Mediation for Divorce, Custody & Support Agreements
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Mediation for Divorce, Custody & Support Agreements
May 2009
I don't know about the attorney you mentioned, but I wouldn't give up on
mediation so fast. My ex-wife and i had a very rough (verbal
abuse both ways) relationship and a tougher breakup. On the
brink of hiring a bull-dog attorney, she read a post last year
on peaceful divorces
and then spoke to me about it. We decided
to go the route of mediation. It hasn't been easy but our
relationship has at least gotten somewhat better, rather than
worse. The big winner is our child, who would have been the
one to lose if we had gone through any form of litigation. I
think just about anyone can do without attorneys going to war
(if both people are committed).
Don't give up on peace. We didn't.
S
Dec 2008
Hi: I need recommendations for divorce attorneys and/or mediators. We
have a young child and a home, but I don't expect we will have
complicated custody / support issues. Does anyone have any
recommendations for professionals who can help with the legal and
financial aspects of getting divorced? We live in Oakland, but are open
to SF or Berkeley recommendations well. Also, I don't really know anyone
who has been through this recently and would love to hear any words of
wisdom for how to deal with this. Thanks.
Need help with divorce process
My divorce was finalized in July, and I strongly recommend the mediation
process. A good mediator functions almost like a therapist in the sense
that s/he facilitates conversations about very difficult issues and gets
you to a place of agreement. I can recommend both Judith Joshel in
Berkeley and Eva Herzer
in Albany, very close to the Berkeley line. You
could talk to each woman to get a sense of her style. Judith Joshel's
has a website at www.judithjoshel.com, and Eva Herzer's phone number is
510) 526-5146. If you would like to contact me about my experience, feel
free.
I would like to recommend Dr. Mary Duryee as a mediator. She can be very
insightful and supportive. Her number is (510) 839-7080.
Anon
Mary McNeill is very good. Smart, reliable, friendly, professional and
organized. She is in North Berkeley and can be reached at 528 3200.
g
Responding to the need for a divorce mediator. We used
Larry Rosen
Through Understanding
5625 College, Suite 216
Oakland CA 94618
Bus: 1-415-356-9834
He used Non Violent Communication which really helped. My
ex was so impressed he bought the book. (A little late for
our marriage) I believe the process was less painful
because of him.
D.
Sept 2008
My wife and I are initiating a divorce and have been given the
names of a few mediators and we are seeking feedback on them.
Any info is appreciated:
Eva Herzer,
Gene Seltzer,
Leslie Morgan
Thanks! - Signed Need_Mediator_Feedback
We used Eva Herzer
for mediation. We did get through after several months but -
We had to rewrite all the financial statements and collect the documentation
three times - Eva requested this upfront then twice again. We were not clear
that it needs to be very up to date when filing.
She presented us with a final document where some obsolete law was quoted.
She didn't seem be up to date on a particular tax law that was applicable.
She forgot about a visit we had scheduled.
More subtle things... I felt she was taking sides and that she criticized me
for my character traits. It was hard for me but of course it's just my
perception and I might be subjective.
Anon
A personal friend of mine worked with
Eva Herzer and had a very positive
experience. As a psychotherapist, there are frequent requests by colleagues
for divorce mediators. Eva Herzer's name shows up on every list. (I can't say
anything for/against the others.)
Best to you
Oct 2007
I am in the process of leaving an abusive 25 year relationship.
We have a house, 2 pre-teens, and a mountain of debt. I left this marriage
emotionally at least a couple of yrs ago and now seeing the impact that this dead
relationship is having on our children, I can no longer remain physically in the
situation. My husband on the other hand comes from an abusive background and
would be quite content to remain in this sitation forever (afterall, his parents did
and managed to do the whole death do us part thing).
At any rate, I want out. I want better and more for my children. I want my son to
know that verbal and physical abuse are nt the only two ways to relate to a woman,
and I want my daughter to understand that a woman does not have to be some
man's doormat. I don't have a lot of money; in fact I have very little, but I think that
if I keep waiting for just the right time or the right circumstances to leave, I'll end up
dead or crazy. Can anyone out there, perhaps someone who has come through this
and is on the other side of it give me a reference for a good and affordable
mediator, and support groups or organizations for women in this situation.
Thanks for any help that you can provide.
Mediation is provided by family court services. You need not pay,
unless you hire a private mediator and your soon-to-be-ex agree
to abide by any agreement you come up with. That agreement
becomes a court order. However, private mediation is usually only
a good idea if you and your partner are on good terms. A lot of
folks would rather simply hire a third party to help them make
their mutual agreements into a legal reality. It does not sound
like the two of you have the kind of mutual respect and
understanding to enter into the kind of arrangement you seek. I
would advise going through Family Court Services.
Anon
You should contact Andrea Eichorn a mediation attorney at
http://mediationoffices.net/, phone is 652-0222. She teaches a
one-afternoon class at Piedmont Adult School for $50 where she
explains alternatives to going to court and having adversarial
attorneys.
Also a the Lafayette Orinda Presbyterian Church in Orinda has a
6-week divorce recovery class
http://www.lopc.org/singles_divorce_recovery.asp
(925) 283-8722
it is taught by a minister-psychologist.
hope this helps
I am a family law attorney and mediator with over 10 years of
experience in the field of family violence. I am sorry to hear
you have struggled for so long in an abusive relationship, and
am glad you are reaching out for help.
I worked for over 5 years as a staff attorney at the Family
Violence Law Center (510-208-0255/www.fvlc.org). They offer
support, advice, referrals, and free/sliding scale legal
representation to women in situations like yours. They also
have an after-hours emergency shelter program in connection
with the Oakland Police Department. You are not alone and
hopefully they can help you. Of course, if you and/or your
children are in immediate danger of physical harm, please call
911 if you can do it safely without increasing your risk.
The vast majority of women I represented in domestic violence
cases greatly benefited from having an advocate. A mediator,
however, functions as a neutral third party, and does not
advocate for either side. As a result, divorce mediation is
generally most successful in cases where both parties feel they
have equal power in the relationship. That said, I believe it
is your choice to decide what is in your own best interests.
I realize this is not exactly what you are asking for but I think
that the way to go in almost all situations in divorce and
custody is mediation. I (unfortunately) have been divorced
twice. The first time my ex and i used two lawyers. We were
pretty friendly before the process and ended up really hating
each other afterwards. The second time, we were really angry
with each other before the divorce. We had hardly spoken a civil
word for a month. A neighbor recommend a mediator named
Larry
Rosen. Since the neighbor was a friend of my husband's he agreed
to go. Thank god. After one session we were talking again. We
now coparent together really well and get along really well. It
is hard and sad to get divorced but find someone who can help you
get along afterward--b/c life goes on after divorce. Many
mediators don't help you get along, they just help you get
divorced. Mr. Rosen's is at 415-356-9834 and
www.throughunderstaning.com. I saw him in his Oakland office.
His website says he has an office in SF also but i don't know if
that's still true.
Hang in there.
S.
Oct 2007
I'm looking for someone (not sure if this is therapy or legal or both) who can work
with my ex, myself, and my two daughters to help us talk through and resolve a
complicated custody situation. Preferably in Marin, though northwest East Bay would
be okay as well. My ex has moved to Oakland and I'm in Marin, where my daughters,
ages 12 and 15, go to school. My daughters miss their father terribly but are
having a really hard time spending much time at his house because it is so far
away. They constantly feel like they have to choose between seeing him and missing
out on social experiences with their friends. Right now they are supposed to spend
two weekends a month in Oakland, but conflicts are constantly coming up because
they are very busy and their activities and friends are all in Marin. He would like
more weekend custodial time with them but doesn't seem to understand the impact his
choice of location is having. (Weeknight overnights are impossible because they
start school early.) I've suggested more weeknight time (dinners, etc.) but he is
reluctant. I'm stressed to the max because I have them most of the time, don't
receive much child support, and I'm the one they talk to when they don't want to
go to Oakland yet want to see their dad. They have trouble talking to him because
he has left for a long period in the past and that made them feel vulnerable and
afraid of upsetting him. I guess what I really want is a chance for them to say how
they feel comfortably and him to really be able to hear it. (And me too, if there
are things they need to say to me.) Then I'd like someone who can help us be
creative in coming up with a solution; I feel like there must be options we're not
seeing. Of course we all wish he'd move back over to Marin, but he seems to have
personal reasons not to do that.
Sign me stressed single mom
East Bay Community Mediation offers low cost mediation. I've volunteered
there before, and the mediators are good.
mediator
Sept 2006
Can anyone recommend a compassionate mediator in San Francisco? My partner and I
are not married, but do have a child and would like somebody to help make this as
smooth a transition as possible. Thanks
Anonymous
I recommend two mediators who have offices in SF. It really
depends on the style of mediator you're looking for.
If you want someone who is not only expert in mediaiton, but is
a wonderful lawyer in the family law area (a 2006 Super-Lawyer
acutally), then David Fink is a great choice. And don't mistake
an accumen in the law for being heartless or anything. He is
very adept at dealing with people. (415) 399-8380,
david[at]nachlisfink.com
The other mediator in SF that I recommend is Larry Rosen. He
has a solely non-adversarial practice, and takes a rich,
expansive view of his role as a divorce mediator. His website
has detailed information on his practice. (415) 356-9834,
larry[at]throughUnderstanding.com,
http://www.throughUnderstanding.com.
David and Larry are both gifted mediators, and their approaches
are equally valid, so it merely depends on you and your
spouse's style-preference
Andrea M. Eichorn, JD (mediator)
She's not in SF, but Edith Kelly Politis is a very knowledgable, caring
and
compassionate mediator. Her office is in San Rafael. Edith was very
helpful when my
husband and I needed assistance in creating a marital planning
agreement. Because
I had met her before my husband did, she recommended a wonderful
colleague to
work with us on the agreement (I don't think he's still practicing, but
he did a great
job). Edith reviewed the agreement for me and I felt that she was very
instrumental
in helping us get our marriage off to a good start. She is a kind,
intelligent and very
solid person who genuinely cares about helping people. More information
is on her
website:
http://www.edithkellypolitis.com/
Phone: (415) 453-3055
Best of luck,
Anne
May 2006
I've asked my wife for a divorce after 18 years, we have two
children aged 13 and 10. Our finances are precarious and we
need to sell the house to avoid mounting debts. I'm looking for
a mediator who is fair, and will help us move through the
issues as efficiently and effectively as possible. My wife has
a therapist to help her deal with her loss issues, and I don't
want mediation to be yet another attempt at couples
counseling..we need effective problem solving. Any
recommendations?
Worried Dad
Christine Pigeon, PhD on College Avenue in Oakland (653-5238) is
an excellent divorce mediator; she does not have a therapy
practice and only does mediation. Her goal will be to help you
and your wife arrive at a plan that will work for you and your
family. Good luck to you.
Joanna
I can highly recommend Eva Herzer. Her office is on the Colusa
Circle in Kensington. Phone 510-526-5144.
anon
I would like to personally recommend Maria Joseph as an
excellent divorce mediator (she does other types of mediations
as well). Maria is effective at helping couples work through
the tough decisions involved in any divorce. She is smart,
neutral and compassionate, and is very results oriented. She is
also an attorney. Her Berkeley office number is 510-869-5301.
Laura
March 2005
Hi,
I would appreciate any recommendations for a good divorce
mediator based in San Francisco. I've checked the archives and
found recommendations for mediators only in the East Bay and
Marin.
Any suggestions would be appreciated!
Trying to keep it peaceful
I previously worked with Judi Howardell, who is now a mediator.
She specializes in after hours 6 to 9p.m., weekends and telephone
mediation of families, divorced parents, civil disputes etc.
Her company name is Mediation Resources and her contact
information is LadyJ[at]flash.net phone 925-788-5834.
I can't say I've needed her services, but what I know from
working with her is that she's fair when dealing with others.
Good luck.
Ali
February 2003
Can anyone recommend a
divorce mediator? There are no children involved. We are
interested in a mediator who will be sensitive to our desire to
reach an agreement that feels fair to both of us, rather than
simply interpreting the law and applying it to our situation.
For the person looking for a mediator (with heart), I would
recommend William and Robin Samsel at Family Mediation Services,
510 841-5855. William is a former attorney and longtime
mediator and Robin is a Marriage and Family Therapist. They
know the law, but more importantly are fantastic listeners and
can help a couple through a difficult process. Good luck to you.
Michael
We had/have (we are in our final stage) Judith Joshel as our mediator and
I can highly recommend her. She has offices in Oakland and the South Bay,
and her Oakland # is 464 8047. Her rate is around $180, - per hour (I
can't remember exactly).
Susanne
I recommend Katy Curtis of Mediate2Peace. She is a certified mediator.
You can contact Katy at (510) 536-4081.
Ann
When I got divorced about 6 years ago, we used a place in Marin
County called Northern California Mediation Center and saw a woman
named Nancy Foster. I don't have their number anymore. They had
resonable rates and we were able to work our whole agreement out
(child support, alimony, child custody, material divisions, etc.)
without going to court. Nancy seemed very fair to both of us,
though I would've liked to consult a lawyer beforehand just to
know more about alimony, etc., but if you don't have a small child
that might not be an issue. Later when we hired a lawyer to file
the court papers, we asked that the agreement we worked out be THE
divorce agreement and not to change a word of it.
I was glad we worked with the mediator instead of lawyers in
court. My ex-was happy about it too. We really wanted to get on
with our lives.
Good Luck.
Try Martina Reeves. She is located at 1615 Hopkins in
Berkeley. 559-2685.
She helped me through what could have been an extremely
stressful situation. I found her to be extremely observant,
responsive, and generally effecient for both parties. Good
luck.
I recommend Martina Reaves. She is a very experienced family law
mediator. She approachs her work with humanity and compassion.
She is very knowledgable about the law, but her main goal is to help
couples transition out of marriage in a way that best serves both
members of the couple. Her office number is 510/559-2685, and
her office is in North Berkeley.
Feb 2003
Does anyone know of an organization providing no or
low cost mediation services to families for assistance in reaching a child support agreement with her former partner.? I've checked the
website and found no information for SF. Thanks for your
recommendations.
Andrea
For the person looking for a mediator. In Oakland there is a
group called Conciliation Forums of Oakland 510-763-2117. In
Berkeley there is Berkeley Dispute Resolution Services. In SF
there is a group called Community Panels(I think that is the
name). They are all low cost mediation services that can help
you.
kate
Family Court Services, part of the court system in every county,
has mediators who can help with this, though their time is
limited because their caseloads are quite high. The Family Law
Facilitator's Office has paraprofessionals who help those who
are representing themselves, and might be able to suggest some
referrals. Jewish Family and Children's Services in SF has also
offered some mediation in the past and might still do so. Bay
Area Children First also offers a variety of services for
separating parents on a sliding scale.
Susanna
March 2000
Could people please recommend good mediators in the East Bay. Some of the
issues I need to work out with my son's father relate to payment of school
fees, paying for health insurance and a possible move. I am interested in
both counselor type mediators and mediators who are attorneys. Names of male
mediators would be appreciated especially. Thank you.
I would recommend Phillip Ziegler with Turning Point Mediation. He also
works as a MFCC in Oakland. The # is 510-658-5887.
Pat
I saw a mediator with my partner who was fairly good.
His name is K'siel, and he is very down to earth - easy to get along with.
He has a background in labor negotiations.
Is located in north oakland.
his email is
ksiel at earthlink dot net
chinnock
I can recommend Sterling Newberry, he is not an attorney, but is a good
mediator. You can reach him at (510) 526-3443 or redwing AT redshift.com. Good
luck!
I can recommend Phillip Ziegler for divorce mediation. Not sure of the
cost, but less than going the attorney route. He is also an MFCC and does
counseling with couples, so it's nice to see someone with those skills as
well as the legal. His office is in Oakland off of Grand Ave and the phone #
is 658-5887. Good Luck!
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