).

Can anyone help? She's in bad shape. I hate to just pick someone off a list. lk

If your mother is bipolar, she'll need psychiatric, pharmaceutical intervention first and foremost, then talk therapy and eldercare, grief support second. I'd try to find a good psychiatrist first (caution: it can take several months to get an initial appointment even after you've found someone who's taking new patients). In the meanwhile, I'd try to find some social support/grief counseling for your mother, even if it's not in the form of an actual therapist. Maybe her doctor, church or temple can suggest a grief support group. There are several organizations offering elder support services in the community, even for elders who speak foreign languages. Look through the yellow pages under ''Elder Care Services.'' You could also contact the Gray Panthers or AARP for other resources. Finally, there's a therapist, Monica Nowakowski-Carlson, who offers free support groups for caregivers of the elderly through Herrick Hospital. You might contact her for more resources and support for yourself. Good luck! Been there

Therapist or psychologist to help with husband's depression

We are looking for recommendations for a therapist or psychologist who contracts with Healthnet (MHN) to help my husband with his depression. My husband has seen a few people in the past, but felt that while they were good at listening to his issues, they didn't offer enough analysis or solutions to help him feel as though he was moving forward. He is particularly looking for a therapist to help him understand the causes of his depression and give him strategies to work through it. We're looking for someone in the general Oakland/ Berkeley vicinity. Anon

Husband's depression has gotten much worse

My husband--in his early 40s--is suffering increasingly from depression and anxiety. He has a family history of depression. His mother committed suicide in her early 40's, when he was 14. He has not seen a therapist since that time, and he does not take any depression medication. For most of his adult life, he has been pretty happy. During the last year and a half , however, he had several blue periods, and recently it has gotten much worse. He has insomnia and horrible nightmares. I think in part he is struggling with the realization that he has now lived longer than his mother did, and he is full of grief and overwhelming sadness. He knows he needs help, but he is not able to do anything about it. Everything--job, home, marriage, parenting--has become very difficult for him. He finally agreed that he would see someone. I would appreciate recommendations for therapists (psychologists, psychiatrists? I don't even know what kind of person would be best). I would also appreciate suggestions for how I can best help him. I am sorry that it didn't fully hit me until just recently, how really depressed he is. I have been frustrated by his lack of responsiveness and communication, and I don't think I have been very supportive. I now see that he just can't cope with anything right now. Thanks for any help you can give us.

As for how to help your husband, my suggestion is to let him talk about how bad he feels and just hear it, rather than trying to tell him it's not that bad. Let him cry. But tell him how much you love him and what you love about him. Then spend time doing something with him. Also, encourage him to go to counseling and to take meds. I've taken Prozac and it has really helped. It does not make you feel unnatural or drugged; it just eliminates the lowest of the lows.

There are herbal medications that some people find useful who don't trust anti-depressants and such. I personally didn't have a good experience with the herbal route, but tried a lot of things because I had an aversion to using the mainstream medications. Now I think and early combination of the right therapy and medications could have saved me a couple of years of suffering (as well as my family). A doctor who is willing to work with both kinds of medications might be a good choice if you are interested in trying herbs and such.

For me the important thing is getting back as soon as possible to feeling more stable and in control of life, so that the therapy can happen. It's very hard to be in therapy when you just want to withdraw and are sleep deprived. The most helpful thing I've done so far for myself is EMDR therapy, and I'd hightly recommend it especially if you think earlier traumatic experiences are part of the picture. I am MUCH better since I began this kind of therapy. I know of other people who have had the same experience. A good psychologist who does EMDR as part of therapy is what has worked well for me. As for what you can do, I know it's HARD to live with someone who's going through this, but it can also bring you closer if he gets the right kind of help. Patience, understanding, compassion. He will not be able to be present in the marriage (and as a parent) until he gets help. It may take a while. My husband learned to be patient and giving with me while I was going through this, and now I appreciate him ever so much more. Our relationship has deepened. We're both better for the experience. Rebecca

My husband was diagnosed with attention deficit disorder last year (at age 46). It's a life long disease that he's had since he was born. He has lived his whole life with people telling him he's irresponsible and lazy and that he needs to "focus" (I have been one of those people, so I know your plight of not being understanding at first). We started with a diagnosis from a psychiatrist, who put my husband on a drug similar to Ritalin, and are now seeing a psychotherapist for ongoing counseling to help us learn how to manage his ADD.

I'd be happy to talk with you offline. We've gone to see a couple of different psychotherapists and I can make some recommendations, if you like. I know it must have been hard for you to reach out to this board, and I'm glad you did! - Sue