Berkeley Parents Network: Work/Life Balance with Kids

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Work/Life Balance with Kids

Berkeley Parents Network > Advice > Working & Careers > Work/Life Balance with Kids

How do you make it all work?

How do you make it all work?

Jan 2005

I am a full-time working mother of a toddler trying to find that work life balance. I have a wonderful job that I love and am good at (and make a great salary) with a good, understanding boss as well as a great, helpful husband who works closer to the house and helps out a lot with our child as well as the household chores and grocery shopping. We love being with our child but during the week have only an hour or two by the time we get home from work, pick her up at daycare, make dinner, etc. It is hard to do anything after work anymore (pre baby I used to meet friends for dinner, etc.) but we like coming home to be with our child. I am also tired all the time!!

But I just feel like I never have enough time for friends anymore and since our only real free time is the weekends, we have to make choices - do we see friends, run errands, just spend time as a family, workout, go out to dinner or cook at home??

How do you make it all work and fit it without giving up too much? We only have one child right now but really want a second and know it only gets harder. Are there working mom support groups (I was in a mom's group earlier but most were SAH moms so our issues were very different when we got together and I had less in common with a career) where you can get together with other full time career moms and talk about these things?

My husband and I both need to work and really like our jobs. I just want to feel like I have more balance as a working mom.

Thanks full time working mom

I don't have advice, but your letter could have been written by me, to a tee! I feel for you and would love to hear what others have to say on this. wr

My husband and I have been studying under a international speaker of human transformation and he says it succinctly and honestly, ''You can't have a pleasure without a pain''. It's a universal law. We simply can't have it ALL at one time. Something gets sacrificed.

So, you pace yourself, plan way ahead, you pay people to do your errands, etc. to free up the time you have to do what you really want with friends and family. A second child will make this very apparent.

I think it is so great you have a job you love. That is so important. If you are happy, your children will be happy. Staying at home isn't for everyone and don't let them tell you otherwise. Enjoy your job, your child, your husband and your friends. If you can work 30 hours instead of 40, go for it. anon

Being a working mother can be tough (especially in the beginning) but it is worth it, especially given your overall situation. Don't give up on your career. My kids (now in elementary school) are happy, well-adjusted, and proud of what I do outside the home. Finding the balance is a challenge. Your child must be your priority. Your social life, personal time will come back. It will just be different (motherhood changes everything). I don't know of any local working mother support groups (we just don't have that kind of time!), but I have reached out to other working moms through my office and I also subscribe to Working Mother Magazine (www.workingmother.com). Good luck and hang in there! a fellow working mom

It is tough, no doubt about it. The only way we've been able to work it out is by having one parent work slightly less than fulltime. I work 4 days a week. I have a friend whose husband reduced his schedule to 4 days as well while she stayed working fulltime. I spend my day off doing errands, grocery shopping, dealing with repair people, paying bills, etc. so we can spend more family time on the weekends. We also ''outsource'' as much as possible - we have a cleaning service every other week and a gardener twice a month - so we don't have to do chores we hate on the weekends. We don't do any social activities during the week. Our childless friends we really don't see much at all, but we try. We do see our other friends with kids a lot because that allows us to combine family time and friend time. We get together for game nights or picnics or other family activities. I would love a moms group with working mothers. If you start one, I'll join! Juggling Mom

Hello- I don't have the magic solution to the ol' work-life balance, but I started a group that might be of interest to you.

It is a play/support group for working moms and dads. We meet once a month, on the weekend, so the kids can have fun and be their wacky selves. We do things like potlucks, field trips to Habitot or the Zoo, etc. We also have some mommy and daddy only events like movies and moutain biking. The children are almost all in the official toddler range.

All of the parents work, in some capacity, and we all struggle with the ''do I go grocery shopping and buy diapers on Saturday, or spend quality time with my family?'' debate.

Check out our group and send me an email if you are interested: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/workingmoms-dads/

Good Luck! deniene

I completely share in your frustration! We have a 4 year old and an 18 month old and both work full time. The only friends I have in the area are co-workers and many of them are significantly older than me (I am 31). By the time I get off work and home with the kids I have to cook dinner, clean up, get the youngest off to bed, dishes, re-braid hair 4 year olds hair, and convince her to get to sleep!! My husband feels neglected and I feel like I no longer have any type of life and I secretly look forward to going to my office since it's the only time I have to myself. (Except when I lock myself in the bathroom.)

It would be nice if there were working mom's weekend groups. However, there would need to be a lot of members since I am sure other things will come up and people will not regularly attend!

You may also look into a play group ring -- I am not sure what they call it -- but I have read that some families alternate watching all of the kids. This would ensure you a full house perhaps once a month and 3 weeks of some time off for a date with the hubby or window shopping! jounjian

I am also a full time working mom with 2 girls 5 & 7. My short answer is that juggling parenting, family and work is somthing that changes from week to week and month to month. Some days I have it under control while on others I feel very run down. Personally I exercise everyday before everyone has to get up. That means getting up an hour earlier than my children and being ready for the day before I wake the family. I have a treadmill at home which helps. Exercise is the thing that keeps me sane and healthy. I try to go to bed no later then 10pm and earlier if possible. I am tired alot of the time, but exercise definetly helps. Next, I am learning to say no. You cannot do everything and somethings need to be put aside. Third, I keep our meals very simple and use the time to be with the kids (my 5 year old loves to wash lettuce and wash tupperware, so we talk while we are ''working'', my 7 year old will read to us too) It doesn't always work, but sometime kids just want you there, you don't have to be engaged 100%. By the time I get home and put them to bed, I feel as if I have worked harded than the entire day! But that is the way it is for now. Next, I also do errands during work (if I am out of the office I may have to stop by Target on my way back, for instance). I also do my weekly grocery shopping early saturday and my laundry on Sunday (and if I get it folded and put away I am way ahead). The point is, I need to have my responsibilities structured so that they get done, and then I can do the fun things. I suspect that I will struggle with finding the balance or juggling the responsibilities until my children have children, but these little things help me. Focusing on what is important is key and learning to give up some things (temporarily) helps. My job is flexible but demanding and I am my own manager, but somehow it is working (probably because that is the way it is). A few last thoughts, look forward to spring when the days are warmer and longer and you can go for a walk before dinner or take dinner to the park (can't we eat samwiches or have take out for dinner?). Have fun and laugh with your kids. Decorate your walls at work with their art (mine looks like an art center) and talk about your kids so they stay in your thoughts all day. Good luck and if you every get wind of a great piece of artwork of someone juggling, let me know, I want to hang it up. Susan

I think that women have been sold a bunch of hooey about having it all. In my opinion, you can't have it all, all at once and stay sane. Working part-time works for me. I can always pick up my career again, but my children will only be young once. anon

I am the single, full-time working mom of a preschooler. It is very easy to feel in a rut during winter. In my experience, it works to make plans for a couple of weeknights per week. Such as, Tuesday evening at 7pm I will run errands; Thursday evening at 7pm I will go to the gym; Friday evening we will have carry- out for dinner and go for a flashlight walk. It also gets easier when your child is a little older as well as during daylight savings when you and yours can play outside after dinner. --a mom

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