Our Discussions

Children growing up here
1 ( a madar)

I take my 5 years old son every morning to the bus stop for a month now ( he is very proud to take the school bus with the older kids) every morning I say good morning to the children after a month a couple have started to say good morning back , the rest just look at me. They are all kids from our building who know me. Here " Salam be bozorgtar " does not mean much I guess That was one example (continued from the discussion "To My Child ... or Is This Bringing Up Loos -o -Nonor (spoiled) Kids? " )

2 ( a madar)

Actually , that is a question for me too . Why children don't answer ? I take my 4 year old to day care center two days in a week and as soon as she enters all her teachers say Good morning to her but she doesn't answer . No matter how many times I tell her answer them , say hello , she won't say it. What am I doing wrong ???? any Advice ?

I am sure she doesn't react like this because she is Loose or bitarbiat . I am just clueless . Maybe they don't feel comfortable answering back . Maybe they are sleepy in the morning . Maybe they are shy .....

3 ( a mother)

I think this is just one of those things that we have to keep teaching our children - especially by example (not too hard). But manners are something that just seem to need keep being worked on. My son who's 9 will (most of the time) answer back - saying "hello", "thank you" ,etc. BUT - he doesn't make eye contact and doesn't say it loud enough. Sometimes he'll say it while running outside - therefore the person who's just come in to our home sees the back of his head but doesn't hear the almost silent - "hello". I sometimes will call him back and have him look at the person and repeat (then remind him that the first way wasn't heard and wasn't a polite way to greet someone).

I think it's the parents responsibilities to keep reminding children. Unfortunately many parents don't follow-thru with polite manner teaching to their kids. I'll keep trying.

Yours truly,

4 ( a madar)

I think it's combination of things. It does not matter what background (is not an American or Iranian, or whatever) I have a lots of my friend from all different cultures complaining from the same things. Some people say that girls are better than boys. I don't think so. Reasons could be: We as adults could be intimating to kids so they try to avoid us by not acknowledging us. Maybe they are shy or they think is not cool to be seen talking to their friends parents .

Or maybe because from the time that they are old enough to distinguish between people we keep drilling into them "do not talk to the stranger" or "don't be too friendly to people you don't know".

Or just want to bug a heck out of their parents (some thing to push their buttons with). I keep telling mine that they did not say hello or thanks or whatever that is appropriate loud enough. But I heard from teachers and other parents that they always say thank you and hello when I am not there! So keep reminding them. They will get it right sooner or later.

Please send your replies and/or opinions regarding this subject to madar-pedar@surya.eecs.berkeley.edu. Do not forget to include the topic in the subject line.

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