Social Life at Berkeley public schools
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Social Life at Berkeley public schools
December 2006
I am curious about how kids from different socieconomic and
racial backgrounds interact together in the Berkeley elementary
schools. My child is entering kindergarten next year and we
would like to send him to one of the schools in our zone. We
know that the schools are diverse and think that is great. But
my question is do the kids mix socially? Do they stick with
kids like them or are they color/income level blind? And what
happens if your child wants to go to a playdate or a birthday
party at someone's house in a neighborhood that you aren't
comfortable with? How do parents handle this? Can the kids
have rich social life in these settings? I assume so but
would love to hear some personal experiences. Thanks
Wanting my child to go to Berkeley Public Schools
My experience after four years with a child in a BUSD elementary
school is that the kids are more or less color blind when it
comes to friendship. Our child has friends from every ethnic and
economic group at the school, despite the fact that we live in
the hills, are upper middle class and caucasian. The only
non-color blind part we have experienced so far is the remarkable
awareness of various cultures that is institutionalized at the
school through celebrations, language, music, dance and art
programs and assemblies, to list a few ways this happens. It
never occured to us to worry about sending our child to play or
to a birthday party in a different type of neighborhood than
ours. My experience with older nieces and nephews that have and
are currently attending Berkeley public schools is that when they
start so young building friendships with kids from different
backgrounds, they are very comfortable continuing and nurturing
these friendships over the years. We have been very impressed
with the entire system and are glad that our child is learning
that all kids are cool.
BUSD Parent
You asked the very questions that I have been dealing with. I
am so impressed with your thinking of these things before they
are upon you. My boy is in 2nd grade now & here is how it has
been for us:
Kids make friends and ask for playdates. You then have to deal
with the parents.
Most parents work full time and are pretty stressed for free
time.
Some can swing it and you see their house and think no way am
I leaving my kid alone here.
Some are just like you more or less and you can trade days to
pick up each others kids and have tea at pick up time.
Some families are lovely but live in a place too small to have
visiters and they feel awkward having the play at your place
always.....
What all that boils down to is that yes we have ended up doing
regular playdates with people that are mostly like us and kids
that are in aftercare together hook up and....well the
diversity is there in class and on the yard but it is so hard
to hook up kids when you can't speak the parents language..
The best intentions......
In regards to your concerns about your child's social life in Berkeley
public schools, I
felt like I had to chime in: I have two children and between them we
have about 6
years of experience in the Berkeley Public Schools. Yes, the schools
are economically
and racially/ethnically diverse. Your child will meet children from all
kinds of
backgrounds. However, my childrens' social experiences are a bit
disappointing to
me. But then, I am an idealist, and a shy one at that! My children have
made friends
with a couple of children, who they perhaps could only have met in
their public
school environment. However, for the most part, their friends tend to
be children
who come from similar racial/ethnic backgrounds as themselves. The
class (social)
issue is a little bit more fluid, but I wonder about that as they age.
Wander around
the environs of Berkeley High a bit, and one tends to see groupings of
kids from
similar ethnicities. I used to think that was because the High School
kids were
teenagers, and that is what one does at that age, but I am now
beginning to think
that the discomfort of ''difference'' is not really overcome or coped
with well at an
early age. This is a deep social issue, and in my more charitable
moments I can't
really fault the schools for not making more inroads in promoting
better social
relations among kids of differing ethnicities. At other times, though,
I wonder......
A Sincerely Disappointed Parent
My son has been at a Berkeley public school since kindergarten
(now in third grade), and his social life has been great. He has
a diverse group of school friends and acquaintances. Kids at the
elementary school level are less conscious of race/socioeconomic
differences. Though I do observe that many Spanish-speaking kids
will have closer friendships among themselves, mainly because of
their shared language; and I do also think it's just a fact of
life that kids will gravitate toward others with whom they share
mutual interests and experiences, and often, these others are
also kids of the same cultural or economic background as their own.
As for playdates and birthday parties in undesirable homes or
neighborhoods, that hasn't been an issue for us. I really don't
think there are any ''bad'' neighborhoods in Berkeley, although
maybe some people think *my house* is in a ''bad'' neighborhood!
Our family makes an effort to get to know the parents of the
friends my son socializes with, so we are comfortable with our
son going to his friends' houses for playdates. Parties often
take place not in homes but indoors at facilities like the
Berkeley Y, or at a playground. If I had a problem with a parent
(like if he/she was a drug user or displayed serious parenting
deficits or something), I wouldn't be sending my child over to
their house for a playdate anyway, regardless of where they live.
I think elementary school in Berkeley is a great time for
children to develop friendships with kids of other
ethnicities/cutures/socioeconomic status, because as they get
older, kids do gravitate toward others more like themselves
racially and economically. Just observe the groups of kids at
Berkeley High at lunchtime--and read ''Why Are All the Black Kids
Sitting Together in the Cafeteria? And Other Conversations About
Race'' by Beverly Daniel Tatum.
Anon
Jan 2006
We have been having problems this year with our third-grade son,
who attends a Berkeley public school. It seems that most of the
kids in his class have adopted ''gangsta'' culture behaviors which
include unbelievable profanity directed at anyone who tries to
even carry on a conversation with them. For example, he tells
us that when he tries to talk to other kids, their response is
usually ''Get your f--ing a-- out of here.'' Kids are routinely
called ''bi---'' and he has overheard other third-graders threaten
to kill each other. The other day he used this language to
resist my request that he do his homework. I was devastated, as
he does not hear it at home. We do not let him watch any TV
except PBS once a week. He has been in this school since
kindergarten, and this is considered one of Berkeley's high-
performing schools. We have tried to talk to the teachers about
it, to no avail. I have been having a running argument with my
husband about this issue now for over a week, as I think it is
time to send him to a private school. He is worried about the
Berkeley PC police. I would like some feedback/advice from
other Berkeley parents, and in particular, I'd like to know if
this stuff is present on private school campuses.
grossed-out Mom
I think you're absolutely right to worry, even if it's not PC to
say so. The fact is it's going to get worse, not better. The
gangsta culture in public middle schools is pervasive - and
middle school kids need & want to fit in -which means
conforming to the group ethos. Although the attractiveness
of 'ghetto'' - now an adjective meaning great btw. - is
inescapable in our current culture - it is not embraced and
glorified to the same extent in independent schools. My
advice is to pull your son NOW. Give your son as many
years as possible in an environment where he is allowed to
develop without feeling compelled to emulate ghetto
behavior in order to be cool and accepted. You do not have
to accept 'ghetto' as 'great' even if you do live in Berkeley.
been there
I know there are some very good public schools in BUSD (as
evidenced by many of the positive posts I have read about
schools) and if what you described is true, I would be camping
out in the school district offices asking for a transfer into one
of them. I wouldn't wast my time agonizing over whether I should
have chosen a private school. I would act quickly in my child's
interest.
Whether a school is public, parochial, charter, or private, a
consistent discipline policy is important.
Our local public school (Harding in El Cerrito) is very diverse.
We have a high percentage of African-American and Latino children
but most are hard-working motivated students and I have not
observed any of the behaviors you describe. We also have a
somewhat vulnerable population of students (we are the hearing
impaired elementary site for our district) so it is imprerative
that everyone be treated respectfully. From what I can see, there
are clear consequences for unacceptable behavior. I have spent a
good amo unt of time in all my child's classrooms and almost all
of the teachers are excellent classroom managers.
All of our upper grade students receive training in conflict
mediation, and they are encouraged to develop their leadership
skills by mentoring younger students, serving as hall monitors,
and becoming rainy day monitors.
In my child's third grade classroom, every student turns in their
homework every day. A majority of the parents show up to help out
with school events and many volunteer in the classrooms. This is
typical of the best public school classrooms in OUSD, West
County, BUSD, Alameda, and Albany.
--tired of all the venting about BUSD
Both of my children went to Montessori Family School through the
3rd grade. The school places a strong emphasis on treating
others with politeness, dignity and respect. The type
of 'gangsta' behavior you describe was not present, and
certainly would not be tolerated if brought to the faculty's
attention. The same is true in the Albany public elementary
school my daughter currently attends. My son says that some of
this behavior occurs at the Albany public middle school. Still,
I have not seen anything like the attitude you have described
from my son or any of his friends or schoolmates. I am a bit
puzzled, though, by the ''Berkeley PC police'' your husband is so
concerned about: Who are they, and why do they hold such power
over your child's education?
ed
My son is a third grader at one of BUSD schools that is not typically
considered a
''top'' choice and I am also a teacher in a BUSD middle school. I have
been pleasantly
surprised that in four years, my gentle, no TV son has not brought home this
attitude you describe, other than typical Star Wars type light-saber
battle language
and antics, which I think are developmentally acceptable. I think you
are right to be
concerned and should continue to press this issue with the teachers,
administration
and other parents (probably the parents need to work together on this).
Some of it
is likely just developmental experimentation, but after a certain
point, if the school
and parents allow it to go unchecked, I believe that it can lead to a
menacing
environment and an unsafe, disrespectful emotional setting. I suggest
you draw a
really hard line at home regarding this kind of language and actively
follow-up at
the school. Good luck. At my middle school, although we do not always
catch the
playground banter, we teachers try to be very strict in the classrooms
and the
hallways about addressing this kind of threateni ng and bullying use of
language.
Mary
Yes, I saw this in the BUSD though not till the 4th grade. My
experience is a few years old. I guess I was not so much bothered
by the bad language as by the acceptance of rudeness toward
others that was widely accepted and tolerated. I don't think it
made my kids into rude obnoxious kids - seeing others behave
badly didn't override what they learned at home. But it did
engender a certain amount of acceptance of rude behavior. This is
not good. I don't blame you for being concerned and I think it's
reasonable to consider alternatives.
a BUSD mom
I was shocked to read your posting- that kind of language in 3rd
grade??! And the teacher shrugging it off? We live in Berkeley, and
chose to send both of our kids to private school (now in 4th and 7th
grade) for a variety of reasons. I can't imagine this kind of talk
being
tolerated at either of the schools they attend. Maybe someone would
test it out, but if any adult in the community heard it, s/he would
speak to
the child about it immediately. If a parent brought this concern to
the
teachers, I think the staff would initiate a conversation with the
child,
parents and probably the whole class. In both schools we are in, there
is a circle time at some point in the day where any classroom business
is brought up and any issues about class relationships, classroom rules
and respect, etc.. can be discussed- teasing, any excluding of people,
disrespect of people or materials... Ground rules are set up early in
the
year, with input from the kids, and are refered back to throughout the
year. I think we can expect kids to try out swearing language quietly
amongst their peers, but to hear that this is being directed at adul ts
(OK,
maybe later when he's 15 would be understandandable) is just awful.
grossed out with you
This type of language at any school, public or private, should
not be tolerated. My son is in the 4th grade at a Berkeley
public school also. I would not start at looking at changing
schools but at speaking with other parents, talking to his
teachers, staff and principal, and addressing this with the
PTA. Kids sometimes think that they are being cool when they
are imitating what they see.
Don't let this pass but also help your son's classmates and
school.
Kristine
I cannot speak for other Berkeley schools, but you are very
right to be alarmed by what your son is hearing and repeating
at home. If you haven't yet spoken to the princ ipal, you
should, and if you still don't get a response, take it higher
up to the district or a school board member. You deserve to
have the school staff at the very least looking into and
addressing the problem. If you are still unsatisfied, by all
means, look into other options, even if they aren't PC. Your
son's well being is more important than any perceptions about
your decisions.
Good Luck
I am worried that the teacher did not respond to your concerns, because
this is a real
concern. Maybe you could contact the principal? It worries me that
very often people
will excuse this behavior and downplay its potency. However, children
need to be
corrected and taught that this language is not appropriate for school,
their age, or
others to hear.
Good Luck
anon
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