Berkeley Parents Network: Exploring Judaism

Berkeley Parents Network

Exploring Judaism

Berkeley Parents Network > Reviews > Religious & Spiritual > Exploring Judaism

January 2003

Hi, I looked on the website but couldn't find an answer for this particular question. I am not Jewish and my husband is. We celebrate Hanukah and Passover with my husband's family (I actually hosted my first Seder last year!) I want my girls to have more of a connection with Judaism, however, my husband isn't very concerned about this. He wants them raised with a knowledge of the religion, but since it's not my religion, how are they going to get this knowledge?

I guess what I'm trying to say is I want more spirituality in my and my children's lives and I'm willing to get that from Judaism but I don't know where to begin. What is the best way to go about joining a temple? How do I find the best temple for an interfaith and sometimes ambiguous family? Thanks for your help! jl

Hi there, I was born Jewish and I'm still trying to figure out how to be Jewish! An excellent resource is Dawn Kepler of Building Jewish Bridges,email: dawn at jfed.org, (510) 839-2900 x347. She is the interfaith outreach person for Temple Sinai and is wonderful. I have gone to several of her interfaith workshops. anon

Hi, The first question you'll need to tackle is which movement within Judaism you'd like to get involved with. Since you are not Jewish and your husband is not observant, Orthodox and Modern Orthodox are probably out of the running. Conservative (a movement which emerged as a reaction to the perceived excesses of the reform movement -- it's more liberal than Orthodox, however) is a possibility if you're looking for a connection to traditional Judaism in an environment that is egalitarian (women rabbis, among other things). Reform and Reconstructionist are also candidates.

I hope I'm not the first person to point this out, but your children are not Jewish according to Jewish law. Judaism follows matrilineal descent, and so you (as their mother) would need to have been Jewish at their birth. This will be an issue in Orthodox and Conservative shuls (== ''schools'' == synagogues). Your kids would need to go through a conversion ceremony, which involves a visit to a ritual bath (mikvah) and possibly circumcision for males.

You really should speak with a rabbi if you want authoritative information on points like this. As luck would have it, my shul (Netivot Shalom, in Berkeley -- Conservative movement) is in the process of drafting a policy on ''the role of the non-jew,'' since there are plenty of families in situations similar to yours. Rabbi Kelman would be a good person to for you to speak with.

If you're inclined, there are some excellent intro to judaism books you could look at. One of the best, in my opinion, is Donin's ''To be a Jew'' http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0465086322/104-5982538-9291903?vi=glance

Also, the Lehrhaus Judaica, in Berkeley, near Cal, has a very fine ''intro to judaism class'' that might appeal to you. I believe the teacher is Jehon Grist, who is wonderful.

I hope this helps. Eric Friedman

Here is a great resource: http://www.jfed.org/interfaith2.htm

Building Jewish Bridges: Outreach to Interfaith Couples and Families

Overview: While interfaith couples address their differences throughout the year, the occurence of lifecycle events can raise new questions -- planning a wedding, welcoming a baby, facing the death of a parent or deciding about the religious orientation of a household may illicit deep feelings for both partners. Couples need a safe place to explore their choices.

Building Jewish Bridges groups offer a process of self-examination that leads to better understanding of your own and your partner's beliefs and attitudes. Listening to others in your group will stimulate ideas that will help you shape your own decisions.

Building Jewish Bridges also offers educational and supportive workshops for parents and adult children of interfaith families who are seeking to develop skills in family interaction. All workshops offer opportunities to explore Jewish life.

Worshops can provide a fun and comfortable environment in which Jews and non-Jews can learn about the traditions and rituals of Jewish life. From holiday how-to workshops to workshops on lifecycle rituals (bris/ritual circumcision, bar/bat mitzvah, weddings, sitting shiva in the house of mourning), anyone can learn the many forms of Jewish observance. Helena

I suggest you go to www.jfed.org and click on Discover Interfaith options. That will take you to the web page for Building Jewish Bridges, an outreach program to interfaith families in the East Bay. Sign up to be on the email list, and you will get announcements about educational programs, holiday celebrations and other events. Dawn Kepler, who runs the program, is lovely and knowledgeable about the various Temples in the area and could probable give you great advice on how to ''Temple-shop.'' Alice

Check out Lehrhaus Judaica. They have a really interesting range of classes, including some that address issues of interfaith families, introduce Judaism, and explore the meaning of different holidays and festivals. Classes are held around the Bay Area, including Berkeley (where they are based), Marin, SF, Contra Costa, & the Peninsula. http://www.lehrhaus.org/ Ilana

Though not Jewish myself, as a young girl I learned a great deal about and became enchanted by the Jewish faith by reading a series of CHARMING fictional books by Sydney Taylor.

''All of a Kind Family'' and the subsequent books in the series made this Irish Catholic girl yearn to be Jewish. Though I haven't read them in, ahem, 25ish years -- I remember a world of wonderfully close family ties, delicious sounding food and beautiful fun religious customs.

I have always enthusiastically recommended these books to anyone with kids... and especially to those of the Jewish faith. You'll Love These Books!

Temple Beth Hillel in Richmond (off of the Hilltop exit) is a small reform temple with many interfaith families. TBH has a warm and friendly atmosphere. Newcomers are welcomed without any pressure to join or do or be anything. I suggest you come to a Friday evening Shabbat service. We sing a lot, there is a small choir that often sings at the services. The number for the temple is 223-2560. We have a great religious school which happens at 9:30 on Sunday mornings. Many of our congregation are families of interfaith, interrace or intergender relationships. If you would like to ask more questions you can all Arlene, the temple secretary at the above number. June

One low key way to start with your children would be Temple beth abraham's kindergym friday program for 17 mo-3yrs that concludes w/ a mini-shabbat. for older children JCC camps and holiday family workshops would be another way. Many congregations are now composed of interfaith couples. There are interfaith holiday workshops offered by the Berkeley/Richmond JCC. adult child of interfaith couple

I know there are many different Jewish organizations in this area and can't really advise on which is best, but I can tell you what has worked for our interfaith family.

We are members of Kehila Synagogue which is a very welcoming comunity for interfaith families. In fact, the High Holydays theme a couple years ago centered around how to both encourage and nourish the diversity (of faith, race, ethnicity, gender identity and sexual preference) of the Kehila community while maintaining our identity as a Jewish organization.

Kehila has a wonderful Jewish education program for children and also periodically offers adult classes. The congregation is part of the ''Jewish renewal'' movement and has both a spiritual and social/political focus.

Services in many ways depart from ''traditional'' Jewish practice (We actually have a Rabbi who while clearly ''a man of faith'' and an active and founding member of the congregation, identified himself as a person who does not believe in God). Some people, particularly those with a more traditional backgroup can find this disturbing. I generally find it refreshing and more inclusive without being drained of sprituality; because the rabbis and lay leadership are very knowledgable about traditional practice, their departures from it are made through concsious deliberation, reflection, and discussion.

Whatever congregation you join, I highly recommend becoming a part of a havurah--a group of families or individuals that meets monthly to have a shabbat dinner. It's an excellent and comfortable way to participate in Jewish culture and build Jewish identity that isn't all about doctrine. julie

You are not alone. The scenerio you describe is common - Jewish husbands who are lukewarm about religion, including their own, and non-Jewish wives who want a spiritual component to their family. It doesn't mean the husband is bad, or even that he is a bad Jew, Jewish atheists are quite common. It just means the wife often takes up the job of religion in the family.

Here are some connecting points: In Oakland Building Jewish Bridges: Outreach to Interfaith Couples (510) 839-2900 x347 or see the website www.jfed.org/interfaith.htm

In San Francisco The Interfaith Connection (415) 292-1252 or see the website www.intfaith.org

If you want to receive a weekly e-mail about interfaith programs around the bay area, email to dawn AT jfed DOT org and put "subscribe interfaith" in the subject line. You can get referrals to synagogues from both of these places. Once you are ''inside'' the Jewish community, you will be completely enfolded in Jewish life if you want that. Synagogues are very embracing communities. Being in an interfaith family is pretty common these days so you will find many other families that look like yours. Best wishes! dckepler

I was born Jewish but never taught what it meant. My husband is not Jewish but I wanted to expose my children to Judiasm. Here is what I have tried so far. There is a Sunday school at the Berkely Richmond JCC every other Sunday for pre-school and grade school children. Focus is on Judiasm as culture not religion. They teach about holiday meanings, customs, foods, and songs. Have a Hanukkah and Passover celebration. Contact Gerry Tenney at gtenney AT earthlink DOT com. The BRJCC also has a preschool and maybe a grade school.

Temple Sinai has a Tot Shabbot the 3rd Friday of every month. This is for kids 6 and under. Definitely religious and great for kids. Lots of music and humor and tolerance for babies.

The Oakland JCS has a fabulous afterschool program that teaches a little Judiasm. It is definitely interfaith. Any of these places can also tell you about interfaith groups. sorta Jewish

Some more input on getting in touch with Judaism - you might want to try this great free program, called Partners in Torah. I've been doing it for almost a year and have gotten SO much out of it, even my non-Jewish partner has really enjoyed the learning. How it works is, you call their office (1-800-STUDY-4-2) and answer some questions about who you are and what you want to learn. Then, similar to a match-making service, they partner you with an appropriate Jewish mentor who will call you once a week at a time you both agree upon. You talk about whatever your specific interests are.

For example, I'm interested in the role of women in traditional Judaism, and how to be Jewish on a daily basis instead of just 'identifying' as a Jew. They matched me up with a woman my age, also a mom, and we just clicked right away. I recently flew out to NY to meet her.

A caveat, fyi, whatever - this group is organized by the Lubavitchers, who I think are absolutely wonderful people, but other folks might have some political differences with them. They don't necessarily match you up with a Lubavitch partner. They're not out to convert non-Jews certainly, but it sounds like you're interested in raising Jewish children and I'm sure they'd love to help you.

Good luck! Also, you might want to try Congregation Beth El (Reform) in Berkeley. Rabbi Jane Litman and Rabbi Ferenc Raj are both very welcoming to interfaith families with children and they have a recurring program throughout the year called 'Being Jewish 101' where you learn about the holidays, etc.

Not the typical Jewish Mother

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