Teens & Birth Control
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Teens & Birth Control
Aug 2010
Years ago I worked in a women's clinic. Now I have a high school
senior who will turn 18 & leave for college in 2011. She is not
sexually active at this time but I want to ensure she has accurate,
safe, appropriate information about staying safe around sexual
activity, particularly regarding the big issues like HIV, STDs &
unplanned pregnancy. I want to be sure she can get good,
non-judgmental information so she has what she needs when the time
arises. Doctors don't have time for this type of education. Where do
young women go for this? Seeking any advice & referrals.
loving mom of young adult
Planned Parenthood!
staunch supporter of a vital service
I think Planned Parenthood is a great choice for this type of
discussion and information. I think you'll find everything you're
looking for there.
Your question's an excellent one, and congratulations to you for being
such a thoughtful mother. I'm not up-to-date on local sex-ed
discussion/support groups, but something I'd recommend buying your
girl is the book ''The Doctor's Complete College Girls' Health Guide:
From Sex to Drugs to the Freshman 15'' by Jennifer Wider, M.D. (I know
that you asked specifically about STDs and birth control, but I think
it's important to place them within the context of a child's overall
health and his/her responsibility for learning to take care of it.) My
daughter had rather a lot of sex ed in school and some pretty open
talks with me, but it turned out that she also really liked having a
book she could turn to; she studied it carefully throughout her senior
year of high school, and started quoting Dr. Wider on all sorts of
topics.
My daughter also spent hours on the teen section of Planned
Parenthood's Web site:
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/teen-talk/index.htm (And I think PP
branches sometimes also offer discussion groups for older teenagers.)
Lastly, you might want to tool around on Good Vibrations' parents'
page: www.goodvibes.com/content.jhtml?id=Resources-For-Parents. I
mention this because it's so easy for us to focus on nothing but birth
control and STDs. Staying nonpregnant and disease-free is an important
message, but it's also kind of one-sided, so I tried to remember to
stay sex-positive.
Melanie
I'm guessing Planned Parenthood could provide the type of education
you are looking for. But I think it is very important for parents to
talk to their kids about the pros and cons of sex and tell them their
expectations. You can't control your teenagers, but a frank discussion
can help confused teens make better decisions.
Sanon
Planned Parenthood in my experience will give a young woman all the
time she needs to discuss the different topics you listed. They will
go over safe sex, all the different birth control methods and also
talk about healthy relationships. I am not sure where you live but
there is a new center in the El Cerrito shopping plaza that has a
very compassionate team and great lead clinician.
Anonymous
Hi,
Try putting a financial swing on it, ''When you're ready please see the
doctor on campus, since we are paying for insurance anyway''.
Don't know where your daughter is going but most campuses have
remarkably good health centers brimming with resources. Call ahead,
get the number and be sure she has it. My daughter went to Planned
Parenhood and was prescribed a pill that brought on horrific
migraines. Had she come to me, perhaps that could have been avoided.
Bring her to your (her) doctor before she leaves and ask her to spend
a few minutes with her alone. (She needs that HPV anyway, if you
haven't finished that) Explain to your daughter that everybody
becomes intimate at some point and she should use resources that use
her medical insurance rather than a free clinic cause her medical
history is a part of the puzzle of what is best for her (and PP should
be reserved for those poor girls who can't talk to mommy)
GOOD NEWS... (and this was news to me) We don't do examinations
anymore until age 21. This means no PAP, no speculum, none of the
stuff we dreaded. ITs all urinalysis now. Isn't that wild?
RR
I recommend
The Guide to Getting It On by Paul Joannides (book)
Our Bodies, Ourselves (book). The teen version is Changing Bodies,
Changing Lives, but that may be too young for her
www.scarleteen.com
Planned Parenthood
best wishes
March 2005
I've read the listings on the wisdom of
allowing/encouraging/giving in to our teenage daughters
taking birth controls...I'm now in the same space, but have
not seen any listings that tell about the girls'
experiences once they went on the pill. Does anyone have
any advice to share - how was the physical response, was it
ortho-cyclen or another type, did they discontinue, did it
result in sexual activity when none had been expected, were
there complications? Any stories would be greatly
appreciated. My daughter says she wants to try them out
now to see how she does with them, and has no specific
plans. I sort of support her but feel she is jumping the
gun a bit. I don't know how my ex- would react - they're
not in contact.
anon
Someone posted recently, asking for advice and experiences
regarding teen girls and the pill. My daughter has explored
birth control options both with her physician and with a
Planned Parenthood counselor, and in both cases, they really
pushed the pill. To my chagrin, neither one said a thing to
her about STD protection. Isn't anyone talking to these
girls about how you still need a condom if you're on the
pill, or you need to get yourself and your partner tested?
Or am I just being hopelessly paranoid about this?
Wondering
It would be seriously remiss if your daughter were not
getting some counseling re: STD's etc., but if you think she
is not, why don't you? There's a lot of information
available in the library, on-line, through Planned
Parenthood, and you are the first line of education for your
daughter, in all areas of her life. I think it's your job
educate her first.
Anon
Daughter doesn't want the Pill - should I insist?
My 16 year old daughter and her boyfriend are starting to experiment with
petting but swear that they have no intention of going beyond a certain limit
they have set. (far beyond where I ever went in high school). I'm fairly
uncomfortable with all this but trying to drag myself into the 21st century.
Everyone I've talked to insists that I should take her in to get birth
control right now but she doesn't want to and I feel like there's a certain
way in which that communicates that I support or condone "going all the way"
as we used to say. No, I am not from the Christain right-wing, but like
another parent here I would wish for both of them that they could wait until
they are older and have a little bit more experience with dating before
getting involved in the emotional and spiritual depth that sex brings to a
relationship. At the same time, I don't want to be an idealistic fool and
end up being sorry because I didn't insist. Any advice or experience would
be appreciated.
How about giving your teen daughter the business card of a trusted
gynacologist "just in case she has any questions, and wants reliable
information, at any time." Perhaps your own gynacologist has a young doctor
in his/her practice, or can recommend a young, female, doctor with a young
practice. This would give your daughter a sense of independence and
confidentiality around this very private issue, and someone closer to her
own age to consult. You could arrange to leave payment on account, use a
charge card, or give your daughter the cash in advance for an appointment,
to allow confidentiality. Many gynacologists are sympathetic to teens and
comfortable with the idea of confidentiality.
Should I insist on birth control!!! - dear parent I fully understand
what you are going through - all the advice I can offer is that I
didn't put my daughter on birth control - and she was what I thought
heavy petting and DID get pregnant at age 15. After much debate we
decided upon an abortion and it was the most horrible experience ever
in my life - the only good thing is that my daughter and I really
bonded - she now tells me everything about her life - and comes to me
for help/support more than ever. All that aside we are many years down
the road - looking back with hindsight I should have taken her and
insisted on birth control.
Even though your daughter says she is heavy petting - you know how it
is one thing leads to another - if she is going to have sex - I really
don't think it will make any difference what you as parents think - so
I wouldn't worry about the issue of condoning sex if you put her on
the pill - you as parents are just being safe thats all. I would not
want anyone to go through what my daughter and I had to go through
that day.
Good luck
We have worked with Dr. Anne Tipton at Kaiser-Oakland for four years and
like her a lot. Our daughter is now fifteen.
(see recommendations for Ann Tipton
for the rest of this review.)
Daughter wants the Pill - does it mean approval of sex?
Has anyone been faced with the question of providing their daughter with
birth control pills? My daughter (age 15) claims that she is not sexually
active, but her behavior raises questions in that area. I have always
thought that providing birth control pills to a teen amounts to parental
approval of teenage sex. I *do not* want to give that message. I can't
help but think that the provision of birth control pills would render
condoms entirely unnecessary from the teens' perspective, thus opening the
door for broader exposure to STD's. Please respond asap. We'll be
seeing the doctor this Friday and she's in favor of providing the pills.
My teenage daughter got so out of control with drugs and such,
including promiscuous behaviour that I was really afraid. But guess
what? She always used condoms. The commercials about "This is your
brain, This is your brain on drugs" are laughable - she didn't care
enough about herself to care what it did to her brain - she wanted to
hurt herself. But something - somehow got through to her about
pregnancy and she took care of herself that way. She was protecting
herself from pregnancy - not from disease.
Anonymous
My daughter is 14, adopted and has a real fear of pregnancy because she
knows she would never be capable of having an abortion. She know her
biological mother gave birth to her at age 16. She wanted to try taking
birth control pills to see if she could remember to take them! I agreed -
giving her two strong messages. #1 I wanted her to wait to be sexually
active #2 condom was a MUST. her doctor told her the same thing. She is
not sexually active ( I am quite sure). She took the pills for a couple of
months and then forgot about the whole thing. I think it is good to make
protection available . They also get practice at seeing themselves
responsible for their sexuality - something that I think will help them
become less vulnerable to sexual manipulation. Far worse for the daughter
than getting sexually active too early (as undesirable as that is) would be
an unwanted pregnancy or disease. learning the necessity of all forms of
protection is important. Encouraging ( or being supportive in regard to)
one form of protection will probably make her more inclined to eventually
use a condom when she does become sexually active -- instead of not feeling
information and protection were available and you supported her use of them.
Also, if you provide her with the pills, she may feel more comfortable about
coming to you with other questions or for advice. Anyway, this is my
experience, thanks in part to the advice I received from a very good friend
who had been through this kind of thing. One cannot control sexual
activity. One can make protection available and emphasize its importance (
i.e. condoms) -- and give the message of the dangers or disadvantages of
getting sexually active too early -- if the lines of communication are
clear and there is confidence. From what I gather pressures are pretty
enormous on girls this age. They need all the support they can get/
showing the support may make her take you other messages more to heart.
suzanne
Do get your daughter the pills. You are not sending the wrong message.
Teens do not have sex because they have pills. If she has been educated in
the Berkeley public middle schools and high school, I am sure she knows the
danger of STDs and the need for condoms. Do 2 things before Friday: talk to
the people at the Health Center on campus via phone (It will educate you and
ease your mind); and also talk to the doctor about telling your daughter of
the need to protect against more than pregnancy. Teen do know that condoms
ARE NECESSARY. But keep the communication open. Have the doctor do the
same.
Anonymous
By all means have your daghter see a doctor this friday. He or she will most
surely advocate condoms as well as pills. I am an ob-gyn and work with a lot
of teens and recommend both. The teen clinic at Berkeley High and Childrens
Hospital advocates both forms of contraception. The BCPs do not protect
against sexually transmitted diseases. The problem with BCPs is that teens
forget to take them. Dont forget about emergency contraception (or the
morning after pill) which is now easy to come by and very effective.
N.
In response to the query about Birth Control Pills: I wouldn't
give them to my daughter if she didn't want them. It sends the
message that you don't trust your daughter and that could make her
feel untrustworthy and possibly become so. You may be correct about
the lack of necessity to use condoms too. I would also be concerned
about playing with a young girl's hormones unnecessarily. Is it
possible for her to talk to the doctor about it privately?
I bet there will be lots of responses to this one!
Anita
As a family practice/women's health care provider and mother of a fourteen
year old daughter, I frequently face the thorny issues of teen sexuality as
it relates to cultural, religious, and family values, parent-teen
communication, and parental control and authority. Congratulations to your
daughter for thinking responsibly about contraception and to you and her for
your efforts to talk openly about a difficult subject.
I think i's important to point out that in California teens age 12 and over
have the legal right to complete confidentiality in medical services related
to family planning, gynecological exams, and diagnosis and treatment of STDs.
While this is worrisome or even offensive to some parents, I think the
primary reason is to help assure that teens will seek education and care for
these "sensitive services", rather than avoid them for fear of parental
repercussions.
We all want our kids to be safe and to make healthy choices. I strongly urge
you to encourage your daughter to establish an independent relationship with
a health care provider she can trust. In addition to your family clinician
there are many excellent free and confidential teen services in this area.
Of course, I also support your continued open communication. Studies show
that teens who are well educated about sexuality tend to delay sexual
activity and to use effective STD and contraceptive protection when they do
choose to become active. What I've seen of the information coming out of
Berkeley public schools seems to give a pretty clear message to kids that
abstinence is the only "safe" method but that condoms are essential for STD
protection.
By the way, Planned Parenthood is an excellent resource not only for teen
services, but also for advice to parents about how to talk with their teens.
You should continue to communicate your value that teenage sex is not an
appropriate choice, but I hope that you will also have the assurance that
your daughter is comfortable seeking whatever care she may need.
Good luck,
Margy
I've always appreciated the way my mother handled this. Way back in the
60's, when the Pill was still relatively new and we had not yet become the
promiscuous (post-Pill and pre-AIDS) generation, she took me to her
gynecologist when I turned 16, had him give me a regular pelvic as he would
for an adult, and prescribed birth control pills. Not only was I not
sexually active, I didn't even have a boyfriend! Her message was simple,
respectful, and loving: in body, if not entirely in mind and heart, you
are now a woman. That is a great joy and a great privilege, but it brings
with it the responsibility to take care of your body and manage your
reproductive activity wisely. She told me she knew that I did not need the
pills now. She affirmed (not sure I, or any teen, believed/s this, but...)
that I could always talk to her about these issues, but that she knew that
when the time came that might be difficult and she never wanted me to feel
torn between the need to use the pills and my fear of telling her. Funny
thing is, once she said this I never again felt afraid to talk to her. Far
from sending a message of lack of trust, I felt that her approach
communicated immense trust in me: she was giving me the tools to engage in
sexual activity in a responsbile way, when I was ready, and she trusted me
to make the right decision.
Anonymous
My mother suggested that I go on the pill when I was 16. I was not
even quite ready to sleep with my second boyfriend, but I thought it
was a good idea to do this ahead of time and my mom assured me that it
would eliminate menstrual cramps. I did not feel that my mom promoted
sex, (althought I tried it two months after taking the pill and
academically still remained an "A" student throughout life), but she
sure had enough respect for me that she realized I eventually would
want to have sex spontaneously and she wanted to make sure that I was
fine. I had my first vacation romance at 14, my first boyfriend at 15
which lasted for over 1 year. Therefore I don't understand your notion
of "parental approval of teenage sex." What we want to teach our
children is how to form meaningful friendships. If we succeed at that
(it would be helpful if the parents also have meaningful reliable
friendships). Sex comes naturally into the picture when the bodies
crave it and adds a nice bonus to a trusting relationship. A teenager
who experiences that, might not be interested in one-night stands, if
that is what you fear. I certainly wasn't, as I learned quickly how
much better sex gets, the more you know the partner.
I grew up in Germany. Why is sex such a taboo in this country?
It really bugs me! It's all out there in the advertisement, but
beware someone wants to practice it! History shows that kids were
married off to each other at the age of 12 or 13 when the total life
expectancy was around 35 years. Obviously, the bodies get ready by
themselves and to teach emotional maturity is up to us. I can tell
you that I'd rather give my daughter the privacy and comfort of her
room than having to be cramped in the backseat of someone's car (my
mom's philosophy). When my cousin was 16, he was allowed to bring his
girlfriend home for overnighters. The parents of both kids got to
know each other and knew their kids were safe at home having sex and
the girl basically had a second family. The only drawback was, when
she and my cousin split up a couple of years later, my aunt & uncle
were kind of heartbroken too for a while. I'm just telling this story
to encourage people to look beyond their traditional or religious
restrictions. The main thing is that you are there for your child and
that your child does not have to hide anything from you, because they
know you can be entrusted with any kind of information. The more
taboos you have, the less the child can tell you - to avoid setting
you off. In other words, it doesn't matter if you approve teenage sex
or not, if they feel like it, they'll have it anyway. We are free
human beings and teenagers know that, no matter what they're told at
church. The best you can do as a parent is to prepare them (which
also includes how to avoid and act in rape situations) and help them
integrate the newfound exciting development into their lives without
losing track of other important things.
Anonymous
Bravo to the woman from Germany and her sensible views on teen sexuality. I
was beginning to think I was the only parent who didn't felt the need to "not
condone" teenagers having sex. Of course the AIDS epidemic makes it much
scarier, but the fact remains that adolescent hormones are raging as they
always have. Doesn't anyone else remember what that feels like? I certainly
do. The kids are in a terribly difficult situation. On the one hand, as
this parent said, the media and the whole culture are bombarding the kids
with sexual content - not that they need that to be aware of what their
bodies are already telling them, but it certainly is an added factor - and on
the other hand, they have grown up being told repeatedly how dangerous sex
is. Whether or not we "condone" teen sexuality doesn't matter; it is a
given. Our job as parents is to give them a healthy, positive view of their
sexuality; enough respect for themselves not to be pressured into things they
aren't ready for; and the knowledge and sense to practice safe sex, and to
wait until they're mature enough to do so. The more realistic and open we
are, the more likely we are to have an influence on their behavior. I always
assumed that at some point my kids would begin having sex and just hoped that
they would wait until they were old enough to be responsible, which they seem
to have done. It is a very important, normal part of life. From talking to
my kids and friends of mine who have teenagers they have talked to about it,
it seems that many kids these days have gotten the message about using
condoms. This is very encouraging. It seems to me that we can help our kids
protect themselves from the very real dangers of AIDS and other STDs and the
difficulties of too-early childbearing without reverting to puritanism.
Anonymous
I agree - teens can and do have strong and legitimate feelings of love
and sexuality. I remember what it felt like! My intense love and desire
for my boyfriend from when I was 15 until I was 18 is still vivid. I was
young, and silly in a lot of ways. And I'm glad I didn't marry him! I'm
glad we were both careful not to get pregnant! But those feelings were
so strong, stronger than anything since, and are still a happy memory
after 3+ decades. I was on the pill at 17, to regulate my periods
supposedly, and before that we used condoms. My parents did not know
about my active sex life, and I'd have died before I would ever have had
the sort of matter-of-fact discussions about sex and romance I've had
with my own kids. The interesting thing for me now as a parent of teens
is that my kids do not seem to be anywhere near as romantically and
sexually driven as I was when I was their age. Maybe because they are
boys? I don't know. In fact I find I have to hold back on my own
enthusiasm in order not to embarass them. So it might be presumptuous of
me to advise parents of sexually active teens. But I cannot understand
the benefit of trying to enforce chastity on them, or pretending that
their feelings are not legitimate. I think you'd want to make sure they
were protected from any harm, but not to deny them their early sexual
experiences. They might be fond memories for later. --Anonymous
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