Screaming & Screeching
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Screaming & Screeching
November 2005
Hi,
I was wondering if anyone has advise on dealing with an 11 mos old girl that loves
to scream or screech.( It's extremely high pitched and hurts the ears.) She does this
for various reason, wanting something, she's eating, upset, just because... It's
driving us crazy! I saw some old posts but was wondering if anyone has any new
suggestions.
Thanks!
Tracey
Our daughter does this too. We try to ignore it. We definitely
don't give her whatever it is that she wants when she's doing
the screeching. I tried screeching back, but that didn't work.
I'm preparing myself for years of this...and then puberty, where
she'll probably just start ignoring us.
Mom to screecher
July 2005
My 13 month old son has developed a blood-curdling scream, which
he uses with great frequency. It is sometimes but not always a
sign of being upset- sometimes he just seems to be trying it out.
The problem is, I really cannot stand it anymore. In the car, I
feel like it's actually dangerous, as it startles me, and I'm
afraid I'll have an accident. The rest of the time, I'm just
walking around with a permanent headache, and I feel like I'm
constantly on edge.
I've tried just telling him ''no,'' but it only works sometimes,
and in the interest of not overusing the word/ concept, I try to
reserve it for things that are actually dangerous, which the
screaming is not, except in the car.
I've read through the archives, and based on what's there I'll
add: he is not yet speaking; we're working on sign language and
he has a few signs; and I'm trying hard to provide him with words
for what he wants or needs. But my question is: is there a way
to STOP, or at least greatly decrease this behavior? I'm really
afraid I'm going to snap. Thanks for ANY advice you may have!
Stephanie
My toddler twins sometimes scream for seemingly no reason
(though sometimes it's clear they're doing it to amuse
themselves). What I do is start singing, in a calm, not-too-
loud way. Then they stop screaming.
anon
I have a daughter who was an incredible screamer until she
started talking. What worked for us was a little re-training.
It took a while, but if she screamed while we were at home, I
told her ''its okay to scream outside, but not inside the house.''
And I'd pick her up and put her outside in the backyard (where
it was safe) for 2 minutes. If it was raining or dark, I'd tell
her ''its okay to scream in your crib with the door closed, so you
don't hurt mommy's ears'' and I'd bring her upstairs and put her
in her crib with the door closed. If she screamed in the car,
AND if there was a safe place to pull over (not on the freeway,
but maybe pull off at an exit), I'd pull the car over and tell
her that I was getting out of the car until she was done
screaming. Then I'd park and stand right outside of the car for
a minute or two. These all worked because she didn't like when I
did them. Once she started talking, the screaming also
diminished. But I feel for you!
- mama of a screamer
It may not help you much to hear this, but this screaming phase
will not last forever. My son's screaming peaked around that
age, because he wanted to communicate but was not able to yet.
Soon after that, he learned to talk and the screaming went way
down. Hang in there! In the meantime, I'd probably leave the
room whenever he screams, as a form of negative reinforcement as
well as a way to preserve your hearing!
Mother of former screamer
Our son got in touch with his screaming voice about that time too. At 17 months he
still loves doing it. I think it's part of the Great Toddler Experiment. He also has
discovered echos and then he really lets it out. Not sure how to get him to stop. We try
and talk to our son using soft voices and try not to react to his screaming. He still does
it but usually will stop after one or two times when he gets no reaction. He's now into
whispering and thinks it's quite funny. Good luck.
anon
Yes, practice the response of ignoring him immediately when he
screams (after you ascertain that he isn't actually in need of
something, and is just doing it to get hiw way). Without negative
OR positive reinforcement, he will soon discover this is a failed
method to manipulate you to do his bidding, and he will stop,
because it doesn't get him anything he wants.
You need to be consistent with this method, and everyone who
cares for him must do it as well. Just get him safe when he is
screaming, and walk away and do something else. Lock yourself in
the bathroom if need be.
And buy some earplugs to help yourself be less tense when he is
doing it.
This will probably take about two weeks to cure him of, if you
are totally consistent.
Do it! Save your sanity!
Our daughter did the screaming too right about the same age.
Not only did it startle (and annoy!) mom and dad, but it
managed to get everyone else on edge from restaurants to Trader
Joes. Happily, she outgrew it in about 2 months. I read
somewhere to ignore the scream and instead lean in calmly and
say ''I'm listening to you'' so that the child knows they don't
have to scream to get your attention. So who knows if this was
why she stopped...or if it was just meant to be a phase. In any
case rest easy, it won't last forever!
Good luck.
April 2005
My 11 months old baby girl screams all the time - no tears-
just screams. She doesn't want to be left alone for a second.
She screams when she's dry, fed, just woke up. She wants us to
pick her up, and she doesn't stop screaming if we don't. The
only way I can do anything around the house is if I let her
watch her baby einstein videos. I feel bad plopping her in
front of the TV - but that is the only way she will stop
screaming. She's only interested in toys if I am playing with
her. She wants to see me at all times,and preferably be carried
by me at all times. I am frustrated because I can't do that for
her, and her screaming really disturbs me, and makes me edgy. I
tried to tell her no - mommy can't pick you up now. That
usually works for 2 minutes. She is extremely demanding, and
insistant. HELP !
May
I think most babies want to be held most of the time. I have two, one very high-
needs and the other easy-going, and both of them acted the same way you describe
your child as behaving. It continued well after they could walk. I tried to carry
them
as much as I could, in my arms, a sling, or a small backpack. (Wearing a wool hat
helped with the hair-pulling.) Some housework was easy to include them in like
folding laundry while sitting together on the floor or flapping the sheets over them
as I made the beds. Cooking and dishes required the backpack. I tried to do as
much kitchen work as I could when they slept. I found that if I responded to their
requests to be held when they wanted, they were able to be set down later and play
or toddle around nearby. I know how frustrating it can be, but this phase will pass.
Anon
I know the story all too well. My baby, now turning 4, was just like that for the
entire
first year of her life. Would NOT be set down and demanded constant attention. It
drove me nuts, and I didn't get a lot done. But I did toughen up to a certain degree
and at times just set her in a safe place with safe toys, turned up the loud classical
music and cooked dinner with a wailing cacophany. I don't really have any advice
here, but to say my child is now a very active creative independent sociable girl. But
still highy values mommy time, and I appreciate that.
Christina
June 2002
My 8 mo. old son is constantly screeching whenever he gets the
slightest bit frustrated or tired. He seems to get frustrated
very easily - he isn't crawling yet and that may be part of it,
but he will play for a few minutes and then immediately start in
on the screeching again. It is ear piercing and I am getting to
the end of my rope (luckily when I do, my husband takes over
and I go outside for a while). I don't know if it is because he
is teething or just because this is a stage that he is going
through. People have said he is just testing out his voice, but
it is more than that. He is clearly unhappy when he is doing
it. I hate the fact that he is unhappy so much of the time but
frankly I just want it to stop. Should I ignore it? Tell him
no? I don't know how to work with behavioral issues with a baby
this young.
At 8 months, my friend's baby began to screech and they had to
stop taking him out in public. I felt smug because my baby did
not screech. My baby is a month younger than my friend's. Mine
started screeching exactly a month later (also at 8 months). We
had to stop eating out when a sudden piercing screech caused a
waiter to drop a tray of food!. Both babies screeched for a few
weeks and then stopped. I would put my baby down if I was
holding him when he screeched and tell him I don't like
screeching. But really I think there is just something about
being 8 months that makes them screech. It doesn't last long, so
just be patient and it will stop!
Ginger
I had the same experience with my daughter who is now 2 years
old. The only advice that made me feel better was my mom's. She
kept telling me that was the sign of intelligent kid. From then
on, I realized that she was just frustrated because she couldn't
do the things she wanted to do because of physical limitation. I
started to want to know what was going on in her mind,
appreciated how much she understood in that young age and amazed
how much creativity she had, suddenly the screeching did not
bother me as much (there were time when I felt like my head was
going to blow up, but it's not as often). I think you will have
an easier time once your son can walk and do things himself. My
daughter still does it sometimes (it's getting louder now
because she can scream) when she can't open the lid to her cup
or unzip her jacket. I do have fun watching her do and plan
things. She is a busy one, her mind is always going. I always
say to myself it's better to have a kid who is smart and active,
even it gets difficult sometimes.
p.l.
One of my six-month olds is a screecher, and I have found
that it is usually always related to being tired or hungry. He
gets so involved in play that usual cues to feed him or put
him down go unnoticed by me until he starts his
screeching. In most cases, I will put him to the breast and
then lay him on his back in the crib so he can watch his
Winnie the Pooh mobile and grab his feet or suck his
thumb. Then I keep my eye on him until he seems ready to
go down for a nap ( or until more screeching lets me know
he's ready). Of course, this is only what works for me and
my kid, but once I related the screeching to him being tired/
hungry, it was much easier to deal with, and it helped me
learn that he needed more sleep during the day than he had
been getting. Hope this helps.
julie
Dec. 2002
Our 9-month-old has the most mind-numbing scream, all thinking
stops when she does it - which she does. When we don't feed her
fast enough, when she's tired of the food on her tray, when she
wants to get down.
She does it in other situations, too, but somehow the mealtime
thing (or in the car) is simply unbearable, and our other child
claps her hands over her ears and sometimes starts crying. We
find it almost impossible to function when she does this, and
it's starting to ruin more meals than not.
She's not truly upset, it's an attention scream.
We've tried feeding her first, then letting her play while we
eat, but then she cries all through the meal, essentially ruining
the meal that way.
Any suggestions?
Rhabyt
A baby or toddler with a piercing scream can be extremely
stressful. I would suggest you try Baby Signs with her (simple
sign language). It is very easy to learn a few basic signs and
teach them to your baby. My daughter learned the sign for ''more''
almost immediately. When your baby has learned a few signs, try
to NOT respond to the screaming. Say ''tell me what you want...do
you want more?'' and do the appropriate sign. Your baby is trying
to communicate with you, and has found the screaming to be
effective. If she has another means of communication that is
more effective, it will probably help stop the screaming. She
can understand far more than she can communicate and it is
frustrationg for her. You can look up ''Baby Signs'' on the
internet, or find books locally.
Melissa
Your daughter sounds like ours. She had a powerful set of lungs
which she would put to good use whenever displeased, but
especially at meal times. We began saying to her what we thought
she must mean. For example, a shriek at meals would be met from
us by ''Do you want more food? Ask for more.'' Or even just
''More?'' She caught on amazingly quickly, and guess what? Her
first word was ''More.'' If the problem is pain--''Ouch, that
hurts!'' You get the idea. Once she became verbal, a lot of the
shrieking went away (although you can imagine the volume of
tantrums when she went through those phases). Walking away and
ignoring the shrieks can also encourage her to ''use her words.''
Good luck.
Mother of a future opera singer
My daughter did the same thing. It got significantly better when
we started turning her high chair around everytime she
screamed. I would just say 'No Screaming', turn her chair
around, and not turn it back until she stopped screaming. Then
I gave her all the attention she wanted once she stopped. It
also helped to explain to my other children that she was trying
to get attention and that we should do our best to ignore her
when she screams. Good luck!
Julie K.
We taught our daughter baby sign language and I imagine it might
help your child too. I felt like it created an amazing
connection between us- that she understood at about 10 months
that she could tell us what she wanted/needed and we could try
to help her. At 9 months it's a great time to start. At first
our daughter didn't catch on but her very first lick of ice
cream, accompanied by the ''more'' sign sure taught her how to
sign ''more'' and then the rest caught on. Youcan make up lots of
your own signs (we made some up for binky, music, bottle, etc)
or get some from the book- Baby Signs. By the way, teaching her
sign launguage did not affect her language aquisition at all.
She was an early talker.
Good luck!
LSG
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