Failing 8th grade

Hi: Have a nerdy 13.3 yo, also skinny, sensitive, and short, who is having trouble staying on top of 8th grade. Don't know how many F's it takes to repeat 8th grade, but he may be a candidate. He is extremely disorganized and loses completed homework. Oddly enough, he likes all his teachers a lot, enjoys his classes, and has no wish to drop an elective (ex language) to lighten his load. We tried. Spends hrs each day on homework. Seems slow at times, but is definitely not stupid. Has a couple close friends but is amiable with everyone. Loves computer, chess. Despite academic struggles, scores in the 95-99% on state tests, so he does seem to ''get'' the material. Earlier WISC test results were in 140-150 range, with some ceilings. Barely legible handwriting. Has had therapy and counseling off/on for anxiety. School psychologist suggests that his front lobe is not fully developed, puberty not yet in sight, hence the huge struggle with executive skills. Have requested a psycho-educational evaluation. Perhaps repeating 8th grade is not a bad idea and he doesn't seem nearly ready for high school. Anyone else experience this and/or have suggestions on how to help this quirky kid get through life? -Out of Ideas

Your son sounds like a great kid in so many ways, has friends, likes his teachers etc. Many very smart people have significant challenges and or (school language deficits or disabilities). It's great your exploring this now if appropriate intervention can make a big difference.Important questions to ask may be; How would a 2nd year doing the same thing in school help? How would your son feel about it? How would it effect his feelings about himself?

His challenges are interfering with his ability to enjoy, master school and the academics there. The educational language is ''interfering with his ability to learn''. He may have one or more problems that can do very well with intervention. The hand writing issue is called dysgraphia, an occupational therapist can really help, he can learn to use a computer which is often much easier More importantly is the issue with executive functions. Does he have a processing problem? One can be very smart and not be able to process the info and then figure out what to do with the info.

Does he understand context and main point?( the gist of a story/movie) He does sound as though he has problems with executive functioning (organization,planning, problem solving...,These challenges often show up in middle school.

Your son is great at tests, that are organized and ask for specific info. 8th grade school work often is asking for a different kind of work (digesting the material, inferences context,etc). I think you are on track in trying to find out what is going on. One option is testing or having someone who knows about executive functioning look over the testing info you have. Dr. Cynthia Peterson is a great pediatric nueropsychologist (510-843- 2005 X 3 and does test youth.

Other options include, a person (who knows these issues) breaking down organization skills and working with your son, and looking for a school program that is smaller, and supports students in learning organization skills and develop executive funtioning. It may help to know where the challenges lay so your family can make a plan for how to handle the challenges.

It is true the brain develops and changes alot in adolescence. It sounds as though you are questioning whether a wait and see approach is the way to go.

I wish you the best. I hope I hear how it is going. Vicki

I am a public school and private practice speech/language pathologist with 28 years experience and much experience working in collaboration with an occupational therapist and resource specialist. We see many students with your child's profile who are able to learn strategies for improving attention, focus, organization and communication skills when addressed by a school team (resource specialist, school psychologist, speech/langauge pathologist, occupational therapist, parent and student) Your tax dollars at work. marilyn

School will not get any easier, better to figure out what is going on, since failure may only serve to add to your collective burden and limit your son's current and future options.

Medical insurance, or even medicaid will cover some of this if there are anxiety symptoms. They generally won't cover educational issues. Also delayed puberty is a physical development flag to investigate endocrine issues.

Here are some resources I have found helpful:

Dr. Peter Barglow - psychiatrist in Berkeley - he is an MD not a psychologist. He takes insurance but you need to follow your insurance protocol for referrals - start with your pediatrician.

Also Raskob might be a source of information for you www.raskobinstitute.org/

They work with high functioning kids who have a range of disabilities and do not do well in the classroom. This is probably not the place for your son since they only go through Middle school, but they help a lot of people move in a better direction. It is more comprehensive advice than you will get from school services. Remember the public school system wants to keep its costs down, they do the minimum if that. The services you receive from public sources are always improved if you can pinpoint causes and specific needs with an IEP supported by experts.

Make sure you have your referrals approved for payment by your insurance in advance of making appointmens, and that you ask for estimates of costs of services up front and in writing if possible, and inquire about any costs that are not usually covered by insurance. Be careful about signing waivers. In general most insurances have negotiated rates with their providers. If possible see people in private practice vs a hospital if you have a choice, sending encouragement to confront the difficult

Sophomore daughter is failing most of her classes

I looked in the archives under 'dropping out', unmotivated, etc., but mostly found stories of students leaving high school to take classes at a jc, etc. These don't quite fit our situation, so I thought I'd post our story.

Daughter is 15 - a sophomore. She has received poor grades since 8th grade, failing most of her classes. She has had educational testing and has been found to have no special needs, aside from moderate ADD. In my non-trained but parent focused eye, she seems to give up whenever faced with a challenge - she gets behind, or skips an assignment, or anything, and then can't get motivated to try to catch up, thus falling farther behind, until she gives up completely.

She is too young for the CHSPE, and hasn't finished sophomore year; doesn't seem interested in classes at a JC or anywhere; too young to work, but not passing high school. She says she likes her current school, but I suspect it's the social life she likes. When in a particularly open mood, she admits to being sad or depressed about everything.

My own theory - she has gotten herself into a corner that she can't get out of. Too stubborn, too far behind, too unmotivated, or something. And she doesn't want to talk about it at all and becomes completely closed off every time the subject of school is broached. not sure where to turn or how to help her.

not giving up

Id like to recommend a book called ''EMPOWERING UNDERACHIEVERS'' by Peter A. Spevak, phD. The book is not the answer to the situation but it gave my husband and I some ideas what might have been going on with our son and from there, we somehow were able to struggle out of the situation. It's not an over night fix and he isn't totally out of woods yet but doing better and will be graduation next spring.

As a fellow parent, if anything I can do to help you, please do not hesitate to contact me...I can feel your pain, and I understand how powerless you might feel. Nobuko

Smart sophomore makes "stupid errors" on tests

My son is a sophmore taking Math IIIA. He is very bright, and understands the math very well- all agree on this. Yet, he makes ''stupid errors'' on exams, etc. This has become a big problem, and this year his grade is seriously affected. We have seen very good tutors, but all seem baffled, and have little to offer, as he so clearly understand s the math. I feel that we need some type of math specialist or educational psychologist to help. it is so hard to see him fail, when he so clearly understands the concepts. We hjave already visited several of the highly recommended tutors on this site. Any ideas? looking for ideas

How does he do on his math homework? Does he get perfect scores on his homework? If so, is it because he checks and rechecks his work to eliminate careless errors?

My experience with my daughter when she was in high school sounds a bit similar. She understood the concepts, but really was not interested in taking the time and making the effort to neatly write out all of her work so that she could easily double check her work. She would write tiny, partly erase equations and write over them, etc. In other words, the mechanics of going step by step to get the answer didn't interest her, only the general concept. Once she got the big picture, the mechanics were boring.

What helped my daughter was doing practice problems before a test. I'd go over them with her and point out careless errors so she could get a better feel for on what kinds of problems she was more likely to make mistakes. I extolled the virtue of writing neatly and writing out most steps in solving a problem. This was difficult for her as she wanted to rush ahead and get the answer, but sometimes the error she made was in the mental arithmetic in the step that she thought was too trivial to write down. That made it impossible to spot the arithmetic error when she was hurrying to double check her work at the end of a test.

I think your strategy is going to depend on the nature of the errors he makes on his tests and whether he has test anxiety. At a minimum, you might suggest that he try writing out all steps in solving a problem and also doing practice problems before test day. Janet

The unrecognized problem turned out to be —drum roll please — mild dyslexia. I would read 58 as 85, or 1478 as 1487, etc. Or my brain would be moving much faster than my pencil, and the number that my brain was on would accidentally be written down.

It's common for mild dyslexia to be missed in very bright people. been there

Bright son failing Piedmont Middle School

My 12 and a half year old son is failing 6th grade. He hates all the homework in particular. He does not work much in class, and is detached from school. He is a sweet, nice person capable of straigt A's according to his core 6th grade teacher. He can no longer go on the computer (his obsession) nor watch TV. Friends may no longer come over. I am in the process of having him do a full psycho- social battery of tests. How will he get through high school at this rate? He says he is bored to tears, and prefers class will hands-on experiences. I suspect his learning style is not being matched at school (kinesthetic). I don't want him to become turned off. I cannot afford private school. What is there left to do?

Middle school really ramps up the amount and level of difficulty of school work, compared to lower school. Add new hormones into the mix, everyone maturing at different times and that just adds to the situation. Some schools (my son's could be put in this category) just dump the work on the kids. There is little one-on-one time if the kids don't understand the work--just do it, figure it out yourself. It's very stressful. Are you sure that you can't let him try out a small private school, like The Academy in Berkeley?

From what I can tell, and please don't take this the wrong way, the kid's problems often have their source in the parents' problems. That might be something to consider. A therapist we saw said that the higher performing public schools in this area are great at churning out ''cookie cutter'' kids, that easily learn the material put in front of them, do well in some chosen sport, and even kind of look alike. But if you don't fit into the cookie cutter, you're going to have trouble. What do his teachers say? What does your son say? My suggestion is to see a therapist to get some ideas, and if possible, try out a different school if things don't get better. There are alternative schools out there and I don't think they're all $20k a year. Good luck--there are a lot of us out there going through the same things, if that helps. Karen

Tutors: we tried different tutors, starting in 6th grade, most of the way through high school, selected according to what the crisis was at the time. The PRAISE moms can guide you in this. My ''kinesthetic'' made it through 12th grade, but was increasingly ''dropped'' socially, due to the perception of their peers that they were not successful (''dumb''). There's a lot of social pressure on your boy that you may not be aware of. The PRAISE group, again, can guide you to appropriate psychological/academic tutors, tutors who also help with organization/academics, etc. Also, you may need to seek the type of outsider, expert Assessment testing that costs several thousands of dollars, to locate the learning problems that the PUSD tests don't. These tests will provide the documentation of a learning problem that the Special Ed office needs in order to start the wheels rolling to get your son the support he needs. Again, the PRAISE parents can guide you on this. If you eventually decide to send your boy to a private school, make sure they have excellent sports, art and music--- -the things this type of child will embrace and find gratifying. Good luck. Adore my ''kinesthetic'' learner

17-year-old son is just not interested in school

I have a son who just is not interested in school. He is almost 17. He does not do drugs or drink and so that is not a problem...he just does not find school interesting and so he does not do well. He is in therapy and was tested negative for ADD/ADHD but also tested quite bright academically. I would like some advice from any other parents who have had this issue. Did you find a high school that worked for your son/daughter? Did your child take the High School exit exam and just forget the whole thing and move on? He does not need a therapeutic high school as he is not a behavior problem. I do not want to push him into another, fruitless, year(s) of high school where all it does is destroy any self-esteem he has left. Any ideas would be highly appreciated. looking for advice

16-year-old daughter is failing high school

My 16 y.o. step-daughter is failing high school. Last year when she got an F in a class, her father stepped in and tried to get counseling, tutoring and any kind of help he could from 40 miles away. Her mother has never offered her any help or explanation as to why she didn't say or do anything before this. (She and my husband don't have a custody agreement and my step-daughter spends time with us when she ''feels like it'' which these days is not often). This seemed to backfire in my husbands face...his daughter refused to talk to him, answer his calls, etc. for months. This devastated him and he felt he could do nothing right. Now things are on better terms between the two of them, (and us as well as she was mad at me too, of course...) but we just got her report card and she has 4 F's, a C-, and an Incomplete. She's a junior in high school. We are devastated. My husband is afraid to step in again for fear of the wrath of her mother and because his relationship with his daughter is finally on the mend. I've been in my step-daughter's life since she was 17 m.o. She is my daughter too. But alas, I am just the step-mom and have been told by many that it's not place to say or do anything. Meanwhile my heart is breaking that she is having this trouble and neither one of her parents is doing anything about it. I understand why my husband feels the way he does (and remember there's 16 years of history here and consequently many other reasons why he feels the way that he does) but I don't necessarily agree with how he is handling the situation. How do I support him through this? How do I get her the help she needs without seeming to interfere? between a rock and a hard place

14-year-old's grades have progressively gotten worse

My 14 year old son is a very bright 8th grader with ADD, and possibly some other issues (OCD? Depression? Video game addiction?) His grades started out as B's in 6th grade, and have progressively gotten worse, to C's, D's and F's. He has also had more behavior problems this year, and after being sent to the office one too many times, won't be able to participate in any of the graduation parties or end of the year activities at school.

No amount of threats or rewards have helped with the grades or the behavior. Mostly it seems like he really, truly, doesn't care. We go back and forth between leaning over his shoulder and inspecting every last homework assignment (which causes lots of fights and stress around the house, and only works a little bit on the grades) and letting him manage his homework himself (which he doesn't do). The middle ground doesn't work because he'll tell us he's done his homework when he really hasn't.

He's a nice kid--people like him--he has a sense of humor, and when he's not stressed, he's fun to be around. We're not having big behavior problems at home--just the normal teenager stuff. When school's out, we get along great.

I have many questions I hope some of you might be able to help with.

1. Has anyone ever heard of taking a year off between 8th grade and high school to do something else that would allow him to mature more, be more prepared for high school? I can't imagine what this would be, but some sort of alternative educational situation? I can't home school and can't afford private school.
2. Is there a good mental health practitioner out there who could diagnose and treat both his ADD (he's been diagnosed for this already) as well as other possible problems like depression? I don't think drugs and alcohol are involved at this point, though it wouldn't surprise me if at some point they are, so I'd like someone familiar with addiction too (I seriously do think he has a video game addiction). I've gotten referrals from my health ins. co., but I've never found anyone on their lists who's actually available, and if they are, no one I know has ever heard of them.
3. Are there any good parenting support groups out there that don't cost anything?
4. Have you tried anything that worked to motivate your teen?

Thanks albany parent

More than anything else, your son may need to have you and other people understand what school is like for him. Then he’ll need a specific plan for school success. You might want to read Mel Levine’s One Mind at a Time, and also the biographies of Jonathan Mooney and David Cole, two young people with ADHD and dyslexia, in their successful book, Learning Outside the Lines. Then go on to Russell Barkley’s Taking Charge of ADHD, which is a guide for parents. Caroline

Then we read ''bright minds, poor grades'' and it helped us a great deal. It takes a no-stress approach that puts the responsibility in the kid's court. I really liked the approach and it worked. It takes a lot of HARD work and COMMITMENT but I can tell you - it works. My son is now 16 and doing all his work on his own and getting A's and B's with a C here or there.

The other thing we did was use our ''D is for disappear'' program. If he received a D in a class, or was missing an assignment - things would disappear - 2 times it was severe (from a progress report grade, or if we got a phone call) where he only had 2 outfits, one pair of shoes and everything else disappeared for one week or two. This will motivate a teen! sure it's harsh - but our point was - why should you get things when you aren't doing your ''work.'' How will your child survive as an adult if they get everything they need/want without working for it? He got the message that we were serious and his ''job'' was to get good grades, turn in assignments on time etc. All of this was done with very minimal lecturing and anger from the parents - just ''we said this would be the consequence and your actions triggered it'' We made a list of things that would disappear if we found out about missing assignments, bad grades etc. The teachers sent us a weekly or bimonthly report on whether there were issues in their class - including behavior - like talking too much etc. Check if your school will do this, most do. So at times, the cell phone was gone (devastating to our son) or other more minor disappearances...all discussed ahead of time - posted on his wall so he had no excuse when something came about.

The maturation process for some boys is very slow and very frustrating. Once you get over that - and stick to your plan, you will see progress. Also, as often as possible find ways to encourage and acknowledge where they have made progress (something the book also discusses). Sometimes i'd be annoyed or frustrated with the amount of work it all took on my part - but it was definitely worth it and he is growing up in front of our eyes! it happens - don't give up on them and roll up your sleeves.

Also try ''anger'' by thich naht hanh - good for the parents...on how to cultivate compassion for your son and others in your life. find motivation for your kids!

Yes, there is an addiction to video games -- addiction is when your brain changes in response to playing them -- Berman is great at explaining that.

My son responds to humor and to people who ''get'' his humor - - with Berman that's check and double check!

Unfortunately motivation comes with maturation. But along the way get support! I have seen support groups posted on the wall of the doctor's office.

My son is 16 1/2 -- I'm just a small stretch up the road. Honestly, it doesn't get easier for awhile. You sound very level headed and realistic. I'm sending you cyber support! a mom on the same road

Bright 16-year-old has begun to dislike school

My very bright 16 year old grandson has begun to dislike school. He is getting passing grades when he was usually an AB student. This began a year ago. His attitude is that school grades do not matter to him. He was very active in sports but this year he quit basketball at school, to concentrate on volleyball. He's been playing basketball on leagues since he was 6 years old. His parents are perplexed and very upset. There have been many arguments with him and he has left home. He thankfully calls me and I go pick him up. I don't know what to do. This is his junior year in high school. He's a good kid, well liked by his peers. He is the oldest in the family and has a younger sister who is also a basketball player and an A student. Any advice would be welcomed
Concerned Grandma

We provide individual WASC accredited high school courses, and use a one-to-one approach (one teacher for one student) for students who need courses for various reasons. Our courses are UC approved. We use a mastery learning approach so your grandson would be sure to experience success in his classes at our school. If he does not do well on a test, we re-teach and re-test to be sure that he succeeds. Our hourly fees are the same as most tutoring programs in the area and the average semester course is completed in approximately 30 hours. Please call School For Independent Learners, East Bay Branch at 510-835-5505 if you would like more information. Karen

He could be feeling pressure from his parents to be a certain way (good student, good basketball player, etc.) and in response to the pressure and expectation he is moving in a different direction. Maybe he is afraid to fail or let them down so he doesn't want to try (one of my current clients in this situation). I am curious what it is about your relationship that is different from his parents that makes him feel comfortable calling you? That may be a place to look for some insights into what is going on.

Or he could be feeling pressure from his peers to be a certain way that is different from the way he has been. There is a tremendous amount of pressure to ''be cool'' that can cause teens to act out of alignment with who they really are and what they value. Being cool can sometimes become more important than anthing else. Something is definitely out of balance and I am sure that he is having a hard time as well as his parents.
Adrian

How to help underachieving 12-year-old boy

I am trying to find resources or advice to help my 12 y.o. son with his current academic track, which is not good. he is currently in the 7th grade at a private school. he is failing one subject, and below grade level in another. while he says that he wants to get good grades and do well in school, he appears to have no interest in his school work. he often rushes through his assignments and then gets very moody and emotional when i ask him about it, or encourage him to spend more time or try to get ahead.

we have tested him for learning disabilities and did not find any. he does have a big problem with organization and seems to get easily overwhelmed. another concern i have is that he does not really have any friendships that extend beyond school, though he does seem to get along fine with his fellow students.

he is a good kid and we have not had behavioral problems with him. we are fortunate enough to have the resources to help him, but i just don't know where to start. i'm really torn up about this and don't want him to feel bad, or get held back, but on the other hand he's got to get with it and try a little harder. it's like a brain tease everyday trying to figure out what the right move is. i am now highly concerned as i know that berkeley high school will definately not be a good choice for him, however, with his current grades i don't know that we will have any other options.

i'd appreciate any feedback or advice that others can offer. -berkeley mom

Having said that - one thing we have done which has helped tremendously is to give my son a supplement - Jarrow's ''Neuro-Optimizer''. YOu can get it at Elephant or Whole Foods. My husband is taking it too - and says he feels a difference - makes it easier to concentrate and focus. We're giving my 17 year old, 150 pounds, with 1 and worked up to 2 a day, rather than the 4, which is the recommended dose. I have also accepted that my son does not multi-task. That he can only remember one thing at a time. That I need to remind him, every single time, to do his chores, which he does when I remind him. And we have to hand him his supplement every day, because he doesn't remember to do it on his own. So, I no longer yell ''Why can't you do this, you're 17'' I just go with the flow. I post notes, I remind. And with the neuro-optimzer, you should see a difference in 2 weeks. (And if you like this product - order it from Beachwood - 1-800-803-5333 - Jarrow is 30% off msrp.) Mother of a boy

1) raising cain - helps get insight into boys - what is more typical in their development
2) bright minds, poor grades - the best part of the book is putting the responsibility on your kid.

Once we learned to take our own pride out of the situation - the ugly discussions and long lectures stopped. We put it up to him and decided it was his life he was playing with. That doesn't mean we let him decide everything.

The next most valuable thing we've done is create the ''D is for Disappear program) - we list the privileges he loses if he does not meet the expectations we clearly outline (no missing assignments, no D's on progress or report cards, no reports from teachers saying he is talking in class etc.). Ask your school counselor if they can circulate a report to his teachers letting you know when he is missing assignments, current grades etc. every school our son has been in does this (every 2 weeks or so).

Our son DOES have learning disabilities, but not so much that he can't acheive at least a C in all of his classes. It DOES mean he had learned a lot of bad tricks to ''get by'' without getting noticed by the teacher and parents! His expectations were too low and produced poor results. The organizational thing is HUGE so spend time with him everyday and make sure he 1) writes down all his assignments neatly - if no homework he should write - No homework for each subject and 2) he puts all his homework away in the appropriate part of his binder. Underacheiving kids know what to say to you and the teachers and give you a runaround of ''i did it but i lost/forgot it'' or something to blame the teacher (which we the parents want to believe)etc...

The list included things he valued like: parties/events, cell phone, earrings, nice clothes/shoes, CD's to increasing value like playing basketball, taking off his door (extreme and never had to do it yet).

By having it clearly outlined, he had no excuse to say he didn't know what was going to happen and we FOLLOWED THRU when he did come up short.

For two weeks he lost all of his nice clothes and shoes and was left w/ a few pairs of clothes/shoes to rotate thru for two weeks. For a kid focused on social life - it sent the message we were serious and he got down to business. He's 15 now and just brought home his first report card w/out a D.

There will always be two steps forward, one step back - but now he knows what the consequences will be and seems to (finally) be getting the message. It's never over with and we expect an adjustment each year as his classes change and more hormones come around - but the system has worked for us and we highly recommend it. Disappearing works!

12-year-old getting terrible grades - any suggestions?

any ideas on getting a 12 year old kid really excited about school?!! or, how to get him to realize how important turning homework actually is? i'm having a hard time with my 7th grade son. he is getting terrible grades at a private middle school that has a solid reputation for turning out good students. while his teachers have said that he is capable and able to do the work, and in fact is where he should be with his skills, he just simply forgets to turn the work in.

we have paid $700 for a organization and studies skill tutor and i have implemented a system of checking with him every night to make sure that he has done the work. somehow, however, he managed to either lose or forget to turn in the work he has done. i have told him that i'm worried about him getting to the next grade level and how getting into a good high school is important. it just seems that he's not all that concerned and is not making the connection.

any suggestions? i really would like for him to have alternative options to berkeley high as i think he would just get swallowed up due to the number of students, but at this point, am worried we won't have any other options given the current situation. -worried mom

I will add that as a professor, I've seen lots of students who went to college cause it was the thing to do in their social class and they're not engaged/learning. When teaching in community college, I had some students who had messed up in high school who were now ready to learn/work and they were amazing and went on to 4 yr colleges easily. So you don't have to worry that he is harming his future irrevocably.
Deborah

Looking for alternatives for 15-year-old boy

Hello, I need a recommendation for an alternative way of learning preferably a school that a 15 year old boy, who has been tested in the Contra Costa school system, and has been slated for remedial classes. He has a hard time concentrating, writing skills are poor, and very forgetful plus low self esteem. If someone can please recommend something in the Bay Area that would be helpful. Thank you in advance.