Berkeley Parents Network
Google Custom Search
Home Members Post a Msg Reviews Advice Subscribe Help/FAQ What's New

Teen's Poor Performance in School

Advice, discussions, and reviews from the Parents of Teens weekly email newsletter.

Berkeley Parents Network > Advice > Teenagers > Teen's Poor Performance in School


Questions Related Pages

14-year-old's grades have progressively gotten worse

June 2007

My 14 year old son is a very bright 8th grader with ADD, and possibly some other issues (OCD? Depression? Video game addiction?) His grades started out as B's in 6th grade, and have progressively gotten worse, to C's, D's and F's. He has also had more behavior problems this year, and after being sent to the office one too many times, won't be able to participate in any of the graduation parties or end of the year activities at school.

No amount of threats or rewards have helped with the grades or the behavior. Mostly it seems like he really, truly, doesn't care. We go back and forth between leaning over his shoulder and inspecting every last homework assignment (which causes lots of fights and stress around the house, and only works a little bit on the grades) and letting him manage his homework himself (which he doesn't do). The middle ground doesn't work because he'll tell us he's done his homework when he really hasn't.

He's a nice kid--people like him--he has a sense of humor, and when he's not stressed, he's fun to be around. We're not having big behavior problems at home--just the normal teenager stuff. When school's out, we get along great.

I have many questions I hope some of you might be able to help with.

1. Has anyone ever heard of taking a year off between 8th grade and high school to do something else that would allow him to mature more, be more prepared for high school? I can't imagine what this would be, but some sort of alternative educational situation? I can't home school and can't afford private school.
2. Is there a good mental health practitioner out there who could diagnose and treat both his ADD (he's been diagnosed for this already) as well as other possible problems like depression? I don't think drugs and alcohol are involved at this point, though it wouldn't surprise me if at some point they are, so I'd like someone familiar with addiction too (I seriously do think he has a video game addiction). I've gotten referrals from my health ins. co., but I've never found anyone on their lists who's actually available, and if they are, no one I know has ever heard of them.
3. Are there any good parenting support groups out there that don't cost anything?
4. Have you tried anything that worked to motivate your teen?

Thanks albany parent


I’m a psychotherapist working with teens who have ADHD. Parents often say that their ADHD kids are unmotivated, and sometimes they are right. School isn’t very appealing when you don’t get good grades and people say it’s your fault; when schoolwork is harder for you and takes longer; when your distractibility makes you “check out” during classes, homework, and even test situations so everything seems “boring.” Sometimes teens with ADHD take refuge in video games. (You can do them again and again until you succeed, and nobody ever makes disparaging remarks.) Unfortunately some teens also take refuge in drugs or alcohol.

More than anything else, your son may need to have you and other people understand what school is like for him. Then he’ll need a specific plan for school success. You might want to read Mel Levine’s One Mind at a Time, and also the biographies of Jonathan Mooney and David Cole, two young people with ADHD and dyslexia, in their successful book, Learning Outside the Lines. Then go on to Russell Barkley’s Taking Charge of ADHD, which is a guide for parents. Caroline


Dear Albany Parent with 'unmotivated teen.' You might want to contact Holden High School in Orinda, a very small alternative high school which is easily reached by public transportation. Their # is 925-254-0199. They seem to have a knack for helping unmotivated kids find their way back to loving to learn and are well worth exploring. You could also check out their website. I'd be happy to talk with you about the school; my son will be a senior next year. Contact me at 925-256-6451 or at my e-mail address. best, Deb
I suggest a smaller school environment for your son, where the adults around him will know who he is and care whether he turns in his work or not. My daughter has been attending Envision Academy this year and I have seen many kids who started out as ''at risk'' students really turn it around. The classes are small, and theres an advisory teacher who is very good at keeping after the kids and their work (so you don't have to). The teaching and admin staff is very supportive, and my daughter brought her grades back up to a's and b's. I swear this isn't an ad. You can give them a call at 596-8901 or e-mail me if you have parent-type questions. Jenny
It costs money, it is on the east coast but I have seen a friend's son's life go from aimless and sliding to social and motivated because of the Hyde School in Maine. It is a huge time and money committment, but my friends don't regret a dime or a minute. Oakland friend's son's friend
Hi, My son had a lot of trouble in middle school, didn't do work, failed many classes. We also went through a phase of anger, frustration, berating and stress.

Then we read ''bright minds, poor grades'' and it helped us a great deal. It takes a no-stress approach that puts the responsibility in the kid's court. I really liked the approach and it worked. It takes a lot of HARD work and COMMITMENT but I can tell you - it works. My son is now 16 and doing all his work on his own and getting A's and B's with a C here or there.

The other thing we did was use our ''D is for disappear'' program. If he received a D in a class, or was missing an assignment - things would disappear - 2 times it was severe (from a progress report grade, or if we got a phone call) where he only had 2 outfits, one pair of shoes and everything else disappeared for one week or two. This will motivate a teen! sure it's harsh - but our point was - why should you get things when you aren't doing your ''work.'' How will your child survive as an adult if they get everything they need/want without working for it? He got the message that we were serious and his ''job'' was to get good grades, turn in assignments on time etc. All of this was done with very minimal lecturing and anger from the parents - just ''we said this would be the consequence and your actions triggered it'' We made a list of things that would disappear if we found out about missing assignments, bad grades etc. The teachers sent us a weekly or bimonthly report on whether there were issues in their class - including behavior - like talking too much etc. Check if your school will do this, most do. So at times, the cell phone was gone (devastating to our son) or other more minor disappearances...all discussed ahead of time - posted on his wall so he had no excuse when something came about.

The maturation process for some boys is very slow and very frustrating. Once you get over that - and stick to your plan, you will see progress. Also, as often as possible find ways to encourage and acknowledge where they have made progress (something the book also discusses). Sometimes i'd be annoyed or frustrated with the amount of work it all took on my part - but it was definitely worth it and he is growing up in front of our eyes! it happens - don't give up on them and roll up your sleeves.

Also try ''anger'' by thich naht hanh - good for the parents...on how to cultivate compassion for your son and others in your life. find motivation for your kids!


Your son sounds a lot like mine and I can say for starters that rewards and punishments don't work because these kids don't make the connection between cause and effect. My son's doctor said punishing him won't make him mature faster. We take our son to Dr. Brad Berman in Walnut Creek. It's worth the drive and the cost. He's amazing. Our son has ADHD and ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder) - is very bright, doesn't need to study often (leading to a sense that he NEVER needs to), is delightful with friends and strangers, charming to other kids' parents and REALLY hard at home. Berman is calm, straight-forward, incredibly experienced. He talks to your child alone -- my son has a good relationship with him (even tho he says: I don't need to go to Dr Berman!).

Yes, there is an addiction to video games -- addiction is when your brain changes in response to playing them -- Berman is great at explaining that.

My son responds to humor and to people who ''get'' his humor - - with Berman that's check and double check!

Unfortunately motivation comes with maturation. But along the way get support! I have seen support groups posted on the wall of the doctor's office.

My son is 16 1/2 -- I'm just a small stretch up the road. Honestly, it doesn't get easier for awhile. You sound very level headed and realistic. I'm sending you cyber support! a mom on the same road


Bright 16-year-old has begun to dislike school

November 2006

My very bright 16 year old grandson has begun to dislike school. He is getting passing grades when he was usually an AB student. This began a year ago. His attitude is that school grades do not matter to him. He was very active in sports but this year he quit basketball at school, to concentrate on volleyball. He's been playing basketball on leagues since he was 6 years old. His parents are perplexed and very upset. There have been many arguments with him and he has left home. He thankfully calls me and I go pick him up. I don't know what to do. This is his junior year in high school. He's a good kid, well liked by his peers. He is the oldest in the family and has a younger sister who is also a basketball player and an A student. Any advice would be welcomed
Concerned Grandma


It is not clear what the reasons are for your grandson's current difficulties with his parents and with motivation to succeed in school, but our program may be of interest to you. At our program, your grandson could remain enrolled in his current school where he is enjoying sports and succeeding socially. He could concurrently take one or two individual courses with us in the areas where he is having the most difficulty. We are experts at building academic motivation in our students. We could also provide you with feedback about the reasons for his current disengagement from school.

We provide individual WASC accredited high school courses, and use a one-to-one approach (one teacher for one student) for students who need courses for various reasons. Our courses are UC approved. We use a mastery learning approach so your grandson would be sure to experience success in his classes at our school. If he does not do well on a test, we re-teach and re-test to be sure that he succeeds. Our hourly fees are the same as most tutoring programs in the area and the average semester course is completed in approximately 30 hours. Please call School For Independent Learners, East Bay Branch at 510-835-5505 if you would like more information. Karen


Hi Concerned Grandmother,
It is hard to say what is causing your grandson to act differently that has in the past but here are some ideas about what may be going on - see if any of these seem like they may fit his situation...

He could be feeling pressure from his parents to be a certain way (good student, good basketball player, etc.) and in response to the pressure and expectation he is moving in a different direction. Maybe he is afraid to fail or let them down so he doesn't want to try (one of my current clients in this situation). I am curious what it is about your relationship that is different from his parents that makes him feel comfortable calling you? That may be a place to look for some insights into what is going on.

Or he could be feeling pressure from his peers to be a certain way that is different from the way he has been. There is a tremendous amount of pressure to ''be cool'' that can cause teens to act out of alignment with who they really are and what they value. Being cool can sometimes become more important than anthing else. Something is definitely out of balance and I am sure that he is having a hard time as well as his parents.
Adrian


How to help underachieving 12-year-old boy

May 2006

I am trying to find resources or advice to help my 12 y.o. son with his current academic track, which is not good. he is currently in the 7th grade at a private school. he is failing one subject, and below grade level in another. while he says that he wants to get good grades and do well in school, he appears to have no interest in his school work. he often rushes through his assignments and then gets very moody and emotional when i ask him about it, or encourage him to spend more time or try to get ahead.

we have tested him for learning disabilities and did not find any. he does have a big problem with organization and seems to get easily overwhelmed. another concern i have is that he does not really have any friendships that extend beyond school, though he does seem to get along fine with his fellow students.

he is a good kid and we have not had behavioral problems with him. we are fortunate enough to have the resources to help him, but i just don't know where to start. i'm really torn up about this and don't want him to feel bad, or get held back, but on the other hand he's got to get with it and try a little harder. it's like a brain tease everyday trying to figure out what the right move is. i am now highly concerned as i know that berkeley high school will definately not be a good choice for him, however, with his current grades i don't know that we will have any other options.

i'd appreciate any feedback or advice that others can offer. -berkeley mom


Your 12-year old son's school and social behavior symptoms sound similar to my son's 6 years ago, when he was diagnosed with depression at 12. It would be wise to have your son evaluated by your primary care physician and/or a child psychologist. Thankfully, your son is at a good age at which to catch and treat emotional issues before they escalate Anonymous
I'm sorry to hear about your 12 year old's struggles. You mentioned that he was assessed for learning differences, but if executive and emotional function were not thoroughly covered as parts of the evaluation you might consider having those areas done in a supplementary fashion. They could shed some light on his organizational and other difficulties. Best wishes & feel free to contact me if you'd like to discuss it further. Robert
I have a 17 year old son, where this problem became more noticeable in middle school , and it was crash and burn time at Berkeley High School. Unfortunately, our society has limited channels for different talents. Also, we realized that my husband, hisDad has similar traits. Dad was a ''C'' student through school, and is now a successful businessman. He was a late bloomer. My husband has repeatedly assured me that our son could very well be a ''late bloomer'' that it is not unusual for boys to get it together starting after age 24. 24 seems to be the magical age - after all that's when car insurance rates goes down. There are studies which say that boys' frontal cortex develops more slowly. Who knows for sure?

Having said that - one thing we have done which has helped tremendously is to give my son a supplement - Jarrow's ''Neuro-Optimizer''. YOu can get it at Elephant or Whole Foods. My husband is taking it too - and says he feels a difference - makes it easier to concentrate and focus. We're giving my 17 year old, 150 pounds, with 1 and worked up to 2 a day, rather than the 4, which is the recommended dose. I have also accepted that my son does not multi-task. That he can only remember one thing at a time. That I need to remind him, every single time, to do his chores, which he does when I remind him. And we have to hand him his supplement every day, because he doesn't remember to do it on his own. So, I no longer yell ''Why can't you do this, you're 17'' I just go with the flow. I post notes, I remind. And with the neuro-optimzer, you should see a difference in 2 weeks. (And if you like this product - order it from Beachwood - 1-800-803-5333 - Jarrow is 30% off msrp.) Mother of a boy


Hi, my son was/is in the same boat as yours. I highly recommend these books:

1) raising cain - helps get insight into boys - what is more typical in their development
2) bright minds, poor grades - the best part of the book is putting the responsibility on your kid.

Once we learned to take our own pride out of the situation - the ugly discussions and long lectures stopped. We put it up to him and decided it was his life he was playing with. That doesn't mean we let him decide everything.

The next most valuable thing we've done is create the ''D is for Disappear program) - we list the privileges he loses if he does not meet the expectations we clearly outline (no missing assignments, no D's on progress or report cards, no reports from teachers saying he is talking in class etc.). Ask your school counselor if they can circulate a report to his teachers letting you know when he is missing assignments, current grades etc. every school our son has been in does this (every 2 weeks or so).

Our son DOES have learning disabilities, but not so much that he can't acheive at least a C in all of his classes. It DOES mean he had learned a lot of bad tricks to ''get by'' without getting noticed by the teacher and parents! His expectations were too low and produced poor results. The organizational thing is HUGE so spend time with him everyday and make sure he 1) writes down all his assignments neatly - if no homework he should write - No homework for each subject and 2) he puts all his homework away in the appropriate part of his binder. Underacheiving kids know what to say to you and the teachers and give you a runaround of ''i did it but i lost/forgot it'' or something to blame the teacher (which we the parents want to believe)etc...

The list included things he valued like: parties/events, cell phone, earrings, nice clothes/shoes, CD's to increasing value like playing basketball, taking off his door (extreme and never had to do it yet).

By having it clearly outlined, he had no excuse to say he didn't know what was going to happen and we FOLLOWED THRU when he did come up short.

For two weeks he lost all of his nice clothes and shoes and was left w/ a few pairs of clothes/shoes to rotate thru for two weeks. For a kid focused on social life - it sent the message we were serious and he got down to business. He's 15 now and just brought home his first report card w/out a D.

There will always be two steps forward, one step back - but now he knows what the consequences will be and seems to (finally) be getting the message. It's never over with and we expect an adjustment each year as his classes change and more hormones come around - but the system has worked for us and we highly recommend it. Disappearing works!


Check out Classroom Matters or other ''whole child'' academic services. They help kids get organized in addition to providing tutorial support. You are correct in thinking that Berkeley High would be a terrible choice for your son - - he sounds exactly like the kind of kid who falls through the cracks, or worse, at BHS Very familiar with BHS

12-year-old getting terrible grades - any suggestions?

Feb 2006

any ideas on getting a 12 year old kid really excited about school?!! or, how to get him to realize how important turning homework actually is? i'm having a hard time with my 7th grade son. he is getting terrible grades at a private middle school that has a solid reputation for turning out good students. while his teachers have said that he is capable and able to do the work, and in fact is where he should be with his skills, he just simply forgets to turn the work in.

we have paid $700 for a organization and studies skill tutor and i have implemented a system of checking with him every night to make sure that he has done the work. somehow, however, he managed to either lose or forget to turn in the work he has done. i have told him that i'm worried about him getting to the next grade level and how getting into a good high school is important. it just seems that he's not all that concerned and is not making the connection.

any suggestions? i really would like for him to have alternative options to berkeley high as i think he would just get swallowed up due to the number of students, but at this point, am worried we won't have any other options given the current situation. -worried mom


If you are considering private schools, Orinda Academy might be a good fit for your son. Enrolling grades 7 - 12, it has a homework tracking and accountability system for all students, which somehow depersonalizes the issue and eliminates this issue as a source of friction at home and at school. Late homework earns an ''incomplete''. The ''incomplete'' student must spend their free periods the next day in a mandatory ''quiet'' study hall. Other students, whose homework is complete, elect to spend their ''frees'' in a number of other ways, like in an open-door, more sociable study hall, out on the basketball court, in the lounge, etc. Homework support available in both study halls, to the extent that the monitoring teacher knows the subject. This simple system encourages personal accountability and responsibility, and takes the parents out of the homework loop. Classes are small (12 - 15 students) and an effort is made to respect and accommodate different learning styles. Students may take classes at different grade levels in different subjects. Many enter the program with issues around homework completion, and the system works pretty smoothly to help them take control of the issue for themselves.
Orinda Academy parent
You could have been describing my son a few years ago! He is now a 9th grader and becoming more responsible about his work although he's not where he should be yet. I struggle with how involved to get. He is taking algebra now, though he could have taken it in 8th grade if he had been more responsible in 7th! After talking with his counselor about 10th grade courses, he came home saying he wanted to take geometry in the summer. I was very impressed. Then he found out that he can't because only students with A's in algebra are allowed to do so, and he got a B- in the fall. He was disappointed. It seems for the first time he is really realizing the consequences of his behavior and I am hopeful he will follow through even more now. So I don't really have advice, just to say that you're not alone and also that everything I tried didn't seem to have much impact.

I will add that as a professor, I've seen lots of students who went to college cause it was the thing to do in their social class and they're not engaged/learning. When teaching in community college, I had some students who had messed up in high school who were now ready to learn/work and they were amazing and went on to 4 yr colleges easily. So you don't have to worry that he is harming his future irrevocably.
Deborah


Looking for alternatives for 15-year-old boy

May 2002

Hello, I need a recommendation for an alternative way of learning preferably a school that a 15 year old boy, who has been tested in the Contra Costa school system, and has been slated for remedial classes. He has a hard time concentrating, writing skills are poor, and very forgetful plus low self esteem. If someone can please recommend something in the Bay Area that would be helpful. Thank you in advance.


Recommendations received:
  • Arrowsmith Academy

    Underachieving 15-year-old

    April 1999

    What do you do with a 15 year-old freshman who has been described by a teacher as "sometimes almost brilliant" who just brought home 3 C's on his report card? With the note "work turned in late/incomplete."

    A. drag him to a psychologist to discuss his feelings about his father's mental illness and disappearance
    B. punish him (how?)
    C. set up a reward (bribe)
    D. make him go to summer school, missing the family vacation, if his final grade is a C (this would go against other family values)
    E. other ______________
    F. all of the above

    His only input is that the teachers involved don't like him/he doesn't like them/or the work is boring.

    Thanks in advance for all your suggestions. I'm not feeling confident in my "parenting of a teenager" abilities.


    If I didn't know for sure that I didn't write that letter I would have thought it was from me. I have exactly the same situation. Exactly. right down to the comments teachers wrote on the report card ("work not turned in"). Same "boring classes, teacher doesn't like me" comments from my son. Last report card had two D's on it, one in Ceramics, if you can believe that. My smart 16-y-o son (at BHS) has been utterly unmotivated since jr. high. and his 13-y-o brother is close behind. I don't know how to solve this problem but I will tell you what I've tried, and what the result was. Maybe others on the list will have ideas. If not, we can at least cry together on the mailing list!

    1. punishments - I've tried all these for periods of a week to an entire grading period: come straight home after school, no TV, no video/computer games, no weekend sleepovers, no more allowance Result: no noticable results

    2. rewards - instead of allowance, hefty bonus for A's and B's, nothing for C's, deductions for D's and F's. Extra bonus of TV in his room for all As and Bs. Result: slight improvement first grading period but zero profits all grading periods since then and he never qualified for the TV

    3. nagging & lectures - "Where do you want to be in 2 years?" "How will you live in the Bay Area on miniumum wage?" "How will you get into college with a 2.3 GPA?" "When I was in High School" "All the Things you Have that I Didn't Have" etc. etc. etc. Even his friends nag him about his crummy grades. Result: if he's feeling happy, he says either "I guess I'm just lazy" or "Mom - think of what you're doing to my self-esteem" If his self-esteem is low, or I push him too hard, he says: "You just want me to be perfect! I'm not like you were!" and there is a big screaming fight and we both feel terrible for days .... I know self-esteem does come into this, but how do you preserve their self-esteem while still trying to prevent them from making huge mistakes?

    4. private school - my son takes this as a threat. Very possibly this might have helped, but he loves the social life at BHS so much, and it is so important to him to be with the friends he's known since kindergarten, that I have never seriously considered this.

    5. tutoring - this is about the same as trying to get him to do regular school work, only there is an additional person also trying, and you have to pay them to do it. The problem is not that he doesn't understand the material - he doesn't want to do it. The tutor also wasn't able to convince him to do it.

    6. phoning/meeting with teachers - Result: predictable ("He doesn't turn in the work") This can also have the undesired effect of turning the teacher's attention to a previously unnoticed poor student, which has a couple of times for us meant even WORSE grades - now the teacher is expecting lousy performance from your kid so even if he improves, he may be already tagged for failure. On the other hand, I think it's good to meet with the teacher now and then so your kid knows you are interested, and that you care about his school work and are trying to find a way to make things better.

    7. meeting with the school counselor - This was beneficial. The counselor listed all the classes and credits he's taken and he is actually not doing as badly as we thought, even though his grades suck, as he puts it. She had some helpful suggestions (find a study group). We felt encouraged. She also suggested we NOT take him off his jr. varsity team, something we had considered, because outside activities help with college applications. I also realized that being on the team is a big part of his identity, and that it helps him feel important and useful, so it would be devastating to have that taken away even if it interferes with his academic performance, which I am not so sure about.

    8. talking with my friends - this helps a lot. Everyone has stories of the sister/nephew/husband/son who went thru high school with a C average and then blossomed in college when he found his niche. Or even later than college. Or maybe never, but "he's a really nice guy and everyone loves him." Seriously, some of my friends have teenagers who are brilliant in school, same schools as my kids all the way through, have fabulous GPA's and all sorts of extra-curricular activities, and are highly self-motivated, seemingly right out of the womb. That does get discouraging and it's hard to acknowledge that my kid just isn't like that. But it still helps to talk to other parents, because there are all sorts of kids, some better off than yours but some worse off too.

    9. focusing on his good points - He's a personable guy, enjoyable to be around, has a good bunch of friends. These attributes can sometimes be more useful in life than stellar grades. And we have a pretty good relationship and he has never given me any problems with bad or risky behavior, which I am grateful for. I hardly ever tell him I appreciate these qualities, and I should do it more, now that I think about it - it seems like they can't get enough praise. He doesn't say anything back, but if I just say "You look nice in that shirt" his face lights up!

    Anyway, I hope you don't put too much blame on yourself, because there are a lot of us out here struggling with the exact same problem, and there don't seem to be any easy solutions, at least not that I've found. But I'm always open to new ideas, so if anyone has something, send it on!


    What has worked for me with my 14 year old son has been a combination of reward and punishment. For reward he gets more of what he wants such as more time for playing on computer, sleeping later on weekends, watching more TV and...... For punishment he looses privileges and things he wants the most such as things mentioned above.
    This situation sounds just like my 14 year-old, down to the "sometimes almost brilliant" who just brought home 3 C's "work turned in late/incomplete." First, the parenting of teenagers just isn't something to feel that confident about unless your child is a mutant. Having a child who is brilliant but won't do the work is a constant struggle! Don't give up.

    In your multiple choice test use psychology, punishment and witholding sparingly; I have had the best results with bribes and threats. If you use bribes, give the reward and then threaten to withdraw it if the desired behavior doesn't materialize. For example, put the phone in the bedroom, but clearly state that if there's more than one C (or whatever standard you want to hold him to) that the phone will be removed. It's a "you catch more flys with honey than vinegar" thing.

    Most importantly, (at least to me) don't sacrifice other family values unless absolutely necessary. Seek out some large privelege or material thing he wants, and either tie it to the report card or give it and say it will be taken away if the standard isn't met.

    Above all, be consistent and follow through. Do what you say you'll do. If you make a threat and fail to follow through, all you've done is teach him that your threats are meaningless.

    This approach works for me and my daughter, I hope it works for you!


    reply to underachieving 15 year old

    It might be worth screening him for a brain disorder/mental illness. You mention that his father has a mental illness, and sometimes those are hereditary. I don't know what his dad has, but if a teen is struggling with bipolar disorder, depression, or ADD, their life can get pretty out of control. Treating the underlying illness might help him get back on track.

    The only thing that is more challenging than parenting a teenager is parenting a teenager with a mental illness, but it can be done. Finding out if there is anything going on with the brain chemistry can really help. Best wishes to you.


    If there's something like the jr varsity that your kid is on, enjoys, and which plays a major part in life, perhaps you can capitalize on this: can you talk to the coach and get some advice passed along to the child through him/her? Advice always sounds much better and more reasonable to a child when it doesn't come from a parent. (5/99)

    Not Ready for High School

    April 1999

    My son struggled through middle school (held back in the 7th grade) and will be promoted to high school this summer because of his age. He missed so much school due to depression and inability to cope with large groups. He is currently in a special resource class and does well in small groups (5-6 kids, plus counseling). But he is so far behind academically that I know he will become frustrated in high school and might give up trying to get an education. What can I do to help him? He is intelligent and loves to read but needs that one-on-one teaching. I tried to get a tutor from the university (kinda-like a male role model) but it didn't work out. I contacted those special tutoring programs like the Sylvan Learning Center and the Learning Center but they are so expensive. What can I do to help him either catch up to his grade level or feel better about himself academically?


    A friend of mine has a son who sounds very much like this and he dropped out of Middle School and went into home schooling. He has done much, much better there. He still isn't socially adept but his grades are a lot better and the pressure of "fitting in" to an impossible fit has been removed. He is in Berkeley but I hear Piedmont also has an excellent home-school high school. Not every peg fits into every hole and that's OK.

    Alternative School for Unmotivated Teen?

    April 1999

    I would like to request advice. My 16-year old daughter is a sophomore at Albany High. Though all her teachers consider her quite bright, she seems to have enormous difficulty with homework, which is absolutely required at Albany, and with personal organization in general -- she cuts a lot of class. She is also extremely stubborn and inclined to be a free spirit -- she is pretty regularly a behavior problem in class. Her gradepoint average is currently zero-point-something. She is now considering transferring to MacGregor High, where she thinks she can get back on track and hopefully return to Albany to graduate her senior year. Transferring to another district is not really an option for us and private sckool is out of the question (besides, with her GPA, who'd have her?). She has been tested by a Berkeley learning specialist, Andora Freeman, who said there was no reason she shouldn't be getting at least B's. She did get straight B's her first quarter at Albany High, but something happened the second quarter and it was all down hill from there. I have been told that MacGregor considers itself an "alternative" skool and is not necessarily a "dumping ground" for troubled kids. Does anyone know any MacGregor success stories? Horror stories? Are there other public alternative schools/programs in the Albany/Berkeley area that we might consider??? My daughter is also in therapy and her therapist is flummoxed as to how to motivate her to succeed in school.


    My daughter was in her junior year at Bishop O'Dowd when her problems surfaced. It's not necessary to describe them, however we were able to find great resources for help within the Berkeley Public Schools and then the Piedmont Public Schools. We went the "home schooling" route with Berkeley Public Schools, and then once my daughter determined that she wanted more structure and we read an article about the Piedmont Public Schools alternative high school needing students, we did an intra-district transfer (totally legal and all we did was call into the District Headquarters, request the transfer, and it was done). If there are openings at Piedmont, I would highly recommend that you at least give them a call and see if it's at all appropriate for your daughter. My daughter graduated from there and is now at DVC and last semester, earned a 4.0 average. She is more self-motivated than ever. She continues with her therapy and peer group. She is looking towards transferring to Santa Cruz. I think, in looking back, that the best approach to take to what you describe is being open to other options -- it's a lot of work to seek out alternatives, but when things are not working out in a current situation and there don't seem to be any clear reasons, it's best to find different structures and other people who might be able to work with you. Good luck.
    My 22 year old nephew went from Albany High to MacGregor.... (See MacGregor High School for these recommendations)
    I thought about your posting a good deal last night; it sounded very much like an experience that many parents of teens go through. Far be it for me to offer "advice," our daughter struggles mightily in school, works really hard and manages C+/B-, so we're hardly experts. But if I can offer my $.02. I'm wondering, though, if this isn't something more than a learning skills issue. Grades are, perhaps, the obvious manifestation. But could something else be going on perhaps?

    I wonder if sometimes there isn't a mother-daughter issue sort of built in to this period of life, something that fathers never experience with daughters.

    And I wonder, too, how parents avoid the trap of being constantly picking on the negative stuff when there seems so much negative, and instead find ways to glow about the positive stuff, to have faith that everything we've done in the previous years of life is enough, and that this individual that we have nurtured up to now is ready to be on his/her own more, how we find a different way to parent from how we did it when our child was 10 or 12. It seems to me that just when I've figured out how this works, we have moved on to something different and I'm having to learn all over again. I wonder sometimes how I can be so thick.


    Home   |   Reviews   |   Advice   |   Members   |   Post a Message
    Join BPN   |   Help   |   What's New   |   Search   |   Contact Us

    Last updated: Mar 30, 2008
    Copyright © 1996-2008 Berkeley Parents Network


    The opinions and statements expressed on this website are those of parents who subscribe to the Berkeley Parents Network. Please see Disclaimer & Usage for information about using content on this website.