UCB Parents Advice about Teenagers
Song Girls
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My daughter just finished playing soccer and now wants to tryout as a
song girl. Isabel seems to be doing this because her friends want to do
it and her reasoning is "It should be fun". This doesn't seem to be an
adequate enough answer for us to give the Okay and pay out approx.
$1,000.00 for a fad or something to do with the friends. Any suggestions
on how to approach this? -- Yolanda (3/99)
I personally think a 16 year old, who after all is only 2 years away
from legally being an adult, should be able to make decisions on how to
spend her time provided there isn't something drastically wrong with it
like it's dangerous or immoral. However, if it's going to cost $1,000
of, i presume, your money then that affects you. I think your
discussions with her should focus on whether you think it's a worthwhile
way to spend that amount of money and if there is anyway for her to
compensate or contribute to offset the cost. (3/99)
How about requiring Isabel to earn some or all of the money needed to
participate in song girls? It sounds like a big financial commitment;
she's old enough to have a summer job, or babysit during the school
year. Of course, she'd have to juggle a job and song girls with her
commitment to her academic schedule; this is as good a time as any for a
16-year-old to begin to learn that you have to make choices about how to
balance your time and priorities, and that you can't always do it all.
Having to put in some hard-earned dollars of her own, and giving up free
time to earn them, will probably cause her to get very real about how
important song girls is to her. (3/99)
I think it's great that your daughter wants to be a song girl! Any
time teens are interested in participating in the activities provided
for them by school I think they should be supported and encouraged.
It gives them a niche and helps to develop a sense of community and
enables them to contribute to school spirit. It's expensive, but I
have the sense that all such team participation is costly. Find out
if she is willing to contribute to the costs. Maybe you can help her
think of sources of income if she currently has none. (3/99)
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are those of parents who belong to the
UC Berkeley Parents Network and
should not be taken as a position of or endorsement by the
University of California, Berkeley.