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Have you called Jewish Family and Children's Services in Berkeley and asked them if there is a group in the East Bay, or the Jewish Federation in Oakland? One of those two should be able to refer you if there is one in this area.

Trying to get more connected to my Jewish roots - Sinai or Kehilla?

I am trying to get more connected to my Jewish heritage, especially now that I have two children, and am looking for (more recent) recommendations for synagogues. I am leaning towards either Temple Sinai or Kehilla (we have gone to some events at each), and would like to hear what people like/don't like about these two synagogues.

I was raised by hippie-atheist parents. We celebrated no holidays and I had no experience of being Jewish except to know I was different. My husband is not Jewish but he is open to raising our kids Jewish.

I want to find a community where I won't feel out of place because I don't know the prayers/rituals. I have already felt a bit intimidated by Sinai because it is so big and because I came from a low income family- I feel some ''class'' issues when I go to Sinai (like what to wear so I don't feel too out of place). On the other hand, I am worried Kehilla may be too political for me (I know, whatever that means...) So I welcome any thoughts. Jewish mama

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I just wanted to say that you speak for me too. I was brought up without any knowledge of Jewish prayers and rituals. Now that I am trying to integrate myself into a synagogue and find my ''roots'', it's very awkward not knowing when to stand or sway or face a certain direction. I have been to both the synagogues you mention and many others. I won't offer my opinion except to say that I found warm and friendly people at both Kehilla and Sinai. See my other post about Kol Hadash or contact me for more choices. Lindy

Jewish temple for agnostic non-Jew and family

After reading recent postings recommending diverse reform synagogues in the East Bay, I wondered if there is a place in one of them for me and my family. I am agnostic/atheist. I was raised as a Catholic but do not believe in the central tenents of Christianity, except for its charitable attitude. Also, I have a graduate degree in Philosophy, do not like to be told how to think or what to believe, and thus, am uncomfortable with organized religion. My husband grew up in a fundamentalist Christian family and has many horror stories about it, although he believes in God, I think. We have two young children who have never been in a church or temple and have no religious experiences. That said, before moving to the Bay Area and getting married, I had some experience with reform Judaism that was very positive, attending services with a former boyfriend. People discussed religious issues intelligently, they allowed for differences of opinion, and best of all, there was no preaching or proselytizing. Plus, the communities were very warm and friendly. We have only a few good friends in this area and now I wonder if a reform synagogue would help us connect with more people and give us a positive spiritual experience as well. Is there a place in one of the East Bay reform synagogues for a person like me? My only concern is that the community not be too upscale, as we are a middle-class family of teachers. Anon

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I also suggest spending some time learning more about Judaism and getting involved in the Jewish community. Sabbath services are only one of many ways that Jewish spirituality is enjoyed and communicated. Check out the other events and lectures at the Berkeley JCC http://www.brjcc.org/

Or for more long term intellectual commitment, take a regular class in Judaism or Jewish concerns at Lehrhaus Judaica, which meets at the Berkeley Hillel House http://www.lehrhaus.org/about/overview.html

The main thing is that you yourselves discover where you fit in. Weekly lIturgical services are not always the best way to do this, because by nature they make newcomers feel a little out of place. They are also not as central in Judaism as they are in Christianity. Study, community service, and all varieties of related get-togethers are equally valid expressions of Jewishness, and might help you feel your way to your own identity as well.

Hope this helps-- henny

Seeking a diverse, open minded reform synagogue

I am looking for a reform/open minded synagogue to possibly join. I am Jewish (culturally--raised atheist) and am married to a non-Jew. I have a baby and most of my Jewish family has died. I'm so sad that my son will not know this heritage, will not hear Yiddish sprinkled in every conversation, and many not get that many of the teachings I give him, and many of the ways he lives are from his Jewish ancestry. I know that the old Eastern European Jewish community I grew up in is simply dying out and I won't be able to replicate this for my son. It seems like the only way to stay in touch with a Jewish community is to join a synagogue. This seems like a start, although for me it's a little hard beacuse my family was so anti-religion. I would like to explore some of the open- minded, welcoming synagogues in the East Bay and would love suggestions for which ones are diverse (my husband is African American) and which ones are easier to make connections with the members. I''m really lookign for a progressive spiritual community that is welcoming of people who have never been to a synagogue in their lives (that's me) but who identify as Jewish...Thanks. don't want to lose Jewish heritage

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while I am not a member, Temple Israel of Alameda, is very open (the Rabbi is gay and I believe the cantor is a Lesbian).Check out their website http://www.templeisraelalameda.org/ Good Luck!

However, I encourage you to celebrate the Sabbath with your son and husband on Friday nights. We have a 3 month old, 3 year old and 5 year old, and since the older two were little, we've been buying challah, and lighting candles and saying the blessings over them and wine (or grape juice) every Friday night. It's a good way to just slow down the pace of the week, talk, and re-connect with each other.

We bought a few tapes of Jewish music (try Afikomen on Claremont Ave.--a place with a wierd vibe, but they do have an excellent, wide selection of Judaica), some Sabbath candles, etc., and we really enjoy this little ritual with our kids every Friday night. They know the prayers in Hebrew, and they even do the triple-cover-your-eyes-wave-thing when we light the candles. So cute.

We're gradually teaching them about the holidays (there are a ton of children's books about Judaism and all the holidays), and even at this young age, they know they are Jewish, and are proud of it, without us belonging to a synagogue (though we do have a large number of Jewish and non-Jewish friends that we celebrate ALL holidays with). I understand your desire to find a Jewish ''family'', but maybe celebrating at home also will help integrate those traditions into your lives too. Best of luck, Stay-at-Home Jewish Mama

You didn't say exactly where you live, but why not go ''shul shopping'' and drop in on Shabbat services at one or two synagogues nearby to see if feels right? If you're afraid you'll get lost, get there a few minutes early and ask to sit next to someone who will help you follow the service. Then stick around and shmooze afterward. You can ask about religious education for your son if that interests you.

A list of synagogues is at http://www.sfjcf.org/resource ; click on ''congregations.'' Note that Netivot Shalom is moving to a new building in central Berkeley in May and Kehilla recently moved to Piedmont. David

You are right that living Jewishly happens primarily in the synagogues. I work for the Jewish Federation and as important as their work is, it is the synagogues that are the heart of American Jewry. That is where you, your husband and your son will get support, education, and be able to live a Jewish life which unlike American life, is a communal life.

You don't say what city you live in. It is truly easiest to have your shul nearby. Then other members can help with carpools, share playdates, and easily get together for Shabbat and the holidays.

Every East bay congregation has interfaith couples, has Jews of color and has members from a variety of cultural, racial backgrounds. Reform & Renewal congregations will tend to have more, but the real measure of your match is, does the congregation ''fit'' you?

Start by shul-shopping in your own city. You can go to www.jfed.org and look at the list of synagogues in your city. If you want to call me and talk about the make up of the congregations, their size, schools, preschools etc., feel free. (510-839-2900 x347 if you're in Alameda or 925-943-1484 if you're in CC. or email dawn[AT]jfed.org)

If you want a Shabbos buddy - that is a member who will meet you at the door, sit with you, introduce you around at oneg, answer questions, give me a call. I can get you one. My program is called Building Jewish Bridges: outreach to interfaith couples. Welcome! Dawn Kepler

Contra Costa Reform Synagogues?

Our daughter has been thriving at her first summer camp at the JCC in Walnut Creek and is now more interested in all things Jewish, including an eventual bat mitzvah (or so she says now - she is 6). We live in Walnut Creek and are currently unaffiliated. I am looking for recommendations for synagogues in Contra Costa County, preferably in or near Walnut Creek. While we lean more towards Jewish Renewal / Humanistic Judaism, I don't believe there is any group near enough to us to work with the schedules of two working parents. Given that, a local reform synagogue seems like the next best bet. Is anyone out there a member of either B'nai Tikvah in Walnut Creek or Temple Isaiah in Lafayette? One thing that would be important to us (particularly my husband) is that the focus not be on money (e.g., how much you have and the like). My husband grew up on Long Island and had a negative experience as the (Conservative) synagogue his family belonged to was apparently all about money and not much about spirituality, community, etc. My family was unaffiliated and I did not go to Hebrew school, have a bat mitzvah, etc. and I basically consider myself culturally Jewish with no religious upbringing (I did take a couple of Intro to Judaism classes about 10 years ago through Lehrhaus Judaica that I loved). I figure we had better start looking into this now so that should our daughter continue to be interested in having a bat mitzvah that we are in a position to move forward with all that entails when it is time to do so (when is that anyway...about 8 years old?). Thanks much. Lori

I asked a friend of mine to response to your quiry and she wrote this (see review of B'nai Tikvah)

The other congregation, Temple Isaiah, is in Lafayette. It's larger, and has two very approachable rabbis - Judy Shanks and Roberto Graetz. I'd be happy to talk to you about any synagogue in CC.

Memories from childhood experiences shouldn't prevent you from having a very different and rewarding experience now. We are a new generation and we've changed our institutions.

I am a member of a synagogue and have found a community that has embraced me and nurtured me, my husband and children. I certainly wish the same for you.

call me if you like, Dawn Kepler (510) 839-2900 x347 - yes, I work for the Jewish community, but don't be deterred by that, I'm a mom, a friend, a volunteer, a shlepper, just like you. :) dawn kepler

Finding lost Jewish heritage - baby coming

I am an African-American mother about to give birth to a biracial child very soon. My partner is half Anglo and half Jewish. I am very knowledgable about and have strong ties to my family and ethnic heritage. However, my partner grew up in a situation where his Jewish heritage was ''not really discussed''. His mother's family immigrated here from Russia two generations ago. Unfortunately, his aunt, who was very knowledgable about their Jewish family's history, passed on before he had a chance to record anything (She was the last living relative from that side of the family!)

He would like to learn more about his Jewish heritage but is at a lost about how to exactly do that. We both think that it would be positive for our daughter to have a strong sense of the rich cultural heritage and traditions of both of our backgrounds. Any ideas or recommendations about what my partner can do to learn more about his Jewish heritage? He's not interested in converting per se...but we would welcome any advice concerning books or cultural centers that might help him reconnect to his lost roots! Thanks!

The Chabad house in Berkeley is a traditional Hasidic community but they do great children's programs. When your child is born, check them out. I took my daughters to a matzoh making demonstration once. The Traveling Jewish Theater performs at Julia Morgan theater and is a great acting group. There is also the Jewish Film Festival which has great movies by Jews, about Jews, and about issues affecting Jews. He could learn a lot about his heritage that way.

Lehrhaus Judaica has many classes, as does the Berkeley- Richmond Jewish Community Center. All those places have web sites, as does the East Bay Jewish Federation. The new Jewish Community Center in San Francisco has music recitals, plays, kids programs, etc.

As you see, there are many programs that are not centered on synagogues and religious life. Frances

BRJCC
1414 Walnut ST
Berkeley,CA
For information call: 
(510) 848-0237x112or www.brjcc.org
IJCR 415.386.2604

Looking for a child-oriented Jewish congregation

I'd like to find a very child-oriented Jewish congregation in the East Bay. I'm raising my almost-4-year-old child as a Jew--I'm Jewish, my husband is Catholic--but most of what we've done has been family and home-oriented (we celebrate Shabbat and most of the holidays in some way). However, we have essentially no Jewish local friends/family members with children. I feel it's time for my child to become more involved in a Jewish community, though I'm not even sure exactly what I'm looking for other than something that offers a lot for children (and a place that isn't snobby!) I grew up connected mostly to conservative synagogues, so there's a familiarity-factor that makes me interested in looking into conservative congregations, though I think we'd likely be more comfortable in a reform synagogue or even something more progressive. I'd love to hear from other Jewish parents about their synagogues.

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You might want to check-out preschools at synagogues. We just started our son in Gan Sholom at Temple Beth Sholom in San Leandro. I think temple Beth Abraham in Oakland and Beth Israel in Berekely also have reputable preschools. For Hebrew schools there's a lot out there and you need to do more thinking about what kind of education you want your kid to have. You may want to check out the Conservative synagogue in Berkeley, Netivot Shalom. Sophie

Additionally, Temple Sinai in Oakland has wonderful things to offer. Rabbi Steve Chester is a real mensch of a guy, they have a new, lovely young woman associate Rabbi as well as Cantor. Lots of good role models. A more traditional approach perhaps. An absolutely great preschool run by Suzanne Goldman.

Beth El in north Berkeley is yet another wonderful reform congregation, great for families, lots going on, great pre-school. I don't know the rabbi personally but have heard good things.

A friend of mine with slightly older kids had the following advice on joining a congregation. She said to think not only of how the place welcomes the family, but the quality of the religious school, if that is the route you plan to have your child travel. She said it is in that way your family is most likely to interact with the synagogue down the road.

Just by way of background, I am Director of Jewish Programs at Jewish Vocational Service in San Francisco and have worked in the Bay Area Jewish community for 15 years. I'd be happy to answer any questions or share any observations with you. The good news is we have an abundance of great choices. Best wishes, Deborah

One other thing that may help others in their search: I found a list of synagogues in Alameda and Contra Costa Counties at http://www.jfed.org/acsyn.htm, that contained links to many congregations' own web pages (some of which were informative, some of which weren't.) I also found a page where you could request a "new to the area" packet at http://www.jfed.org/tzedakah/newarea.htm. In general, the web site for the Jewish Federation of the Greater East Bay, http://www.jfed.org/, seems to be a good resource. Judy