Teenage Daughter under-eating

My 16 year old daughter has just been to the doctor. She gained 6'' but no pounds during puberty. She is 5'10'' and 105 lbs - ~35 pounds less than a normal/light teenager of that height. Her father and I were both ''sticks'' until puberty and she has always been a very thin child so I have not worried about it, but it seems she intends to remain stick-like.

Her doctor and I do not believe anorexia/bulimia is the problem. She rarely exercises, does not count calories, and can wolf down plates of food when she wants to. She seems completely uninterested in food unless it is handed to her on a platter. And believe me, I have busted my tail trying to serve her with a platter. For instance, I used to make her school lunch. No matter how hard I tried or what variety I brought to the lunch box, she was giving it away. She will not make her own lunch. Now she goes from breakfast to dinner on one bowl of cereal and there's nothing I can do about it. She is very picky, doesn't like to cook or prepare food, won't eat at mealtime if she is not hungry but may want to eat 2 hours later, and gets tired/bored of eating in mid-meal.

Her doctor has recommended she see a nutritionist and a psychologist. She believes my daughter is malnourished in that she is expending more calories than she is taking in.

I've got a few major concerns:

1) I don't want her eating issues to become her identity and worry that sending her to specialists will help solidify that. The label of eating disorder has potential to become her new life theme if she chooses to adopt it

2) Believe me - this is said with great amounts of Mom-guilt - I resent the dollars and time and energy this may take. I may have to turn my life upside down offering her multiple food options and meal times just to get her to gain a few pounds. My younger daughter can make breakfast and lunch and eats when we eat so it's frustrating to me to continually cater to the older.

3) I worry how she is going to get by on her own when she goes to college, given that she is not interested in changing and will probably not live with a short-order cook. If we throw dollars, time, and money at this will it not just be for naught if she moves out?

So - I need to hear from anyone who has dealt with this. Is the doctor over-reacting, under-reacting, should my daughter start in with a psychologist or nutritionist, am I a crummy mother? Help! Frustrated

Eating disorders only get worse over time, and the weight/food issues that you are describing sound quite severe.

Also, from what you've written, I certainly wouldn't rule out aneorexia. People who try to control their food intake will sometimes eat large meals when they're feeling emotionally good, or may have good days and bad days. When they're young, they may not pay attention to calories, and may in fact eat high-fat and high-sugar foods occasionally without qualms. Eating disorders present differently in each case. But any young person who regularly gives up lunch and is purposely taking in less calories than she expends is facing a real problem.

We saw Deborah Waterhouse (a nutritionist) and felt like she was very helpful. She has an office in Orinda.

Good luck! -been there

Severely underweight and anxious young teen

An experienced nutritionist urgently needed for severely underweight and anxious, ADD young teen with very low appetite. Failure to thrive complex issues, including depression. Ideally in Penninsula area but will consider others in Bay Area. Am open to Weston Price philosophy or other ideas. Desperate mom of super picky eater