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To the person looking for a Christian counselor, I went to a marriage workshop given by Chuck and Joan Wickstrand that was very helpful and practical. They do individual and couples counseling as well. I think they are in Oakland or Berkeley. I have also been to Margaret (Peggy) Alter but I don't think she is accepting new clients any more.
A great book to read would be "Boundaries". I think it's by Frank Meier of the Minerth/Meier clinics (christian counseling support). The book is very biblical, and applies to the issues you've discussed. I've only scanned it, but it was clear that it would help the "enabler" or someone who struggles with drawing boundaries and saying no.
I also wonder if you are connected with a church family. It sounds like you could really use prayer, support, perspective, and accountability from those who know you and your family well. Talk to your pastor or someone in leadership about resources they can offer you. They probably have some great reccomendations for christian counselors too. If you are not connected with a church, you can email me if you want for reccommendations. I have a friend that works with area college students and keeps a list of a variety of good christian churches in the area, or I could refer you to ours. Dorene (firstname.lastname@example.org)
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