2011 - 2012 Recommendations

Marriage Counselor in Walnut Creek area

Seeking recommendations for a marriage/couples counselor in the Walnut Creek or Lamorinda area. Thank you. anon

Marriage counselor to help us communicate better

I'm looking for someone to help my husband and me communicate better, learn to nurture each other, and be on the same page with each other. We've never done counseling before. We are looking for someone affordable and understanding. We would like to build a loving relationship that benefits us and is a good model for our daughter. Any recommendations would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

Couples Therapist Who Takes Anthem Blue Cross?

Can anyone recommend a good couples therapist in close proximity to N. Berkeley who takes Anthem Blue Cross (PPO)? I see lots of great recommendations on the BPN site, but none of the recommended therapists take my insurance. Thanks!

Marriage therapist near campus, weekend hours?

Our marriage may be over but since we have children we'd need to give therapy a try. Need a marriage therapist in Albany or Berkeley (biking distance from UC campus). Willing to drive further if weekend appointments available too. Anon

Pro-active couples therapist that takes Aetna ins?

Looking for a couples therapist with a take charge, hands on approach that can assist us with some tangible issues we are facing (i.e., whether or not to have a third child). We want someone that can help us focus on the issues at hand and come up with some step-by-step action plans to address them. We are not looking for long-term exploration therapy. Less ''um-hmm'' and more ''I want you to do these three things.'' We need help from a third party to work through our issues and walk away with specific, tangible tools to put into place. Ideally the person would take Aetna insurance and is located in Oakland (or near to Oakland).

Seeking therapist for marriage issues

I am seeking recommendations for a therapist or psychologist who is oriented toward working through a specific problem in a limited, rather than open-ended, period of time. I have been struggling in my marriage for many years, and I need someone who can help me figure out how to think productively & concretely about what I can do to feel better. I would like someone smart, interactive, experienced, emotionally grounded, and located in the east bay. Thank you. anon

Couples counselor for infidelity and communication issues

I would love to get any recommendations for a therapist to help my husband and I work through some communication issues and a newly discovered infidelity. We are willing to try and repair the marriage and seek a therapist who is honest, open and not afraid to ''tell it like it is''. We feel the most successful match would be someone who can help us identify our issues and provide us with the tools to improve our communication in and out of the session. Someone who specializes in issues with the infidelity would be especially helpful. We are in the N. Berkeley area. Hoping to be happy again

Looking for French couples therapist

I am looking for a French or bilingual/bicultural American-French therapist for couples. Know any?

Communicative/Intuitive, Problem-Solving Therapist

For couples' counseling. We need someone who can understand my need for a secure, communicative, intimate marriage, and how that conflicts with my husband's tendencies both to avoid intimacy and to feel insecure generally. He gets angry with me and finds fault with me unnecessarily in any situation that could lead to more intimacy (or which suggests his behavior has been less than stellar), and acts out passive-aggressively as his communications style (why ask me to do something when he could throw a tantrum instead?). This is so debilitating I've also been able to help him with things he'd probably appreciate (like fixing up our home-which he throws his hands up at, and feels like he can't or won't fix). We've been working on this on and off for years, but we really need some skillful intervention. We need experience, smarts, assertiveness, excellent communications, and the ability to nail down and work on our issues. Blue Cross/Blue shield is a plus! Thanks.

2010 Recommendations

Need Couples counselor for infidelity issues

Hello, I'm currently 31 weeks pregnant and facing some serious infidelity issues with the father of my child. I am looking for recommendations for a counselor who can help me/us either move forward with trying to forgive my partner and start a happy and home for our son or to end the relationship in a way that it is best for my son. Time is obviously of the essence and any help would be so so appreciated!

Marriage counselor 4 older couple with grown kids

I'm looking for names and contact info. for a counselor that might help me and my husband of two years to find compromises that work. We are an unusual 'blended' family: we're both 61 years old, and I have adult children and one grandson (2 years) with whom I am very close. My hubby has a step-child and step-grandson from a previous marriage who he is not close to; his previous wife died, but the relationship with his step-relatives is strained and he rarely sees them, though they live only an hour away. I babysit my grandson at our house once per week and my husband complains bitterly about it. I feel I should be allowed to use our house, which is also my house, as a base for family visits. His family-avoidance and my close-knit family are not compatible, and are the only strong and persistent problem between us. We need help. Any advice from people who've been through it, or suggestions for a therapist who is good in this area? thank you for sharing ideas.

Marriage Help - Therapist or Couples Classes ???

My husband and I are in need of some help. We have been married for 15 years and have 2 beautiful kids; we have been through a difficult death of a parent & depression. My husband also has a job which involves him being away from the family a lot, meaning more often than not I am the primary one responsible for everything. (This does not bother me as I am used to it at this point). We do not have much time together as a family and very little alone time. Here lies our MAIN problem, we have communication issues and do not know how to disagree without arguing on different issues (mostly regarding the kids - discipline, behaviors, etc). Has anyone ever been to a (non-religious) weekend retreat that deals with couple related issues? I am open to any and all suggestions.

Gottman - The Art and Science of Love. We went to Seattle for the initial reasonably priced weekend session and it changed the downward spiral we were in. There are books and follow-up program, more local coaches. http://www.gottman.com/ We drove up once with the kids and had a local friend watch them. We flew back for the 'graduate' weekend alone. May go back again as it is clear to us that marriage is a practice and we could use more support. Really solid instructional design, sound content and excellent facilitation. Miraculous step-by-step tools for lots of things including one that we swear by on resolving fights and 'unfortunate incidents' Even if things don't work out, the shared approaches will support your family and life in many ways.

Love Dare - Seeing your note about non-religious, I almost did not recommend. EXCEPT the day by day, mutual approach to the marriage basics of respect, honor, acceptance, kindness and other elements of marriage are basicly superb and should be handed out to everyone prior to marriage. There is also a tell-it-like-it-is tone that is refreshing and basically calls marriage as it is hard and rewarding. IF, IF, IF you can read around the biblical references and more traditional Christian doctrine, AND instead read spiritual and higher source or self, then I suggest this. You may just want to get this as a reference book for you.

Best wishes for making this happen! happier in the hills

anyway, i don't know of classes in particular but i'm sure there are many. my husband and i have recently started working with a counselor and it's been really wonderful (and hard). she is here in berkeley so may not be accessible to you (Yvonne Mansel) but, i'm sure you can find someone who is closer by. basically, i just wanted to send you some encouragement and hope you find the support you need. good luck!!! jen

You expressed an interest in a weekend workshop, and there are two upcoming couples workshops in the area, taught by Gottmann-trained couples therapists, on in Santa Rosa and one in the south bay. If you look on the Gottmann website you can find the info. Ilene Diamond, JD, PsyD (415) 820-1508

Alameda Couples Therapy?

My husband and I are looking for a marriage therapist in Alameda to deal with some of the mundane issues of marriage - parenting, having another child, aging parents, anxiety, income, etc. Any recommendations would be great, thanks. anonymous

Marriage Counselor - - N. Oakland/Rockridge

We are looking for a couples counselor in the N. Oakland/ Rockridge area. We would prefer someone who is rather directive, and works with anger & anxiety issues. It would be a huge plus if they took Blue Shield. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. anon

Couples Counselor Who ''Says it Like it Is''

My wife and I are looking for a couples counselor who specializes in dealing with issues of control and helping us develop better communications skills. Also very important is that we would be interested in identifying a counselor who is willing to ''say it like it is.'' We have been to couples counselors in the past and far too often they are hesitant to evaluate us as individuals. If I am being unreasonable in something, I would like to know about it. I would like validation in whether or not something my wife accuses me of like whether I'm being selfish, or unappreciative, or not listening to her, is true, or not. Likewise, it would be helpful to know if I'm crazy in thinking my wife is controlling or a hothead, or being selfish herself. Too often a counselor seems (out of fear of the perception of taking sides?) to want to not deal with these underlying issues and would rather create a collaborative environment without saying directly whether there is a specific underlying behavior exhibited by one person or the other that is harmful to the relationship as a whole. I am not looking for someone to take sides with me. I am looking for someone who is skilled at navigating these waters so that we can get some perspective at our individual idiosyncracies that prove harmful in our relationship. If you have any recommendations at couples counselors who are able to ''say it like it is'' in a professional manner that is non- threatening, I would greatly appreciate it. Grateful-for-Your-Thoughts

Strong, Smart Couples Therapist needed

My husband and I no longer love each other but need to stay together to co-parent our sick child. It's a ridiculous and frustrating position to be in, but it seems to only solution right now. We need a good therapist to work with us to make the situation as civilized as possible. Someone near Berkeley, preferably but not necessarily who takes Health Net/UBH insurance.

I'm completely frustrated with the whole thing, but am terrified that our child's substantial medical needs would not be met appropriately if she were to spend time away (ie; he moved out and had joint custody), and the thought of not having her with me absolutely breaks my heart.

Something has got to change; I am confident that I can be civil and pleasant, and have been, but he is so depressed that he can't see past the misery he has enveloped himself in, which makes communication and civility very difficult.

So, someone to help with communication, teaching acceptance of personal responsibility, and help lift the cloud of hopeless depression would be fantastic; both for our child's sake and my sanity. Need Help.

Married 14 years, need to work out some issues

Hi, Does anyone have current recommendations for Marriage Therapists. We have been married for 14 years and need to work out allot of long suppressed issues-intimacy, step children, substance abuse, grief. I need someone who is a a straight talker, good listener, will help us talk to each other without fear of hurting feelings. Trying to make it work.

Recommendation for Dr. Phil couples therapist

My wife and I have been in couples therapy for years and have not had much success. We are oppositional and have different parenting styles. Can anyone recommend a counselor or family minister who implements a Dr. Phil approach in being able to set firm limits, is vocal, and is a strong advocate of family values? Our therapist's neutrality appears to get us nowhere and I am wondering if having someone with an opinion can help us progress. We appear to be in a revolving door with the same arguments. Sessions are draining and core issues unresolved. Is this a normal process most couples go through? How long should we expect this course to run? Our therapist schedules a series of appointments a week comprised of separate individual sessions for each of us in addition to couples sessions. I am wondering if this is common practice in couples work? We are in need of someone who can diffuse anger, frustration and pain (my wife has emotional abuse in her early history) and give us tools to improve communication in 1 appointment a week. Is this too much to ask? Anon

2009 Recommendations

United Behavioral Health therapist?

My husband and I have been married for three years. We had only known each other for a few months before we got pregnant, and were married (happily...no shotguns, here) when I was in my third trimester. We have both seen a lot of unplanned-for change (career changes, cross-country moves, parenthood) in the last few years, and have been trying to get to know each other in the process. It proves to be more and more difficult as time goes on. We seem to understand each other less now than we did a few years ago!

We tried therapy last year, but didn't love our therapist (a woman who did Imago therapy). We also felt stressed by the fact that we had to pay so much money for her services. We are covered under United Behavioral Health, but I have had a hard time sifting through the names of providers and trying to match them up with past recommendations on BPN. I would really appreciate some suggestions for someone who will call us on our BS, help us deal with communication, parenting, and sexual issues, and help us deepen our level of intimacy and connection. Thanks Troubled Wife

Experience with Rebecca Epstein?

I am seeking a marriage counselor and was given the names of Dr. Rebecca Epstein and Dr. Ken Seider, both of Berkeley. If anyone has information about them, I would appreciate it. Seeking help

Hit a rocky patch in our 10+ year marriage

My spouse and I have hit a rocky patch in our 10+ year marriage. Major issues are husband's strong sex drive and wife's complete disinterest in sex. Additional issues are husband's alcoholism, compulsive hoarding, and procrastination. Seeking a marriage counselor, preferably in Montclair, Piedmont, or Piedmont Ave. Because of financial considerations, we can only afford 2 or 3 sessions with a counselor so he or she has got to be very good. Thanks. anon

My concern is that you're hoping to find a ''great'' therapist so that you can deal with some very big issues in 2 to 3 sessions. I would caution you against wasting your money with anyone who tells you they can do this. The kinds of issues you're talking about are complex and took a long time to get that way. Good therapy will take some time and exploration. In that process, you and your husband can grow closer, feel more supported, and experience levels of intimacy that you hadn't had in your relationship before. It's all a very exciting and eye-opening process, but yes, it takes time.

I know that finances are a concern, which of course makes sense, but there are therapists out there who offer sliding scales, and there are MFT interns who are very well qualified to help you, at low and affordable rates.

Moving from dating to the next stage

Looking for a referral for a good couples therapist. I am a single mom who has been dating someone for the last 4+ years but we need help taking it to the next stage. :^D

Counseling experience with Dan Wile or Billie Warden?

HI, Has anyone had counseling experience with either Dan Wile or Billie Warden? How did they work for you? anon

I saw him with my husband and I wholeheartedly agree with that assessment. We saw three couples therapists before seeing Dan Wile and the difference was night and day.

Dan Wile does not takes sides, is kind, dynamic and HE ANSWERS HIS PHONE. He actually picks up if he is not in session. Unlike many therapists, he allows open communication on both sides and helps both partners view the situation in a way that supports the relationship. Somehow both parties feel heard and understood, yet brought together, not torn apart, by the issues.

My husband and I saw Dan Wile every two weeks, for five sessions total. He literally saved our marriage. He is probably mid-range in terms of fees, but overall is economical because positive change can come about so quickly. (Two of the three we saw before were quacks and charged more than Dan Wile did.)

He is the creator of collaborative couples therapy, writes books and does alot of training, so he is not in practice full-time, and is very low key. I think that makes him more accessible and less likely to try to hold onto couples for long term work.

He is by far the best and really is the greatest living marital therapist. Very Satisfied Client

I'll describe what a session is like: Dan asked me to give an example of something that happened recently where my son exploded and lost control. Then, he summarized back to me what happened and also why I was upset, making small changes until I agreed he had it right. Then, sitting next to me, he spoke to my son as if he were me, speaking in the first person, explaining my side, but a distilled, neutral, and more thoughtful version. He then asked my son what he thought about that, and he went through the same process with him, speaking to me as if he were my son. Let me tell you, this was eye-opening for me. And for my son. It's brilliant - both sides are heard, but there is no emotional charge because you are not addressing each other - he is doing the talking. Both parties understand that what he is saying really does reflect what is felt, because both have heard the summarizing and corrections. He's like a skilled diplomat -- very calm, completely non-judgm ental, and friendly, but keeps his own opinions to himself. By the way, his office is in his home, and so is very comfortable and homey yet private. So, yes, he's excellent and I can recommend him! Therapized

Couples therapy to help with resentment about depression

I've been suffering PPD since the birth of our first child in January 2006. After another baby, and many changes of meds, I am finally coming out of the depression/negativity (albeit on Cymbalta and Abilify!). My husband has been very supportive but has been left with many feelings of anger, bitterness and disappointment which have inevitably seeped into our relationship. My pyschiatrist has recommended that we seek couples therapy (and possibly therapy for my husband separately also). Does anyone have a recommendation for a couples counsellor who is familiar with issues in marriages raised by one partner suffering depression? We really want to make this work. Ideally someone with flexible hours, since I work full time in SF, and in or close to Alameda, where we live. Seeking help

Couples counselor for SAHM issues

I'm a stay at home mom. I've tried to explain to my husband how I feel unappreciated, unvalued, overwhelmed, unrespected. I've explained how he gets these things from his job via paychecks, perks, spa days, lunches on the boss etc. I don't get anything like that. I don't even get a guaranteed bathroom break without disruption. I have tried to explain how I need my family to act as my cheerleaders to provide me with a sense of respect. He doesn't get it at all and I'm at the limit of what I can tolerate. Angry, frustrated and resentful are not words that any of my friends would describe me as yet that is now how I would describe myself now. We decided to see a couple's counselor but I want some recommendations on a therapist with this focus. We have no other issues we keep getting stuck on. Just Doesn't Get It

Couples therapist for different cultural backgrounds

Would like to find a couples therapist to work with us about some long-term issues with our different cultural backgrounds, some depression, computer gaming addiction and a general sense of not being responsible in the home. My husband is a pretty nice guy but at home expects me to take care of everything as his job pays our bills. We have a young child and I would like to make this work. Thanks for recommendations. Needing some real help

Highly experienced very professional couple therapist?

Can anyone recommend a highly experienced very professional couple therapist in Berkeley or Oakland? We have been married a long time and have worked with two well-recommended couple therapists in the past. Both efforts were disappointing; we did not find the depth of work we had hoped for. Jenn

Marriage counselor in Alameda/Oakland area

I'm looking for recommendations of good marriage counselors and/or individual therapists, preferably in the Alameda/Oakland area. Since moving to Alameda in June, my husband & I have had a number of relationship problems arise, which have been perpetuated by being the parents of a child with Asperger's Syndrome. Whatever suggestions the BPN may have would be most welcome. S.

2008 Recommendations

Therapist in the Lamorinda area

We are looking for a therapist in the Lamorinda area. My husband and I are not on the same page and we would like to get there. Personally I think that a counselor who has experience with depression issues would be a great help!

Therapists to work with couple in crisis

We're seeing a great therapist, but not making progress (we probably waited too long to work on our marital issues.) We have a 14 month old child together and I'd like to give this marriage a shot. We need a new perspective and approach. Any recommendations for therapists working with couples in crisis? Our issues include: different attitudes about finances, different attitudes toward stepchildren, resentment toward each other, his ADD, and anger management issues. Since our financial situation is one of the chief causes of our issues, recommendations for therapists participating in the Blue Shield United Behavioral Health Network would be highly appreciated! Trying to make it work

Good male couples counselor in Oakland

I want to find a good male couples counselor in Oakland for my husband and myself. Ideally I would like to find someone who works on Saturdays, but am open to week day appointments if this is not possible. I feel like we need a tune up after being together for 9 years. I want to figure out a way to achieve better balance in our relationship around the responsibilities of managing a household, taking care of our 5 year old son, working out, spending quality time with my husband and family, and trying to have more fun when both of us work FT and I have a pretty demanding job. If anyone has any recommendations, I would be extremely grateful. M

Someone who is good at mediating conflict

For the most part, my husband and I get along great. However (and this is a big however), we are struggling to communicate over one key issue. I feel like I'm trying to communicate to him about how I feel in a calm and non confrontational way, but clearly I'm not, because he gets defensive and I end up getting more upset and we both end up angry with each other. I'm really looking for someone who can serve as more of a mediator between us as we talk about this issue, because I am getting more and more frustrated and I really need for us to make a substantive change and we can't seem to break through this communication block. Any recommendations for someone who is good at mediating conflict, at getting both people in the relationship to hear one another, preferably someone knowledgeable with non-violent communication techniques, would be greatly appreciated. I really need to get this resolved.

Couples therapist in San Francisco

Can anyone recommend a competent, affordable therapist in San Francisco? I am looking for someone who deals with all the typical issues that couples with young children experience (e.g. lack of connection and intimacy, parenting challenges, balancing conflicting needs)?

Couples therapist who has evening hours

I'd love some updated recommendations for someone who has appointments in the evenings since I only saw one therapist listed who has evening availability. And if they take Blue Shield, that would be an even bigger bonus! Our issues are the standard ''married with children'' issues: lack of communication, loss of closeness and intimacy, etc. So any recommendations would be greatly appreciated! Anon.

We started seeing her to deal with issues that sound similar to yours - you might also check out David Snarch's The Passionate Marriage (book and audiobook) or consider jumpstarting things with something from the Gottman Institute. They are located in Seattle and have weekend workshops but also books, DVDs, etc. They have terrific exercises that encourage good communication and helped me and my husband to feel closer and better connected very quickly. Good luck! --been there too

Couples therapist that is trained in Imago therapy

I am looking for an couples therapist that is trained in Imago therapy. preferably that is covered by the UC Berkeley therapist/mental health UHS insurance. Anon

Personally, I think the whole re-phraseing for clarification thing is irritating and instead of paying a fortune to wank in a therapist's office, we started using our time for an expensive lunch with wine & immediately started having laughs...after years of not enjoying much about each other.

The Harvelle Hendricks book: 'Getting the love you want' seems to be the Imago bible and is again; irritating, in that self help 'let's fill a book with wordy scenarios' way. However, the point is great and it is worth a read because rephraseing & checking for comprehension is a good technique if you have gotten into the terrible habit of blowing each other off like we had. Still, a nice long lunch or several nice long lunches with out kids or other friends, goes a long way toward improving the quality of any long term friendship / marriage... Wishing you a happy life together!

Couples counselor with weekend hours

My husband and I are in desperate need of couples counseling, but he's so busy and his work schedule is so unpredictable that we need to find someone with weekend hours, maybe Saturday mornings or so. I've called almost a dozen people listed on the BPN to no avail. Can anyone recommend someone wonderful who has weekend hours? Thanks so much.

Good counselor who works on weekday evenings

My husband has finally agreed to go to counseling but we need a good, understanding counselor that works on weekday evenings. Anyone out there? -Help at last.

Seeking Couples therapist in Marin

Hello - I am looking for recommendations for a couples therapist in Marin. My husband and I have seen two different people and neither one has been a fit for us. I looked through the archives and could only find recommendations for 2005. I would appreciate any recommendations you have for a great couples therapist in Marin. We have Kaiser and can’t commit to the couples workshop at this time due to my husband’s travel schedule but are more than willing to go outside Kaiser to find a good therapist. Thank you! anon

2007 Recommendations

A friend of mine is looking for a good marriage counsler in the east bay (she lives in Oakland near Piedmont). Eva

There are many recommendations for counselors but are there any psychologist at the PhD level? Either they're hard to find or I'm just not reading all the listings right? Can anyone recommend one for marriage and individual counseling? I'm desperate and want someone as qualified as I can get without going to a psychiatrist and dealing with the urge to prescribe meds. anon

I believe that people have posted recommendations recently for couples therapists in Lamorinda, but I can't seem to track them down. My husband and I have been going through some tough times for about three years now. I've brought up the idea of therapy to him, and he has already resisted. But I'm now at the point that if we don't seek some outside help, it may mean the end of the marriage. I'd appreciate any recommendations of couples/marriage therapists in Walnut Creek or Lamorinda.

I'm looking for a therapist for myself, and hopefully my husband with consent to come. We have a 12 year old, lots of issues are marital, but surely impacted by our child. I think a man would be the best, in case my husband agrees to therapy, but I would love your best recommendation (male or female). So far, my insurance has given me these names: Richard Bush, Charles King, Joseph Saah, Bruce Linton. Thank you!! Marital woes

My husband and I saw a great therapist named April Miller she is a marriage family therapist and really helped us find new ways to communicate with each other. Her number is 415 520 9311 and she is terrific! She also has a practice for eating disorders but we didn't see her for that issues. Annie

I am nearly 8 months pregnant with our first baby and just learned that my partner has been unfaithful for the past three months. We need some help and thought this group could give us some updated recommendations of good counselors/therapists. Neither of us have family in the area and finding support has been very difficult. He's determined to earn back my trust and be a part of our new family. I'm honestly not sure it's possible but despite my pain I'm wanting to give that a fighting chance. I'm a native English speaker and he's a native Spanish speaker so any recommendations of someone specializing in cross-cultural couples or who can conduct sessions in either language would be especially welcome (we're both bi-lingual, but it could help each of us to be able to express ourselves in our native tongues to be fully understood by each other and the therapist). Thanks in advance for any help you can offer. Rebecca

My husband and I would like to start couples counseling. We are trying to find a therapist that will work for us. We are looking for a therapist who is familiar with the discourses of EST or The Landmark Forum, and Flores. If you know of someone who fits this profile, please let us know. Thanks, anonymous

Have you had a couples therapist who brought you from the brink of splitting up back to a workable pleasant relationship?? We are pretty desperate with two small kids and need some help. Ideally I would love maybe an older, motherly type as we are older and I could use some gentle compassion these days in this process. I think we also need someone who can help us develop tangible plans and weekly goals so that we feel we are making some progress, or not! Anon.

My husband and I are looking for an affordable couples couselor in Alameda or Oakland (we live in East Oakland). We are dealing with the usual(?!) stresses of being older new parents with an 18 month old, complete with financial challenges and having a relatively short history together before the conception of our daughter. Thanks for any referrals. Anon

Can anyone recommend a couples' therapist at Kaiser Oakland? Looking for a savvy therapist with experience helping couples with post-partum/first baby challenges. Thanks. New Mom and Dad

My Husband and I have to recommend our wonderful family/marriage therapist from San francisco, she just currently opened up an office off of Telegraph. She has been amazing and instrumental in helping my husband and I get through the pre birth to having a new child and adjusting to being in new roles, and communicating effectively in our marriage. We can not say enough good things about her. She is pretty reasonable in price. Her name is Alice Knutson 6355 Telegraph suite 307 Liscense MFC33030 Number 415.775.4995 alexandra

I am seeing a male couples counselor who takes Blue SHield HMO or UBH (a lot of therapists take UBH even if they are not registered directly with Blue Shield). UBH has a website where they list their therapists but we would much rather go to someone who is recommended. My husband and I are looking for someone who can help us work on our communication, someone who can act as an ''interpretor'' for us. There are some areas in our relationship where we just can't hear each other. We keep having the same arguments over and over again and we drive each other a little crazy. I would like to find someone who can help us hear what the other is REALLY saying and to get out of this habit of bickering and non-listening. But the therapist doesn't have to have this ''specialty''. I would love to get the names of ANY therapists out there with whom people have had success. Thanks!

Has anybody been to Lillie Brum, Karen Rose, or Katrina Hughes for couples counseling? Any info about any of them would be helpful. Anon

2006 Recommendations

We are in search of a couples counselor to help boost our communication, but due to long commutes in opposite directions, we are looking for someone compassionate who has weekend hours, preferably on a Saturday morning. We live in Oakland. Does anyone know of a good counselor that fits this description, who is skilled at non-judgementally helping couples talk with and listen to each other? A bonus would be if this counselor would do the ocasional one-on-one session with each of us, too. Thanks in advance wants to hear, wants to be heard

We are a couple who have been together for over a decade and always considered ourselves completely open with each other and had very little disagreements throughout the years. This actually made it harder to deal with big issues that came about, as our life was taking new directions. With Robert’s help, we managed to deepen our relationship in ways we didn’t think were still possible. We struggled with two major issues: when to get pregnant and how to provide for the family. We found ourselves colliding frequently and the more we engaged in discussion, our frustration grew and our attempts to find common grounds were in vain. After a few painful months we decided to seek professional help. We needed someone to help us understand how to solve these specific issues and to create a space where both of us are heard and appreciated.

Applying techniques of active listening and non-violent communication, Robert helped us understand the core of our individual hurt and how it is manifested in this specific case. In the mediation process we learned to be better listeners of ourselves and our own needs and then express our needs and feelings in a way that gives full legitimization to the other’s needs and feelings. Robert emphasized the need to apply the new insights to our daily practices as a couple and he offered concrete ways to do so, and by that preventing further misunderstandings. After each mediation session we felt uplifted, relieved and happy and this is why we want to recommend Robert. We think his skill is beyond description – you need to experience it yourself to understand, and we hope you would. He is a compassionate person and a truly dedicated mediator, with a mission to use his talent to heal and deepen relationships. Among his credentials are a masters degree in peace and conflict studies, a law degree, conflict resolution training and an extensive community mediation experience. Please contact him directly: rterris[at]gmail.com

I have to let everyone know that I found the most wonderful couples therapist. She is warm, a great listener, creates a safe environment, and doesn't take sides. Her counsel is from 25 plus years of experience and she regularly writes and speaks on topics related to couples all around the country. Here's her contact info:elayne[at]QueenofRejection.com 510-540-6230, 2607 Alcatraz Avenue, Berkeley, CA 94708 Happy Guy

I am seeking a recommendation for a counselor for a couple who have been together a long time (almost 30 years) and like each other, but have real issues concerning parenting older kids, constructively dealing with conflict, and overcoming ingrained bad patterns. Therapist must be practical (please no one full of jargon or touchy-feely) and smart. Also very discrete, as one member of couple is in high-profile job. concerned for a friend

i'm looking for more recent reccomendations for a couples counselor.(the latest one i could find on BPN dates back to Feb. '05). my husband and i had a 6 years long wonderful, loving and fulfilling relationship before we had children. though we are both crazy about our kids, we're also dealing with feeling of loss and longing for what our relationship used to be. we feel disconnected from eachother, emotionally and physically and have lost the humor and lightness that used to be so present in our lives. we used to be able to talk very openly, but don't seem to be able to find that open space for dialogue anymore. other issues have piled up on top of all that, one of which is my longing to return to my roots (europe) and raise our children there. we are both eager to work with someone to help us back on track and regain some of the magic that used to be our couple. thanx for your advice. former lovebirds in crisis

Anyone know of a good marriage therapist in east bay, preferably walnut creek. My husband and I are in our mid thirties, married less than 2 years and having a lot of problems w/communication. We have been arguing a lot and is has recently escalated w/alot of verbal abuse by the both of us. Any advice, suggestions are greatly appreciated.

I'm looking for a therapist in the Martinez/Pleasant Hill/Walnut Creek area to help with some personal and marriage issues. I'm going to go alone without my husband. Any recommendations for someone on ''the other'' side of the tunnel? I would prefer a female, and they must accept MHN Need to unload baggage and revive marriage

I was wondering if anyone could possibly recommend a warm, friendly therapist for couples' counseling? My fiance and I have some specific issues that need addressing before we get married.

My husband and I neeed a marriage therapist very urgently otherwise we are going to divorce pretty soon. We live in San Ramon and someone in the area would be very helpful since we have a 2 month old son. Please help, I don't know what to do rigth now. Susan

2005 Recommendations

My husband and I need recommendations for a good New Parents counsiling. We find ourselves arguing all the time about who is more sleep deprived and so on and we can't seem to find a solution on our own and my doctor says if I don't get any rest she will have to put me on Meds and I don't want that because I don't want to give up nursing our 6 month baby. We are both feeling really helpless and our communication has gone bye bye. We can't communicate without arguing anymore. We despirately need help. We live in El Cerrito so if anyone can recommend a good counselor it would be greatly appreciated. emily

My individual therapist may also take couples - she was also great. Her name is Kirsten Miley (415-567-9194), and she works in the east bay and San Francisco. Her big strength for me was in recognizing patterns that I couldn't see, and gently pushing me to figure out why they were there. She really helped me get through postpartum depression, and helped me communicate more effectively as well. Pregnant again and hoping it's easier the 2nd time around!

If you do get a list of therpists, you can also look up on the Parents Network website to see of anyone else has had an experience with that person. It is VERY personal, so what might be right for someone else might or might not be right for you.

I assume that you have health insurance since you have a UC email. If you don't, however, I wonder if the Tang Center has any referrals to low-cost therapists?

I also think that you shouldn't be scared of being ''put on meds'' by your doctor, that is YOUR choice, not hers. Sounds like you and your husband need some nurturing yourselves! Do you have someone who can watch the baby for a few hours, you could pump some milk and take a nap on a regualr basis? You will also need some chilcare for when you go to counselling.

Good luck! I was there once and am through that hard stage. You will get there too. once-tired mom

I moved to Marin and I can't find a resource there for recommendations like BPN. Has anyone lived there (or not) who can recommend a good couple's therapist, preferably in the San Rafael, Fairfax, Ross area?

My husband revealed an affair to me three weeks ago and we are now trying to pick up the pieces. We are both interested in pursuing individual therapy in addition to the couples counseling we are doing. We are having a tough time finding recommendations for therapists who accept our insurance (Cigna/Blue Cross HMOs), which we really need to make use of. We'd love to find recommendations for therapists on either Blue Cross or Cigna HMOs. Alameda, Oakland, Berkeley or Lamorina areas would work for us. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks. hurt but hopeful

I already posted to the advice newsletter; here I am looking for a specific referral. Here's the situation: Hubby and I have different discpline approaches with our two young chilren -- his tends to be authoritarian; mine is more of a ''loving boundaries'' style. On weekends, conflicts about our different styles flare up into bickering and anger. I want to find a way to agree on discipline. In my opinion, his ''method'' -- yelling at them and threatening them -- doesn't work, and makes our home an unhappy place to be. I want to see a couples counselor to work this issue out. He says it costs too much and he thinks it wouldn't help, although he did concede that if counseling does actually help, he would consider it. But he wants proof before he pays. I am looking for stories from others who have had sucess with counseling for this problem, and in particular I would like referrals to counselors who are particularly good with this issue. Thanks! seeking backup

Can anyone recommend a good marriage counselor/therapist who will accept MHN?

Can anyone recommend the name and contact information for a good marriage counselor? We'd prefer someone in Contra Costa or Alameda County. After many years of marriage, my husband and I seem to have experienced a major breakdown in communication due to a lot of pressure on us both. We love each other very much but have lost the ability to communicate. Sad Wife

My husband and I have been married for 5 years with virtually no problems. Since the birth of our son 1.5 year ago we have been having a very difficult time adjusting and have been fighting more than the first 5 years combined. We'd like to get the marriage back on track and are looking for a compassionate, reasonable counselor in the Rockridge/Montclair area. Thanks. new parents

My marriage is in urgent need of counseling about many issues, including almost inexistent sex life. We would like a counselor that follows the approach of David Schnarch (author of ''Passionate Marriage'') and is located in the East Bay. Sliding scale or reasonable fee would be a plus. I have looked through the archives and I have not seen any therapist that responds to this description. Any recommendations would be highly appreciated. Anon

Sensitive topic, but here goes: I am thinking about looking for a new couples counselor and am wondering if anyone has good or bad feedback on their couples counseling experience that they would be willing to share with me - including a particular psychologist who they felt was effective. Also interested in what to look for when choosing someone, how much to pay, timeline to anticipate progress etc. We are a busy family, with lots of things to address. We've been paying appx. $320 an hour, have done one year plus one intensive and are still feeling somewhat stuck. Any feedback would be appreciated, and if you would like to email me directly, your input would be kept completely private. Many thanks for whatever anyone is able to share.