Teens and Phones
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Teens and Phones
April 2007
I'm thinking of getting my son a cellular phone. Right now
he doesn't talk on the phone very much, but I anticipate
that he will start sending and receiving text messages like
many teens. My (extremely limited) understanding of text
messaging is that there is a per-message cost for them.
Are there cellular phone plans where the text messages
are free, or included in plan minutes? Any advice for
not bankrupting the family when/if our son gets a cellular
phone?
Thanks!
We have a family plan on Verizon. Our daughter gets 250
text messages (includes outgoing AND incoming) for $5 per
month. Our agreement is, if she goes over the 250, she has
to pay the additional charge (I think it's 10 cents per
message). Works out well!
anon
Jan 2007
I searched the archives and now need advice re. cell phones
- what age did your child first get one and what rules did
you set up? We would resist but our 12 year old will be in
increasingly more situations, albeit for a very short time,
where she may not have access to a phone or adult/friend
with a phone. It's time but we're conflicted over how to
handle it. Thanks in advance for the MANY posts I'm sure
this will get.
Tracy
I hope a lot of people answer because I am thinking about
getting one for my son when he starts middle school. I know
there will be times when I want to reach him and vice versa
but haven't investigated the family plans and thought
through the rules yet.
they grow up so fast
We gave our daughter a cell phone in 7th or 8th grade. Our
son got his in 5th. She protested, of course. There are 2
items to consider. What type of plan you have dictates how
the phone is used. How many minutes do you have? Are some
calls free? Is there a family plan? How much do text
messages cost? The second question is whether the child is
responsible enough to have a phone? Our son had his phone
put through the washing machine 3 times!! Finally the
phone would not work and he learned to clear his pockets
before putting his clothes in the dirty clothes pile.
DF
Our 12 year old son wanted one in the worst way. He
claimed to be the ''only'' student in his class without one.
He felt left out. This went on for a few months. Finally,
we relented. But here were our reasons: (1) We waited
until Christmas to make it a present. (2) After the
rebate, the phone only cost us $10, and it was only $10
per month to add him on to the family plan. Plus we have
tons of rollover minutes. (3) Most importantly, he is
starting to hang out with friends away from home by a park
or schoolyard, but not too far. He was borrowing someone
else's phone to check in with us. (4) We set down specific
rules about usage, and he knows if he loses it, he will
have to pay to replace it. So far, 3 weeks into it, it's
working out well.
Anon
I'm a little late on this... My daughter got a phone in 7th grade. She
has gone through about three already (she's now in 10th) because of
''accidents''. I highly recommend getting the insurance for your son's phone, it's about $3 a
month, but worth it if he's ''accident'' prone. Another handy tip: I am with Cingular and they
can block in and outgoing text messaging and outgoing web access!! This has saved us thousands
of dollars!! There is no need
for text messaging except for communicating with friends during classtime!
I'm not sure if every cell phone company does this but you need to ask,
obviously, they will be losing money. Also, if you do need to get a
replacement phone, they sell refurbished phones online that work just
as well as a brand new one, you just have to make sure it works with your plan.
Clearly replacing the phone has been one of my biggest issues. (why
don't they make them with a thick rubber coating so they bounce when
dropped?) The other is her turning it on loud and answering it! She tends to keep it on silent
which is okay for during school, but then doesn't turn it back
on until I'm red in the face! So, I sound like a broken record (CD?) when I
keep reminding her to turn her phone on loud after school so I can get in
touch with her if I need to. The whole cell phone experience has been
frustrating, but also nice to be able to talk when she is out. She has actually used it in an
emergency once and I was thankful that she had it.
Oh, get lots of minutes, they get used up pretty quickly.
Good Luck!!
mom of cell phone-using-teen
Both of my kids got cell phones when they entered middle
school and started going places on their own. Both kids
bike to school, etc, and we wanted them to have a way to
reach us. They didn't ask us for the phones, we insisted
they have them. We added them to our family plan for a
nominal cost. The message to the kids was that the phone
was to communicate their whereabouts, changes in plans,
reach us in an emergency, make plans. It's been 4 years
since the oldest got his first phone and we haven't had
any problems. The phones are used as we've asked and the
text message charges and minutes have been within the
plan. We check the monthly statements to see how much
they are using their phones. Both kids have been
responsible about taking care of their phones. When my
11yr old had a bike accident involving a car, it was a
relief that he was able to reach us immediately. That
said, we aren't really a family of phone chatters, so
their cell phone usage may also reflect the behavior we as
parents model.
not a problem
What are reasonable phone times for a teenager? His choice would
be to have a phone line open to someone at all times. I understand
that he needs to have SOME time for phone contact (or even real
communication), but what is reasonable for both school nights and
weekends. The rest of us ought to be able to get a call into our
house.
This is an eternal problem in all families, it seems. I have tried
limiting calls to certain hours -- say between 8 and 9 PM (wouldn't
*that* be great?) Nothing has been particularly successful in my
household; all curbing of this problem seems to involve monitoring on
the parents' part. I have chosen not to provide my daughter with her
own phone because (aside from the extra expense, which I can do
without) that just gives her unlimited telephoning freedom and I don't
see that as a solution to the problem. She does use the cordless
phone in her room and when that gets out of hand, I disconnect it by
taking the handset to the office for a while. This works quite well
since under those circumstances her privacy is reduced. Placing a
"phone restriction" is sometimes helpful but again implies that I
monitor it. During phone restriction she is not allowed to talk on
the phone at all. If this rule is violated, I take away a privilege,
like TV watching or getting together with her friends.
My daughter is alone three hours after school. After her 1 chore
(one for each day of the week-listed on calendar) and homework is done
she can talk on the phone until bedtime. I am not a phone person nor
do I get calls. This didn't work. Grades went down, etc.. I now
take the phone with me to work. If there is a problem she can go to 3
neighbors. Callers have complained that I must have "daughters"
because the phone is always busy. My daughter's solution is to pay for
call waiting. Not! She needs to spend more time studying. I have
also limited her calls to 30 min. with 1 hour wait between calls. I
let the answer machine pick up the call. We need more family time
together and I am working hard at it. The phone is a barrier.
June 1999
My 12-year-old daughter just started getting together with girl
friends and calling boys. I have major problems with this -- what do
you think? What limits have you placed on your kids?
I feel it is imperative for this mother to realize that socializing with
her peer group is so much more important than almost anything else in
her life. Do not consider this a major problem (a major problem is
teenage pregnancy, getting into drugs and alcohol, stealing and hanging
out on the streets all the time with nothing to do but hang out).
Perhaps the major problem here is the parent's fear, understandably, of
what "getting together with girlfriends and calling boys" can lead to,
but fear is what I live and breathe as a parent of a child growing up
these days, and these are my fears, not my child's. Their only wish is
to grow up and be a part of something. More importantly, it is necessary
for parents with teenagers to set aside their fears and translate those
fears into positive experiences, like offering to take your daughter and
her girlfriends on a shopping trip, or to the movies, or to Great
America, where you are there as the backdrop, and you just live and
breathe and listen to what's going on with your daughter and her
friends. Sharing these experiences with you as chauffeur and chaperone
may well open up communication with your daughter so you'll learn who
her friends are (they are just as nice and wonderful as she is, no
doubt), and just ask casually what boys she's calling and find out who
these friends, boys and girls, are. Make a point, without embarrassing
her, to see for yourself who her friends are and some of your worries
may go away. What follows, of course, are other issues when and if her
social life begins to liven up. Believe me, I'm very sympathetic to the
underlying fear this mother has (my daughter is now 16). --jahlee (6/99)
Exactly what part of this do you have problems with? That they are
talking with boys? That they are on the phone? It seems like a harmless
activity - I think you need to figure out what your fears are - maybe
what this can lead to in the future? - and then figure out just exactly
what you want the limits to be.
My daughter did this for a while and believe me it's pretty innocent.
They can't catch anything nor get hurt over the phone. They generally
don't have places to hang out together anymore (like down at the corner
soda fountain), this is the next best thing. (June 1999)
Regarding the 12 year old calling boys---I remember being 12 and getting
together with my girlfriend. We actually tried to call Davey Jones (of
the Monkeys) by calling New York directory assistance for his number!
Also, my 15 year old son has periodically gotten calls from girls since
he was about 12. Having (yet) no interest he makes it pretty clear,
pretty quickly to the girls calling him. I think the ones that are
interested enjoy the conversations! As long as the calls don't
interfere with other daily activities (school, household contributions)
I think it's a pretty normal, fun way to socialize.
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