A Mother's Dictionary ======================================= amnesia: A condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again. bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2AM, too. defense: What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let de children play outside. drooling: How teething babies wash their chins. dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert. family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster. feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots. full name: What you call your child when you're mad at him. grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right. hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word. impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid. independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say. look out!: What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it. prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own. prepared childbirth: A contradiction in terms. puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it. show off: A child who is more talented than yours. sterilize: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it. storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything. temper tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children. top bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies. two-minute warning: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises. verbal: Able to whine in words weaker sex: The kind you have after the kids have worn you out. whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house. whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge."
|UCB Parents Home Page||UCB Parents Recommendations||UCB Parents Advice|