UCB Parents Jokes & Quotes:
The Bible According to Kids

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The cute statements below are said to have been written by actual
students and are genuine, authentic and not retouched or corrected:

In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the
world, so he took the Sabbath off.

Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.

Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.

Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.

Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble
with
the unsympathetic Genitals.

Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like
Delilah.

Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.
 
Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread
which is bread without any ingredients.

The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.Afterwards, Moses went up
on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.

The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

The fifth commandment is to humor thy father and mother.
 
The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

Moses died before he ever reached Canada.

Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.

The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand
still and he obeyed him.

David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar.

He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical
times. 


Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna
Carta.

When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in
the manager.

Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

St. John, the blacksmith, dumped water on his head.

Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before
they do one to you.

He also explained, "a man doth not live by sweat alone."

It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the
tombstone off the entrance.

The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.

The epistles were the wives of the apostles.

One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.

St. Paul cavorted to Christianity.  He preached holy acrimony, which is
another name for marriage.

A Christian should have only one spouse. This is called monotony.



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The opinions and statements expressed on this page are those of parents who belong to the UC Berkeley Parents Network and should not be taken as a position of or endorsement by the University of California, Berkeley.