Teen Won't Accept ADHD Diagnosis, neither does Dad

My 14 yr old daughter was diagnosed with ADHD 7 yrs ago (re-evaluated and confirmed last year, both times by Gary Landman, behavioral pediatrician). In brief, we did a short trial of medication shortly after diagnosis, too short to see any results, and her father did not see the value in giving it more time. Fast forward to her first year of high school and she is struggling with the same issues she faced in elementary and middle school. Namely, inability to focus in class, doesn't write down the assignments, doesn't do much of the homework or projects or prepare for tests. She can usually perform well enough in one class that she pins her failures in the other classes on her teachers. They call her out more, they weren't clear about what the assignment was, the work is boring (please don't focus on the boring issue as her the issue is not that she's not being challenged), etc., etc.

She refuses to accept an ADD/ADHD diagnosis. There is clearly a genetic component as both her father and I have siblings, nephews, etc. with ADHD. It's likely her dad has ADD also, but he, too, is in denial.

Her father and I have been divorced for 4 yrs and he is very anti-medication, he derailed another trial of medication, scaring the crap out of her in regards to medication side-effects, yet he does nothing to acknowledge and make accommodations to help her be successful in view of the challenges ADD presents. He has an extremely hands-off approach, thinking somehow she will miraculously be successful in spite of her difficulties focusing.

If we presented a united front, I think she would be more amenable to trying medication. All I've asked of her is to give it a fair trial and then she can decide, she refuses. At this point I would like to go to family counseling with her and discuss ADD management. Freshman year is almost over, the clock is ticking and I fear she will continue to fail if something doesn't change. BTW, she meets with a tutor/mentor 2x/wk when she's with me, her father refuses to have her tutored in his home even though I've offered to pay.

Any recommendations for a good family therapist? I am not interested in any fringe treatment approaches, no offense. I'm interested in how other families have handled the issue of ADD acceptance and treatment with their teen.

Thank you. mother who cares

8th grade daughter just diagnosed with ADD

Our daughter in 8th grade was just diagnosed with ADD, inattentive type. The doctors are not recommending medicine, but we do want to talk with a specialist to understand how best to help her. I have a few books I'm now reading, but they aren't based on her situation. I'd really like our family to learn some tips/tricks on how to help her, especially with her study skills/homework. Ideally an expert in ADD could spend time with her and help her figure out what would be best for her. All the information from the BPN website is from years ago. Do you know any such tips/tricks and who might help us uncover them for my daughter? Thank you. -Concerned Parent

Testing for ADD/other: BHS and/or private resources? Kaiser?

Hi, We are discovering somewhat late that our child may have ADD and/or another learning issue. Has anyone had success with getting BHS (e.g., BUSD) to assess your child for learning differences, and how did you go about it? We have heard that they will fight very hard not to do the testing; is this what you found?

Given that it's rather late for him, we're also prepared to get private testing, but have no idea where to begin on this. We belong to Kaiser, if that helps (or if anyone has tried it there and can weigh in).

Where did you go for private testing, what did it entail, and how much was it? Any and all resources and recommendations are welcome! Thanks Need testing information / help

Intelligent 10th grader's grades are steadily worsening

Hello BPN, My 10th grader's in trouble. He is highly intelligent as proven by umpteen tests, yet he can't get to school on time, can't turn in homework, and is failing or below C in every single class, including PE! His grades have been getting steadily worse since he started middle school until he's now hit the lowest of the low. SST meetings at school formerly resulted in nothing other than ''he'll grow out of it''. Now, the SST suggested testing him for ADD. We are a low income family and are now looking for someone reasonably priced to come daily and sit with him while he does homework, make sure it gets into his homework folder, show him time management strategies, etc. How does one find a great tutor at a low price? I'd be grateful for recommendations for tutors that have worked for you and would welcome any advice anyone can give me if they have ever been through this heart ache.

ADHD/therapist/survival techniques needed

We believe our 17 yr old has ADHD. This is not a new feeling, we've suspected it for a while. Our child would be inattentive type if diagnosed. Our child is easily distracted, takes hours to finish homework, doesn't always remember to turn in work or other important documents on time, won't use resources at school for those who can help (counselors, talk w/teachers) and a procrastinator.

While a very good student, the past 3 months have seen a downturn in interest and motivation. Not to mention no interest in looking at college info, just thinks it will all happen. Even started failing some classes, but has since improved.

I have no idea how we will get through Sr. year and college process if our child dosen't embrace the realities of all the requirements necessary to apply to college. I know, perhaps a gap year is in order, yes, but we need our child to want this, not just do it because they cannot get their act together.

It is hard when child thinks it's OK to take risks at critical times like Junior/Sr. year. From what I read/hear, college dosen't just happen and I'm very worried parents will get burnt out in trying to have our child understand consequences of not being engaged right now.

We plan on having an ADHD evaluation, and have some family therapy to discuss how we can all get along with all the deadlines approaching in next 8 months. Any words of wisdom, family therapy/adolescent therapy recommendations, ADHD recommendations (we can't afford Dr. Berman), etc. would be very appreciated. overwhelmed is not the word

We did not search out and compare different psychologists, since we had a recommendation from a trusted psychologist. The educational psychologist who did the testing was Alan Siegal, PhD in Berkeley, and his phone # is (510) 527-7929. If additional information would be helpful, I can be reached at (510) 814-8134. Good luck on this tough journey! Kate

I'd love to hear what you learn from other parents in this amazing network if anyone responds to you directly. Or, if you'd like to commiserate please get my information from the moderator. Good luck! Worried too

Gifted 9th grader with possible AHDH

Have a very young 9th grader struggling academically and socially inpublic high school. Currently being tested (suspect ADHD) and, if so, is twice exceptional. Giftedness likely masked his ADHD symptoms all these years. He is a bit nerdy, immature, underweight. Would like to hear from other parents about what has worked to help newly diagnosed 2E teens thrive? Most ADHD help classes are geared for elementary school children. (If only he had been so lucky to have been properly diagnosed early on). Would love to hear from others what worked and what didn't work.
- Prescription meds, if so, which, and how were the side effects?
- Alternative treatment?
- Coaching?
- Counseling for teen? for parents?
- Skills class?
- Biofeedback?
- Do you have a great doctor (psychiatrist) who ''gets'' 2e kids, if so, feel free to share his/her name. Thank you one and all. Signed, New to 2E

What is most important though is that your son truly understands how his brain works. To that end, I can't say enough about Dr. Teresa Doyle. She is a neuropsychologist who has a unique insight to kids with learning differences and she and her staff after testing are able to discuss with you and your son his strengths and weaknesses. As a psychologist, she can offer counseling as well.

After filtering through and administering more tests, what she also can do is a project with your son that helps explain to him and to his teachers his learning differences. By presenting this himself, he at that point will become his own and best self advocate. Projects can be anything from artwork, to a written and bound book, to a power point (my daughter's choice) or anything that your son and Terry decide on. As an example, my daughter's Power Point has been shown for the last two years to her teachers with great success. With a little ''tweaking'' it can even be shown to professors in College.

I know if you have a diagnosis, you have already had some tests administered and interpreted (we did too) but I still think you should contact Terry. She is on College Ave and her number is 510- 594-1926. She is pretty amazing.

I also know that as this is your first plunge into the pool of learning differences, this can sometimes be an overwhelming and costly experience. You have my empathy. The best thing you can do is make sure your son understands who he is, how his uniqueness will ultimately help him and encourage him to understand that school is just a small window in time where people expect him to excell in everything and once he finds his passion and profession his unique brain will be a magnificent aid. anon

Meds helped class/homework focus & behavior, but a 504 plan (which took a year) was also needed. Accommodations address intellect (reduced routine tasks) & social challenges (a focused friend in each class) as much as the ADHD that qualifies him for the 504.

Your son's individual issues determine needed help. Poor executive function & frustrated intellect can hurt social interactions or be compounded by anxiety or depression. Your diagnostician can identify the issues, leads for help, school options/accommodations. Diagnosis brings realistic expectations & tools to support your son. If a parent may have ADHD, get assessed & treated; it's a modeling opportunity that helps everyone. Talk therapy didn't help Sam, but the relationship's there just in case. He did biofeedback training, but doesn't use the skills - or organizational skills from Linda Lawton, educational consultant, but he liked learning about ADHD itself. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy requires motivated clients.

Sam's best in focused AP classes & structured extra-curriculars like orchestra. He resists homework & refused programs (Classroom Matters) & tutoring. He likes after-school tutoring at school, not for content help, but a no-stigma setting for all: he goes as needed to finish homework. More autonomy, fewer home battles. Some hire college kids to keep a kid homework-focused, then reward with fun after.

CHADD offers parent support groups, speakers, useful links. Thinkkids.org is for parents of easily frustrated or inflexible kids, common to some with ADHD (The Explosive Child by Ross Greene is great).

Your son will partner in identifying what works as you go. Some bright ADHD kids tire of a new routine once it's no longer novel. Expect a few sure bets & lots of improvisation. Try to enjoy the ride. Anon

12-year-old has many symptoms of ADD

For several years I have been concerned for my 12 year old, and think he has many symptoms of ADD, lack of concentration, tantrums, inability to complete homework, low pain threshold, highly irritable, lack of organizational skills, just to name a few.

I've brought it up with several teachers over several years, but they all tell me it's a lack of motivation, or he's choosing to be social rather than do his work. I think this is because he doesn't show symptoms of hyperactivity, and they tend to lump the two together. He just can't seem to keep up, this last progress report he had a 22% in math and in science, subjects he enjoys. Then an A in English, and he tests in the 90th percentile when he's been assessed. He's so smart, but nothing we do helps him stay on track with his school work.

I have a referral to a psychiatrist that helped my friends daughter, she had similar symptoms and she now takes Ritalin, which they think is fabulous. I have also spoken with the Attention and Achievment Center in Walnut Creek, that uses cognitive skills training instead of medicating, which is very appealing to me.

I'd like some advice on how to go about getting my son assessed, whether the school district should be involved, should I go through a psychiatrist, or my ped? Or do I go with this alternate treatment, has anyone tried this center? Do I want an ''official diagnosis' or does that stigmatize kids in their schools? We are in Walnut Creek. Thankful for any advice

Anyway, we decided to go the meds route because of his young age. You could tell from the first day how much it helped. School was better and his self-esteem started to improve. We liken the meds to eyeglasses a tool to fix a defect. We did not go the behavioral route because we didn't want him to lose anymore time in school. He had ''checked out'' in February of his second grade and lost almost half a year. Also when the dose needed to be changed because he had grown, it was obvious from the day we changed it how much it helped.

The school would do nothing for us until we asked in writing for an evaluation. I'm not sure they would have done any special resources or would have changed their opinion of him if we didn't have Dr. Berman on our side. They quickly gave him an evaluation and gave him the resources and provisions he needed. Now that he's on the meds, we are starting behavior modification as well.

So I would run as fast as I can and get an evaluation. Unfortunately there is a huge wait to get into Dr. Berman. I would get on the waitng list, but find another behavioral pediatrician to help you now. Your psychiatrist may be sufficient, I don't know. At the same time I would ask for a school evaluation.

I also have an 8th grader whose friend is getting the exact treatment as you are. They have a doctor and an advocate and are sill battling the school, but started at the school when he was 13. He has been on meds for years. Their hope is to get him accommodations in time for high school. The work only gets harder as they go through middle school and high school and every minute is precious.

Good luck with your choice. People will question you no matter what you do, so go with your gut.
Mom and Wife of ADDs

10-year-old diagnosed with both ADD and Tourette Syndrome

My son is 10 years old and he has been diagnosed with Tourette Sindrome and ADD. His doctor talked about start him on some medicine to help wit ADD before the school starts.We will discuss with her about it and I need some advice from parents who may have the same or similar case to help us find the best solution for our son. thank you.

Teen has just been diagnosed with ADHD (inattentive type)

We've just completed the testing on my HS teen, who has been diagnosed with ADHD (inattentive type). We are about to begin the 504 process to get help through the school. However, this disability has affected our home life (and even more so now that we are dealing with a teenager who gets emotional). I really do not have a sense of what I do (as a parent of an ADHD child) to make life easier for all of us at home. My child resents our acting as room monitors but otherwise homework or a project (such as cleaning the bedroom) may not get completed. What should I care about and what should I let go? How do you keep them focused without becoming an ogre? My teen seems to rely on us to fill in the gaps but sometimes, I feel like I am doing too much. Medication may not be an option because my child is currently opposed to it and I feel this has to be a joint decision. On the other hand, it takes so long for anything to get completed that it seems like my teen loses out.

I have read the books but now I am looking for classes or training for how we, as the parents, should deal with everyday experiences. There has got to be something more than just putting a label on a kid or thinking the school will fix everything

Also, I would appreciate any updated recommendations on local occupational therapists. Thanks so much!! anonymous

The first thing we did was to find a therapist for our son (a child psychiatrist) and a family therapist (Licensed MFC) for us as parents. It was important to us that we learn how to support him so he didn't feel like we were nagging him all the time and for us to be able to filter out what was important (studying, getting to school on time, making good choices with spare time) vs that with which we could live (messy room, messy-looking homework). Besides the formal process of getting and IEP in place, we also worked with his teachers so a) they would understand what certain behavior could be attributed to, and b) so they could develop a feedback system for him so he could participate in the monitoring of his behavior.

We, too, were trepidatious about medication. We didn't initially put him on medication because he didn't want to but made sure he was fully informed about choices and what was being recommended. After a year and a half in therapy and NOT on medication, our son, himself, asked for medication. In just a few days, after adjusting the dose, he could see the difference, as could we. A couple of years later with letters of admission to several universities and colleges, he - and we - are happy as clams.

In summary, the combination of therapy, medication, and total family commitment is helping with a better outcome. Hang in there! Another parent of an ADHD son

How do I know for sure that 12-year-old has ADD?

My 12 yr old son was just diagnosed with ADD (inattentive) by Dr Gary Landman. The reason we went to see him in the first place was due to my son saying he was having trouble focusing in class. (a few of his teachers had mentioned that he seemed pretty distracted at times in class.) My son went on line and researched his issues and told me ''I think I have ADD'' I had never, ever considered the idea that my son had ADD. He is a very smart kid but does not wow with great grades (B's and an occasional C) My friends who know him say that he is simply bored and under-stimulated. How do I know for sure if he really has ADD or if he simply needs a different type of academic setting? AND if he does need a different academic setting, where do I send him? confused mom

In any case, now that you've obtained a diagnosis, you're going to have to learn to steel yourself against your friends' well-meaning assessments. Your son may well need a more stimulating or otherwise more appropriate educational environment (a topic for another post; there are many differing opinions on this subject), but please don't decline to treat an underlying problem (if you conclude that there may be one) because of the misconceptions of others. Good luck! ADD mom

And don't dispair. Some people respond to ADD like it's leprosy. Ignore them. See today's (Tu, Nov. 13) NYT's article about two new studies on kids with behavioral issues. Of the kids with ADHD they say: ''The other (study) found that children with attention deficit disorders suffer primarily from a delay in brain development, not from a deficit or flaw.''

In other words they grow out of it. According to the study, they grow out of it by early adulthood. mom of adhd kid

Middle schooler with ADD - poor note taking in class

My son has just been diagnosed ADHD. He has never been very hyperactive in the usual sense, but he has had a focus problem. We had him eval. because of a marked problem at middle school. He is seemingly incapable of copying notes from the overhead or whiteboard. He is very intelligent, scores in the advanced range on the STAR tests, and gets Bs and As on his tests and most long-term projects in GATE classes at school. However, the middle school that he's in heavily weights class notes that he periodically must pass in and be graded on, as well as Daily Planner checks, that are also periodically graded for accuracy. He started taking a low dose for his height/weight of Concerta, and it seems to be helping with his focusing problem, but the note-taking is still pretty poor. Thanks for your help. E.

My 12 year old son thinks he has ADD

My 12 year old son has had a very hard time focusing on schoolwork recently. This has not been an issue before now. He thinks he has ADD and even went on line and took a questionnaire about it. We just moved back to Albany after being away for one year, so I have not re-established a relationship with our Dr (We saw Ben King at Berkeley Pediatrics) I do not really think he has ADD but he is certain he does and wants to get checked out. Do you know where I should start with this? albany mom

Chances are your boy doesn't have ADD, but if he does, the appropriate medication would work in roughly the same way that glasses work for myopia. Not a cure all, but a tool to help with focus. That tool either would or wouldn't be enough to balance the years of thinking he's stupid or inadequate, when in fact he just has the neurological equivalent of ''can't see the board'', and years of people telling him to just try harder.

There is an on-line test you can give him, at www.amenclinic.com (or Google the Amen Clinic, Dr. D. Amen) that might reassure you, either way and point you in a good direction. My kids'had extensive evaluations with a psychiatrist who was also an ADD/ADHD expert, and were based on testing and interview - not teacher recommendations. They were also highly accurate and useful. Good luck. Heather

Does my 18-year-old have ADD? (negligent driver)

My recently-turned-18 y.o. son has a problem which I don't really understand. He's had his driver's license for 2 y ears now. Early on in his driving career he put a few dents in my car, one of which resulted in a point being added to our car insurance (at an additional $2,000 premium). Then he bought his own car (with his own money) with the stipulation being that he would pay for his own car insurance. Over the last year or so he has gotten numerous parking tickets (all of which he paid), had a moving violation for which he did traffic school, and recently another moving violation. He was going to go to court to ask the judge whether he could go to traffic school again, but he thought it was today instead of yesterday so missed the court date. I wasn't even aware that the date was yesterday or I would have reminded him (is that possibly the problem, that he should be remembering these things by himself, instead of being reminded?).

Well, today I'm taking him off our policy, which will mean he can't drive. He doesn't seem to have a problem with this (he sold his car after he realized that it was more hassle than cool), since he'll be occupied with stuff over the summer that won't really require driving and then off to college.

I don't understand what's going on. We lecture him ad infinitum, he dutifully takes care of the associated bills, but the consequences of his actions don't seem to sink in on some level - that he's throwing money away and shooting himself in the foot. In most areas he's a very responsible individual.

If this is an indication of how he's going to deal with issues when he goes out in the world on his own, I' m worried for him. Questions - anyone have any idea what might be happening here? Do I just sit back and let this one play itself out and let him handle it completely, or should I try to guide him through it? One factor in my questions is his age. Supposedly he's an ''adult''. At what point do we abandon them to their unwise choices?

Naturally I blame myself. I've had pretty severe depression most of my life and only recently with drugs has the heavy blanket of fog lifted so that I can see what's going on around me. I certainly wish I hadn't resisted anti-depressants for so long; it certainly would have made me a much better parent. How do I help my ''adult'' child when I know that the parenting he received was far from optimal? Or do I just say that these are the cards he was dealt and he'll have to find a way to play them?

His father (we're not together) was recently diagnosed with ADD; as with many diagnoses, it seems that eveyrone has this these days. But I don't want to completely discount it. Is this a possibility? With the necessarily limited information I've given and the numerous questions, does anyone have any ideas/suggestions?

Example: He bought a car, had numerous problems dealing with it and sold it. That is a great lesson for him to have learned! Next time, he'll buy the car knowing what's involved and he'll then be ready to deal with the responsibilities. Example: He's accepting the consequences of not having insurance by not driving. And is going on with his life. This is a very valid choice.

My advice for you is to celebrate his successes: ''dutifully takes care of the associated bills'', ''In most areas he's a very responsible individual. ''

As far as the problem of ''throwing money away and shooting himself in the foot,'' from your description, I would ''just sit back and let this one play itself out and let him handle it completely.'' This is the learning process. I wouldn't completely ''abandon them to their unwise choices'' yet . . . I'd give advice (knowing that it might not be taken.)

Congratulations on coming out of your fog. As far as helping your ''adult'' child when you know that the parenting he received was far from optimal, I think that talking with him about it openly would be beneficial. Acknowledge that you know you weren't always ''there'' for him, express your sorrow for that and tell him that you are so thrilled by how he's growing up, what a good person he is, how responsible he is becoming [I believe in seeding self-fulfilling prophecies ;-)], and how well he did without optimal parenting, etc.

Are you seeing a therapist as well as the person who is prescribing the antidepressants? It might help you keep things in perspective.

My 19-year-old has been going through very similar things, but he's very good (too good?) at telling me that this is his life, he needs to make a few mistakes, he won't be sleeping in a box under the bridge, he'll make more money if he wastes some, going to college a year after high school is a valid option, etc etc.! And, you know, he's right! This year he's in college and is turning in his assignments on time, reminding me to pay his tuition, living within his budget, riding his bike to school . . . And it sounds as if your kid will be fine too.

Another Mom still in training

I think I know how you feel, though. I keep struggling with my own skepticism and confusion, because for my family and me nothing is ever so simple as the latest popular diagnosis or solution. Neither antidepressants and therapy nor self-help books, exercise, thyroid pills, Omega fatty acids, workshops, church, etc. etc. have made my depression go away completely. One of my sons, who was diagnosed with ADD four years ago and medicated for school days and homework ever since, still has lots of times when he can't focus enough to accomplish anything. My older son seemed to get his act together academically without medication, but he has gotten in serious trouble several times and is currently way behind on a big research project.

Anyway, it can’t hurt to learn about ADD and consider having him evaluated for it. There are lots of books available, including a few focusing on teens and adults, and lots of resources at http://add.about.com and http://add.org.

Good luck, and don't blame yourself or think about what you should have done differently; just go from here to help your son learn how to help himself.

I think we need a Berkeley support group for parents of ADHD teens! Anyone else interested? anonymous mom

Whether or not he has a learning disability, it appears to me that he is dealing with the car insurance in a logical and realistic manner to me. Is he ranting about the fact that he can't drive? If not, I'd count my blessings and move on to the next opportunity for growth. ~Anita

Support for teen daughter who has ADD

I am looking for a support group for my teenage daughter who has ADD. We are seeing a counselor, and she agrees that my daughter would greatly benefit from a group of other girls her age with her same challenges. Things are pretty dicely right now between us, and I think we both need support. The counselor is directing me to a group in SF, but my daughter still needs one. Any leads? Teen Mom

10-year-old may have ADD

My 10 year old son will be going through testing at school to see if he has any learning disabilities. They have suggested that he be tested for ADD by a pediatrician because ADD is a medical diagnosis. Our entire family sees a "General Physician" and my boys don't have a pediatrician. I will be asking for a referral to a pediatrician through PacifiCare and am wondering if anyone has any reccommendations for a pediatrician who may have experience with ADD diagnosis and is located in Martinez, Pleasant Hill, etc. area (Hill Physicians Medical Group).

There's a ton of information about this very real disability on the Net. Also, your daughter may not have ADHD. There are many other conditions that cause children to appear "hyper" and unfocused, from emotional trauma and life changes (a divorce for instance) all the way to brain tumors. She needs a complete battery of tests before you decide on an intervention. The results of a looong study on children are just coming out. You may have read about it. The gist of it is that therapy, behavior mod, counseling, beneficial classroom environment, parental training, etc. are all good and important, but NONE are very effective without medicine. And fortunately or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it, EVEN MEDS ALONE ARE MORE EFFECTIVE THAN ANY OF THE OTHER INTERVENTIONS COMBINED. It's a hard decision to put your child on medicine, but I see it much the way I would feel if she needed glasses to see with.

I am not pro-meds, by the way. Nor do I think every "hyper" kid needs treatment, far from it. Kids exist along a spectrum from very quiet to very wild and it can all be within the range of normal. My 8-yr-old daughter's behavior wasn't within that range, and I knew WAY before she was officially diagnosed at the end of second grade. She was not a behavior problem, just very "spirited." But it would take her 3 hours of intense struggle, watching her every moment, to do 15 minutes of 2nd grade homework and she couldn't learn to read at all, no matter how hard she tried. Now in third grade, she reads all the time and is doing very well in school, almost caught up and in some cases, ahead of her class.

Parents, run screaming from anyone who presumes to "know" your child is ADHD without a professional evaluation. This is a serious condition. People with untreated ADHD have much lower social and economic success in later life. They are frequently ostracised and many have few if any friends. They often end up "self-medicating" with illegal drugs. They take impulsive risks. ADHD is potentially life-threatening. It is a diagnosis, not a term to thrown at any kid who is spirited.