UCB Parents Jokes & Quotes:
The Evolution of Mom

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The Evolution of Mom

The following appeared in the February 1998 issue of Parenting.

Yes, parenthood changes everything. But parenthood also changes with
each baby. Here, some of the ways having a second and third child
differs from having your first:

                        Your Clothes

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN
          confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes are your regular clothes.

                      The Baby's Name
                                                                
1st baby: You pore over baby-name books and practice pronouncing
          and writing combinations of all your favorites.
2nd baby: Someone has to name their kid after your great-aunt Mavis,
          right? It might as well be you.
3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your
          finger falls. Bimaldo? Perfect!

                  Preparing for the Birth

1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last
          time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month.

                        The Layette

1st baby: You prewash your newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them,
          and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and
          discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?

                          Worries

1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick
         up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your
          firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.

                         Activities

1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and
          Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.

                         Going Out

1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call
          home 5 times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a
          number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she
          sees blood.

                          At Home

1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older
          child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.


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