Fat Camp recommendations for 13-year-old?

We have a 13 year old who complains that she's too fat. Her legs and feet hurt when she walks too much. I would say that she is about 20 pounds overweight. She's about 5 feet tall and wears a woman's size 16. We try to guide her without making her feel bad about herself. We have heard that there are some excellent summer camps that build self-esteem while also providing support and tools for weight management. Suggestions? Marilyn

I am 5' tall, a healthy weight, and wear a size 2 or 4 petite. The ideal weight for this height is between 95 and 110 pounds. Your daughter, wearing a size 16 is not just 20 pounds overweight, in fact she is most likely obese, or at the very least, very close to it. Being overweight/obese at the young age of 13 is already damaging her health and her long term health outlook is extremely poor.

To help your daughter you need to break through your denial and face the painful truth. You probably need to dramatically change your home environment, both physically and psychologically. This is a family problem, not hers alone. As a parent, you need to step up and recognize that someone, and if not you, who?, needs to provide better family health leadership/management.

I suggest that you start working with an obesity specialist/therapist who can help you identify the root causes of your family's health imbalances so that you can make specific system-wide changes that will help your daughter lead a healthier, happier, life.

On the bright side, since she's only 13, her metabolism is relatively high, and will remain so for another decade, so loosing weight at this age is a lot easier then for a middle aged adult. former fatty

What to say to an teen who overeats

I have a 14 year old girl who has always been very happy, outgoing, friendly, with lots of attention from boys. Lately, however, I've noticed that she doesn't get many phone calls or invitations. She seems unhappy, insecure and increasingly lazy. Sure, she's a teenager, but unfortunately, she has also gained a lot of weight (maybe 20 pounds in a year and a half). She loves to dance, but is not doing that well, I think, because of the added weight. We eat very healthy (and fairly low-calorie) meals in the house (healthy breakfasts and sitdown dinners with lots of vegetables every night), but with my 14 year old, it's the quantity that's the problem. Instead of one bowl of cereal, it's three. When I ask her what she eats at school for lunch, it often sounds like she has a four course meal. I've eliminated junk food from the house (we're down to only having dessert on Friday and Saturday nights), but nothing seems to help. On the nights we have ice cream, she will eat almost an entire pint. At this age, it's very hard to control how much she eats.

My question is, what do I say to her to help her lose weight and change her eating habits? Whenever I try to get her to stop eating so much, she says I'm trying to turn her into an anorexic. Come to think of it, I think the overeating problem started not long after a lecture at her middle school by someone trying to prevent anorexia in teenage girls. I really want to help her, but don't know how. Anon.

And you know what? Boys, dates, social stuff--if she isn't accepted as she is, then how worthy are these people and should she/you want them in her life? Mom, she needs YOUR acceptance and love as she goes into the teenage years. Just take a deep breath and say three times: I can't control it and I can't cure it and I didn't cause it. anonymous parent

12-year-old is 25-35 pounds overweight

I have an 12 year daughter who is 25-35 pounds overweight, and it's getting worse. We rarely eat out, buy healthy/organic foods. Because of afterschool tutoring, homework, parents long work hours and two other children our days are long and exhausting. I'm wondering if there are any gyms or classes that specialize in helping overweight children. I saw some sleep away summer programs but they are to expensive and I doubt Kaiser would pay. These are the things we have tried: nutrtion classes, restricting unhelathy food intake, some excercise in the evenings- both pareents work every weekend, she used to swim 3-4 times a week-it didn't really help and there is no time for it now. I stopped naging but she's becoming more aware of her body and is very unhappy. I am more concerned for her mental well being and health. We need something intense and consistent maybe during the summer? Or anytime. Have any other parents dealt with this issue? Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Signed: worried mom

For me, the weight came off easily around the time I entered college. I weight about the same as a 30-something mother as I did in 8th or 9th grade.

Meanwhile, the best thing you can do is to exercise WITH your daughter. How much exercise do you get? Do you run? bike? include her in whatever excercise you do. still fitting into my Bat Mitzvah dress

I would also recommend the ''Health at Every Size'' journal. Weight is similar to height, mostly influenced by genetics and fairly immutable. Most people who become obsessed with weighing less at your daughter's age end up either with an eating disorder or gaining weight beyond their genetic set-point because of frequent dieting attempts. I would encourage you to help your daughter feel healthy and happy in her body right now. Check her previous height/weight charts with her doctor. If she has always been heavier, this is probably her body, she is not overweight for her set-point. If she has gained recently, it may be her response to puberty or a growth spurt. She also may need some support in self-regulationg her own eating without guilt, shame, good foods or bad foods. Either way, most diets lead to more weight gain.

Engage in healthy family behaviors, do not obsess about weight (hers or yours), and help your daughter feel good about herself as a whole person. Good Luck, Eating Disorder therapist

My biggest comment to you is: don't harp on her weight. Don't judge her food choices, even if it kills you. It makes it worse--if she's using food to cope with her feelings and she feels judged, etc, she'll sneak and eat in private.

Read Overcoming Overeating (and I think the authors have a book for kids, too) and see if it helps you understand. You're doing all the right stuff...try to get her active, try to find something (even if it isn't physical) that she can throw herself into and be excited about.

Best to you-- this is a tough road. Been there.

I asked her about weight watchers because I am going now, nearly all the women in my family are overweight, and she said that when she mentioned it to my niece at age 9 or 10, my niece said ''why can't you just accept me like I am, why do I have to be different?'' So she gave up on the idea. That said, we have had several 10 - 12 year old girls at weight watchers who have lost between 20 - 25 pounds and have become lifetime stars.

I hope some of this helps. My niece said that it's really hard for her now that she has lost 60 pounds because she realizes that people now say hello to her when she walks into a room and she knows that they either didn't see her when she was heavier or chose to ignore her when she was nearly 300 pounds.

I applaud you for trying to help. It seems that you're doing many of the right things. Good luck to both of you. Aunt to a Terrific Niece

Need suggestions for getting daughter's weight under control