Leaving 8-year-old at home alone

Wondering about when I can start to leave my self-sufficient, smart, 8-year-old daughter at home alone for about 15 minutes on a rare occasion. I would have our next door neighbor on alert and available for her to call or go to in case of emergency or being scared. I would also be available by cell phone which she knows how to call, and I'd be within 5 minutes of home. When did others start to do this type of thing? What about 2 siblings -- my other one is 3 years younger -- at what age do people leave one in charge for just a very short time like 15 mins? Thanks for any input.

I did not leave my two alone until the younger was at a point where he could be independently responsible for himself - I did not want his older sister to be the ''boss'' which never goes well, so the rule was you are each in charge of yourselves and there as back-up if someone gets hurt. okay to let them grow...

I was a latchkey kid at six and spend an hour at home in the afternoon waiting for my schoolteacher mother to return home. I loved the freedom that I was given. There were certain rules (no cooking and no using knives were the primary ones) that my children also follow. I also leave the children together. loves her independent girls

That being said, one time when I was 12 I came home for an afternoon alone as usual and found the house filled with smoke. I looked around for the source and found a lamp was on and knocked over onto my dad's bed and had burned through all the blankets and down to the mattress. I quickly got the dogs leashes and led them out then after a couple minutes of clearer thinking. I went back in, lifted the lamp off the bed and doused the bed with water and opened the windows.

I think the answer to your question is, can your child handle a unexpected, possibly dangerous situation on his own? former latch-key kid

Last summer an 8 yr old child at a school I work in died trying to use the stove when left for under an hour. Somehow he set himself on fire. How? Who knows? But I would feel I did something questionable in leaving my child and then I would forever blame myself if my child was harmed or died. If you think you wouldn't think the same, go ahead. I wouldn't do it

Also - there is no law in California about the age of legally leaving kids at home, but there is a law that kids under 7 can't be left unattended in a car, and only those 12 or older can be considered to be ''attending'' the child, so that may offer some guidance. On the other hand, lots of states do have age cut-offs (most older than eight), or older limits for being left alone in a car. anon

do what you think is right. reflecting on this as a parent of 20 somethings, i certainly did some things that were fun but dangerous. i like the ''Free Range Kids'' philosophy... i also believe in SAFETY FIRST!

one parent stated she leaves kids alone and is only a 15 minute drive away... really? if an earthquake happened... that might become a 60 minute walk.

i let my kids ride in the ''way back'' of a volvo station wagon for 2 blocks when they were 2 and 4 (like i did when i was 4)... their mom still thinks it was reckless (we are divorced)... i am far from reckless, but do enjoy testing limits. safe and smart dad

When can a pre-teen be at home alone?

I have been wondering if California has a legal age for children to be left alone. My child is 11 1/2 and I know the general idea is that 12 is a good age (or older depending on the child). I was a ''latch key kid'' much earlier than 12. My kid fights with me all of the time to leave her home if I want to go the store or step out briefly for errands. I know she is capable but have not been comfortable since I don't know the laws around it. Any answers? Former Latch-Key-Kid

However, for teens older than 13 you have to think about protecting the house from the teen! We stopped going out at night if it would leave an older teen at home, because we know of local teens who will text 20 of their friends for an impromptu party.

Worse, this summer in Albany some teens going on vacation left their house keys with friends, to hold parties in the empty houses. Ay yi yi! Hang in there

10-y-o at home alone after school

At what age can you leave your child home alone? I thought there was a law in CA that said no one under 12 years old, but a co-worker has been letting his 10 y.o. go home the first hour after school alone & he doesn't think he's breaking the law. Before I tell him he's wrong, I want to make sure I'm right. Thanks Concerned Mom

A 10 year old who lets themselves in safely, locks the door, calls the parent to let them know they are there and spends an hour getting a snack and starting homework doesn't sound bad to me. I've never done it with my kids, but it happens all the time. Anon

I wish there were other options with more supervision but none of the other middle school kids stay in aftercare and I don't know of any place else for him to go. Also he likes the independence....I'm curious to hear what others are doing! middle school mom

My mother lived on a farm in the Central Valley and cared for all her younger siblings while her mother worked. She was probably younger than 10 when this started. She grew up to be an incredibly self-sufficient person who works hard and is very successful.

My 10-year-old son walks home nearly every day with a friend. Occasionally, I am at a doctor's appointment or picking his sister up from an activity so he stays by himself in the house. He knows I am just a phone call away. He is one of those hyper-responsible kids who is very capable and we live in a safe neighborhood. He is also able to cook breakfast for the entire family, change the oil in the cars, and program most of the small electronics in the household.

When it comes to matters of parental judgement, I hope you will live and let live and mind your own business. proud mom of great kid

It depends on the child, and how responsible they are. Also, an hour or two is very different than the whole evening. Remember, when we were kids, it was usual for elementary school children to walk home alone, and then play outside until nightfall with no supervision, as far as I can recall (unless they damaged someone's window... :) mom of a sixth grader

BTW, I was home alone not infrequently as a 10 year old girl, enjoyed having a bit of completely private time, and knew very well what wasn't safe to do by myself. anon

Practically speaking, you will find a wide range of ages at which parents feel it's o.k. to leave their child/children home alone (or with each other). Of course, it depends a lot on the particular child, how far away and accessible the parent (or other responsible adult) is, the time of day, etc. My two kids were quite different ages before they felt comfortable staying alone, and it was even longer before I would leave them alone together. At the very least, the child should have the cognitive capacity/maturity to recognize an emergency, take basic self-protection steps, and contact an adult. R.K.

I leave my 5th grader home for up to 30 minutes if I have a quick errand. He is a responsible kid. I quiz him on phone numbers (cell etc), ask him what would he do if (fire/phone call/doorbell rings/hurts himself accidentally) and I feel comfortable leaving him for that period of time. anon

1) for a short time (an hour or so) in the afternoon (with or without a younger sibling to watch over). We may be living in more dangerous times, but more likely we are just more protective. In the 70's in Berkeley my sister and I came home alone after school starting from when I was about 9 or so and my sister was 7. We were not the only kids who did this, although it was before the term ''latchkey kid'' was coined (yes we wore our keys on a string around our necks). I don't remember this raising any eyebrows at the time.

2) in the evening/after dark: for this I think the key would be whether the child was afraid to be home alone after dark, as well as if they were responsible enough. I would not presume to judge the maturity of another child or the judgement of another parent in this matter, but for myself I don't think I would do it until my older child was over 10, probably closer to 12. But my oldest is now 8, so I don't know.

3) to babysit (i.e. take responsibility for) younger children. I would think 12 would be the lower limit of this (I remember babysitting at 11 or 12), but then there may be a difference between a younger sibling in your own home and babysitting another child for money.

4) home alone overnight. I have no idea how old my own child will be when I feel comfortable with this, but I imagine it will be at least 14.

5) home alone for more than 24 hours (i.e. Friday night to Sunday afternoon)

As you can see there are a lot of factors and variables and it would be difficult to write a law that addressed each situation appropriately. The short answer to your question though is that your coworker is not wrong. It is certainly not illegal and most likely not any problem whatsoever to leave a 10 year old to spend an hour home alone after school. --trying to find that middle ground between between careless and overprotective

Kids 11, 8, 7 home alone for quick errands?

My partner and I have been talking about when to begin letting the kids stay at home alone. They are almost 11, 8 1/2, and almost 7, and we would not leave the youngest alone at this time, ever. Ironically it's the middle child that shows the most ability to handle this responsibility. That said, we're curious about when and under what circumstances parents start giving their children a little rope to foster independence and experience making good judgement calls. Just to forestall calls about calling CPS, what we're talking about are things like a 10 minute store run during daylight. One of us is comfortable with this, one of us has all sorts of alarms going off. How have you handled this situation with your growing children? Gotta let go some day, but not now!

So, far (maybe we're lucky) there have been no problems. They know safety things....who to call, what to do if there's a fire, injury, etc. We know all our neighbors and someone is always around. Good luck. It's nice to finaly have a bit more freedom when they get older. anon

Yes, things can go wrong, but you could be in the other roon when the kids do something awful too. I think there's a limit to how crazy-safe we should be. People are far too uptight about things these days.

For 10-30 minutes away and with a cell phone? I would definitely risk it if I felt the kids in question were reasonably responsible and would follow enough rules to stay safe in that time anon

Worried about 14, 12, & 9yrs old home alone

When is it ok to leave kids home alone? My daughters are 14, 12, & 9yrs old. They are responsible and obedient. I have never left them home alone. My friends leave their kids home alone all the time and think I am being overly protective. The stories on the news about fires breaking out and killing the kids scare me. What should I do? Worried Mom

I never leave my 10 year old alone in the house for more than an hour in the day, and never at night. I always lock the doors and turn off appliances like dryer and stove. I remind her to stay inside, not to answer the phone unless it's my special ring, not to answer the door, and call 911 if someone outside is trying to get inside or frightening her. I remind her to go to the neighbors next door if there is a fire. The idea is not to alarm her, but to review constructive responses to unlikely emergencies. Staying home successfully by herself is a step towards growing up and handling her life with confidence. She is also relieved to get out of being dragged along on my boring errands. So far we have left our 14 year old boy home alone for an evening, but only by himself, never with a friend (or his sister to look after), and always reminding him of his grandmother's phone number-- she lives just a few blocks away and could always advise him or give him shelter in an emergency. However, when offered the choice, he much prefers to spend the evening at a friend's house than alone. I have friends who will occasionally leave two daughters, 14 and 11, home in the early evening while they go out to dinner nearby-- they are comfortable with this because they have cell phones and confidence in their children. Knowing these kids, this seems pretty reasonable to me. While teen judgment is sometimes lacking, a 14-year-old is an adult in training and should be given appropriate responsibilities. concerned parent

Truthfully, the TV is the babysitter, so I pretty much know they are not going anywhere or getting into trouble. If I'm nearby, me and my husband are reachable by cell phone. We have neighbors all around that they can call. If we are going away for an evening, or are unreachable (theatre, etc) there is usually one or two neighbors who know we are gone who will be home and the boys can call them for anything urgent.

We have a dog and an alarm. They know what to do in case of fire or if someone is hurt, never to answer the door, cook on the stove, use sharp knives, etc. I think one of the reasons they are so well behaved when we're gone is that the idea of having a sitter come to stay with them is mortifying (esp. for the older one). More likely they'd go to friend's houses if we were going to be gone all day or for a really long evening. Anyway, this works for us.

You might try a short shopping trip, or quick evening out to dinner or something where you are reachable and can get home quickly. Do the girls get along? If there is a chance of a sibling fight and everyone falling apart, it may not be a good idea. Good luck. You'll know when the time is right. mom with some freedom

Let 5-y-o stay home for 10-minute trip to daycare?

Hi. I couldn't find anything in the archives about this. What age/maturity level do kids need to have to be able to stay home alone? What is the law? what do other people do? does it depend on how long you're gone, if they can dial your cell phone number if they need you, or what? For example: my 3yr old's daycare is a mile down the street (about a 10 minute trip) and my 5 yr old boy hates to have to get in the car to go get her. At what age can I let him stay home for something like this (I don't let him stay home now)? thanks in advance, Karlyn

Now, at almost 14 and 9 1/2 I leave the 2 boys home alone together while my husband and I have an evening out. We are always reachable by cell phone and if we are not (like in a concert or theatre) there is always a neighbor available they can call, and neighbors who know they are home alone. My 9 year old son can be left alone for maybe an hour if I am out doing an errand and fairly close by....the TV is the babysitter in that case. He's just not as level headed or mature as my older son was at that age.

You have to be the judge, and of course teach your child what to do in certain situations....ie: don't open the door for anyone, who to call for help, etc. slightly freer mom

I'm going to admit having left my slumbering 4-year-old tucked in his bed while driving my daughter to school - literally a five minute round trip - after compulsively checking the stove, turning off the heat, etc. Once, however, he woke up, and was crying for me in the front room. Bad Mommy guilt for a week! So I don't do that anymore.

On the general topic, I'm as protective as the next parent, but I also think we've gone too far as a culture sometimes in the name of protecting our offspring. I want my kids to be capable of handling themselves and not crippled with fear that something, God Forbid, will happen to them if I leave them alone for a while. (I'm talking about kids 7 and up here, now). Does this keep me from worrying the entire time I'm at the store? Of course not. But I think it's a good exercise for her and for me. real life momma

If he hates to get into the car every time, how about taking a walk together? A mile should be very do-able, and would be good exercise for both of you. Maybe sometimes make it an extra-fun outing (not just a sibling pick-up). Play his favorite music in the car, have a special ''pick-up-time-only'' toy, or something else to make it more bearable. The fact is, with two kids, one or the other is going to often have to do something just because the other one is there. I still drag my reluctant 11-year-old with me if I have to go out for an hour to pick up his dad and sister after dark (it takes almost an hour). You can make it work. RK

Safety of 7-y-o daughter at home alone?

I'd like to know when it is safe to leave a school-aged child alone in the house for an hour or two during the daytime. My daughter is 7 and mature for her age and is out of school now that it is summer. My partner thinks it is fine to leave her but I have my doubts. If alone, she would spend the time reading or watching tv and cannot invite friends over. We told her to not answer the door or the phone. She can call us on our cell phone, and she knows how to get out of the house if there was a fire, but I worry about an earthquake. What else should I consider, besides how far away we would be if she had a problem? protective mom

The other big issue for me is that although these kids seem mature, they can still get very lonely and very frightened (or very frustrated) without a parent around. If it's just for an hour or two couldn't you bring her with you? Or arrange a playdate or a babysitter? davis

While it isn't illegal to leave a 7 year old home alone, there are quite a few safety considerations to think about:
* can she call 911 in an emergency?
* can you trust her not to leave the house, use the stove, open the door, etc.?
* is there a nearby neighbor/friend that she can go to if need be? Will that person be checking in on her?
* does she know how to determine whether someone is a real police officer or not?
* will she be scared staying alone? (I was when I was 7) AP

Whatever you decide, be sure that in addition to your cell phone number, you leave her all emergency numbers and the phone number of a few nearby neighbors who are generally at home during the day. R.K.

8th grader at home alone after school

I am looking for advice experience on the following. What are other parents, who are working full-time, doing or arranging for their teens who at home afterschool without a parent around. Both my spouse and I work full-time. My eighth grader is home alone after school doing a combination of homework, skateboarding and watching TV/decompressing. He's a responsible kid (good grades and friends) and we've had no problems so far. But I am concerned about this un-supervised time. What are others doing or thinking about this? Has this topic been addressed previously? Can you post it for discussion? I'd like to remain anonymous in any posting because I don't want it to get back to my son who would be mortified.

I hope this information is helpful in some way. I wanted to address this issue since some of you took part in my research project and asked me to give you any interesting findings.

Elaine

I'd like some advice about leaving my teen daughters at home overnight. They are 17 and 13 years old and we'd like to consider a short overnight trip. At what age did you feel comfortable leaving the kids overnight?

Now my husband and I put in a call to our friends' teenage children when the parents are away. Do they need anything? Perhaps a ride? Would they like to come to dinner? Could they babysit for our youngest?

Our oldest is not old enough to want to have the house to herself for the weekend. Yet. She's twelve, but very independant, and I'm sure the day will come soon enough. As a parent, it's a nice thought to know that someone (else, perhaps a neighbor, or a friend) is checking in a little bit.

Mimi

From: Barbara

My kids, ages 11 and 14 are at home this summer.  My husband goes to work
most days at 3:00 pm and I get home at 6:30 or so.  My 14 yr old son wants
to have friends over to play basketball etc., and I trust him for the most
part and like his friends but I feel a "little" ill at ease having several
kids at the house when no adults are home.  Rather than make it an issue, I
just have limited the number of kids and I call home to check on everyone
every so often.  I would rather have them at home than out at the mall or
on the street but I wonder if anyone else has input on this situation.  I
remember a friend of mine who thought her kids were perfectly OK until her
neighbor told her her son was growing pot on the roof of the apartment
house and her daughter was picked up for shoplifting.  I don't want to
allow so much freedom they hang themselves.

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From: Lisa

There is a free publication called Bay Area Parent of Teens that has some
good articles dealing with teenagers.  You can find them at the Berkeley
main public library or call 1-800-666-1514 to get bundles delivered to
somewhere near you.  I have only read one issue but thought the articles
hit the spot in terms of dealing with this difficult age group.


--------------------

I think that teens still need a lot of supervision whether they are at
home, on the streets, or at their friends.  Our children by themselves may
not do anything wrong, but when they are with their friends, the social
pressure can muddle their judgement.  The trick is how to
supervise/monitor/guide without them feeling their independence is
infringed upon and they are not being trusted.  This is such a challenge. 
Keeping them not bored during the summer is important.  I am dealing with
the same issues year round. I have discovered some situations to turn out
to be very experimental.  Teenagers can be very creative in getting over on
us.  This is something all of us need to really talk about.

---------------------

From: Aleta

Fortunately, I'll never have a problem in the summer.  My concern is
during the academic year.  We live about 5 blocks from Pinole Middle
School.  My daughter will get home about 3:15+ and I will get home
about 6:00+. This is what I plan to do with my 12 yr. daughter: 1)
Check every possible after school program, or 2)She must have all
homework done 3) She will have chores to do, 4)No phone calling, 5)
Must stay inside with doors locked 6)I've approved only two of her
many friends are allowed to come home with her- on occasions (I will
go over these rules with them also), 7) #6 will be voided if anything
goes wrong.  If I feel this isn't going to work then she will have to
take the bus to Richmond and stay at her Grandfathers home until I
pick her up.  I trust my daughter, however I don't trust the neighbor
kids or the world for that matter. (add: She must leave a message at
my work the moment she gets home and I will call her once every day).

------------------------

From: Linnea

I share your concern about teens being home and having friends over when no
adult is there.  Perhaps you can manage to get home earlier if you get into
work earlier, thus reducing their time alone.  If your husband is involved
with them during the early part of the day providing variety and interest
(i.e., does he take them places?) maybe they can keep occupied with a mix
of activities when no adult is there.  When there is group of teens they
can think up things to do that your kids wouldn't consider when they're
alone, but when they're all together, group synergy takes over.....I would
try to structure their afternoon time in some way and I would also limit
the number of days that a group can come over, and the size of the group as
I think you may have mentioned.  If a group is at your house every day,
they're likely to become bored eventually and that's when problems can
develop.  Good luck.

----------------------------

     This is in response to the mom who is concerned about leaving her 
     children home in the afternoon. (#5 Teens at Home)
     
     During high school there was always one friend whose parents weren't 
     home and believe me, we made the most of it.
     
     As far as issues of trust are concerned, I think that it's pretty much 
     impossible to "trust" most teenagers no matter how wonderful they are. 
     Developmentally it's just so much a time of experimentation and 
     feelings of immortality.  
     
     Maybe your children have to know that they are being checked in on in 
     some way (can you or your husband do surprise drop-in visits?). That 
     they just don't have that 3 1/2 hour period to run amuck.  But on the 
     other hand, you don't want them to feel like they're in jail so 
     they'll go somewhere else to run amuck!
     
     On the other hand, I just spoke to a mom of a now 27 year old son who 
     was a latchkey kid for years and years and she said that she could 
     trust him completely.
     
     It's a tough call!

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[submitted anonymously]

I have been thinking about this subject a lot, because this summer for the
first time I've left my two kids at home for varying amounts of time while
I work full time. My sons are 12 (let's call him "Jake") and 14 ("Joe"). 
I was given a lot of freedom when I was 12 and older and I think it's
important to give this to my kids as much as I can. I also think it's good
for kids to have down time where they don't have planned activities. So I'm
comfortable with the idea of leaving them at home, but some things have 
worked, and some haven't. Here are my results:

Some background:
1. The neighborhood is safe and there are neighbors at home during the
day who can step in if there's an emergency
2. I'm reachable by phone & I can get home quickly if I need to
3. Public transportation is nearby and both kids know how to take the
bus (to their friends', to the movies, etc.) Joe can take BART to his 
buddy's house in Moraga.
4. Both kids know how to make sandwiches, use the stove and microwave.

The 2 most important factors I've found, regardless of age, are:
1. how trustable is the kid?
2. how trustable are the kid's friends?

In the case of 14-yr-old Joe, he is completely trustworthy, and nearly all 
his friends are honor-roll types whom I trust just as much as I trust Joe.
It really does pay off to get to know their friends and their friends'
parents. Joe is allowed to have any of his friends over (with one exception,
and I trust him not to have this kid in when I'm not there). The only rule
is that he calls me before he leaves the house to tell me where he is going
and when he'll be back. His friends have similar rules at their homes. They 
mainly play ball together, play video games, go to the movies, things like 
that. While Joe is capable of being a complete vegetable, spending hours in 
front of the TV, he works hard during the school year so I don't really mind 
that much what he does over the summer.

In the case of 12-year-old Jake, things are totally different. Jake is
a sweet kid but he cannot resist his wild impulses; he really isn't
trustable.  Of his 3 best friends, 2 of them I occasionally have
allowed to come over when I'm not there; if anything they are a good
influence. But his best friend, who lives on our block, is completely
unpredictable and prone to the same wild impulses as my son. Together
they are lethal.  I can't trust Jake not to hang out with this kid
when I'm not home - on one of the days when I did, (the friend's
parent was home but I wasn't), they got into trouble for spraying
silly foam into the car of the neighborhood grouch. More recently,
Jake has befriended an older kid who's in town just for the summer who
reportedly does Very Bad Things and has been hanging around my house
when I'm not there. So for all these reasons, it hasn't worked to
leave Jake at home alone.

For the first half of the summer, Jake was in camp, riding the bus by
himself to north Berkeley, and then coming to my office by bus when it
was over. This worked out well and gave Jake some degree of freedom
while still allowing me some control. Since then, I've been mostly
bringing him in to work, or trying to work from home. For the next 2
weeks, I'm trying something new. I'd considered using all the rest of
my vacation to stay home, and I also considered hiring a teenager to
stay with Jake. But then it occurred to me to try hiring my own teenager -
Joe.  My two boys don't get along all that well, so in the past it
hasn't worked out to leave Joe in charge of Jake. But I remembered
the power of heavy bribes. I told Joe I'd pay him $10 a day to babysit
Jake (less than his fee for other people of $3/hour but a sizeable
amount for 2 weeks). If there is a fight, and I have to come home, 
Joe doesn't get paid for that day. Jake gets $1 a day if all goes well. 
Each day they have to plan some activity (rent a video, go swimming, 
go to the movies) and I call every couple hours to check in. Jake can
have friends over, but only the 2 that I trust, and only if Joe agrees. 
I can trust Joe to enforce this. Joe can have a friend over or go to a 
friend's house but he must include Jake. They both like the arrangement 
and so far it seems to be working, with some phone mediation on my part 
when squabbles arise.
With any luck, it will carry me thru the rest of the summer!