Anger Management - Classes & Therapists
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Anger Management - Classes & Therapists
I would like to get recommendations for a therapist who specializes
in helping patients deal with anger and fear for my friend. He is
not a violent person by any measure, but he does seem prone to
irrational fear and sometimes anger (directed internally) and would
like help processing these emotions in a healthy manner. Ideally, a
therapist covered by insurance (Anthem blue cross, PPO). berkeley
I highly recommend Cynthia Lubow, MFT as a therapist. She is very
compassionate, smart and perceptive. She specializes in depression,
trauma, grief, anger and PTSD work. She takes insurance but I do not know
the particulars. Her contact info--email: Cynthia@WomensPsychotherapy.com
and phone: (510) 525-
Best of luck,
I can highly recommend Cynthia Lubow. She has over twenty years
experience and specializes in anger, fear and trauma issues. She is
compassionate and thorough in her approach and uses EMDR to resolve
these issues. I have heard amazing stories about the effectiveness of
EMDR in these kinds of situations, so I think she would be a good fit
for you. Her website is http://www.womenspsychotherapy.com/Home.html
I need a new skill set for parenting and for controlling my
temper. I am looking for a therapist in Berkeley to help me
with this. I have been blowing up at my kid lately and I
want desperately to change. I need someone to give me
concrete ideas for learning new behavior instead of yelling.
Also I am interested in RCB (redirecting children's
behavior) classes. Any recommendations at all will be
Mom that needs help.
My sister-in-law has 4 boys, and after the 3rd was born she was having
similar issues to yours, and realized she needed better parenting
techniques. She swears by ''Love and Logic,''
(http://www.loveandlogic.com/), which as I understand it focuses on
establishing logical consequences for bad behavior, and taking
parental emotion/reaction out of the equation (obviously easier said
than done, but my SIL has been pretty successful in making it work
with her kids). Carrie
I know how you feel. A couple of years ago I felt like I was just
yelling at my kids way too often-- I was stressed and mad all the
time, and scared of my anger.
I went looking for a class that would help me control my anger - you
know, count to 10, punch a pillow, those kinds of tips. I'm lucky I
found Yvonne Mansell and her course on anger and stress management.
Yvonne is a licensed marriage and family therapist, and also a student
of the Buddhist tradition of mindfulness. She has been helping parents
explore the psychological and spiritual dimensions of anger and stress
for years. (She also offers support groups on mindful parenting and
other topics.) Her class taught me tons about anger management, but
with layers of insight and mindfulness that I never expected. She has
a calming, compassionate presence, and lots of concrete, useful
information; she has really helped me understand what my anger is
about and what alternatives I have for dealing with it.
You can find out more about Yvonne and her classes at:
With her guidance, you can definitely find your way to being calmer
and more present as a parent, and happier overall. Good luck to you.
- Calmer Mom Now
Oh I'm so with you! I'm also so sorry that you're having
these troubles. I find parenting my daughters so very
challenging and I hate it when I loose my cool.
I do have a very good recommendation for you. Yvonne
Mansell. Last year I was part of an 8 week series that she
does with moms titled, "A Mindful Approach to Anger and
Stress Management." Do you love the title? As soon as I
read it, I was hooked! Taking this class and getting to
learn from Yvonne and the other mom participants changed my
life dramatically. I certainly am not a perfect mama, but I
am SO much better at dealing with stress and my children
than I was before the class. I learned techniques and ways
to get myself to chill out or ideally prevent myself from
getting into predicaments. And I'm much better at forgiving
myself for my mistakes.
I find Yvonne's manner and way of teaching so kind and
helpful. She's a mom, she's real and she knows this road. At each
session there is a check in and then Yvonne teaches
on a particular topic. There is time for the participants
to share and ask questions and there are times when we
reflected on a topic and wrote about it for ourselves. My
learning was deep and so very helpful.
Yvonne's website is www.yvonnemansell.com
Yvonne runs other support groups as well as individual and
Very best to you mama. I think it's great that you're
searching out help. Good luck to all of us!
I would like to highly recommend an anger management parenting
group that I just completed which was run by Yvonne Mansell MFT
(510) 528-9551. It was an eight week group that met once a week.
Yvonne had concrete ideas to help with one's individual anger.
She provided us with tools that encouraged insight into our anger
and what triggered it. Additionally, she taught us ways to
reduce those rageful feelings. She has a balanced approach which
is spiritual, non-
judgmental and yet does not shy away from talking about those big
yucky feelings. She also has a good sense of humor!
Yvonne's website www.yvonnemansell.com
Feeling more peaceful
Yvonne Mansell offers an insightful, safe and skills-based class
to help parents address anger issues. Please go to
http://www.yvonnemansell.com (510) 528-
9551. Yvonne uses a combination of education, experiential
exercises and discussion on topics. The class provided me with a
non-judgmental and structured way to think about my anger. Yvonne
offered very concrete suggestions for managing anger before,
during and after an anger episode. She is a gifted facilitator
and her own journey is very inspiring. I also loved that we
talked about how to help our kids manage their anger.
Yvonne Mansell's Anger Management Series
Anyone have experience with this series, or any other anger
management class you can recommend? I need to find some
tools to help me to calm down, NOW! Wants to Stop Yelling
i don't have experience with Yvonne Mansell's anger
management classes (though I took, and enjoyed) her
mindfulness class at one point.
However, for anger (or any other emotional issues) and
parenting, I would highly, highly recommend Leah Statman
in Albany. Best of luck
(Editor note: Leah Statman passed away in 2011.)
Although I haven't taken Yvonne's anger management series,
she has been a mentor parent to me for over 6 yrs now.
Along the way I have learned so much from her about
parenting in general and dealing with frustration and anger
in particular. As I remember it, one of the very first
questions I ever asked her was about navigating my anger
around my son. In all things I find her responses to be
compassionate, practical and deeply thoughtful. She also
has a very gentle style (and gentle sense of humor) that I
find refreshing because all too often others give parenting
advice with too much zeal and militancy. sabine
I've heard good things about Yvonne Mansell's anger
management classes from a trustworthy friend who attended
them. I have talked with Yvonne and she seems like a very
competent therapist to me (I am also a therapist).
Albert Dytch 452-6243 conducts anger management groups for
men. He works with a woman who conducts similar groups for
From a graduate of Albert's group
Hi Yelling Mom,
I was in the same boat and took Yvonne's class this fall. I
was finding myself yelling and angry, particularly with my
children, and generally not being the person and the mother
I wanted to be. The series was wonderful. It gave me many
practical tools and strategies to use and they have made a
significant difference in my life. It was also great to have
a support group and a place to listen to and learn from
other parents. Yvonne is also a parent and brings great
insights from her experiences to the group as well.
Hope this answers your questions,
Therapist for Anger Management/Self-Confidence?
After 10 years together, my husband has made enormous strides in
dealing with his anger [and I'd like to add that I have *never*
feared for my or my childrens' safety - it's a more self-directed
anger]. He's gone from punching walls because he over cooked his
steak (seriously), screaming about a parking ticket, etc to
infinitely better and more appropriate behavior. Still, the
anger is *there,* just not coming out in the same ways. Lately
it seems to be coming out as really mean and snarky comments. If
I hadn't already lived with his supremely awful behavior in the
past (and his slip ups here and there in the present) I'd be more
willing to let some stuff slide, but now that we have two small
kids, one of whom is an extremely sensitive 6 year old boy, I
feel that he needs to address *why* he is so angry and why he
directs it at himself almost exclusively. I refuse to allow this
insidious and destructive behavior to be passed on to our son.
Any suggestions for a therapist who can work with him on this?
He's on board. Thanks.
---- Tired of This
My husband worked with Kirsten Beuthin (652-0990) who I would
highly recommend for issues related to self-directed anger and
lack of self-confidence. He struggled for quite awhile (not an
easy fix), but was able to focus on his issues and is in a much
better place now. He really liked working with Kirsten, which
was important because I don't think he would have done so much
work if he hadn't liked her.
Tracy, been there
Albert Dytch runs weekly anger management therapy groups for men.
He specializes in those who have families and are not the
court-ordered cases. As part of the intake, Albert meets
separately with the spouse to get her perspective. I went thru
this program and got insight as well as tools for managing anger.
His phone is 510-452-6243.
Easier to live with now
I recommend ruling out common medical conditions which may
cause anger management and impulse control problems. Would
your husband be willing to ask his doctor to check him for
hypertension, thyroid imbalance, sleep apnea, clogged arteries
in the neck, mini strokes, seizure disorders, or other things
that might also restrict blood flow to the brain or oxygen
levels in the blood?
In addition, it would be useful to for him to see a therapist
to assess and rule out depression, post traumatic stress
disorder, Attention Deficit Disorder or other chemical
imbalance-based mental illnesses which might cause him to act
out impulsively and with anger and which are highly treatable
with medication and therapy combined.
He could attend anger management therapy concurrent to these
medical and psychiatric assessments. If he is acting out in
order to get what he wants, i.e. to control others, I recommend
you find a certified domestic violence group in your area.
Your county superior court while have a list of providers. If
he is acting out impulsively, then an anger management group,
using a cognitive behavioral therapy approach has good clinical
evidence of its efficacy.
Kaiser Anger Management class for mom?
I've reached the point where I know I need to address my anger
towards my kids -- explosive (nonviolent) reactions to behavior that
isn't really anything out of the ordinary. The Kaiser class that's
been recommended on BPN appeals to me although I'm not a member. My
question: any moms out there who have taken this class? Was it
useful? If not, can you recommend any effective alternatives?
Many, many thanks.
Trying to Find a Better Way
I took the Kaiser anger management class for the same reasons as you.
My 9-month-old would toss her pacifier on the floor and I'd explode
with anger ... just the usual kid behavior that I was too tired and
frustrated to handle. I never took it out on her, but I would go pound
on walls in the garage. I eventually figured out there was probably a
better way to address it.
The Kaiser class was useful for me. It's very basic. It taught me some
simple but useful coping strategies. It also made me realize that there
was more going on here than anger with my kid. There were other parts
of my life that were also causing me trouble, and there were reasons
why my reaction was to hold it in and then explode. In the end I found
a therapist outside of Kaiser, and I was glad the anger management
class opened my eyes to that possibility. It wasn't part of my family
background to do therapy.
That said, it's sort of a catch-all class. My experience was, the men
are mostly in the class because they have anger problems on the job,
and the women are mostly in the class because they have anger problems
in their relationships. There's a bit of a disconnect between the two
groups. And, well, with a bunch of people with anger issues, they
sometimes get annoyed with each other. I actually found that was a useful
training exercise, but that's because I was focused on relationships
rather than, say, job hierarchies and constraints.
I am the severely sleep deprived mother of two children (ages 4 and 1.75) and I just lost it
with them this morning. While I didn't hit anyone, I spat at the older one (after she spat at
me), screamed, threw toys away and told them I didn't want to be a mommy anymore. I scared
myself and them. I've apologized profusely and told them I absolutely didn't mean what I
said, but I know I need help. I'm exhausted, angry, alone, and feel like there is no ''me''
left. Can anyone recommend a good, compassionate, insightful therapist (preferably female) to
help me deal with these issues?
phyllis klaus in berkeley is extremely helpful with perinatal
issues. she helped me with postpartum depression associated with
being a sahm. she is extremely gentle and understanding. her #
I highly recommend Heather Roselaren, LCSW/MPH off Shattuck in Berkeley. She is very
patient and insightful. She helped me with prenatal depression. Her phone number is:
I've been seeing Anne Marshall for some other issues this past year, and recommend
her very highly. She's smart, insightful, pragmatic, straightforward, and funny. She
actively offers opinions and practical advice, and has been such a strong and
compassionate advocate on many occasions that I fully trust her occasional
recommendations for ''courses.'' Among other things, she has helped me find a place
for anger -- I was swallowing mine, and I now have an easier time acknowledging it
and bringing it into balance with my other emotions.
I can't speak to her experience with SAHM issues specifically, but she has helped me
understand and address other issues MUCH more constructively than the 2 other
therapists I've seen. Her number is 220-0808, and (icing on the cake) she takes
PacifiCare and MHN.
And as I'm sure many other posters will tell you, do everything you can to address
the sleep deprivation. There's a reason the Geneva Convention lists it as a form of
torture! Taking care of two young children is draining under the best of
circumstances, and everything gets so much harder when you're not sleeping enough.
Also, when my kids were that little, it made a huge difference to my emotional
well-being to have some ''me time'' to exercise, have an occasional beer/
vent session with friends, or whatever. Finding ways to recharge your batteries isn't
just good for you, it's good for your kids, because you'll have the energy to be
nurturing. Just like they say in airplanes, ''put your own oxygen mask on first, THEN
Best of luck to you.
I would highly recommend Dr. Lisa Lancaster. I am also a SAHM and know that I am a
better mother from my work with her. She is in Berkeley. Her number is
Theresa Fleury, Ph.D, is a genuinely compassionate, insightful therapist who has her
office in Market Hall (College Ave.). She has 15 years in practice, and did her
post-grad training at Stanford. Here is an excerpt from her posting on a therapists'
website: ''Self esteem issues, depression, and anxiety are areas of my expertise. I
specialize in recovery from trauma and addictions. I have extensive experience
working with adult children of alcoholics. I work with individuals, couples and
families. Parenting and life transitions are also a focus of my work. I am able to
understand quickly the deeper issues that are involved and I share my ideas with my
clients in a collaborative style. I like to set goals in the initial sessions with
the client and track progress with the client as we work together.'' I have found
Dr. Fleury to be exceptionally talented at cutting through to the real issues, and
working to achieve positive, healthy change. Good luck. (510) 843-7055
Feeling More Positive
I'd reccomend yvonne mansell, in albany. Her number is somewhere in the archives
here..take care of yourself, and remember we have all had moments/days/months like
My own therapist, Katheryn Hirt, is fantastic at dealing with anger issues, and
helped me tremendously. She's real and ''down-
to -earth'' not too ''woo woo'' but is still very kind and compassionate. If you are
willing to do the work of showing up, she will ''meet you'' and be engaged and
proactive and not just ask you how you feel and say Mmmm hmmm the whole time --which
has driven me nuts in other therapy. I've learned a lot about myself and gained
incredible insight and gotten some tools and skills too, which I needed. 510-220-3558
is her number. Good luck!
I don't have a therapist recommendation for you, but I really recommend that you look
into the love and logic parenting method: http://www.loveandlogic.com/ I found out
about it because my son's elementary school is offering a free 6 week course on it,
and I know there are lots of other classes or even books that you could read on it.
I don't want to sound evangelical, but after only 1 class I have regained so much of
my sanity it is absolutely unbelievable. My children have gone to bed on time
without crying for the last 6 days! What this method teaches you is EXACTLY what
words to say to your children to get them to behave, and it is a miracle because it
actually works. I wish you good luck.
been there too
You should contact Lee Safran http://www.leesafran.com/
To the stressed-out SAHM of a 4 yo and a 1.75 yo - I cannot give you any
advice/recommendations for a therapist, but I humbly suggest that you consider making
it a POINT of making some ''me time''. As parents, especially mothers (whether
single or not), we tend to put ourselves last - the kids, the house, work, everything
else comes first.
It sounds to me like you need to make a regular ''date'' for/with YOURSELF - get a
massage, go to a movie, SOMEthing.
If you can find the time (and money) to go to a therapist regularly, you can MAKE the
time and find the funds to treat yourself well, regularly.
If you have a local teenager whom you trust, enlist their aid - even 2 hours a week,
whatever - and DO SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF. Go to the gym; go swimming; go to a movie;
get a massage; visit a friend; go for a walk; take a class. Whatever you USED to
do, that helped you be ''you'', do it again.
A therapist may be what you need, in the end, but perhaps you might just need to
de-stress a bit. Most of us do.
Been there, and now I'm at the gym
Laura Pilnick, MSW 510-465-0553, located near Grand Ave in Oakland. She is very
practical and supportive of the strains of being a parent. She will provide you with
very concrete tools for dealing with anger and stress issues. I highly recommend
her. Congrats to you for doing this for you and your children! Lynne
My advice: skip the therapy and hire a babysitter! You need a
break! Go shopping, to the movies, to the gym, for a walk -
anything on a weekly basis and you will come back to the kids
refreshed and happy. Do it for you. anon
I highly recommend you contact Perinatal Psychotherapy Services at 594-4006. You
will surely find the help you are seeking with one of the three wonderful
practitioners, Gina Hassan, PhD, Donna Rothert, PhD or Lee Safran, MFT. Good luck.
Dear SAHM, I have a really good therapist to recommend for your
life and anger issues. Her name is Suzanne Pregerson and I
have been working with her for about 6 months on similar issues
of my own. Suzanne is a calm, non-judgemental listener who has
an active interest in working with parents - individuals and
couples - of young children. She is a parent herself and can
sympathize and offer practical advice on what is going on with
you and your children. I also like that when I am at my wits
end with some issue she invariably has a comment like ''you
would be surprised how often I hear that complaint. Here is a
solution others have tried.'' Knowing you are not alone also
helps. Please contact her at 510-548-1237. Good Luck!
I have an son who will be 3 soon and a 4 month old daughter.
About two months before the baby was born, I started yelling at
my son a lot. I guess it was the difficulty I was having being
pregnant compounded by my son being a very active 2+yr old boy.
My situation hasn't improved. My husband isn't a yeller at all so
I try very hard to keep my temper in line. (Having a husband that
makes me want to be a better person every day helps) My parents
were yellers and I remember how awful it felt to be yelled at by
them. My son tells me not to yell at him. When he does, I feel so
mortified and completely ashamed because I love him more then
anyone in the world. One day, the first thing he out of his mouth
to his Dad was ''Mommy yelled at me''. (Dad worked late that day
and came home after the kids were in bed) My husband says ''You're
the adult.'' Meaning, I should know better then to holler at him.
I should and I do! My kid is normal for his age and has lots of
energy. But when my son starts working my nerves and I'm
exhausted and the baby is screaming, and I am trying to get
dinner on and do dishes and laundry, and I am alone with the two
of them, sometimes I get to the end of my limit and I start
hollering. I have never ever hit or spanked him but I am afraid
that one day, I might cross the line. I am really ashamed and
scared of this thing that lurks inside of me. I want to nip this
in the bud before my kids learn these bad habits from me. It's
not going to go away on its own. Can anyone recommend a good
therapist or group class for anger management in Berkeley?
Mom that Yells =(
I am a ''yeller'' too - It just comes naturally when you have been raised that way. Check
out the love and logic parenting method (loveandlogic.com). If you can't make it to one of
the trainings, at least read one of the books (you can probably find them in the library).
This method is amazing - it teaches you to overcome your natural response of just yelling -
the ''drill sargeant'' approach to parenting. Basically, children continually try to gain
control from you, and the more that you prevent them from getting control, the harder they
try, until they push you so far that you start yelling. The solution is to give them some
control on YOUR terms, so they don't drive you nuts, and to let them learn from their
mistakes (i.e., natural consequences). The books will give you tons of concrete suggestions
on how to do this, but the basic method is to let the kid make choices about things that
don't affect anyone else, and also to only give choices you can live with. Then, when they
make ''mistakes'', they learn from the consequences of their actions rather than focusing on
the power struggle with the parent. Check it out, it really works!
I have greatly benefited from attending parenting and other
workshops through the Bay Area Nonviolent Communication. Their
approach to communication helps build nonviolent relationships
with children, adults, coworkers, anyone. They offer workshops
on a sliding scale and subscribe to the philosophy that no one
should be turned away for lack of funds.
www.baynvc.org Jean H.
Dear Fellow Mom,
The same happened to me when I was pregnant with my second child and my first was about 2
years old. Anger management had never been an issue for me until then. I can understand that
you are ashamed and scared of ''this thing'' that lurks inside of you Ė I was too and maybe I
still am. How honorable of you that you want to work on yourself and discontinue a habit that
might have been carried over by generations before!
Working on managing my anger has been quite a journey for me. I came to realize that there is
not the magical one thing that will make you so calm that you wonít yell anymore. It is hard
work and there have been many different things that Iíve been practicing.
Letís start with books that have helped me: ''When Anger Hurts your Child Ė A Parentís
Guide'' by McKay, Fanning, Paleg & Landis. Also ''Kids, Parents and Power Struggles'' by Mary
Kurcinka - a wonderful book!It was not just the reading, but practicing over and over again
what the books suggested. I kept an anger diary for a while which helped me identify my
stress factors and trigger thoughts. Sleep deprivation, PMS, irregular meals, etc. are stress
factors that I can try to avoid, now that I know about them. Becoming aware of any irritation
and anger in the beginning stage by tuning into my body often helped me push the brakes.
Nurturing myself - e.g., sitting down for a few minutes and drinking a cup of tea instead of
doing the laundry, stepping out of the door to breath fresh air, calling a friend to get some
empathy, deciding not to cook dinner because it would be impossible keeping my cool by
juggling too many things, etc. Ė lowers my stress level. The first year with my second child
was extremely exhausting for me too Ė physically and emotionally. I did see an acupuncturist
and took Chinese herbs to replenish my body.
Meditating on a regular basis has probably been the thing that has helped me the most. It
calms me down and sets the tone for the day. Through the mediation I practice being mindful,
which then kicks in in stressful situations with my kids. Although often it has been
difficult to find the time away from the kids to meditate, the 15 or 20-minutes per day are
totally worth it.
How can we possibly go through all this on our own? Reaching out for support and connecting
with others is a great idea. I went to a momís support group for a while and found out that I
wasnít the only one dealing with these issues. Finally, I decided to see a therapist to work
on unresolved childhood issues in more depth which contribute to how I manage (or not manage)
my anger. I can highly recommend Yvonne Mansell, a licensed psychotherapist in Albany. She
also facilitates momís support/mindful parenting groups. Phone: (510) 528-9551, email:
Youíre right when you say that it wonít go away on its own. Itís hard work AND there are many
positive things that you will encounter on this journey. I wish you all the best!
A now more compassionate & patient mom
Good for you for reaching out and asking for help! I don't have
a recommendation for your specific request, but I wanted to let
you know that you are not alone! I too, struggle with anger
towards my children and have strong, angry reactions to their
''normal'' kid behavior. Given your status as post-partum and that
you started yelling while pregnant, I wonder if you are
experiencing some hormonal shifts that are causing you to have a
shorter fuse. My temper definitly increased after the birth of
my second child and I found my hormmones were never quite the
same. I would recommend looking into some post-partum support. Your anger and yelling may be
a response to how overwhlemed you
likely are with an infant and toddler and the normal stresses of
See also: Anger, Hostility & Defiance in Teens
Does anyone know of a teenage boys anger management class for kids who are not Kaiser
I've found several classes useful.
Mt. Diablo Adult Ed in Concord has two excellent programs. One
is for Parents & their teens. Mrs. Cantrell teaches it & it's
a two week program, one night a week. This class is FREE. The
next sessions are 3/28 - 4/4, 5/2-5/9, 5/30-6/6. They also have
another great class that is just Anger management. It costs
$35. I've taken this & found it very helpful for me to deal
with my son's anger as well as making sure I'm expressing mine
in a proper way. This is an 11 week class. Karen Lingenfelter
teaches this, she's great & has a great sense of humor. The
class is revolving so you could join at any time. These classes
are held at Loma Vista Adult Center 1266 San Carlos Ave. 94518.
To register for either of these classes, you would call 925-685-
7640 ext 2772.
I also highly recommend you signing up for a
class called Parent Project. It's a nationally proven program
for changing destructive & out of control adolescenct
behavior. It's designed for any care provider dealing with
serious adolescent acting-out. You learn effective parenting
skills & how to get the support you need. It's also held in
Concord but at the John Muir Behavioral Health Services bldg.
formely Mt. Diablo Medical Pavilion on Grant St. You can sign
up by calling Melody Royal at 925-682-8000 ext. 4297. There is
a $50. cost that covers the classes, textbooks & all the
handouts. It is taught by the MDUSD parent liason as well as
Jerry Zimmerman who works at an alternative high school & is
the psychologist. They are both great. This is also an 11 week
class, but it is awesome!!! There also is a dinner sign up
list, so you get to eat there.
I hope this helped out. I know they're helping me out.
I am looking for an Anger Management Class for Men in the
Lamorinda, Walnut Creek, Pleasant Hill area. I saw the
recommendation for Kaiser Richmond but was hoping for something
closer to home. My husband has talked to some therapists in
the past but they just listen and don't advise.
I took the Kaiser program and it was very good. The Kaisers in
Richmond and Oakland have them, and the Kaiser in Walnut Creek
may as well. Call them. If not, the class meets only once a
week for eight weeks, and the commute is a small inconvenience
for an intervention that can really help.
I can understand how you want to help your husband with anger
management issues since it impacts you and your child/ren. You
need to remind yourself, however, that it is his issue (and also
not your fault) and until he wants help, he will never ''listen''
or get results from any program and may end up resenting you
because you ''helped'' him go. I know Alameda Family Services (formerly Xanthos) in Alameda has some
excellent groups for men and/or therapy that specializies in
this field. The battered women's groups can also refer you to
some anger management programs for him (and most of the good
ones are free or subsidized), but you should take time to focus
on yourself---even though there may not be any physical abuse in
your household, just the fact you wrote in shows me that his
anger is a real concern for you and has impacted your life.
Free places to get help for YOU are Alanon and any of the
battered women's groups. I used to go to a wonderful one on
Sixth Street in Berkeley. Once you get the help you need--and
then change, then you will find the answer to your partner's
anger. He may never recover (it can last a whole lifetime), but
you can go forward and live a more peaceful existence---you
deserve it and so does your family. Good Luck--you will get
through this. OK to email me anytime to let me know how
everything works out!
I am looking for Anger Management classes that cater to highly educated
professionals. My husband yells at the kids which at times brings them to tears. He
is not physically abusive but I know his shouting is causing harm to the children. My
goal is for my husband to learn various skills and tricks to handle his outburts in
front of the kids. I only have one shot to try and get my husband to go to classes so
I am very particular that he is in a class with his peers. Please advise.
- Trying to keep the peace!
My husband would highly recommend the anger management class at
Kaiser Richmond. We got it off this list serve, where it was
very well recommended many times in the past. It's open to all
(dont' need to be a Kaiser memeber). He said that the teacher
was great, the work book was very useful (I hope to glance at it
some time). These classes were NOT for folks who were court
ordered to take them, and I think most of the students were
dealing with yelling and anger expressed at objects issues and
not physical violence on people issues. The classes were once a
week on Tuesdays for several weeks in a row. They had
homework. I got the feeling that many of the students were
professional folks with day time jobs (seems like one of your
requirements). The teacher is female, the students were both
male and female. Privacy is well looked-after.
My husband wanted to be in more control of his verbal anger and
physically expressed anger towards objects, and this class has
really helped him a HUGE amount. He senses much more early when
his anger level begins to creep up and is able to stop its
progression and remove himself from the situation if needed. He
is much more able to see things from my and our children's point
of view. The teacher got across to the students that their
family members who watch them slam their fist into the wall, at
that moment aren't really sure that they won't be hit next. It
broke my husbands heart a bit to get how that behavior scared
us, and he doesn't do it anymore. He also doesn't yell much
anymore. He also doesn't try to make me listen to an
ineffective high volume lecture from him anymore. Things have
really changed for the better for us, and I am very grateful to
that teacher at Richmond Kaiser. We are setting a much better
example for our children, and we have created a muchmore even
keeled and harmonious home for ourselves.
I was helped A LOT with anger issues by attending a parenting
class and follow-on Jin Shin Jyutsu body work with Leah
Statman. Actually the Jin Shin helped the most. If you want to
contact her, just drop me a line, and I can connect you. Best
of luck to you whatever path you choose.
(Editor note: Leah Statman passed away in 2011.)
Kaiser has a good one. Open to the public. About $75 for 6-8 weeks, IIRC.
Does anyone know a good anger management class? I am looking
for one for someone whose problem is mild and far from violent.
I don't think he would benefit from something which is pitched
for people with more serious problems. He is presently signed
up for the Kaiser class. Do people have any experience with
that class? Or recommendations for other classes?
The Kaiser sponsored Anger Mangement Class is ideal for a person
who is not violent or court appointed. They are open to members
and non-members alike and follow an 8 week curriculum that was
developed by Kaiser and is taught at any Kaiser offering an
Anger Management Class. I am the coordinator of the class in
Richmond, and just speaking from my own experience with our
instructor and this class, its extremely well evaluated. People
like our instructor (she is an expert in anger management) and
they like the materials, and of course the chance to interact
with the class members. The next 8 week class in Richmond
starts on August 13. Its a very popular class and I think word
of mouth seems to keep it full. Call 307-2210 if you're
The ReNascent Center in Sonoma offers a workshop series dealing
with anger. For more information check out their website,
www.renascentcenter.com. Their classes and workshops tend to
be very experiential. Highly recommended.
My husband has finally accepted that he has an anger
problem. Let me hasten to say he is in no way a threat to
me or our children - he loves us to distraction and would
never, every physically hurt us. But he allows himself to get
incredibly angry over small things, mostly driving or stuff he
reads in the paper. If someone cuts him off on the freeway,
he will explode and try to ''get even'' with the person. At
home, he gets mad so easily that it is affecting our
relationship (fortunately he never blows up at the kids - they
are the lights of his life). I know it is affecting his work - he
feels that people at work avoid him, and I am sure it is
because of his temper.
He has finally admitted that he has a problem. Now, what
can be done? He mentioned trying to take an anger
management class, but is afraid everyone else will be there
because of a court order for beating their wives or
something! He is an intensely private man, so I worry that
he might have trouble opening up to a counselor. Has
anyone had any experience with anger management
classes/counselors/techniques? Are there any books that
might help him? We have Kaiser for health insurance.
Part of the problem is certainly stress - he works full time,
goes to school part time, and we have 2 children under the
age of 3 who are 16 months apart. I work 30 hours a week
as well, so our lives are not exactly relaxing.
I would highly recommend workshops given by Bonnie Serratore at
The Center in Sonoma. She has a one-day workshop this weekend
called ''Rage to Passion''. She is a master of the emotional
body and working with her can give you the ability to shift the
role anger plays in your life permanently. Phone 707-996-
9796. She does amazing work. Feel free to contact me if you
want to talk about this.
My husband went to Kaiser's anger management class and it was very helpful to him and
to us. He calls it ''life-changing.''He learned useable techniques to recognize when
temper was about to flare and ways to shift gears when he felt himself heating up.
You can call 752-1075, Kaiser Oakland's health education department to learn more.
They offer a single overview of anger management class and then a 10 week anger
Also, these classes do not meet the court appointed requirements for domestic
so that might alleviate some of his concern.
Hope this is helpful!
Good luck with the anger management. My husband has a similar
problem and has had modest success with a combination of
meditation and reading some books, most notably a book by the
Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hahn, which is entitled (I think)
''Anger.'' Or at least it has anger in the title.
I think an anger management class is a good idea and wish I could
get my husband to go. I think a lot of people (males mostly, but
not exclusively) learn growing up that this is the way, the only
way, to respond to frustrations and stresses. They need to learn
a new way to respond, and it seems to me that it is helpful to
know that many other people have this problem, so that they are
not a monster, or something along those lines, just someone who
needs help unlearning an old behavior/habit and learning new
We run a great Anger Management Program at Kaiser Richmond. The
instructor is wonderful and has been teaching here for almost 3
years. Usually we have men or women just like your husband in
the class- stresses of life and anger related to family/kids.
There are also people who attend because they were sent from
their jobs - but this is not a class for people who have to
attend anger management classes for more than 8 weeks. Feel
free to call me if you would like more information about this
class. A new one is starting on Wednesday, April 2, 7-9pm, $70
for members including a book ''Why Anger Hurts'' and a syllabus.
Joyce at 307-2211.
You are quite fortunate. For one, your husband has admitted to his
problem. Secondly, Kaiser Oakland has a wonderful Anger
Management program. I am a therapist and I have recommended
the class to my clients as an adjunct to our therapy and have been very
pleased with the what I have heard from them and the results I have
seen. Your husband might put up some resistance (ie no one in the
group will have my same issues etc.) but I highly recommend this
particular program. It is also open to non-Kaiser members.
Sandra Bryson, MFT
My dad, who is retired, was forced into an anger management
class, also through Kaiser, by my mother. So there's an example
of someone not going through the court. From what I hear, it's a
good thing. Your husband's worries sound like he's just
uncomfortable dealing with the problem or acknowledging it's a
problem. My dad is not really physically violent either, but the
anger is just as damaging. Try to encourage (or coerce?) your
husband. Sooner rather than later.
Bravo, bravo to your husband for admitting he has a problem, and
for you in supporting him in his efforts to change. He will need
to do much of the work himself, but you can be there for him--as
it sounds like you are. I don't have much specific advice, but I
want to STRONGLY state that your husband is doing the right thing
by seeking help. I am the adult daughter of a father whose
behavior was very similar to that which you describe in your
husband, and let me tell you, your husband's actions ARE
affecting your children, even if the anger is not directed ''at''
them. Quite simply, your children are learning how to respond to
the inevitable angers, stresses, and frustrations of life as they
watch their father go about his daily life...hopefully they have
a more positive role model in you, but still, they are absorbing
it *all* like sponges. I know because I am there: at age 36
struggling to undo those angry ways of being in the world that I
learned from my father, trying not to pass them on to my own
infant son. For me, two years of therapy helped, part of which
involved confronting my own parents about their behaviors when I
was a child. (Chances are, your husband had one or more angry
caretakers.) My mother claimed that my father's anger was just
related to the ''stress'' of a demanding job, but--surprise--now
he is retired and he is just as angry as ever! I'm sorry I can't
recommend a specific therapist or program locally, since my
therapy took place elsewhere. But an excellent book is
''Emotional Intelligence'' by Daniel Goleman, and another is ''When
Anger Hurts: Quieting the Storm Within'' by McKay, Rogers, and
McKay. I just want to re-affirm that he is doing the right
thing by seeking help. Best of luck your family.
Still Working on It.
I empathize and understand the issues involved with coping with
an angry husband. You and your husband are fortunate to realize
that there is a problem as many men are in deep denial about
their anger and the impact on those around them. That said,
here are my suggestions for dealing with this complex problem.
In the case of my husband, we have been working with this issue
for the past ten years and have taken these steps. First, I
think it is wise to discuss medication with a psychiatrist or a
physician who is knowledgeable about these issues. Oftentimes,
there is an underlying depression and anger control is much
better when this is treated. Second, I recommend that both of
you see therapists. There are two that I recommend: Albert
Dytch 452-6243 works with men and does men's groups for anger
management. The group work is vital because the men are very
good at giving each other feedback and understanding and
confronting the challenges involved. While a few of the groups
are court ordered cases, others are men from all walks of life,
but mainly professionals. Albert generally separates these
groups so your husband would not be dealing with the court
group. But you also need a group and/or therapist. I had to
learn a whole new set of communication skills so that I could
recognize what was happening and learn to set clear limits. I
recommend Deborah Joy, 524-8284. It is possible that Kaiser has
some resources, you would need to check. Finally, there are
many books on the subject but I recommend two that worked well
for us: For him: ''Anger Kills'' by Redford Williams and Virginia
Williams. I know it sounds dramatic, but the book is actually a
very practical source and not too time consuming. The second
book is called the ''The Verbally Abusive Relationship'' by
Patricia Evans. This book helps to provide a framework for
considering your interactions and identifies the ways that anger
can be abusive. It can be a real eye opener. I wish you good
luck, perseverance, and am sending much support for taking
action on this issue for yourself and your children.
You are not alone
I took an anger management class at Kaiser Richmond a few years
ago. I did not go with any expectations or fears (just knew I
needed help with my anger). I found it worthwhile. The
instructor was okay, but the materials and the class discussions
made up it (she wasn't bad, just not
inspiring). I think Kaiser contracts out to different people to
teach their various classes, so I doubt she is still there
teaching AM. I don't believe any of the folks taking the class
were there by court order. Worth checking into, in my opinion.
Can anyone recommend a family/marriage therapist in
South Berkeley? Are there people who specialize in
anger management? We would prefer someone with evening
hours or weekend hours.
An excellent therapist who specializes in anger management is
Albert Dytch, MFCC. He works with individuals, couples and
families. He also does anger management groups for men. He is
located near Lake Merritt in Oakland. His phone number is 510
452-6243. If he is too far for you, he may be able to recommend
someone who works in South Berkeley. Good luck.
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