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Letters to the BPN Moderators

Berkeley Parents Network > Letters to the BPN Moderators


October 2006

Re: My wife is rejecting me 6 out of 7 days to which "An Opinionated Hooker" replied: "This is as much a heads-up to the many moms who post about their reduced sex drive as well as a specific reply ... I'm paid for sex and companionship by men from 25 to 65, mostly married, whose wives can't or won't engage in intimate relations ... In my opinion, if a woman is not willing to address ... the underlying problems in a marriage, then (if divorce is out of the question) you as the husband are justified in discreetly ''supplementing'' your sexual needs with other women while your wife keeps her head in the sand." [excepted - see link above]


WOW! I am sure there is going to be an explosion of postings from ''the opinionated hooker's'' comments.

It sounded like you are boastful of the fact that you get paid to sleep with other people's husbands.

Thanks for the 'head's up' but the grass is always greener on the other side. I bet you, if you were married your husband would be indulging in the same activities outside of marriage regardless of how much you 'authentically' enjoy sex. Well, enjoy and save up while you can, sweetheart!
Was that advertisement????


I am totally shocked that more people did not have a response to the ''opinionated hooker'' posting. In fact, I have been questioning why this snippet was not edited out of the BPN advice page altogether. This is, after all, a PARENTING site... I have no real issue with women who work as prostitutes for whatever reason. However, I do think that the posting was overtly aggressive and threatening, suggesting that we all need to look over our shoulders to see who might be pleasuring our husbands on the side, a professional or otherwise. It was so ludicrous and inappropriate that I forwarded it on to my husband and young moms I know locally, who all had similar reactions. As another recent response suggested, I also felt that it was a very obvious attempt at self-promotion. Please take it elsewhere. We come here for constructive advice and information. Anon
Moderator reply

We did receive one other inquiry about that particular posting.

We don't have a policy limiting postings about sex, and from the feedback we get from subscribers, people find these discussions interesting and useful. We hear that people often forward them to friends and family. The questions about sex can get racy at times and may not be to the moderator's personal taste, but people tell us they appreciate having a place where such things can be discussed.

We do allow people to express their opinions as long as they follow BPN policies, which are on the website. This includes "minority" opinions that many or most BPN subscribers may not agree with.

Regarding BPN moderators censoring messages: We do try to prevent people from using profanity but in general we do not edit or censor messages as long as they follow BPN policy, which is on the website. We do our best to apply these policies fairly, and we try to let people know when their posting does not meet policy.

We do not accept comments about other members or criticisms of others' opinions, per http://parents.berkeley.edu/FAQ/advice.html#opinion However, we do accept comments like this one about the policies we use for the newsletters, and we will publish them under the heading "Letters to the Advice Moderator".

Ginger, BPN Moderator


I too was shocked that post was let through, and i'm an openminded person. But the bottom line for me is that I would have no other access to such an opinion in my regular life. The anonymity and broad scope provided by BPN challenges my viewpoints and behavior regularly, along with showing me the vast array of perspectives that our real society has - not just what people say when they're being polite. Though I may not have LIKED what that woman had to say, I was very glad to be able to read it. Information is a good thing.
Since you received a letter criticizing the decision to run the post from the self-styled ''hooker,'' I just wanted to weigh in and say I found the original post fascinating and a good example of what's so cool about the BPN: you get to hear from voices to which you might never otherwise be exposed. Truly a diverse community! I thought it was pretty amusing that the person who found it so offensive chose to forward it to her husband. Anyway, keep up the good work, Ginger! anon
MUCH appreciated your response to "totally shocked" who signed themselves "anon" under the heading "letters to the advice moderator". i wanted to post this so it would be published but the "advice digest" board i found was only including topics from october 31 and earlier newsletters, not this one from nov. 8, hence this topic was not on it.

in any case, please keep on keepin' on, ginger. here's one voice seconding your policy (and probably your own personal feelings as well) to maintain true freedom of speech, especially in cases like this where it may seem difficult or even harmful to some to maintain it.


Dear Moderator,
In response previous letter regarding the "opinionated hooker" who had something to say about realistic expectations about sex, I totally agree that she had every right (according to the BPN rules) to respond, state her professional opinion, etc. I even believe that prostitution should be legalized. HOWEVER, as I recall, there wasn't really any advice given in regard to the husband who wrote asking for advice. I agree with the previous writers who believe this woman to be a self-promoting businesswoman. I'm not asking you to change any policies, but I hope that the "op'd hooker" will reflect on her reasons for writing her response. I'm annoyed when I find anyone who is trying to sell something under the pretense of "giving advice." Please just keep an eye out (even though it probably won't come up again.) Thanks
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