Living Abroad
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Living Abroad
June 2006
My husband and I love the Bay Area, but we're getting itchy feet and we're thinking
it might be time to move. We've always dreamed of living abroad, but it seemed too
difficult, based on getting jobs/visas overseas.
Now, it seems we might have the perfect opportunity: My husband has been offered
a job he could do remotely from anywhere as long as there's a DSL line. My job also
could be fiddled with so I could do it remotely, at least part-time.
My question is as follows: We have a young son (he's 9 months old). If we moved
sometime in the next year, is that a good/bad age to move overseas; would the
whole experience of living abroad be lost on him if we only live there for a year or
two? Any countries/areas better for young children than others? (I speak a little
French, my husband, Spanish, although neither of us is at all fluent.)
Thanks!
Amy
I think it would be a good time to go, because your child won't be in school, or even
preschool, yet. Once he has more of his own life, he might feel more homesick. We
have taken extended trips with our now 14-month-old and it was fine. Her sense of
security is still mostly tied to being with us. That said, she won't remember the
countries she has visited, and had no notion that our time in various foreign cities
was any different than, say, going to Santa Cruz. All she new is that we were
somewhere different, with a different house, etc.
About specific countries: think about Portugal. We were only there a week, but the
people were so nice to babies! It was like traveling with a celebrity, she got so much
attention. The facilities are not child-oriented, but everyone is happy to
accommodate kids wherever you go.
Another possibility: Australia! It's exotic but also easy. You feel like you're really
somewhere different when you see a kangaroo hopping by or a flock of cockatoos
landing on a city building, but at the same time, it's not stressful. You'll be able to
find groceries you want, playgrounds, a good doctor if you need one, etc., etc. The
people are generally very friendly (the shared language helps), the cities are cleaner
and more functional than they are here, and there are lots of fun things for kids to
do. What toddler wouldn't love all the animals?
jessica
Hi Amy,
I moved to Germany with my family when I was 3 years old. We
lived overseas for 8 years before returning to the US.
Though I can't speak about the difficulty of getting jobs/visas
I can tell you that at 9 months old your son will probably not
remember much of his experience, but as he ages he will. At 3
years old I have some vivid memories of our experience. I
learned a little German which has stuck with me (I am now 36)and
I consider Germany home in some ways.
If you can make it work my advice is to do it. It will be very
enriching for all of you. I never have a straight forward answer
when people ask ''where did you grow up'' but I like it that way.
Hope this helps.
Amelia
April 2004
Where would you go for 9 months or a year in order to introduce
your children to life in another country and another language?
It suddenly hit us that in 2005 we will be in a position to move
abroad for year due to flexibility in our work (have laptop, can
travel). It also struck us that our eldest will be 12, and the
''best to become bilingual before puberty'' door will soon be
closing! We could leave as early as January 2005 (depending on
the results of the election, we might be particularly motivated
then) or go in June 2005. Either way we could be gone for 9
months or a year.
But where would we go? We do have friends abroad, but mostly in
big cities (Paris, London, Berlin, Athens, Tokyo, Mexico City).
Wouldn't it be less stressful, less expensive, and easier to meet
people in a town than the city? But how would we meet people
locally? A home exchange would be inexpensive, and would it help
us integrate into a community?
Our kids (now ages 8 and 11) have had weekly Spanish instruction
since kindergarten, but not in an immersion program so they don't
truly speak Spanish yet. We would love to have them speak
Spanish, but any language will do! My husband and I speak fluent
French, and decent Spanish and Italian.
The girls have a good ear for language and have traveled with us
to visit friends in France, Italy, Czechoslovakia and Germany;
they are open to new experiences (and new flavors of ice cream!)
but would miss their friends. Where can we go where we might
have a chance of making friends (especially in today's political
climate - who would welcome Americans? Quebec?)
I'd also like advice on schooling - I lived in France and
attended a French lycie for a year as a teen, but at that point
I'd already had 6 years of French, Spanish and German
instruction, so I was fairly well prepared. Should we tutor the
girls intensively here and then plop them into the local schools
or try to enroll in an American school overseas with a mixture of
instruction in English and the local language?
Your experience and opinions welcome!
=Don't Want to Raise Monocultural Monoglots!=
In 1990 we took our four children (3,7,10, 13) to Paris for
nine months. It was easily the greatest adventure we have ever
had. I found a two bedroom flat in downtown St. Germain-en-
laye which is on the RER(like BART). Our youngest went to a
public nursery school, our next two went to the local public
schools and our oldest went to a public high school which had a
private english language section for which we paid tuition. She
had English and History in English and the rest of her classes
were in french. The youngest and the oldest had a great school
experience. Not so great for the middle two. It is true that
kids pick up languages. But it is also true it takes a few
months and just as they were getting it under their belt we
came home. However, they still had a good time. Every vacation
we traveled somewhere and on Wednesday afternoon, which they
had off, we went into Paris to do tourist things. Even in a big
city, people responded in a most friendly way to a family with
little kids. I didn't speak French and my husband wasn't that
great so we too studied--at the Alliance Francaise. He went in
the morning and was home for the kids two hour (!) lunch--maybe
it wasn't quite two hours but it was a long lunch--and I went
in the afternoon. Go for it! It was a GREAT adventure.
Janet
I don't have any personal experience with this but regarding
schools: I used to work with someone whose family moved to
France for a year when she was 8 or 9. The family moved to a
non-city area (countryside or suburbia, I'm not sure) for a
year. She said she was placed in the 1st grade and had a
wonderful time! She knew the year was ''just for fun'', and did
not feel bad about being with the younger kids. She told funny
stories of having a tiny desk, however. Upshot is she now
speaks French fluently and has returned to France regularly ever
since (her parents bought a villa in France at some point in her
late teens.) P.S. - this person was already bilingual as she
grew up in a Spanish and English household.
anon
what a fabulous parent you are! first of all, i want to support you
for no
monomono children to adult human beings..
and to remember, that the US and her people are not popular outside of
TX
(meow) these days.
our godchild (an almost scarily brilliant/intuitive child--scary in a
good way)
and his mom moved to florence italy approx 20 months ago--he will be 5
in
december 04...it was the best thing for godchild--this darling one who
easily
could have become ''pukingly precocious'' (his mom's words) moved into
a
wonderfully supportive environment of a catholic school where so few of
the
kids are roman catholic--most are expat children as ''christian'' is.
he is the
youngest; he had to learn to communicate almost immediately, using
words if
necessary. he's had at least one of us, his extended family of castro
uncles
and aunts and his papa visited monthly for the first year they were
there--so
that he could make the transition. he LOVES museums and old churches
and
so he has an entire city and country full of both.
his mom, fiona, did MUCH research before moving--first she chose places
she
wanted to live or had always wanted to live and then researched
schools, expat
community, work and live laws, etc etc...and she wanted to return to
school
herself.
fiona went online and talked with parents in places she, then Xan,
wanted to
live. chat rooms were a HUGE help, she said, particularly when she was
working on intro italian--her 'other' language was french but had not
been
used other than menus for 20 years..
i'm inclined to say that how others in your new country respond to you
will be
your own personalities and willingness to throw yourself into the
culture and
get to know shopkeepers and folks in the neighborhood...fiona did NOT
want
to live anywhere near any US american ''compound''--she chose an
apartment
near xan's school, near markets-chemists-kid friendly coffee shops,
etc. they
went over twice before moving and began a daily consistent circuit of
walking
and sidewalk cafe visiting, shopping, so that people would get to know
them
by sight, name, then story. (waiters in their favorite restaurants,
shops etc now
drop everything to pick xan up, hug, and kiss him. he became a
celebrity of
sorts initially--now he's just one of the family. that consistency of
friendly
faces on daily walks worked for them!
read autobios and stories of people who went ''abroad''....talk to
people, etc
etc...where are you happiest? country or city? i'm such an urban
dweller and so
are fiona and xan, but for 9 months, i'd want to soak up as much
''culture'' as
possible--fiona and xan escape to assissi and the surrounding umbrian
countryside for breaks from the ''big city'' and take the train to rome
for truly
mad hustle bustle....
and remember most places in the world dont live frenetic US time..why
on
earth would you want to come back? we, my husband and i, are looking to
get
the hell out of this country asap! but i am convinced i was born an
expat...our
children, now grown, are much more conservative than we (our failure as
liberals! och!) and they are looking to move out of the country.
in the past two years we've spent a lot of time in ireland (both the
republic and
the 6 counties), amsterdam, panama, costa rica, and wales..we'd move to
any
of those places tomorrow...
if you are interested in tropical, visit panama. the bocas area is so
near really
cool costa rica, the island of bocas is booming, and the people are
marvelous
(beware banana plantation chemicals)....just on the other side of bocas
and
also south of costa rica is the chiriqui province with a fabulous area
of cool
mountains...i adore costa rica......no huge rip roaring cultural
amenities like
museums, etc but the people are so incredible and there are a number of
indigenous cultures, too, of course.
if you'd like i am happy to share email info of friends and family we
have in
panama and florence...our panama friends have older children--they
moved
when the girls were jr high age; one returned to berkeley--the other is
becoming panamanian! as the US was in panama for so long, the people
understand the difference between ''us'' and the US
government''....they've seen
us and US at our worst (and our best)...
those civilised, semi-socialist, cool countries have THE quality of
living--
norway, iceland, sweden, etc etc. i found i have an almost intuitive
understanding of dutch. the people in amsterdam are very worried about
the
US--we still get emails from folks from our favorite shops and
restaraurants
who send us the news we will never here in the censored US....
my husband went to florence on the day the US declared war--US folks
were
pouring out of france--no service in restaurants, cabs, etc...he stayed
for a
month and went to daily protests and demonstrations at embassies etc.
young
germans on holiday stopped and talked with him as they had with me
months
before about their concern for what is happening here--''too much like
us,
before WW2''...
we are connected to the GTU and if i were thinking of going to latin
america
anywhere, i'd be interviewing the franciscans and jesuits for
connections...actually anywhere in the world for franciscans and jebs
ireland, scotland, wales--and those gorgeous places like cornwall--are
not an
anti US as is london. we've two friends studying theology at oxford and
the
response to them in the past year has been confrontational about US,
england,
the 2nd iraqi war..very very good for these two young people to
struggle with
all that.....both have traveled outside london and love ireland and
wales...i
mean there is always gaelic as 2nd, third language.....west of ireland
and other
gaelic speaking communities are fascinating as indigenous cultures of
people
who look ''white''.....
i don't know if i've helped you any at all.
please feel free to email me personally if you'd like.
good luck and happy travelling..start getting those visas and shots
ASAP,
particularly work visas....do you have any pets that will need care? if
you are
even thinking of planning to take with you, pay attention to the
quarantine
laws
oonie
My family went to live in Guanajuato, Mexico, for many of the
reasons you sited. Plus it is not too far away in miles, so we
could have returned to the Bay Area easily if needed (though we
didn't) and is a beautiful small city/large town with an
interesting community. We were also able to find housing, a
school for our kids (ages 4 and 9 at the time) and a language
school for us - all fairly easily. We wanted to go for a year
but could only take half that amount of time off of work - so
that's what we did. We did this about a year and a half ago
and we hope to do the same thing again in a few years. I'm
happy to tell you more and answer any questions. I could go on
and on here, but it would be way too long. So feel free to
call or email.
Amy
Hello! I am in the middle of my year abroad with my family. We picked
Spain, because I am from here and my family lives here. My children are
much younger than yours (5 and 3), and they integrated wonderfully.
The oldest goes to a public school, where the language is not Spanish,
but the local Catalan, and he understood every word of it in three
weeks.
Although both children understood Spanish perfectly when we arrived,
the oldest had forgotten how to speak it (the 3 year old was not
talking
much when we arrived), and it was great to listen to them speaking
perfect Spanish just two months after we arrived.
Although we are in Mallorca, I just returned from a trip to Sevilla,
and I
think that it must be the most wonderful town to live in. Small,
manageable, great parks, short ride to wonderful nature (Sierra de
Grazalema), beautiful river, delicious tapas and most of all the
people,
who are happy, open, and kind. Check it out!
We rented our home in Berkeley to cover our mortgage, and this worked
out very well for us.
Happy in Spain
How great that you are able to go away for a year now! I
highly reccomend chosing a Spanish-speaking country. I
lived in Spain for years, and became fluent in Spanish
without giving it much forethought, and it has become a
HUGE advantage in my work life. The cutting-edge in
getting a job or into a new careeer, has often been my
fluency in Spanish. Spanish is the primary second
language in the US, and by the time your kids grow up, more
than half of Californians will be of Spanish-speaking
descent.
I agree that a small town would be much better than a city. I
think either Spain or Latin America (I particularly love Mexico)
would be great. Mexico would be much cheaper (the Euro is
a bit expensive right now.) Spain and Mexico are very
different, but both Mexicans and Spaniards are super-
welcoming and friendly. My experience all over the world is
that even though they hate ''America'', they welcome
individual US citizens with open arms.
Karen
Hi There! What a well-traveled family you are! My husband
and I have researched the issue as well and found a
wonderful place in central Mexico -- San Miguel de Allende.
The climate is gorgeous. So is the landscape and the
people are very friendly. There are several private bi-lingual
schools (Engl-Span.) that are cheap in comparison to U.S.
There's a nice library, great arts, good language schools,
beautiful colonial town. Small (ab 80,000)
Minus: blockbuster, lots of us expats.
Good luck!
barbara
Not real advice, just a few thoughts. I moved from Argentina to
the US when I was 12, so I guess this could be seen as reverse
observations :)
-Kids in some other countries grow up faster than in the US. In
Argentina by 12 you are pretty independent: you go to school,
shopping, the movies, cafes, with your friends, no longer your
parents. By 13, you are going to be going to dance-parties and
discos (and discos don't open until midnight). So you need to
ask yourself if you are ready to let your baby grow up so quickly
all of the sudden. If you're not, you may want to go to a country
where this doesn't happen (or wait a couple of years).
-Spanish is a very easy language to learn and one that anyone
can pick up in a couple of months in a language program in Latin
America. I'd go for another language. My personal preferences
would be French or Arabic, just based on the number of different
countries where the languages are spoken.
-In chosing a town vs. a city, consider whether the town will
have a school that will be able to accomodate your children's
language issues. Main cities usually have ''American'' schools,
where the children of foreigners go. Whether you chose this
route will depend greatly on which country you chose to go to.
-There is generally more fun stuff to do in cities as well.
-In my experience, as a semi-American married to an American,
people everywhere are able to differentiate Americans from the
American government. They saw the anti-war demonstrations on TV
too :)
anon
It was funny and kind of exciting reading your e-mail
because I just returned with my daughter, who is 12, from
two months in Mexico!
I took her out of her charter school, in Santa Cruz and flew
down to spend a few months experiencing the culture of
Mexico. We went to the Yukatan, Oaxaca City, where we
rented an apartment and studied spanish a bit...but decided
having a free schedule was more interesting for us. We
took a luxury bus to the coast,(which is essential for
over-night bus trips), visited the coast of Oaxaca and then
took another bus over to Chiapas.
I loved Chiapas, it was such an incredible place and I
would highly recommend San Cristobal de las Casas. Its
very safe and Chiapas is the most diverse state in Mexico. If
I did this trip again I would head also to Guatemala, to
study-the reason I would recommend big cities to study in is
that you have more options, you can rent an apartment
though a language school, for super cheap, take guitar
lessons, art classes, and have a diverse crowd passing
though. My brother in law is in Guatemala right now,
studying in a city bordering Chiapas, he then took a sail boat
through Belize, which is a haven of islands, wonderful for
snorkling. There is lush jungle between all these states,
beautiful jungle, filled with howler monkeys, epiphytes, and
tall jungle trees. I did a unit on the jungle with my daughter
Ayeen, studying the ecosystems, animals, plants, and the
preservation of these areas.
So, you have my vote, we had an incredible time, the bus
systems down in Mexico is excellent, I felt very safe, there
are lots of European tourists, internet cafes, cool
restaurants, tour groups that take you into the jungle,
horseback-riding, and best of all your in another country,
experiencing a culture different than this country; I really
hear you with wanting to get out, this (what I easily label as a
facist administration) is making us fed up as well...
I would also like to ask you for more into regarding your
European travels, our family is interested in travelling to
France, I am a young mom who is now finishing up my
undergrad work and want to take the family abroad with me,
live in Spain for six months, possibly more...any tips? We
are staying with the grandparents in San Lorenzo and would
love to hook up with your family! peace, Hania
Hania
Taking your kids to live abroad is a great idea! Here's a
warning, though -- you might like it too much! In 2000 I took
early retirement from UCB and moved to Costa Rica with my two
kids, then 12 and 9. I figured on two years abroad, because I
didn't think one would be long enough to give us the adventure
and experience and language exposure I was looking for. I was
right; four years later, we're still here, and have no plans to
come back.
In terms of where to go, if you're a city person, go for a city
and all its culture and things to do, and you'll meet people.
I was really weary of city life, so we moved to a small town in
the cloud forest, and we met people here. You meet people
abroad the same way you meet people anywhere -- through your
interests, through getting out of the house, and especially in
Latin America, through your kids.
My kids are in a private school where about 25% of their
instruction is in Spanish and the rest in English. This has
let them stay at grade level while still learning Spanish.
They got Spanish tutoring for the first couple years, as they
came here knowing none, but now they're holding their own in
classes and social situations in either language. (About 80%
of their classmates are Costa Rican.) My kids would certainly
have learned Spanish faster in an immersion situation, but
probably would have lost ground academically; more verbal kids
might be able to do it, but it's harder the older they are.
The public schools here are not all that great -- overcrowded,
underfunded.
I've also taken Spanish classes from local women off and on
since I got here, and the chance to ask questions of and learn
about local customs and history during our conversation
practice has been as valuable as the language instruction.
We're in a fairly international community -- Costa Ricans,
North Americans, South Americans, Europeans -- and I've felt no
anti-American sentiment. (Well, except maybe from other U.S.
expats.) Hope this helps!
Jane
Personally, I don't think there's anyplace better for kids than
Japan! I lived there for a year after college, and have
returned several times, and it is easily the safest place I
have ever been (personal belongings left in the open remain
untouched, doors are always unlocked, strangers are always
willing to help others, etc.) Children are treated by all as
if they are a special treasure and are welcome everywhere and
indulged by everyone. For elementary school, I would
absolutely use a Japanese public school. However, I would
hesitate to use them for children over 10 because that is when
the famous Japanese academic pressures begin to mount.
I'd be happy to answer any questions. It's not as expensive as
everyone thinks outside of the big cities! (So long as you
don't try to live as we do in America and do as the Japanese
do..)
Good luck!
Stacey
November 2003
Every fall I get this itch to move to Mexico for a year. After reading on this
listserve and then investigating the kindergarten issues in our district, I really
feel like taking that academic year with my child to learn a new language and
experience a different culture. Several things hold me back: I don't speak
Spanish, I've never been to Mexico, I'm a single mom, and I'm a worrier.
I'm sure there are a lot of you who have taken a year off. How did you decide
where you wanted to live? What did you do about health insurance? What did
you do with your car? How did you handle having someone live in your home?
What did you worry about before you made the decision? I have this notion,
hopefully not too far-fetched, that I could telecommute part-time in my
current job and earn enough to live on. (Cost of living is less in Mexico, right?)
1. Are there any good books to read on how to prepare for a year abroad?
2. Do you know of any good places to live in Mexico that are safe, likely to
have Mac computer support, language immersion classes and English speaking
pediatricians?
3. Any general advice to share?
Juanita
I am presently living abroad for one year, although my situation is very
different: I am in Spain, where I have lots of family (I was born and raised
here),
and I speak the language. I have moved here with my husband and two
small children (4 and 2).
But here are some things we did:
We rented our house in Berkeley to cover our mortgage. This took a lot of
planning beforehand. We posted ads starting nine months in advance. It was
tricky, because we were not vacating the house until a date far in the future,
but finally we found someone that we trust and like. We entered an agreement
2+ months before we left. These tenants agreed to give us a non-refundable
deposit of two months rent. In this way, we prevented the scenario where the
tenants would change their minds shortly before we left, when we had already
bought our plane tickets. When they moved in (the same day we were leaving
the country), that deposit became the rental deposit and last month. We were
lucky that they wanted the place furnished, so we only had to put our
belongings in boxes and move them to the attic.
If you leave near campus, make sure to place your ad with UC Housing. They
have many overseas professors coming for sabbaticals. If you are flexible, you
could work your schedule around that. We had a nice family from Norway who
wanted to rent. But they were returning to Norway two months before we were
returning from Spain, so that did not work for us.
I telecommute full time. All I need is my laptop, a DSL connection, a printer
and a scanner. I am not sure where in Mexico you are thinking of, but in my
experience any medium sized town will have Internet access. I think you would
be better off going to a town popular with other foreigners that are also
telecommuting, because those are more likely to have the services you are
looking for. Check out Ajijic, near Guadalajara, or San Miguel Allende.
I have found that health insurance is much more affordable in Spain (and I
would say ANYWHERE outside of the US, where the situation is shameless). I get
all my family covered with a very good plan for less than a third of what we
would pay in the US.
I have a Mac as well, and for now I have had no need for support, but I know it
is available to me (my cousin owns the only Apple authorized technical service
in town!). Again, I think if you end up in a place with a community of
expatriates you will find resources easily.
If you decide to go, I can give you ideas on how to take care of your banking,
your mail, etc. etc.
Good luck to you!
Having fun in Spain
Juan. 2003
Hi, I recently moved to
Norway to join my family after two years and a half of
separation. My wife is Norwegian and my daughter is American,
unfortunately things are not going well here. First of all, I
came to help her with the responsabilities of our four year old
daughter who is brain damaged and needs a lot of help with her
developing. Luckily she is walking, understands Norwegian words
but she can not talk.Therefore SIGN LANGUAGE is our bridge of
comunication between our daughter and us. Last Tuesday after an
argue my wife told me to leave the house and she wants me to
find a new place to leave because I do not things like she wants
me to do and I also take a lot of her time to help me to settle
down in this country where I do not have anybody else but my
family and my wife's family.She also said she is NOT IN LOVE
with me becuse I am 10 pounds overweight and I do not dress up
like Norwegian guys.I do not speak Norwegian plus I do not have
much money to move out and it is quite difficult to find a job
here if you do not speak the language!!
I do not what to do but if I should go back to the US where I
had a good job but I know I will miss my daughter so much that I
creates a lot of pain in me when I do not see her.On the other
hand I do not want to be this MISERABLE for the rest of my
life.I have a permit to stay here in Norway until May 2003 so I
really need to think about it very carefully!
I will appreciatte your sugestions and if you need more
information of my situation I will be happy to provide you guys
and thanks for giving me the option of talking to someone about
my situation.
Thank you and I hope to hear from you soon!
It sounds like during the 2 1/2 years you have been
seperated from your wife you have grown apart. She may be upset
that you were out of their lives for that long and she had to
take care of your daughter by herself. You could either move out
and try and get a job there(learn Norwegian)and continue to visit
with your daughter. Hopefully, your wife will get over whatever
issues she has right now. OR come back to the US, get a better
job, send money for your daughter and scheduled visits as often
as possible. MOVE ON
BB
It sounds like you are experiencing a crisis, but this may be just
a temporary setback. Don't give up! It's very hard to adjust to a
new country, and it doesn't sound like you have much support. But
it will get better. You will learn the language, and you will be
able to be more help for your wife. And she may have spoken rashly
when she said she didn't love you. If she was being honest, then
maybe you won't be together, but you should be there for your
daughter, and she should help you do that. Keep trying.
vm
Dear Dad,
Unfortunately I think you are going to need to turn to the massive
and complex Norwegian bureaucracy in order to inform yourself
about your rights and your daughter's. This will be easiest if
you have a friend who speaks Norwegian and is familiar with the
Norwegian system. If not, it will still be possible to pursue
information, but it will be more difficult. You didn't say where
you are living. It would perhaps be easiest to either 1) approach
a lawyer, preferably one who has dealt with immigrant as well as
family issues or 2) go to the communal (county) government offices
that deal with child welfare and family issues. If you are in
Oslo, for instance, the name of the county is Oslo kommune, and
there is a department called Barn og familievern. They deal with
family and child welfare (in the broader sense) issues. There is
also a big government website, http://norge.no.emne/emne.asp,
which gives a list of various emne (subjects) covered by the
government at various levels. You should look on the list for
Barn og familievern (child and family welfare), Familie, foreldre
og barn (Family, parents, and children), and innvandere
(immigrants). I think that the communal level offices would be
the best place to start, however. Children (even, I think, those
who do not hold Norwegian citizenship) have lots of protection and
rights in Norway, and so it would be important to inform yourself
about these and about your ongoing status in the country and as a
parent.
Good luck!
Linda
You are in a very difficult situation. It is really hard to be
in a country where you know only a few people and don't know the
language or the customs or even where to go to get some help. I
commend you for trying to make it work out for your daughter's
sake. I hope your wife will be willing to go to marriage
counseling with you; if not, you could go for counseling by
yourself.
What you need is a friend, or a person who can advocate for you
with your wife and also help you navigate your way in Norwegian
society. Perhaps you will find help through your posting in
this e-tree; or perhaps you will find this through counseling.
Other things you can do are to immerse yourself in learning
Norwegian, and adapt yourself to the ways people do things
there. You will have to do this on your own because it seems
that your wife doesn't want to do it with you. If your wife is
unhappy because of how you take care of or interact with your
daughter, think about what might be valid about her criticisms
and what you can do better. Her comments about your appearance
seem trivial and possibly cover up some deeper unhappiness with
you and your relationship with her.
I'm sorry you are having such a sad and difficult time. I hope
you get the help you need.
Louise
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Last updated: Sep 16, 2006
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