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Questions

Family law mediator

Feb 2008

Hello, Does anyone have experience with the following attorneys, focusing on 1. their sharp legal knowledge, as well as 2. their willingness to mediate rather than go to court? Positive or negative experiences solicited ~ thanks! Robert A. Goodman, Steven Peter Small, Eva Herzer, Emily Doskow, Christina Bemko Littlefield, Vivian L. Holley, Stuart I. MacKenzie Thanks
Need bright attorney; not necessarily for court appearance


Eva Herzer is a keenly intelligent and straightforward yet sensitive mediating attorney. She does not do traditional contentious litigation at all, but works solely in mediation. At the same time, she is well school in the ins and outs of the law and makes a great adviser, speaking from a position of strength. She also has a lot of experience in the areas of divorce and mediation. I would recommend her. Linda
I've had experience with Vivian Holley. I imagine her legal knowledge is good enough, though my attorney told me that she was incorrect about three statements made. As to her willingness to mediate rather than go to court, well, mediation is Ms. Holley's niche. My input is to try someone else first though. I was extremel.y unhappy with her manner, her methods and her results. She could also cost you a bundle bc she talks *so* slowly, laboriously, and repeats things - really! My attorney always couldn't wait to get her off the phone. Also, possibly in her efforts to appear fair, she implicitly gave some legitimacy, encouraged the continued behavior of my vexatious plaintiff. She actually recommended a *ridiculous*, patently expensive and unworkable solution that both I and the plaintiff rejected. anonynous

Post-divorce family therapy mediation?

Oct 2007

I'm looking for someone (not sure if this is therapy or legal or both) who can work with my ex, myself, and my two daughters to help us talk through and resolve a complicated custody situation. Preferably in Marin, though northwest East Bay would be okay as well. My ex has moved to Oakland and I'm in Marin, where my daughters, ages 12 and 15, go to school. My daughters miss their father terribly but are having a really hard time spending much time at his house because it is so far away. They constantly feel like they have to choose between seeing him and missing out on social experiences with their friends. Right now they are supposed to spend two weekends a month in Oakland, but conflicts are constantly coming up because they are very busy and their activities and friends are all in Marin. He would like more weekend custodial time with them but doesn't seem to understand the impact his choice of location is having. (Weeknight overnights are impossible because they start school early.) I've suggested more weeknight time (dinners, etc.) but he is reluctant. I'm stressed to the max because I have them most of the time, don't receive much child support, and I'm the one they talk to when they don't want to go to Oakland yet want to see their dad. They have trouble talking to him because he has left for a long period in the past and that made them feel vulnerable and afraid of upsetting him. I guess what I really want is a chance for them to say how they feel comfortably and him to really be able to hear it. (And me too, if there are things they need to say to me.) Then I'd like someone who can help us be creative in coming up with a solution; I feel like there must be options we're not seeing. Of course we all wish he'd move back over to Marin, but he seems to have personal reasons not to do that. Sign me stressed single mom


East Bay Community Mediation offers low cost mediation. I've volunteered there before, and the mediators are good. mediator

Mediator to help my brother and me resolve inheritance

March 2007

My brother (who I love dearly) and I are having some difficulties coming up with an agreed upon price and timeline for me to buy out his portion of my mom's house. I think our relationship would benefit from having a mediation session to hammer out the details. Any recommendations for a particular mediator or advice on the mediation process would be most appreciated. anon


Dear Anon, Mediation is likely the perfect process to work out the sales details between you and your brother. It is voluntary (since there is no litigation in your situation) and can cost anywhere from $200 - $300 per hour. Mediators sometimes give discounted rates. Basically, you and your brother will sit down together and the mediator will facilitate a conversation between the two of you, which will involve listening to each of you carefully and helping you each hear each other better, so that an agreement can be worked out. If you want a legally enforceable agreement, it is wise to use an attorney-mediator or hire separate legal counsel to review the agreement once you've written it. A friend of mine, Claudia Viera, is a great mediator (and an attorney) and I highly recommend her. She does work with families in addition to employers/employees. You can access her web site at: www.claudiaviera.com.
Good luck to you and you brother. Claudia W

Mediator to help siblings resolve care for mom

January 2007

Hi - Does anyone have information about finding a family mediator / conflict resolution counselor? There are a number of BPN postings for divorce, child custody, inheritance etc mediators. But we're not facing a legal issue - we just cannot seem to resolve how to care for our elderly mother since our father has died. She has dementia so cannot live alone, but the six adult siblings are divided about how to care for her. She is living with one of us, and another actually ''Mom-napped'' her last weekend! We have so many years of conflicts and are having a hard time just communicating with each other. It seems as if there should be someone out there trained in helping family members talk to each other. We don't want to get into long drawn-out family counseling sessions, but we just want to make a plan together and stick with it. Though I live in Berkeley, most of us live in the San Francisco / Peninsula area so if you know of anyone on that side of the Bay we'd be grateful for the recommendations. Thanks!
''we put the fun in dysfunction''!


A great mediator based in Oakland is Marvin Schwartz, phone (510) 530-1283. He is also a trainer (I was certified through his class), and is active in the mediation community, so if it has to be someone on the peninsula, I'm sure he'd be able to make a recommendation. But he's very good, so worth considering on his own. Claudia C
We recently posted a recommendation for a mediator. Our issue was couple related, but Robert has extensive family and community mediation and I am certain he would be able to help you in ways you never expected.

We are a couple who have been together for over a decade and always considered ourselves completely open with each other and had very little disagreements throughout the years. This actually made it harder to deal with big issues that came about, as our life was taking new directions. With Robert’s help, we managed to deepen our relationship in ways we didn’t think were still possible. Applying techniques of active listening and non-violent communication, Robert helped us understand the core of our individual hurt and how it is manifested in this specific case. In the mediation process we learned to be better listeners of ourselves and our own needs and then express our needs and feelings in a way that gives full legitimization to the other’s needs and feelings. Robert emphasized the need to apply the new insights to our daily practices as a couple and he offered concrete ways to do so, and by that preventing further misunderstandings. After each mediation session we felt uplifted, relieved and happy and this is why we want to recommend Robert. We think his skill is beyond description – you need to experience it yourself to understand, and we hope you would. He is a compassionate person and a truly dedicated mediator, with a mission to use his talent to heal and deepen relationships. Among his credentials are a masters degree in peace and conflict studies, a law degree, conflict resolution training and an extensive community mediation experience. Please contact him directly: rterris[at]gmail.com Cali


Mediator for custody issues

Sept 2006

Can anyone recommend a compassionate mediator in San Francisco? My partner and I are not married, but do have a child and would like somebody to help make this as smooth a transition as possible. Thanks Anonymous


I recommend two mediators who have offices in SF. It really depends on the style of mediator you're looking for.

If you want someone who is not only expert in mediaiton, but is a wonderful lawyer in the family law area (a 2006 Super-Lawyer acutally), then David Fink is a great choice. And don't mistake an accumen in the law for being heartless or anything. He is very adept at dealing with people. (415) 399-8380, david[at]nachlisfink.com

The other mediator in SF that I recommend is Larry Rosen. He has a solely non-adversarial practice, and takes a rich, expansive view of his role as a divorce mediator. His website has detailed information on his practice. (415) 356-9834, larry[at]throughUnderstanding.com, http://www.throughUnderstanding.com.

David and Larry are both gifted mediators, and their approaches are equally valid, so it merely depends on you and your spouse's style-preference Andrea M. Eichorn, JD (mediator)


She's not in SF, but Edith Kelly Politis is a very knowledgable, caring and compassionate mediator. Her office is in San Rafael. Edith was very helpful when my husband and I needed assistance in creating a marital planning agreement. Because I had met her before my husband did, she recommended a wonderful colleague to work with us on the agreement (I don't think he's still practicing, but he did a great job). Edith reviewed the agreement for me and I felt that she was very instrumental in helping us get our marriage off to a good start. She is a kind, intelligent and very solid person who genuinely cares about helping people. More information is on her website: http://www.edithkellypolitis.com/ Phone: (415) 453-3055 Best of luck, Anne

Divorce lawyer consult for mediated divorce

Oct 2005

My wife and I want an amicable divorce. We have 2 school-age children (we are sharing custody) and a house that we co-own that she cotinues to live in. We have just begun to see mediator Judith Joshel, and are both seeking outside legal consultation, especially to settle financial issues, which we are quite far apart on right now. Question 1: Any feedback/experience with Judith Joshel? Question 2: Recommendations for a divorce lawyer (for me) who knows her/his stuff inside and out but won't urge me to go for the jugular or make me feel like a jerk if I don't go for all I am legally entitled to? R


I cannot say enough good things about Karen Heller Berdy, who practices mainly collaborative divorce law. She has helped us keep a very, very difficult divorce amicable. I truly would not have believed that possible. I expect that she would be available for consultation. She practices in Walnut Creek: (925) 937-0400. Heather

Mediator for shared housing agreements

Oct 2004

A friend and I are currently sharing a duplex and are looking for someone who can help us create an agreement regarding repairs, remodeling and possibly changing the division of ownership. Who can work with us on this? Anonymous


We used Frederick Hertz for our tenants-in-common legal agreement (we also have a duplex) and I recommend him. We had already discussed and written out a bunch of stuff on our own and came in with many ideas and notes, but he asked us the right questions to pull even more details out. He was very professional and clearly experienced in this type of legal agreement. He's in downtown Oakland and his office number is 510-451-4114.

We chose Frederick Hertz after speaking with 2 other people who do these agreements. Michael St. John (845-8928) says he's the founder of tenants-in-common agreements in Berkeley but is not a lawyer, and John Gutierrez (644-1904) who is an attorney and will actually come to your house to survey the property to make sure you're getting everything into the agreemment.

I'm very happy we chose Hertz. Our agreement seems great (though fortunately we've never had to use it in any legal situation) and his fee was lower than it would have been Gutierrez, who talked about a minimum of like 5 hours or something. I will use Frederick Hertz for future legal matters as well.


Divorce mediation

June 2006

Does anyone have experience with the family mediator Mary Duryee? Any positive or negative feedback would be most helpful...thanks! Anon, please!


we had mediation with mary duryee. We had a particularly difficult situation, and the process was painful, as I am sure it may be for any divorce. Part of what was frustrating was the communication, as she was not quick about getting back to us about questions, and the custody schedule took her almost a month longer than she had said it would. After much deliberation, and finally receiving the schedule, I found out that our schedule is almost exactly the same as another set of parents who used her, which has me questioning how personalized our schedule actually is. anon
May 2006

I've asked my wife for a divorce after 18 years, we have two children aged 13 and 10. Our finances are precarious and we need to sell the house to avoid mounting debts. I'm looking for a mediator who is fair, and will help us move through the issues as efficiently and effectively as possible. My wife has a therapist to help her deal with her loss issues, and I don't want mediation to be yet another attempt at couples counseling..we need effective problem solving. Any recommendations? Worried Dad


Christine Pigeon, PhD on College Avenue in Oakland (653-5238) is an excellent divorce mediator; she does not have a therapy practice and only does mediation. Her goal will be to help you and your wife arrive at a plan that will work for you and your family. Good luck to you. Joanna
I can highly recommend Eva Herzer. Her office is on the Colusa Circle in Kensington. Phone 510-526-5144. anon
I would like to personally recommend Maria Joseph as an excellent divorce mediator (she does other types of mediations as well). Maria is effective at helping couples work through the tough decisions involved in any divorce. She is smart, neutral and compassionate, and is very results oriented. She is also an attorney. Her Berkeley office number is 510-869-5301. Laura
March 2005

Divorce mediator in San Francisco

Hi, I would appreciate any recommendations for a good divorce mediator based in San Francisco. I've checked the archives and found recommendations for mediators only in the East Bay and Marin. Any suggestions would be appreciated!
Trying to keep it peaceful


I previously worked with Judi Howardell, who is now a mediator. She specializes in after hours 6 to 9p.m., weekends and telephone mediation of families, divorced parents, civil disputes etc. Her company name is Mediation Resources and her contact information is LadyJ[at]flash.net phone 925-788-5834. I can't say I've needed her services, but what I know from working with her is that she's fair when dealing with others. Good luck. Ali

Peaceful way to Divorce??

May 2004

Hello, I have been married for 13 years and have two young sons. My husband had an affair two years ago and we haven't been able to be close or warm to each other since (we've tried). I'm finally ready to leave the marriage. But I don't want to go through an ugly divorce. Though I'm still very angry with my husband, I care about him, and most of all, I want to set a good example for my kids. I want expert help but I don't want to fight. I'm afraid to see an attorney because I suspect (s)he'll tell me that I should fight for what's mine, and I don't want to go that route. Does anyone have a recommendation for mediator or an attorney that can help me get through this peacefully? I mean with caring. Also, I don't have $10,000 to spend on the process, so I guess that's a constraint with attorneys. (I know there are some similar postings but they aren't exactly on the subject, and they aren't that recent). Thanks kindly


Here is a colleague of mine who would be a terrific resource for you as you gather ideas. She is Cindy Elwell, an independent paralegal and she started a terrific legal document and divorce planning service called Divorce with Dignity, in Alameda. She has an excellent perspective (has seen it all) and is fair, honest, balanced, kind, smart and peaceful. She is just very supportive, a great partner for both you and your husband. She can do all the legal paperwork/forms as well. And she can refer to mediators, whomever...she has a good network of colleagues she trusts. She is so much more reasonable than a lawyer in every respect, including fees, if you do not need a lawyer. Call her, 510-523- 0183 or email dwdignity@aol.com All the best. Take care.
I highly recommend Eva Herzer as a mediator. We could barely talk without getting into a fight when we started mediation. Eva provided a safe and structured environment and walked us through the process in an amazingly efficient and calm way. She helped us focus on what really mattered, especially our co-parenting relationship. We ended up with a complete agreement, including a division of our assets, in less than 2 months. I really liked how balanced and fair she was, making space for both of our views. The whole process also helped us on the road to better communication and our agreement has proven to be very workable. Eva also did all of the legal paper work to get us divorced without us having to go to court. Her fee was very reasonable, expecially for someone as experienced as her. She is located in Kensington, off Solano Avenue in Berkeley (510- 526-4144). Anonymous
Hello, wow, I'm really sorry to hear about your divorce but congratulations on going the peaceful route. While I am myself married the reason I'm responding to this post is that my sister was divoced a year ago and is (remarkably) still on warm terms with her husband (he too cheated on her). I didn't think that would be possible, and actually advised her to see an attorney and basically make him pay, but she said she had heard about this lawyer who helps people divorce with kindness and peace, and she wanted that for her kids. And in the years since, it's worked out suprisingly well. Okay, I just received an email from her about it... these are her words, which she told me to post...

I used a man named Larry Rosen, who runs a service called Through Understanding. His website is www.throughUnderstanding.com. (415-356-9834. They have offices in Berkely and SF) All I can say is that the approach is shockingly different. In all disputes, he tries to help the people understand each other's perspectives and re-connect. He says that all conflicts are caused by people not understanding each other and that all solutions, if they are to be enduring, must resolve the underlying relationship issues. He helped us be friends again after what was the most painful period of my life. Yes, we're actually friends, or at least we still care about each other, which is the best thing in the world for my kids. And here's the really strange part (which is also really beautiful) the billing system is gift-based, or something like that (I forget what he calls it). Essentially, he has a billable rate that he ''requests'' but then allows you to offer him whatever works best for you. I thought it was scam when my neighbor told me about it, but it's for real. I don't think he's got a psychology background, though I do know he's really into eastern philosophy and has written books about the subject. He is a licensed lawyer though (strange combination of attributes) and so he did all the legal work as well as helping us redefine our relationship. It wasn't easy, and is still sometimes very difficult, but it was kind of like a spiritual divorce (if that's possible). I tell everyone I can about this service because I really do feel like he gave me a gift. I think he's pretty busy these days...but give me a call and please tell him I sent you.

I really hope this turns out well for you. Write me if you want more advice. Becky


Just a thought. Have you considered a good marriage therapist? Even if you're both through with trying to work it out, and are set upon divorcing, you will still have parenting issues to work on in an ongoing basis.

Maybe you want to consider talking with a therapist about the best way to end the marriage, so by the time you get to a mediator/attorney, the legalities will be more formalities. I don't know many skilled couples therapists, but I know one who has specialty in couples work, and I've gotten good feedback about. She has offices in Danville and Albany, Dr. Yael Goldblatt. Good luck. anon


We worked with Eva Herzer on the Kensington Circle. She has a degree in psychology and was formerly a divorce lawyer. We were very pleased with the results of her mediation. She is easy to talk to and humane. K
One nice thing about the Bay Area is there are lots of good family law mediators. I used to be one myself, so I know of many.

One I know well and highly recommend is Eva Herzer - 526-5144. She is in Kensington and used to be a family law litigator, now does mediation and is highly effective and well regarded.

For custody and relationship issues I would also recommend Adele Grunberg - 530-9049. She is a lawyer and has a degree in mediation but did not practice family law so I would use her for relationship issues but not complicated property division issues.

Good luck! amy


I would also like to recommend Through Understanding and Larry Rosen, who is an attorney and mediator, and just a surprisingly down-to-earth practitioner. My business partner used Larry for her divorce a year ago and actually came out of the divorce feeling happy about the direction of her life. She actually asked Larry to continue counseling her after the divorce (but I think he declined for some reason). I then had a pretty ugly dispute with this business partner of mine and we used Larry as well. This is the odd part: you actually get to choose your own level of compensation, which I found both refreshing, and yes, a bit strange. Well, we're still in business together, and we chose to compensate Larry fairly well. I'll tell you, I understand more about my partner now and feel closer to her than ever. I'm not saying his approach is right for everyone or every dispute but it's just so basic and clear: he assumes that all perspectives are valid and then helps people understand where the other person is coming from. Like the other person who mentioned Larry, I recommend him at every opportunity . His website is www.ThroughUnderstanding.com. Best wishes, J
There is a relatively new and branch of family law called Collaborative Family Law. It sounds like it can work for a divorce in which the 2 parties are fairly amicable, but are having some trouble communicating. My understanding of it is that each person has an attorney, but both parties agree that they will not enter into litigation. If they can find no resolution and do feel the need to litigate, both attorneys MUST step down. This provides the CFL attorneys incentive to help the parties come up with creative alternatives and better communication. I know about it only because my father has entered into this type of work after retiring as a law school professor. He is in Southern California however. I'm sure there must be lawyers up here in the Bay Area who are engaged in this type of work. You might just try doing an internet search for ''collaborative law''. If that doesn't come up with anything useful there is a website he gave me which is www.santabarbaracollaboritivelaw.com Lise
February 2003

Can anyone recommend a divorce mediator? There are no children involved. We are interested in a mediator who will be sensitive to our desire to reach an agreement that feels fair to both of us, rather than simply interpreting the law and applying it to our situation.


For the person looking for a mediator (with heart), I would recommend William and Robin Samsel at Family Mediation Services, 510 841-5855. William is a former attorney and longtime mediator and Robin is a Marriage and Family Therapist. They know the law, but more importantly are fantastic listeners and can help a couple through a difficult process. Good luck to you. Michael
We had/have (we are in our final stage) Judith Joshel as our mediator and I can highly recommend her. She has offices in Oakland and the South Bay, and her Oakland # is 464 8047. Her rate is around $180, - per hour (I can't remember exactly). Susanne
I recommend Katy Curtis of Mediate2Peace. She is a certified mediator. You can contact Katy at (510) 536-4081. Ann
  • Northern California Mediation Center
  • Martina Reeves (2)
  • Turning Point Mediation


    Mediation for Support & Custody Issues

    Feb 2006

    I am looking for recommendations for a custody mediator. Our case is comlicated as far as custody and finances, with both parents disagreeing about almost every aspect of parenting, so we need someone who is very directive, who can be more then a good listener, but who also can take charge and help iron out agreements efficiently and effectively, if possible. thank you for any advice and/or recommendations. anon


    Mediation is a challenging option if there's a large chasm between the spouses' perspectives. For some couples with, what could be labeled, ''high-conflict,'' another option is Collaborative Practice. CP is a sophisticated process to help families through the divorce transition with the same positives of mediation (values-based, not law based; and the two people design and control the resulting agreement, not lawyers) but has the added support that attracts people to litigation by introducing an interdisciplinary approach. In Collaborative Practice, both spouses have a CP attorney, who work together as a team to faciliate the couple's agreement, and both spouses have a coach. Coaches are mental health professionals trained to guide people through the CP process-- it's not therapy, they only teach the people how to communicate again as soon-to-be divorced people, and help work out custody arrangements if there are children. The coaches are much cheaper than attorneys and they often help the people communicate better, making the legal aspects go much faster. People who get a Collaborative Practice divorce often say they they spent much less than they would've fighting in the usual adversarial framework and they gained the communication skills to deal with each other in the future. Some websites about CP are: www.collaborativepractice.com, www.collaborativepracticemarin.com, and www.divorcenet.com. If mediation ends up working out, great! But just in case you feel you need more support than one neutral professional...you may want to consider CP. Good luck. Andrea
    Feb 2003

    Does anyone know of an organization providing no or low cost mediation services to families for assistance in reaching a child support agreement with her former partner.? I've checked the website and found no information for SF. Thanks for your recommendations. Andrea


    For the person looking for a mediator. In Oakland there is a group called Conciliation Forums of Oakland 510-763-2117. In Berkeley there is Berkeley Dispute Resolution Services. In SF there is a group called Community Panels(I think that is the name). They are all low cost mediation services that can help you. kate
    Family Court Services, part of the court system in every county, has mediators who can help with this, though their time is limited because their caseloads are quite high. The Family Law Facilitator's Office has paraprofessionals who help those who are representing themselves, and might be able to suggest some referrals. Jewish Family and Children's Services in SF has also offered some mediation in the past and might still do so. Bay Area Children First also offers a variety of services for separating parents on a sliding scale. Susanna
    March 2000

    Could people please recommend good mediators in the East Bay. Some of the issues I need to work out with my son's father relate to payment of school fees, paying for health insurance and a possible move. I am interested in both counselor type mediators and mediators who are attorneys. Names of male mediators would be appreciated especially. Thank you.


    I would recommend Phillip Ziegler with Turning Point Mediation. He also works as a MFCC in Oakland. The # is 510-658-5887. Pat
    I saw a mediator with my partner who was fairly good. His name is K'siel, and he is very down to earth - easy to get along with. He has a background in labor negotiations. Is located in north oakland. his email is ksiel at earthlink dot net chinnock

    I can recommend Sterling Newberry, he is not an attorney, but is a good mediator. You can reach him at (510) 526-3443 or redwing AT redshift.com. Good luck!

    Mediation Services

    Re: Mediation for mom and 14-y-o in turmoil? (May 2004)
    Dear Mother of the 14 Year Old Girl,
    Mediation Services, 22227 Redwood Rd. Castro Valley, offers FREE Parent-Teen Mediation. Mediation is a safe space for both parents and youth to express thier point of view and work towards a mutually satifying solution. We will team up a youth and adult mediator for Parent-Teen Mediations. Issues such as respect, trust, expectations, and independence are issues that we see arise in Parent- Teen Mediations. Please call Shana Subelsky,Youth Services Director, at 510-733-4940 x 224. Thanks and Good Luck! Mediation Services www.mediationservices.org

    Northern California Mediation Center

    Re: Divorce mediation (Feb 2003)
    When I got divorced about 6 years ago, we used a place in Marin County called Northern California Mediation Center and saw a woman named Nancy Foster. I don't have their number anymore. They had resonable rates and we were able to work our whole agreement out (child support, alimony, child custody, material divisions, etc.) without going to court. Nancy seemed very fair to both of us, though I would've liked to consult a lawyer beforehand just to know more about alimony, etc., but if you don't have a small child that might not be an issue. Later when we hired a lawyer to file the court papers, we asked that the agreement we worked out be THE divorce agreement and not to change a word of it.

    I was glad we worked with the mediator instead of lawyers in court. My ex-was happy about it too. We really wanted to get on with our lives. Good Luck.


    Martina Reeves

    Re: Divorce mediation (Feb 2003)
    Try Martina Reeves. She is located at 1615 Hopkins in Berkeley. 559-2685.

    She helped me through what could have been an extremely stressful situation. I found her to be extremely observant, responsive, and generally effecient for both parties. Good luck.


    Re: Divorce mediation (Feb 2003)
    I recommend Martina Reaves. She is a very experienced family law mediator. She approachs her work with humanity and compassion. She is very knowledgable about the law, but her main goal is to help couples transition out of marriage in a way that best serves both members of the couple. Her office number is 510/559-2685, and her office is in North Berkeley.
    Re: Divorce mediation (Jan 2000)
    I can recommend Phillip Ziegler for divorce mediation. Not sure of the cost, but less than going the attorney route. He is also an MFCC and does counseling with couples, so it's nice to see someone with those skills as well as the legal. His office is in Oakland off of Grand Ave and the phone # is 658-5887. Good Luck!
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