Help parenting an exuberant 3-year-old

I'm looking for a good parenting class for me and my husband to attend. We have a very exuberant three year old daughter who gives us a run for our money. I want very much to avoid spanking, as I think it teaches all the wrong lessons, but I find myself so frustrated sometimes that I show anger, which isn't helpful either. My husband, on the other hand, has a real challenge being firm, even though he thinks limits ought to be set. He just doesn't have the skills to do it. Evenings work best, not to expensive preferred. Also, a program more than a few weeks long would be too difficult. Thanks, Lori

You can also find more information re Dr. Neufeld by googling his name or doing a search on Amazon or amazon.ca for his book. I agree that as parents you have to demonstrate a source of authority that relies not on spanking, but connection and the parents' own centeredness and self-assuredness. I think if you have to spank a child to make them do what you want, you ultimately have little instrinsic influence or connection w/ them. good luck, nita

Help parenting a difficult preschooler

I'm looking for a parenting class/facilitated support group that deals with difficult behavior in a preschooler. The recommendations on the website seemed a bit dated, so I thought I'd see if anyone had taken a class recently and found it useful. I'm not looking for a one-on-one situation with a therapist (already done that), but more of a class that focuses on techniques and getting immediate results. My son is 4-years old and I'm losing my ability to control him. He often screams, runs around the house, throws objects, slams doors, wets his pants and generally does things purposefully to aggravate me. His pediatrician says he does not have ADHD or any other physiological disorder, but has behaviorial issues, with me, in particular. His issues are presenting a great strain on the entire family, so we need to figure out how to address them as soon as possible. Thanks in advance for any suggestions. Exhausted Mom

Jill Shugart recently started doing some classes which are receiving excellent feedback. They are entitled ''How Imperfect Parents Raise Self-Reliant Kids.'' Jillshug AT aol.com 510-528-0309
She is also an excellent resource for getting individual perspective on parenting and your child. She has directed Pre Schools for years and is a very good Individual and Couple therapist. Sherry Reinhardt

While reading the request from "anonymous" for a counselor for her four-year-old, I thought this was a good time to report on a class I've been taking in "parenting the spirited child." It's been taught through Bananas and Kaiser together and is led by a nurse and a child-psychologist from Kaiser. They are both very nice, the pschologist, Helen Neville, has spoken on campus to a parent's group and is really VERY experienced with children.

I'd suggest calling Kaiser and asking for Helen's number and either see her or get a referral through her. I know she's having back surgery next Wed. so she might not call back instantly ... but she's really very good.

The class, I might add, will be held again in April and is EXCELLENT. For all you parents of spirited kids out there, this workshop is full of ideas, role-plays, handouts, practical strategies ... and just plain support.

Just wanted to quickly respond to the Dad who gave the very thoughtful response about the somewhat careless Dad. I'm a single mother, but I agreed with much that this Dad had to say, especially about the need for parenting classes.

When I was pregnant I attended an 8 session set of classes Alta Bates ran for Mommies and Daddies to be. 7 of the sessions were on the birth experience and various possible happenings and 1 was on how to actually care for the baby once you had it. I thought at the time and thought much more strongly once I had my son that it would have been better had the ratio been reversed. Drugs or no drugs, lying down or squatting, natural or C-section, one way or another you get through the birth, usually in just one or two days. Then you have this kid on your hands for at least 18 years (more, really).

Since smaller families are common now, many of us have never had to interact with a newborn, other than to say, "Oh, how cute," before. Add to that the awesome responsibility of being a parent and making life and death decisions which affect your child and I think most of us could use a little extra help. I suppose that there are parenting classes around if one looks for them, but I think that these should be the norm, something that everyone takes, along with the Lamaze classes, etc.

Linnea