UCB Parents Jokes & Quotes:
Mom's Brownies Recipe

* Remove teddy bear from oven and preheat oven to 375. 
* Melt 1 cup margarine in saucepan.
* Remove teddy bear from oven and tell Jr. "no, no."
* Add margarine to 2 cups sugar.
* Take shortening can away from Jr. and clean cupboards.
* Measure 1/3 cup cocoa.
* Take shortening can away from Jr. again and bathe cat.
* Apply antiseptic and bandages to scratches sustained
  while removing shortening from cat's tail.
* Assemble 4 eggs, 2 tsp. vanilla, and 1-1/2 cups sifted flour.
  Take smoldering teddy bear from oven and open all doors
  and windows for ventilation.
* Take telephone away from Billy and assure party on the
  line the call was a mistake.  Call operator and attempt to
  have direct dialed call removed from bill.
* Measure 1 tsp. salt, 1/2 cup nuts and beat all ingredients
  well.
* Let cat out of refrigerator.
* Pour mixture into well-greased 9x13-inch pan.
* Bake 25 minutes.
* Rescue cat and take razor away from Billy.  Explain to kids
  that you have no idea if shaved cats will sunburn.  Throw
  cat outside while there's still time and he's still able to run
  away.

FROSTING

* Mix the following in saucepan:

     1 cup sugar
     1 oz unsweetened chocolate
     1/4 cup margarine

* Take the teddy bear out of the broiler and throw it away -- far away.
* Answer the door and meekly explain to nice policeman
  that you didn't know Jr. had slipped out of the house and
  was heading for the street.  Put Jr. in playpen.
* Add 1/3 cup milk, dash of salt, and boil, stirring
  constantly for 2 minutes.
* Answer door and apologize to neighbor for Billy having
  stuck a garden hose in man's front door mail slot.  Promise
  to pay for ruined carpet.
* Tie Billy to clothesline.
* Remove burned brownies from oven.