Has anyone heard of inattentive ADD disorder?

I was in my salon the other day and spoke with someone who has a daughter with the same type of problems as my daughter. some were your typical, but some hit right on the mark. She said her daughter was tested and was found to have inattentive ADD disorder. She was givin meds and went from a majority of D's on her report card to A'S. Any input or Recommended physicians who specialize in this hard to detect type of ADD. Ray

How can I get my son tested for ADHD?

Regarding Honors student can't stay focused on homework, Woud you please help with these questions:
- How can I get son tested for ADHD? He also has difficulty retaining the information that he learned/studied for, especially in Math and Science.
- We live in Cupertino, CA, is there a similiar organization as http://www.sos4students.com/ in our area?
Thank you for your help in advance
Anon

Two kids with ADD/ ADHD - need meds?

Both of my kids, now 7 and 8 (20 months apart) have been little handfuls since birth- very active, very verbal, very intense, very creative and very bright. In fact, they were great babies, and we gave ourselves all the credit for raising them ''right''. Both of us parents were similar as kids and it was not thought to be more than a strong personality. We used to joke about ADD, but imposed as much structure as possible and learned to enjoy the chaos...then they started school. Both have problems there, primarily impulsiveness and emotional reactivity. One is gifted based on testing and off-the-charts active, the other distracted, dramatic and dreamy. After one too many discussions with schools, we started family therapy directed at behavioral modification (1-2-3 Magic, etc.) and have instituted every nonpharmacologic approach to ADD on the books. I am a researcher, but I have even done things that have no proven benefits based on research, such as limiting sugar.

Nothing is working for school and whenever we go out to public events (BD parties, etc get them overexcited) although their behavior is markedly better at home. I have tried to think of their ADD as a personality type that can be adaptive in many ways. I work with alot of successful adults who were hyper kids. I cannot seem them as ''diseased'' or having a brain disorder.

But we now are beginning to understand why people medicate their children like ours- the reaction of teachers and other kids and their parents to them causes us and the kids alot of anguish. People are quick to assign blame. It's assumed we do not discipline our kids (and yes, we don't hit them but there are very clear consequences when they misbehave, but impulsive kids still lose control of themselves at times) or spend enough time with them (both parents work), etc. I am tired of yelling at them and dampening their exhuberence, which I have been advised I must do to get them to be able to behave at school and in public. They never were allowed to run around screaming, but you have to shout to keep them in line and impose consequences daily. I am NOT setting expectations too high- as if!- I'm sure half the parents we come in contact with assume I'm too lax. But they also think it's unseemly that when one of the kids get revved up, I have to speak firmly to them in public.

They have friends because they are creative and funny, but if a kid wants to be mean, they choose one of mine. When my kids get upset, they often cry or ''take a swing'' back- very rewarding to tease with low risk of retribution. They both do well in school, but are felt to be underperforming by teachers- one's messy handwriting is said to be a sign of insufficient pride in work product, the gifted one can't sit still for reading aloud. It's one month into the school year and I have been to 2 ''conferences'' about my problem children. I am in tears and stressed out daily- trying to hold the line on their behavior and bear up under criticism, snide remarks and ''advice''.

Here's the dilemma- do we give them medication? We promised ourselves we'd give the other path a full year to work and if anything, things are worse as one year later. I just can't yell anymore at kids who really are trying their best. I know they will gain self-esteem if their schoolwork begins to show their potential (I myself am less concerned about ''grades'' at this age but they both are very invested in school despite daily negativity there). Our medical advice is that it's time to give it a try. One kids is getting too dispirited from all the criticism and the bouncier one is starting to lose his temper from the same. I know I will likely be judged negatively for medicating the kids too, but I am concerned that they used to be hyper and happy, and now they are hyper and anxious.

I am asking for support in general from parents of kids like mine. If you gave your kids medication, what tipped you over into that decision? Did the ''shame and blame'' from outside the family play a role? Did it just wear you down to deal with their behaviors constantly? Did the meds make them into zombies? Some days, I really just want a quick fix, but my real concern is their happiness and future well-being- and it's starting to seem one or both might be happier on meds. not quite super-mom

Use your skills as a researcher and do a lit. search--look at what works, look at what people do in other countries, look at the risks and side effects of ritalin.

Honestly from your letter I couldn't figure out a reason why you wouln't want to try medication. Because people are going to judge you?

Keep in mind if your kids are zombies from the meds. then it isn't that they shouldn't be on them, it may be that they're taking too much.

Get a good doctor who knows about this and then go for it. What do you have to lose?

Also, your kids sound almost old enough and together enough to have an opinion about it themselves. Ask them whether they like it. Sometimes kids like it and feel so much better on medication and ask for their medicine when it is stopped. extremely thankful my child is on medication

If you have not yet seen this site, visit: http://millermom.proboards23.com/

It is a huge source of support on all these issues and includes a large section on complementary & alternative treatments, which work well fro some kids. There is also a large section on conventional medication.

We did a trial of medication when our daughter was your kids' age and the side effects were just too tough to deal with, due to her metabolism, I guess. A few years later we tried again, and it has been really, really good. The side effects have been tolerable, and most importantly, she feels like it is really helpful. It helps her with attention and also with impulsivity in her social interactions. I'm fairly certain that without the meds, her life would be much more stressful and home life would be much more bitter. She's not zombie-ish at all. It seems the key is a willingness to work through the trial-and-error period to find the right medication and dosage-- and that can be trying.

Best of luck on this journey, Sympathetic Parent

Medication is not a miracle although we saw a difference in our child within the first few weeks of starting. What it has done for our child is help him focus and control his behavior just enough that he can engage and learn in his school environment and start experiencing some of the success that is rightfully due to him because he is smart and bright and can be a pleasant guy. We use the lowest dosage that we are comfortable with and that appears to make a difference. We use his more balanced personality as teaching opportunities to empower him to take responsibility for himself. Now, I'm convinced we did the right thing and could kick myself that we waited 10 years before getting help for our child. Because he has had some real success, I hope that as he grows older and his maturity and physiological system catches up OR he learns about better behavior and can more control his actions he may be able to eventually be med free. But I would also support him staying on the med as long as he benefitted from it. We'll just have to see what the future holds. Happy to have a happy kid

I wanted to write to tell you that trying meds was the best thing we could have done. My kid is still his same wonderful smart weird energetic (and occasionally very trying) self, but it is just much easier for him to focus and control his impulsivity. He handled what could have been a very difficult transition to middle school this fall beautifully. He likes school and is doing very well there, both academically and in terms of behavior. He would tell you himself that it helps him to take the medication. One initial issue was getting the right drug. He started on Concerta, which kept him up all night, but after switching to Ritalin, that was much better. The other, ongoing, issue is that he doesn't have much appetite in the middle of the day - we've had to be pretty vigilant about making sure he eats.

I would encourage you to get a second medical opinion if that would help, and then just to give it a trial of a month or two. You can always take them off medication if you feel the harm outweighs the benefits. I still cannot necessarily say I'm thrilled at the idea of medication, and I just have to tune out those who want to be judgmental about it, but our experience has been very positive. Good luck with your choice. Been there, doing that

It is all a very painful process -- for both your children and for you. It never ceases to amaze me how other people make such negative assumptions about your parenting skills when your children ''act out.'' In our case, we had to battle not only other parents, but the school, where the principal was very unsupportive and, despite a public pronouncement of ''community,'' took a hands-off approach to creating a community for our son. We, like you, have clear rules and clear consequences and discipline at home, but suffer others' assumptions and implicit criticism when our child acts in a way that is contrary to their expectations.

Good luck in your decision. anonymous

Do you know that your kids have ADD/ADHD? Have they been diagnosed? If they havent, you need to do that. If they have you need a really supportive doctor. I use Brad Berman who is WONDERFUL. He really likes my kid! He really cares. Hes told my son to call him anytime. They have one-to-one talks. Brad tells my son how terrific he is and is frank about the issues hes dealing with. My son too is gifted, cares about school, has friends. But the ability to control himself is not all there yet. We decided to put him on meds when he expressed his concern about how things were at school. He is very clear that having meds helps him focus on school and on his homework. It has helped with his cooperation as well. He was already a very self aware person not that he sat down and talked a lot about it, but at times he certainly does. It has made life much easier for everyone and school is much better. We also decided in middle school to put him in a private school with whole-child approach - that is they care about his mental and emotional state as well as his academic performance.

By the way, I got the recommendation for Dr. Berman a few years ago from this list. His office is in Walnut Creek and his phone number is 925-279-3480. There was a waiting list for new patients when we signed up. But I left a very frank message about how hard things were and they got me in earlier.

Good luck! Don't be afraid of meds.
a mom who has been there

I am also a volunteer facilitator for an adult support group and a certified parent trainer for CHADD. I hear a lot there from people who have experienced AD/HD from both sides, medicated and non-medicated. chadd.org has a national clearinghouse and it is a place to get information about medication and support groups for parents. Schwab Foundation has a parent message board.

In my private educational therapy practice I see people who have had both good and poor results with medication. It's not for everyone and it's a very personal choice. Medication works best with education - of kids, teachers, parents, family, friends.

The practical considerations you mention are the reality of life with ADHD in this time and place. It's not easy, but it doesn't have to be awful! Good luck to you. linda lawton

Helping child with ADHD, not on medication

My son has mild ADHD, and has never had medication. He does well at school, except for homework, which often is incomplete. Also, his spelling is very non-standard, so to speak. I wanted to talk with other parents of kids with ADD/ADHD that do not medicate their child (I am not interested in any advise that is pro-medication) and ask how they deal with homework, the intensity of anger with parents and siblings, the distractability, etc. How are you able to help channel your child's strengths in a productive way?

With regards to controlling ADD, and channeling the energy, deciding not to medicate often means deciding to allow your son to live a slightly different life than traditional children live. Students with ADD/ADHD tend to have higher energy, and they therefore require a high energy lifestyle. He will require more activity, more attractions/distractions, more behavior management, especially with regards to conflict and boredom. PaulTheTutor

Rages in 13 y/o on Concerta/Ritalin

I am interested in what other families have done if the Ritalin or concerta for ADHD seems to be causing rages in a teenage girl but no other medications works well enough to get her through a day at school. This has happened with my daughter. The rages were so bad that she almost had to be hospitalized. We have Kaiser Insurance and I am frustrated with the lack of coordination between the pediatric department and psychiatry (the only discipline who can prescribe something other than stimulants)

There is a similar question in the archives but I would like to know if any other family is currently dealing or has dealt with this issue and how they handled it.

My daughter has tried adderal and a high blood pressure medicine without success. Any advise appreciated
worried mom

Rages in daughter who's been on Ritalin for 4 years

Has anyone used or known anyone who has used a childs individual neurotransmitter and amino acid tests to manage ADHD. My child has been on ritalin and concerta for 4 years. For the past 8 weeks there have been progressively more intense angry rages and outbursts. She is 12 years old. I have lowered her dose and would like to wean her off the ritalin and concerta. I would like to begin to use an alternative approach. A reference to the use of neurotransmitters and amino acids was made in an ADHD parent support group web site. Any experience or information from any parent or guardian in this group would be greatly appreciated. I am also looking for a homeopath with experience with ADHD and children in Oakland or Berkeley. Thanks much Desperate and Anon

If your child was accurately diagnosed, and medication previously has helped, it may be that what's needed is more of what she's taken in the past, or a different medication. Only an expert you trust can tell you whether reducing her meds, or changing her regimen is a good thing to do -- or even safe. Please, tell me that the changes you are proposing are being made under the care of an ADHD expert. Heather

Bothered by ADD evaluation at Kaiser

My eight-year-old son is a very enthusiastic student and tries hard in school but has been struggling with reading since 1st grade (he is in 2nd grade) so it was suggested that he be assessed by the district and evaluated for ADHD.

For the ADD evaluation, we went to Richmond Kaiser and during the 3-hour process, we filled out reams of paperwork, then sat in a room full of parents and heard a lecture from the head of behavioral psychiatry while our son was observed in a room with 12 kids of different ages (all of whom were being evaluated for behavioral problems). The psychiatrist told all the parents that the only treatment option for ADD is drugs and Ritalin has no side effects which I found hard to believe.

Directly after, we reconvened in a psychologist’s office with my son. It was awkward to discuss why we were doing the evaluation while he was in the room but we did our best. At one point, my spouse mentioned that our son’s gymnastics teacher said he doesn’t always follow instructions in his class and he had to give him a few ''time outs''. It was the only example we could think of behavior that might be different from his peers. Otherwise, he is an active little boy who is happy and mostly well-behaved. From preschool through second grade, teachers have said good things about his behavior.

My son told me later that during the group session one little girl got up and was turning the lights off and on, then a few kids started yelling: “we’re prisoners, we’re trapped here, let us out”. He admitted that he did some yelling too. He wouldn't say much about it beyond that.

After the appointment, we and his teachers completed evaluation forms about his behavior. A few weeks later, the psychologist left a phone message that he was negative for ADD/ADHD. However, she had observed some defiant/oppositional behavior. She offered us space in an Oppositional Defiant Disorder Workshop. At that point I was feeling so demoralized, I didn't bother calling back. I have since had a subsequent conversation with her and clarified that there will be a note in his medical record that she observed ''oppositional'' behavior in groups. It's not a diagnosis, just an observation and was supported by what my spouse had said about the gymnastics class. I thought about defending my son, explaining that it had been a bad day and his rowdy behavior was out of character but it seemed pointless.

I am still frustrated by the whole experience and feel like he got a raw deal. Have other parents who have been through an evaluation at Kaiser experienced something similar? frustrated mom

I strongly suggest that you tackle the reading problem soon. My son had reading problems since 2nd grade. I have tried everything know possible to get help for him. We have not had him tested for ADD. I have had private tutors, been to Sylvan Learning Center, been to Lindamood Bell program. I have spent so much money, with no significant improvement. He is in 7th grade now and his poor reading skills is effecting him. Just last week, I found about a place called Interactive Metronome. You can check them out on the net (they promise great reuslts like everyone else) We are going to see if that would help my son. Wish you the best. mother

ADHD and IEP?

Is an IEP appropriate for a 7 year old child just diagnoised with AD/HD? Should I request an IEP from the school? We have not yet tried drugs, but I want to get more information before we try them. I wonder if the school/teacher would give him more attention if he has an IEP in place, or if this would lable him. ANy help is really appreciated. Thanks. Mom

He is, however, eligible for services under section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act (which is a Civil Rights act that deals with access). Called a 504 Plan, this plan is a program of instructional services to assists students with special needs (who don’t qualify for special education) in the regular education classroom. The plan should detail strategies for helping you child be more successful in his classroom setting. It may include things like: quiet room for testing, seating close to the teacher or away from distractions, assignment modification, etc. Since anyone can begin the referral process for a 504 Plan, I suggest you make a request in writing to the school district/school asking for a 504 Plan referral. In your request, mention the ADHD diagnosis and include a written record from the physician, neurologist, psychologist or other expert who made the diagnosis. Hopefully, the school will comply and ask you to be a part of the process. At the 504 Plan meting, you would offer your suggestions for what would help your child be more successful. Here’s a link with some more information about 504 Plans. http://www.schwablearning.org/articles.asp?r=777

Medication should ALWAYS be a last resort – something you try when you’ve tried everything else and your child is still not meeting with success. Many teachers and administrators will suggest medication because it’s easier than trying to implement behavior plans and educational plans and doesn’t cost the school district anything. As a special educator, I know how important and therapeutic meds are for some kids. But it’s important to explore all other options.

Finally, I understand your concern about labels. Our culture is very quick to identify someone with a label. Some labels are good, though. Your reaction to your child’s ADHD will have the most impact on how it is perceived. It is important to get your child the help he needs so that he can be a success – that’s the label you want for him. Be honest, open and loving about his ADHD and help him understand how it makes him unique. Begin to teach him now how to advocate for himself. And by all means, don’t let a thing like a label prevent you from getting him what he needs. You’re his voice until he’s able to have one himself. Good luck! shari

''Schools often try to insist on an IEP to put your child in Special Educ. classes, which he probably doesn't need, and where, unless he is extremely slow, he won't learn much. The reason they do this is because they get much additional funding for everyone they put into Special Educ.''

It is true that districts receive money for each special education student, however, the grants for special education don’t begin to approach the costs; districts and general ed parents complain that special education ''encroaches'' (the word makes me cringe) on the general fund.

The Individuals with Disabilities Education Act [IDEA] requires that students be educated in the ''least restrictive environment,'' which is the general ed classroom for the large majority. The school is not likely to place a student in a ''special day class'' unless he or she really belongs there. A kid of average intelligence with ADHD, with or without learning disabilities, would not be placed in SDC without some severe behavioral problems, for example.

''Only students with one (or more) of the 13 disabilities recognized by the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act may receive special education services. So, unless your child has another disability (such as a learning disability, which often occurs concomitantly with ADHD), an IEP is out of the question.''

ADHD is expressly considered a qualifying condition, usually as Other Health Impaired without other problems. It was added to IDEA in 1999 because a lot of IEP teams didn't realize that it could fit the definition of OHI without being named. A couple of people noted that ADHD has to adversely affect the student’s educational performance (which is more than grades) to be a qualifying condition for special education, and that is exactly true. All the other eligibility categories require the same criterion, that to benefit from school, the condition has to adversely affect the child’s performance *and* the child needs special education to address the problem. OHI students do not have to demonstrate a discrepancy, though students with learning disabilities must, but California does not require a student be two years behind, as someone suggested. Absent needing special education remediation and support, 504 accommodations may cover what the student needs, and either family or school may request evaluation for special ed or 504.

Regarding medication, one person wrote that “Medication should ALWAYS be a last resort - something you try when you've tried everything else and your child is still not meeting with success.”

That’s one opinion. I have seen many, many families grapple with the difficult issue of medication. Another view might say that parents may not want their child to have met failure in everything they’ve tried before trying medication, which after all, is not an irrevocable decision. That’s between the doctor and the family. The school can never demand that a child be medicated, though in my opinion it’s not out of line for a caring teacher to say something like, “Have you thought of consulting your doctor about medication? Other people might say that a teacher should never mention medication because they aren't professionally qualified to diagnose and treat, and that they’d be seen to be doing it for their own ends, in order to have a compliant student.

Sorry this was so long, and I hope it made some things clearer. Dana Lear, DrPH Negotiating the Maze Special Education Advocacy, Research, Support www.negotiatingthemaze.org

Alternatives to Ritalin for 8-year-old

I am trying to help a family member cope with her wonderful yet ''souped up'' 8 year old daughter, who is taking Ridalin to help her focus in school. She does not have the classic symptoms of ADHD, and the psychiatrist wonders if she could be manic. She took Ridalin for four months, and her reading improved 3 grade levels. Impressive, but she hates taking it (she cries every morning) and has no appetite. She literally did not gain one pound last year. While the drug does help her focus, her personality seems to be pulled back to the point where she doesn't quite have her usual spark. (In fact, she asked her class whether they liked her better with or without medication. The kids voted for without, while the teachers clearly saw better learning outcomes since she could concentrate.) Are there better alternatives? Someone mentioned the drug Straterra... Are there effective alternatives to drugs? I believe in a holistic approach but do not want to send the parents through a path of snake oils. I welcome your advice, which I will pass on. THANK YOU! Help Needed

ADHD is not a nutritional failing or a character flaw, its a genetic neurochemical disorder for which there is a known successful treatment. If you trust your diagnosis and the doctor who recommends Ritalin, try it If you aren't sure -- find another doctor and get a second opinion. Just because Ritalin is over-prescribed in general doesn't mean your child's life can't be transformed by appropriate diagnosis and treatment. Heather

7 yo with ADHD & learning disbilities

My son is far behind others in reading, spelling and comprehension as he enters second grade (good oakland public school). We have had various tests done, and while he is quite bright, he displays some processing disabilities and mild adhd behaviors. We are wading through all issues, including IEP, behavior counseling, Ann Martin tutoring, Lindamood Bell, further more specific tests on learning. Can anyone offer advice based on their experience? I am looking for experienced professionals who can help us with behavior training (us and him!) and tutoring at our home. We feel by starting early we can get a handle on this, but we would really benefit from some expert advice. Concerned mom

Do you tell friends & family your child is on meds?

My child was recently diagnosed with ADHD and is now on medication (whoopee, it is really helping!) 1st question: do others of you tell family and friends your child is on a stimulant? Do you get unsolicited anti- med advice? How do you handle it?

2nd question: I have been diagnosed with ADHD too (no surprise) and have been prescribed a med. The psychiatrist I saw charges $15/month to process the triplicate. Is this typical? thanks!!

Yes, I tell family and friends, and if I got anti-meds flak from them (which I haven't so far), I woudl offer to let them watch my daughter for a week or 2 without meds. People who haven't been in the situation and know nothing about it shouldn't be judgemental!

As far as your psychiatrist charging you to fill out the triplicate forms - mine doesn't, but I don't feel that it is unreasonable - since the meds are a controlled substance, there is probably a certain amount of extra paperwork/processing involved dealing with the triplicate forms and whatever regulations are involved.

feel free to contact me if you want a sympathetic ear! nkf

Unsolicited advice is one of the more annoying by-products of life in Berkeley. PLEASE don't suffer it in silence...

But, if in fact the advice is from family who know and love you and your child --- I'd request that they withold judgement for six months and see how things are going. ...And, there's always the ''Stimulants for ADHD are like glasses for myopia'' argument. (Its not kind to withold them unless they aren't really needed).

p.s. My doctor charges $10 for writing the prescription. Heather

Diet, Sugar, and ADHD

I have a 10 year son who has recently been diagnose with ADD. He is not on any medication(ridilin). His Doctors recommend the Feingold diet before starting the medication.

The Feingold diet removes foods containing additives and preservatives on the theory that these substances cause ADHD. This claim has not stood up under scientific testing.

Russell Barkley, Professor of Psychiatry and Neurology at University of Massachusetts Medical Center, is a leading ADHD researcher. In his book "Taking Charge of ADHD" he addressed Benjamin Feingold's claim:

"Most of the substantial research done over the next decade [after Feingold announced his theory] was simply unable to substantiate Feingold's claim. In fact, only a very small number (5% or less) of mainly preschoolers showed a slight increase in activity or inattentiveness when consuming these substances. No evidence has ever been provided that normal children develop ADHD or that ADHD children are made considerably worse by eating them."

"Not a single scientific study has been provided by proponents to support these claims. Since 1987 a number of scientific studies of sugar have been conducted, and these have generally proven negative."

A healthy diet can only help any child, but none of the diet-based theories about the cause of ADHD have panned out. Research has established that ADHD is linked strongly to heredity, and current research points to inherent chemical imbalances in the brain. In light of these findings, it seems unrealistic for parents to pin their hopes on diet as a solution to the problems associated with ADHD. Ken

ADHD and T.V.?

Have any of you ever heard the idea that too much T.V. can be linked to development of AD/HD? I'm particularly wondering if any of you have read anything by T. Berry Brazelton or Matthew Dumont that supports this idea. Does anyone have copies of these two reports? * Rosemund, John. ''ADD is Real, and Misunderstood, '' (Raleigh, NC) The News & Observer, July 9, 1996. * Rosemund, John. ''The ADD-TV Connection Affirmed,'' (Raleigh, NC) The News & Observer, 1997. Also, does anyone know, have any independent, verifiable, double-blind (i.e. scientific method) studies shown any link between AD/HD and T.V.? Colleen

Does my 18-year-old have ADD? (negligent driver)

My recently-turned-18 y.o. son has a problem which I don't really understand. He's had his driver's license for 2 y ears now. Early on in his driving career he put a few dents in my car, one of which resulted in a point being added to our car insurance (at an additional $2,000 premium). Then he bought his own car (with his own money) with the stipulation being that he would pay for his own car insurance. Over the last year or so he has gotten numerous parking tickets (all of which he paid), had a moving violation for which he did traffic school, and recently another moving violation. He was going to go to court to ask the judge whether he could go to traffic school again, but he thought it was today instead of yesterday so missed the court date. I wasn't even aware that the date was yesterday or I would have reminded him (is that possibly the problem, that he should be remembering these things by himself, instead of being reminded?).

Well, today I'm taking him off our policy, which will mean he can't drive. He doesn't seem to have a problem with this (he sold his car after he realized that it was more hassle than cool), since he'll be occupied with stuff over the summer that won't really require driving and then off to college.

I don't understand what's going on. We lecture him ad infinitum, he dutifully takes care of the associated bills, but the consequences of his actions don't seem to sink in on some level - that he's throwing money away and shooting himself in the foot. In most areas he's a very responsible individual.

If this is an indication of how he's going to deal with issues when he goes out in the world on his own, I' m worried for him. Questions - anyone have any idea what might be happening here? Do I just sit back and let this one play itself out and let him handle it completely, or should I try to guide him through it? One factor in my questions is his age. Supposedly he's an ''adult''. At what point do we abandon them to their unwise choices?

Naturally I blame myself. I've had pretty severe depression most of my life and only recently with drugs has the heavy blanket of fog lifted so that I can see what's going on around me. I certainly wish I hadn't resisted anti-depressants for so long; it certainly would have made me a much better parent. How do I help my ''adult'' child when I know that the parenting he received was far from optimal? Or do I just say that these are the cards he was dealt and he'll have to find a way to play them?

His father (we're not together) was recently diagnosed with ADD; as with many diagnoses, it seems that eveyrone has this these days. But I don't want to completely discount it. Is this a possibility? With the necessarily limited information I've given and the numerous questions, does anyone have any ideas/suggestions?

Example: He bought a car, had numerous problems dealing with it and sold it. That is a great lesson for him to have learned! Next time, he'll buy the car knowing what's involved and he'll then be ready to deal with the responsibilities. Example: He's accepting the consequences of not having insurance by not driving. And is going on with his life. This is a very valid choice.

My advice for you is to celebrate his successes: ''dutifully takes care of the associated bills'', ''In most areas he's a very responsible individual. ''

As far as the problem of ''throwing money away and shooting himself in the foot,'' from your description, I would ''just sit back and let this one play itself out and let him handle it completely.'' This is the learning process. I wouldn't completely ''abandon them to their unwise choices'' yet . . . I'd give advice (knowing that it might not be taken.)

Congratulations on coming out of your fog. As far as helping your ''adult'' child when you know that the parenting he received was far from optimal, I think that talking with him about it openly would be beneficial. Acknowledge that you know you weren't always ''there'' for him, express your sorrow for that and tell him that you are so thrilled by how he's growing up, what a good person he is, how responsible he is becoming [I believe in seeding self-fulfilling prophecies ;-)], and how well he did without optimal parenting, etc.

Are you seeing a therapist as well as the person who is prescribing the antidepressants? It might help you keep things in perspective.

My 19-year-old has been going through very similar things, but he's very good (too good?) at telling me that this is his life, he needs to make a few mistakes, he won't be sleeping in a box under the bridge, he'll make more money if he wastes some, going to college a year after high school is a valid option, etc etc.! And, you know, he's right! This year he's in college and is turning in his assignments on time, reminding me to pay his tuition, living within his budget, riding his bike to school . . . And it sounds as if your kid will be fine too.

Another Mom still in training

I think I know how you feel, though. I keep struggling with my own skepticism and confusion, because for my family and me nothing is ever so simple as the latest popular diagnosis or solution. Neither antidepressants and therapy nor self-help books, exercise, thyroid pills, Omega fatty acids, workshops, church, etc. etc. have made my depression go away completely. One of my sons, who was diagnosed with ADD four years ago and medicated for school days and homework ever since, still has lots of times when he can't focus enough to accomplish anything. My older son seemed to get his act together academically without medication, but he has gotten in serious trouble several times and is currently way behind on a big research project.

Anyway, it can’t hurt to learn about ADD and consider having him evaluated for it. There are lots of books available, including a few focusing on teens and adults, and lots of resources at http://add.about.com and http://add.org.

Good luck, and don't blame yourself or think about what you should have done differently; just go from here to help your son learn how to help himself.

I think we need a Berkeley support group for parents of ADHD teens! Anyone else interested? anonymous mom

Whether or not he has a learning disability, it appears to me that he is dealing with the car insurance in a logical and realistic manner to me. Is he ranting about the fact that he can't drive? If not, I'd count my blessings and move on to the next opportunity for growth. ~Anita

ADD diagnosis: How are you managing with Ritalin?

My son has recently been diagnosed with ADD. In many ways it explains some of the difficulties he has been having in school.He does not have the emotional or behavioral difficulties that often complicate this condition but has great difficulty with focus, concentration, impulsive behavior etc... He is repeating 2nd grade and not doing much better than before. As I look back it makes sense to me that his father (we are now divorced) also likely shares this condition although it was never diagnosed or treated. It is also likely that his father ''self medicated'' (ie: drug use) to deal with the challenges this condition brings. The doctor has suggested Ritalin and I have many questions. Will it turn my son into a zombie? What are the long term effects? I would like to hear from parents who have had to make this difficult decision. I would like to know about the good, the bad and the ugly. I want what is best for my son. I want him to have a chance to be successful.I have been doing some reading but I would love to hear from other parents about how you and your child are managing. Thanks. a mom

It is important to know that there are three potential causes for AD/HD in the brain, and that the medication that can work for your son must be targeted to the specific cause. What this means is that your pediatrician needs to try different medications, carefully monitoring the effects, and see which one works the best. Don't get discouraged if Ritalin doesn't seem to do the trick. You may just need to keep trying. Make sure that your doctor is willing to take this approach and doesn't just write you a prescription and not follow up.

Meanwhile, there are many things you can do to help. One of the most important is making sure that your son gets LOTS of vigorous aerobic excercise, every day! This has been clinically shown to have a therapeutic effect for people with AD/HD.

There are lots of other, simple ways that you and your teachers can help him cope. More information is available at a great educational outreach organization in Campbell (San Jose) called Bright Solutions. Their Web site is www.dys-add.com. The head of the company, Susan Barton, conducts workshops on dyslexia and AD/HD on a regular basis, and she puts aside a chair or two for parents, for FREE, at each seminar. Please contact her -- she is a great source of help and inspiration.

Finally, you should be aware that AD/HD, for all it's difficulties, is a gift. It is strongly associated with higher IQs and brilliantly creative minds. Tap into that, and your son will find that he has an incredible asset in his ''different'' ways of thinking. Colleen

Had any luck with alternative treatments?

My seven year old son has been diagnosed with ADHD. It's pretty obvious, and I know he needs help. Although stimulants are recommended I am curious to know if there are parents who have had luck with any alternative treatments: homeopathy, behavioral mod. etc. I would also be interested in any success stories from anyone using the medications. I'm just concerned about long term medication on a still delveloping brain. Are my fears unfounded? Worried Mom

Tics brought on by Ritalin?

My 7-year old son developed a vocal tic while on Ritalin. Has anyone had a similar experience? Does anyone know the prognosis for remission of the tic? Does anyone know any effective treatments to make the tic go away? e.g. acupunture, osteopathy, homeopathy treatments?

Girls with ADD

I am looking for a support group for my teenage daughter who has ADD. We are seeing a counselor, and she agrees that my daughter would greatly benefit from a group of other girls her age with her same challenges. Things are pretty dicely right now between us, and I think we both need support. The counselor is directing me to a group in SF, but my daughter still needs one. Any leads? Teen Mom

Finding a specialist to evaluate a child

I'd like advice from parents who have had their child worked up for ADD by a practitioner who specializes in ADD diagnosis and treatment. Has anyone had a good experience? Also does anyone have any recommendations regarding Children's Hospital ADD clinic, The Amen clinic or Dr.Josephine Lindt? I've checked the archives and need more specific information. Also,ADD runs in our family and I think I may be affected. Any experience with specialists for adults? I checked with CHADD and they weren't very helpful. Thanks! ADD mom and child

On page 164 their begins a discussion of ''Control of Attention''. The author writes that the belief that ''attention deficit'' causes failure to learn persists despite 20 years of research showing that ''ADD'' children have no attentional problems. ''Instead, research has shown the opposite: Learning failure causes an inability to attend.''

She also says that 80% of so-called ADD children are boys. ''When sex ratios for an alleged ''brain disorder'' are so lopsided, this is extremely suspicious.'' p. 166 If your child is having reading problems, take a look at this amazing book. The author claims 100% success in teaching any child who can speak normally to read. There is so much in this book that I can't recapitulate it all here.

Here is another reason to think twice about Ritalin: TUESDAY, Nov. 5 (HealthScoutNews) -- Drug use during adolescence, including such commonly prescribed drugs as Ritalin, may upset brain chemistry more than any other time in a person's life, new research says.

The findings should help scientists better understand why addictions generally begin during adolescence, and what the long-term risks result.

''This is a major public health question,'' says the lead researcher, Dr. Michelle Ehrlich, a neurology professor at Thomas Jefferson University in Philadelphia. ''The adolescent brain appears to be more sensitive to certain effects of these psycho-stimulant drugs. We need to see whether this sensitivity leads to permanent brain changes and behavior changes.'' http://health.yahoo.com/search/healthnews?lb=s&p=id%3A30948 susan

I learned a lot about vision and how the brain and eyes work together when I did vision training with a behavioral optometrist at Harvard University to reduce my myopia (near- sightedness) from 20-100 to 20-25 (it was a lot of work but well worth it). Yet I'm often told by medical doctors that I cannot do what I did. Since I'm a scientist, this attitude really irks me; they tell me my story is just an anecdote. Yet the plural of ''anecdote'' is ''data'' ! And more and more data are showing that vision training is helpful for a variety of vision and behavior problems. It's not clear to me, however, that a medical doctor would be up-to-date on these studies. Therefore, if my toddler has issues in the future with reading, I will certainly look into a vision problem FIRST before I decided to go a medical route. Be warned that a medical doctor may think this is ridiculous because they weren't taught it in medical school. But specifically a behavioral optometrist (and not a vanilla optometrist at a commercial outlet) will have a better idea of how a vision problem could be affecting your child's learning and attention.

For a description of what behavioral optometry is, go to: http://www.babousa.org/behvis.html For your specific issue it says: ''For Learning Related Visual Problems: Approximately 25% of all patients entering a behavioral optometric practice elect to enroll into a program of vision therapy. Of this population, nearly one-third are children with reading and learning difficulties, most of whom have 20/20 sight acuity but who have a primary visual difficulty. A primary visual difficulty is most often found to be the cause of the child's learning dsability. The most common problems seen in this group are tracking difficulties (inability to keep one's place when reading), eye- teaming difficulties (inability to keep both eyes pointed to the same place in space), and visual focusing difficulties (inability to keep attention on a particular object in space). Vision therapy has been shown to have cure rates in the high 90th percentile for these types of visual difficulties. Once the visual difficulty has been eliminated, the student learns much more easily. On average, treatment for these difficulties involves 6-9 months of 40-50-minute treatment sessions 1-2 times a week.''

I just did a search on the web and also found a link to Parents Active for Vision Education at www.pavevision.org. I have no experience with them, but there is a local Bay Area chapter that you could probably find a recommended list of local doctors from. This site also has a lot of helpful links and discussions on the topic and on doctors and their relevant training. anon

My son's teacher recommended testing for ADD

I just had a conversation with my son's teacher which has led me to seek testing for ADD for him. My insurance (Health Net with Insight as their mental health providers) has given me four names of Drs. he can go to and have told me there are additional names and I should start with those. I've looked on the parent's site and one of the Dr.s that comes highly recommended, Dr. Brad Berman, is not one of their providers. Can anyone give me an opinion on any of the following doctors - past experiences, hearsay, whatever and/or recommend other Drs that are providers for Health Net and Inshight? Specifically my son presents symptoms more often associated with girls - such as distractability and innatentiveness among other things. He does not present hyperactivity in it's more traditional forms. Also, can anyone recommend what questions I should ask and what tests should be done? Thanks. Dr. Nemirow Dr. Feingold Dr. Fallenbum Dr. Siegel

Want to have 5-year-old evaluated for ADD

We are looking into having our son evaluated---for possible ADHD, and any other learning disabilities or whatever. Is there anyone out there who has traveled this path and can help me find the right resources? Our son will be 5 next week, and will start Kindergarten in Berkeley in the fall.

We saw Dr. Brad Berman (a developmental/behavioral pediatrician) last year, and we are scheduled to see him again in February. But I am interested in learning more about what's out there, and what sorts of testing we ought to be doing. We will probably need a psychologist, too. Can anyone help?

Barbara, School of Optometry

My son, Matt, was diagnosed with ADD and prescribed Ritalin in the 3rd grade. His behavior had become so impulsive and dangerous that my husband and I were scared of what he might do next. I was advised to have him tested for learning disabilities because of his reluctance to read and do homework even with our help. So the first thing I did was request testing from the School District Psychologist. Matt was put on a waiting list and tested four months later. The psychologist defined the problem as a short-term auditory memory disability combined with an anxious personality. Matt qualified for the Resource Specialist Program and Title I funding which requires the district to provide him with an individualized educ program geared toward his needs. Since January of 1996 he has been going to a special "quiet" classroom every afternoon with a group of five other children to practice reading, spelling and writing.

I am so happy and proud to say that he has improved incredibly this year. Not only academically but emotionally and socially as well. He is on the honor roll. He can read and chooses to do it. He does his homework. He cries less than he used to. He is managing his insomnia. He stopped fighting. He has made friends and has a stronger sense of self than ever before.

I think the key is finding what is at the root of the individual's problem. If you find the cause it may be possible to change the behavior that is a result of the problem. Resources I used in my quest for answers were: the web ADD site, the library (books on ADHD, learning disabilities, personality traits, child development, stress, discipline, etc.), other people who have experienced similar problems with their children or themselves, tutoring, family counseling, support groups, the UCB vision clinic, you name it. It took time, energy and patience to figure it out but it was worth it.

Please note however that there was a huge 20/20 type TV show that addressed the fact that CHAD is primarily funded by the pharmaceutical company that makes Ritalin. Ouch !! Many local chapters including ours pulled out from National Headquarters because of it.

I tend think that any "active" kid has a good chance of being labeled ADD/ADHD, even with the consensus of both a pediatrician and psychologist, as was the case with our son. (Of course we all know of "extreme situations, that are truly valid and must be horrible). We were warned that when the harmones start to kick in, esp. with boys and a bit of maturity develops, the activitity level lessens considerably; as is the case with our son.

Good luck to the Digest Member

10-year-old may have ADD

My 10 year old son will be going through testing at school to see if he has any learning disabilities. They have suggested that he be tested for ADD by a pediatrician because ADD is a medical diagnosis. Our entire family sees a "General Physician" and my boys don't have a pediatrician. I will be asking for a referral to a pediatrician through PacifiCare and am wondering if anyone has any reccommendations for a pediatrician who may have experience with ADD diagnosis and is located in Martinez, Pleasant Hill, etc. area (Hill Physicians Medical Group).

There's a ton of information about this very real disability on the Net. Also, your daughter may not have ADHD. There are many other conditions that cause children to appear "hyper" and unfocused, from emotional trauma and life changes (a divorce for instance) all the way to brain tumors. She needs a complete battery of tests before you decide on an intervention. The results of a looong study on children are just coming out. You may have read about it. The gist of it is that therapy, behavior mod, counseling, beneficial classroom environment, parental training, etc. are all good and important, but NONE are very effective without medicine. And fortunately or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it, EVEN MEDS ALONE ARE MORE EFFECTIVE THAN ANY OF THE OTHER INTERVENTIONS COMBINED. It's a hard decision to put your child on medicine, but I see it much the way I would feel if she needed glasses to see with.

I am not pro-meds, by the way. Nor do I think every "hyper" kid needs treatment, far from it. Kids exist along a spectrum from very quiet to very wild and it can all be within the range of normal. My 8-yr-old daughter's behavior wasn't within that range, and I knew WAY before she was officially diagnosed at the end of second grade. She was not a behavior problem, just very "spirited." But it would take her 3 hours of intense struggle, watching her every moment, to do 15 minutes of 2nd grade homework and she couldn't learn to read at all, no matter how hard she tried. Now in third grade, she reads all the time and is doing very well in school, almost caught up and in some cases, ahead of her class.

Parents, run screaming from anyone who presumes to "know" your child is ADHD without a professional evaluation. This is a serious condition. People with untreated ADHD have much lower social and economic success in later life. They are frequently ostracised and many have few if any friends. They often end up "self-medicating" with illegal drugs. They take impulsive risks. ADHD is potentially life-threatening. It is a diagnosis, not a term to thrown at any kid who is spirited.