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Unitarian church for agnostic family

Aug 2005

I am a middle-aged agnostic/atheist with 2 two kids who is looking for a religious community in the Berkeley area that is not focused on a ''higher power'' or on Jesus. I was raised a Catholic but abandoned organized religion many years ago because I did not believe most of the teachings and wanted to think for myself. I am also increasingly disturbed by the conservative Christian efforts to undermine science (creationism, intelligent design), but must admit that since having kids, I miss the community and the shared rituals that come with belonging to a religious community. (My husband escaped from a strict fundamentalist Christian upbringing). I would like my kids to have some kind of spiritual education but not a traditional one. I am looking for a group that is more pantheistic, or perhaps humanistic. I have read that some Unitarian churches are this way, e.g., more egalitarian, encourging their members to discuss the big issues, but that others are barely distinguishable from main-line Protestant churches. What are the Bay Area Unitarian churches like? How do they compare to the secular, humanistic Jewish temple (Kol Hadash)? I would be interested in checking out Kol Hadash, but did not grow up in a Jewish household and don't know if this would put our family at a disadvantage. scientist mom


In my experience, all UU churches are respectful of agnostics and atheists (and, for that matter, of Jews, fundamentalists and Catholics). A central tenet of the religion is that every individual has a right to develop his/her own beliefs. The UU Berkeley church (in Kensington) actually has an atheist subgroup that meets regularly. You might try there first UU for 25 years

Looking for a church

Feb 2005

Re:

  • Raised Catholic, looking at other churches, help us choose (Feb 2005)
    Your post touched me because I spent a long time looking for which religion was right for me and my family. After trying several different things, I was disappointed because everything seemed exclusionary in some way to some gender, culture or way of thinking. Everything seemed to promote an ''us vs. them'' sort of thinking. Then, I went to a wedding led by a Unitarian minister. I was really impressed by the things he said and so we checked out the local UU church and it was great. Here's the UU list of principals and purposes:
    We, the member congregations of the Unitarian Universalist Association, covenant to affirm and promote:
    The inherent worth and dignity of every person;
    Justice, equity and compassion in human relations;
    Acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations;
    A free and responsible search for truth and meaning;
    The right of conscience and the use of the democratic process within our congregations and in society at large;
    The goal of world community with peace, liberty, and justice for all;
    Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part.

    The living tradition which we share draws from many sources:
    Direct experience of that transcending mystery and wonder, affirmed in all cultures, which moves us to a renewal of the spirit and an openness to the forces which create and uphold life;
    Words and deeds of prophetic women and men which challenge us to confront powers and structures of evil with justice, compassion, and the transforming power of love;
    Wisdom from the world's religions which inspires us in our ethical and spiritual life;
    Jewish and Christian teachings which call us to respond to God's love by loving our neighbors as ourselves;
    Humanist teachings which counsel us to heed the guidance of reason and the results of science, and warn us against idolatries of the mind and spirit.

    Spiritual teachings of earth-centered traditions which celebrate the sacred circle of life and instruct us to live in harmony with the rhythms of nature.

    Grateful for the religious pluralism which enriches and ennobles our faith, we are inspired to deepen our understanding and expand our vision. As free congregations we enter into this covenant, promising to one another our mutual trust and support.

    Anyway, there is a huge emphasis on community service and involvement. Since moving to Oakland, we've been going to the First Unitarian Church of Oakland. It seemed a little more vibrant and young than the one in Berkeley. There is also a wonderful education program there for children.

    Take a look at www.uua.org if you are interested.

    Good Luck. Lynn


    I think I want to join a Unitarian Universalist Church.

    Sept 2004

    I think I want to join a Unitarian Universalist Church. I've checked the archives and it looks like there are 2 in Berkeley, 1 in Oakland, and 1 in Walnut Creek. My understanding is that churches vary a bit in their congregations and how Christian or not they are, so I'm hoping someone can help me figure out which church might be the one for my family. We are atheists, but believe the world's religions have a lot to teach us. We'd like our kindergartener to attend a religion education program to learn more about the world's religions, and participate in community service. A children's choir would be nice too. We'd like to join a community of people who want to do good in the world, and not necesarily because they feel God wants them to (though that's OK too!) but because they know it is the right thing to do. I've been reading up on UUism on the web, and I think a UU church is the place for this (please tell me if you think I'm barking up the wrong tree!) but I'm wondering which of the 4 churches around us might be the best fit, since we are openly atheist. (Just to be clear, we know that UUs come from a variety of religious backgrounds and we respect that. We just hope to find a place where being atheist is OK too, and we wouldn't be the only ones.) searching for the right church

    Recommended:

  • First Unitarian Church of Oakland (2)
  • Unitarian Universalist Church of Berkeley (4)

    More Advice:

    I think you'll probably have to go and visit them, one at a time. You're right that each has a 'feel' all their own, and only you can judge which is the most comfortable for your and your family. I attend the Oakland church, and I love it for the terrific music, the religious education, and the thought- provoking sermons, as well as the community. As far as I know, there are plenty of atheists there, as well as others who lean towards one or another religion, like Christians, Buddists, and Jews. I think that's pretty standard for UUs. There is also a strong social justice component, as well as wonderful shared ministry at the Oakland church, so check it out! And then check the other ones... Bonnie


    It seems to me that you've done all the right research to find the church that will suit your family. I think now's the time to start visiting those 4 UU churches to see which one *feels* right to you. The Berkeley Parents Network is a wide and diverse group and you might get advice/recommendations that are all over the map, so I suggest that you make this final winnowing based on your own experience. Letitia
    I am a member of the Unitarian Universalist Church of Berkeley. The other UU group in Berkeley is the Berkeley Fellowship of Unitarian Universalists on Cedar Street. They are a smaller, lay- led congregation. Being smaller, they don't offer as many programs as UUCB, but they do have a children's program and an active Social Justice group.

    I suggest that you attend a service at each of the UU congregations in the area, and then decide which feels most congenial to you. I am certain that you and your family will be welcome at all of them. Elizabeth


    You should really visit First Church of Religious Science - 5000 Clarewood Drive, Oakland. Religious Science is derived from the Unitarian (NOT scientology...). It's a great congregation and has a great message, very much as you're describing. Services on Sunday at 9am and 11am. David
    I am a life-long Unitarian Universalist and a minister (though not affiliated with any of the Bay Area congregations). The short answer to your question is ''Yes.'' Our congregations are filled with a wide range of theological beliefs -- atheists (who don't believe in God), theists (who do) and agnostics (who are comfortably undecided.) You will hear God-language -- words like ''God'', ''Holy'', ''Spirit of Life.'' As we value the variety of religious searches so too do we value the many metaphors which attempt to give words to those experiences that are ineffable and often described as ''spiritual.''

    I would like to add a couple of thoughts for consideration, though. Whether people identify as atheist, theist or agnostic, I am always more interested in the question ''Who do you think God is?'' There is a good chance that the atheist doesn't believe in a personal God up in the heavens who micromanages everyone's life. But there is also a good chance that the theist doesn't believe in that kind of a God as well.

    In addition, while you and your husband are atheists, there is a very good chance that your daughter (as most children) will have questions about God and may have her own experience and/or relationship of God. This can be startling for parents who do not have that experience or relationship and being part of a religious community that values a diversity of religious experience can be really helpful!

    I'd encourage you to check out the various congregations in the Bay Area. Call to see if there are choirs, etc. and then visit a couple of times and get a sense of how they feel for your family. Best wishes in your search and Welcome!


    Unitarian Universalist Church of Berkeley

    Website: http://uucb.org/
    Re: Family friendly church for a newbie (Jan 2006)
    Hi, I would recomend the UU Church of Berkeley in Kensington. I am the Education Assistant there and we have a brand new Minister of Religious Education. The children and youth education program is growing. My daughter is in the 1st grade and loves the program. She also sings in the youth and children's choir.

    UUCB has a congregation with a diverse range of spiritual beliefs and backgrounds. Many come from other faith tradtions, some from atheist or agnostic backgrounds and we even have a few life-long UU's. There are a number of adult education offerings. The congregation also has a strong commitment to social justice.

    If you would like more information, I would be happy to talk with you more. Feel free to contact me off list. Margaret


    Re: I think I want to join a Unitarian Universalist Church. (Sept 2004)
    I've only been to the UU church in Kensington (it gets called the Berkeley church, though there is also a smaller group that meets in actual Berkeley) and I would say that you would fit right in without discomfort. I'm guessing the participants are mostly from a variety of Christian and Jewish backgrounds. The Religious Education program is very active (they are in the process of searching for an additional minister whose main activity will be promoting this aspect of the church) and there are a lot of kindergarten age children. Also, I would say that quite a few members are atheist; there is even a special meeting for UU atheists at least once a month if not more often. It's not that they don't mention the bible during services, but it's seen as one of many sources of wisdom. The church tends to be politically involved (on the left side of the spectrum), which to me is a very good thing. There are lots of visitors, especially this time of year when the childrens' programs are revving up, and they have an area set aside where church members answer visitors' questions at the end of services. There is a children's choir, a large adult choir and a lot of activities to become involved in. Liz
    Re: I think I want to join a Unitarian Universalist Church. (Sept 2004)
    Hello, We just joined the Unitarian Univalist Church of Berkeley. It is located in Kensington at One Lawson Road. We have been UU for the last 5 years (since our daughter was born). We lived on the Peninsula and were members at UU Fellowship of Redwood City. Our daughter loves the RE program at Berkeley and we ultimately chose UUCB because Mollie loves it so much. They have just started a children's choir and the mother who is leading it has a five year old daughter as well. It is a fairly large congregation and fairly diverse. While our family is pagan/goddess centered I know they have a Devout Atheists group that meets the 2nd Sunday of the month. They have an incredible offering of adult education both on Sunday mornings and during the week. It is a very active congregation. We also like the 3 minsters at UUCB. My partner is in seminary at Starr King School for the Ministry here in Berkeley, which is Unitarian Universalist. There are a number of Starr King students at UUCB. Their web site is very helpful and can give you a more detailed picture of their programs and activities, www.uucb.org. Please feel free to e-mail me if you would like more information or want to set a time to talk on the phone. Best of luck, Margaret
    Re: I think I want to join a Unitarian Universalist Church. (Sept 2004)
    Dear ''Searching'', I am a member of the Unitarian Universalist Church of Berkeley (UUCB), which is actually off the Arlington in Kensington. I am sure atheists would be welcome in any UU congregation, although I only have personal experience with the two in Berkeley. UUCB sponsors many paths to spiritual growth, including lectures, discussion groups, and meditation as well as very inclusive worship services. There is a group called ''Devout Atheists'' that may be of particular interest to you. We have a religious education program and a small children's choir. I hope you'll come to check us out. A good way to start is with the Sunday service at 10:45. After the service, look for the Welcome corner, where you'll find someone who is waiting to answer your questions. Or just ask anyone! See also www.uucb.org. Elizabeth
    Re: I think I want to join a Unitarian Universalist Church. (Sept 2004)
    I have been a member of the UU Church of Berkeley for 4 years, and absolutely love it as a place to nurture my own spirituality and to raise my child! (I have not attended the other UU churches in the area, so I can't speak to their programs). I think you'd be quite comfortable there as atheists (there are many other atheists there, and while a ''higher power'' may be referenced at services, it is more loosely spoken about as the power of community, connectedness, interdependence, etc.). The programs for children at the church are really taking off right now: the congregation just voted to call a third minister specifically dedicated to Religious Education; a nationwide search is being conducted and that person will start in Fall 2005. A parent and longtime member of the choir has formed a children's choir. The childcare during Sunday services, for ages 0-4, is high quality, with a stable core of paid professionals who have worked there for years (my almost 3-year-old LOVES it!). The formal Sunday School programs start with a pre-K group at age 4- 5 and continue up to a high school youth group for grades 9- 12. You would be welcome to look at the curricula and talk to the teachers if you have any questions about what is taught (I taught the 4-5 year olds for 2 years and it was a wonderful experience). And, all this is in addition to two wonderful co- ministers (Bill and Barbara Hamilton-Holway), a top notch organist, music director, and choir, and many other programs offered on Sundays and other days of the week. What can I say-- some folks don't think UU-ism is a ''real'' religion but I think it's a fabulous choice if want a spiritual community without being forced into specific beliefs. Look me up if decide to attend UUCB and we can chat! (BTW, you can attend for years without being pressured to ''join,'' although most long-time attenders do join or at least pledge.) Good luck in your search! Cheri
    Nov 2001

    Re: children's choirs
    Unitarian Universalist Church of Berkeley (1 Lawson Road in Kensington) has a new music director who directs the adult choir and the children's choir. The UUs always sing a great variety of music. I was very impressed with how well the kids sang this Fall after only a few weeks of lessons. I think the children's choir practices on Thursday evenings. The church also offers catered meals for a community dinner on Thursdays so you could eat there too (there is a charge for the meal). Lissa


    Both UU congregations in Berkeley are wonderful, the one on Cedar and the one in Kensington which they call "Berkeley" because they don't wish to go to the acronym of "First Unitarian Church of Kensington" but secretly are known with the affectionate nickname of "the F____ church"! Everyone knows which one that is! The 930 am Sunday philosophy discussions are often very good with people like Huston Smith giving talks. Both churches are involved in justice issues & have active & friendly congregations.
    Christine 8/99
    The First Unitarian Church of Berkeley in Kensington has an excellent Music Director--Eric Howe. He happens to be my voice teacher! I'm not familiar with the rest of the church programs, since I haven't attended the church (although I have sung at a service a couple of times). But I know that the music program is very active, and that was one of the things that you mentioned wanting. Good luck!
    Dawn 8/99
    I grew up in a Lutheran household, though I am not attending any church at this time. One church that you might be interested in if you haven't been exposed to organized religion and are looking for more of the spiritual and community aspects of religion is the Unitarian Church in Kensington. The church sends out a newsletter from time to time, and I know a member of the congregation. What I gather from reading the newsletter and talking to the member of the congregation is that the church is more about bringing people together and breaking down barriers than it is about worshiping a god. I do not believe that you would find _any_ kinds of biases at the church. My impression is that it is church and community that embraces everyone. (4/99)
    You might check out the Unitarian Universalist Church of Berkeley located at 1 Lawson Road in Kensington. They welcome diversity, and they have quite a comprehensive Religious Education program for kids of all ages. They have a web page that gives some general information: http://uucb.org/ (4/99)

    First Unitarian Church of Oakland

    Website: http://uuoakland.org/
    April 2006

    Re: Secular Jew married to atheist wants ''religious'' framework for kids

    I don't know if this might be what you seek, but in my opinion the First Unitarian Church of Oakland provides a great non-religious religious environment. It embraces all spiritual beliefs and provides a setting for respecting and sharing different peoples' approaches to praciting their ''faith.'' And, it is extremenly child/family friendly. I would highly recommend you explore it. It is located at 685 14th Street. Anon


    Have you thought about a Unitarian Universalist church? We've been members for years and particular appreciate it now that we are parents. From the UUA website (www.uua.org): ''With its historical roots in the Jewish and Christian traditions, Unitarian Universalism is a liberal religion -- that is, a religion that keeps an open mind to the religious questions people have struggled with in all times and places. We believe that personal experience, conscience and reason should be the final authorities in religion, and that in the end religious authority lies not in a book or person or institution, but in ourselves. We are a ''non-creedal'' religion: we do not ask anyone to subscribe to a creed.''

    Many interfaith families have found a place in a UU church, as have many others, like us, who discovered the Christian churches we grew up didn't speak to the adults we became. UU's seek truth and meaning in the texts and traditions of many religions, including Judaism, and offer a place and a community where you can forge your own spiritual path. For children, it offers not ''Sunday School,'' but ''Religious Education,'' oriented toward learning about religion and spirituality without indoctrination in a particular faith. The church is also strongly oriented to social justice work, and has a long history of putting faith into action dating back to abolition, and including the modern civil rights movement and the current drive for marriage equality.

    We happily attend First Unitarian Church in downtown Oakland, which has a great intergenerational service and a strong music program (uuoakland.org), but there are many others to choose from around the Bay Area (www.uuba.org).

    Good luck with your search! Happy to be UU


    You might find a Unitarian Universalist (UU) congregation right for you and your family. Religious education in UU churches helps children develop their own systems of belief and teaches them ethics and justice. Children are introduced to the values and beliefs of many religions (eastern and western) and taught to respect and gather wisdom from all. Most UUs started out Jewish, Catholic or Protestant. Some are still Christian or Jewish. Some are agnostics or atheists. Some believe in an earth- based spirituality. Some are Buddhists. Some are humanists. Some are theists. We all believe in the search for truth and a deeper meaning in life. It's a great place for children to learn to appreciate themselves and others -- and to find there are others around them with similar beliefs. I was raised in a very Reformed Temple and this has been a good fit for me. I belong to the UU church in Oakland (uuoakland.org). There are many more UU congregations in the bay area. (You can find them at uuba.org). Good luck with your search. Lisa
    Jan 2006

    Re: Family friendly church for a newbie

    Looking for a church? Tolerant, family-friendly, social justice- promoting community? Try the Oakland Unitarian-Universalists on Castro at 14th St. in Oakland. The search for one's own truth, which grows and changes as we all do, can be supported without being dictated, in a beautiful and creative format. Wonderful music. A bit less heady/academic than the Kensington church. Bonnie


    Re: I think I want to join a Unitarian Universalist Church. (Sept 2004)
    To the person who is trying to choose a UU church: I have been a member of the First Unitarian Church of Oakland since 1992. I've been once or twice to the Kensington church and the Walnut Creek church, but I won't presume to describe them based on that. About the Oakland church, though: it is definitely hospitable to atheists. A healthy portion of our leadership is agnostic/atheist/humanist. That said, you'll find more ''God talk'' in our church than in many UU churches, but it's *very* inclusive. Our members include people from many religious backgrounds, and one of the things we do together is stretch -- that is, we all try to be able to hear messages arising from different traditions or couched in terms other than those we might choose ourselves, whether it's interpreting theist language in humanist terms, interpreting Jewish language in modern feminist terms, or interpreting Buddhist language in Western terms. We have a rich liturgy, including our ''embracing meditation,'' which some UU leaders have called one of the best ways of ''doing joys and concerns'' that they've seen. And I love the way our current congregational minister handles holidays with religious origins that many people may not be deeply familiar with, such as Day of the Dead. She makes them accessible to all, allowing them to enrich each person's sense of the spiritual without requiring background or belief within the originating tradition.

    The Oakland church has been strongly involved in justice work for quite some time. Current projects that have originated from within the church include a mentoring program at a West Oakland elementary school, gotCOM (a project for helping low-income families get and learn to use computers), a get-out-the-vote project, an ad hoc committee on gay marriage, a partnership project to build a sustainable job base in our Transylvanian sister village, and probably many others that are off my radar at the moment. We are also involved with the Oakland Coalition of Congregations, which combines the efforts of many churches for social justice projects of shared interest.

    Our religious education program for children (there's one for adults, too) teaches about world religions among many other curricula, including a wonderful curriculum on sexuality issues for middle-school-age students (taught outside Sunday mornings and therefore optional, but as a graduate of its predecessor program, I'll say it's one of the best things that could happen to an adolescent in terms of learning effective communication about intimacy and having the information and support to make good choices). We have a children's choir, co-led by our wonderful adult choir director and our Minister of Religious Education, herself a singer.

    I do think you're barking up the right tree, and I hope to see you some Sunday soon. If you'd like to talk more about the Oakland church or UUism, drop me an email with your phone. Deborah


    Re: I think I want to join a Unitarian Universalist Church. (Sept 2004)
    I believe First Unitarian Church in Oakland might be a good fit for your family. While many are not atheists at FUCO, the church is welcoming to all. People in the congregation come from many different religious traditions, not just Christianity. FUCO has two great ministers, one of which leads our very active Religious Education program. There is a great sense of community, and the folks in the congregation are really interesting people.

    I've found the church has been a wonderful place for my 5 and 8 year old sons, as well as for me and my husband. I particularly enjoy the 10:30am Intergenerational Services, a half-hour opportunity for children and adults to worship together in a more child-friendly format. We have these services from September to mid-June, as well as wonderful 9:15am and 11:15am adult services and RE classes. The first 10:30am Intergen service and RE classes of the new church year are this coming Sunday, Sept. 19.

    And there are 2 children's choirs, one for younger kids and one for older kids, as well as an awesome adult choir and other music-making opportunities. There is also a lot of energy behind social justice work.

    I encourage you to visit and check the church out. There is more info on the web at http://uuoakland.org/, or you can call the church at (510) 893-6129.

    Best wishes, Sima


    Re: Inclusive & Friendly Church (March 2003)

    We recently became members of the First Unitarian Church in Oakland, and think it is a wonderful place. Definitely good music and good sermons, a diverse congregation with all ages represented, and a wonderful, positive, loving energy. We live on the Berkeley/Albany border and can make it there on Sundays in 15 minutes, and found it was worth the drive. We especially love the intergenerational service at 10:30am, and the great religious education program. Sima


    Dec 2000

    A parent recently asked whether there was a Unitarian Church in the area so, as I understand it, her child could explore religion, though the parents aren't religious. I'm a member of the First Unitarian Church of Oakland located at 14th and Castro Streets in downtown Oakland (close to the freeway). It's a wonderful and diverse community with many families who have children of all ages. The community is committed to certain liberal values and social justice activities. Unitarian Universalists affirm that wisdom is found in many world religions, as well as in spiritual and humanist teachings (see http://www.uua.org/principles.html for the UU's Principles and Purposes). Many members have backgrounds in various religions and some of the families have more than one religious background (my family is Jewish/Christian and we participate in an interfaith group through the church that tends to celebrate Jewish holidays together). The community is important to me because the services put me in touch with issues and ideas beyond my everyday life, and we've made good friends who share similar values. I'd be happy to answer any further questions and help anyone get oriented. The church's skeletal website is: http://uuoakland.org/index.html. -Penny


    August 1999

    Does anyone have any strong recommendations/opinions about the the Unitarian Universalist Churches in the greater Berkeley area? We would love to find a warm, friendly, musical and active congregation. We have two small children (3 and 6) and are a Jewish/Protestant. couple. - thanks Elizabeth


    We're members of the First Unitarian Church of Oakland (dowtown Oakland). We really like the congregation, and there is an active children's program (and lots of kids in your child's age range). It is definitely a progressive church and has been involved in a variety of social issues locally and beyond. If you want to ask other questions, I suggest you try it out some Sunday Kristine
    If you're interested in a Unitarian church you might want to check out the First Unitarian Church of Oakland at 14th and Castro in Downtown Oakland. My husband, 16 month old daughter and I have been attending since January and have found it to be a dynamic, diverse, and welcoming spiritual community. They have great classes and activities for kids and a wonderful music program. The church is in a beautiful building that is a national historical landmark. Services are Sundays at 10:00 am, but we will be changing in September to two services at 9:00 and 11:00.
    April 1999

    To the person interested in exposing children to religion and/or spirituality. You might want to check out the First Unitarian Church of Oakland, on Castro Street in downtown Oakland. It has a very open and accepting congregation which believes that "All are worthy, All are Welcome" Plenty of church members there would consider themselves "agnostics" - in fact, questioning seems to be encouraged. They believe in drawing spiritual knowledge and inspiration from many sources, not any single religion or ideology. There are lots of families there, many community activities, and they have a large religious education program for kids.


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