Weight gain in teenaged daughter

My daughter is 17. She has always been very 'normal' about eating-eats when hungry. stops when full. She has never exercised much either. Within the last year she has started to gain weight and is very unhappy about it. Her MD says that metabolism is slowing down right about now and that it is probably just catching up with her. We are now exercising together but the weight is still hanging on. (we know all about nutrition, calories, etc) My concern is this: she is now getting 'weird' about food. It has become 'forbidden' and thus more enticing. She thinks about food in a different way now and I am afraid her relationship with it is becoming unhealthy. (not binging/purging or anything that extreme.) Does anyone have a book recommendation on the subject of food, body image, that sort of thing? I really want to help her help herself but besides talking about things and exercising with her I don't know what else to do. She leaves for college in the fall and I would love it if she could try to get a grip on this before she moves away. anon

Teen daughter gaining too much weight

Hi - this is such a loaded, sensitive subject but I could really use some counsel. I've seen our 16-year-old daughter gradually put on extra weight over the past two years and am wondering what I might do to help her get back to a more healthy weight/lifestyle/mind-set around food. She is very smart, very literate, rather introverted, attends BHS, which has been very lonely and she has never found a niche, a crowd, or even a steady group to have lunch with. Her greatest source of comfort, it appears, are the sugary and floury foods that are available in such abundance here in Berkeley. She used to do martial arts but is not active in that any longer; in fact, she's not really active in very much at all right now. As her mom, I sadly know these issues all too well. I finally got my own act together just recently, shed a bunch of weight, and look back on so many sad, overweight, miserable years burdened by this issue. I try to get both my kids to take walks, ride bikes, enroll in sports, but we are not really a sports, ride-a-bike kind of a family. I cook healthy meals and serve lots of veggies and salads and low-fat but tasty options. I know it took some deep thinking and shifting of gears around food on my part to loose the weight I have of late and I had to come it on my own. And it took decades. So this is a bit of a tangled web, but I want to support my daughter in this area, help her lead a healthy life and adopt a more healthy lifestyle, especially before she goes off to college in two years. This is an upsetting issue that she doesn't want to address. My husband and I both think she'd benefit from therapy, but she says she can't imaging paying someone to listen to her. So that's another, related issue. Any thoughtful advice and/or resources would be greatly appreciated. Caring mom

If other people ''caring'' was what was needed to lose weight, we would all be thin. anon

Make sure you're enabling her making healthy choices not enabling her to continue down the road she's on now. I work in the field and would be happy to give you some names of people who specialize in this area. D.

Weight Watchers for older teen daughter?

My 19-year-old daughter is finally ready and willing to take charge of a weight and fitness issue that has plagued her since middle school. She has decided to make the most of the long summer-break at home and she wants to join Weight Watchers as soon as she comes home from college next month. I have never seen her so ready to be in charge and to make a change on her own and I want to support her as much as possible; I know from past personal experience that WW works really well, but I also remember that all leaders and all groups are not equally motivating. I'd love to hear about specific recommendations from Parents of Teens, especially if anyone knows of a group where my daughter won't be the only ''old'' teenager or young adult present. We live in Berkeley but she can drive to other locations around the East Bay. Hopeful

Exercise program for obese teenage boy

Does anyone know of a reasonably-priced personal trainer or coach in the Berkeley area who has exeperience motivating overweight teens? My 13 year old son is not interested in any sports. He is 50 pounds overweight, and needs a male coach-type who can work with him a couple of hours per day and maybe more in the summer. anon

There are so many summer camps and classes that are fun for kids and keep them moving that are not exactly ''sports.'' YMCA bicycling? Cal's windsurfing and sailing classes at the Berkeley Marina? Classes at the rockclimbing place near Ashby & 7th? Always more fun to do with a friend, of course.

At age 13, your son is likely to have his main growth spurt ahead, which also will help. Be sure he walks to school, walks the dog, etc. Good luck

Weight gain freshman year at college

My 18 yo son came home from college in NY for the holiday w/ about an extra 10# on his body. I know...''the Freshman 15''.... He's in the middle of Manhattan, has a meal ticket and a debit card...how can you not enjoy the wonderful diverse tastes on every half block of NYC?

His build is like mine...muscular, solid, medium build. The kind of build that can hold a pound or two, but not too many more. He and I talked about better eating habits...he lives in a suite/dorm so has a full kitchen, with a great huge grocery store a block away. He at least was open to hearing what I had to say (I'm very much into good nutrition/organic/maintaining a comfortable weight, and exercising. This is how I raised my kids, w/out being over the top.

He said he needed to learn how to shop, what he should have in the kitchen, etc. He was very active w/ after school sports in HS, but is not doing any exercise now except walking around NYC. I wrote him a few pages of notes, ideas for eating in, eating out, etc. I also bought him a cookbook for college kids.

I KNOW this is so typical. Because I've had weight issues most of my adult life (starting from my 1st year at college) when I look at him all I can see is this extra weight. I haven't said anything to him beyond our discussion. I think I need to leave it alone now...do I? I'll give him the notes adn tell them that the book will be sent to his dorm and tell him he can call me w/ any questions if he has.

I just want my son to be healthy and feel good about himself. Am I projecting? When I was young and overweight I was uncomfortable adn felt bad about myself and got low self esteem.

He loves school, loves NY, has lots of friends. Am I looking for things to worry about? Thanks for any input. Health nut mom

My husband has battled this for the past few years with our son, who carries extra pounds and who is not one who is fond of exercise. What you eat is the bigger matter. The biggest practical thing to do is to introduce foods with lower intake of sugars and carbs that he is also able to easily get when back in school. If needed, send care packages of stuff he can't get but likes that are good for him. There are so many things out there that are loaded with those two that are easy to pack away and not realize that you've consumed a large quantity. Norma A.

If he is the kind of person who will dig in his heels and possibly eat more when his mother gives him advice, you must resist the urge to do so.

If not, gentle reminders are always appreciate by my 14 year old son. For example, one hour before dinner he is 'starving' and forages through the cabinet to get a snack. I will simply say ''dinner in an hour-can it wait?'' That is enough of a reminder without sounding punitive or negative.

If he does not choose to heed my advice and eats snacks before dinner anyway, I tell him that I disagree with his choice but of coure don't control his eating--only he does. It is great that you are looking at your own issues around weight and that you can see that there is a connection. Recognizing this is step one. Next step is to try to take yourself out of this equation completely....good luck!

Please note that he DOES want my feedback and has 'given me permission' to comment on habits I see that might be contributing to his weight gain. When he eats anon

Fat Camp recommendations for 13-year-old?

We have a 13 year old who complains that she's too fat. Her legs and feet hurt when she walks too much. I would say that she is about 20 pounds overweight. She's about 5 feet tall and wears a woman's size 16. We try to guide her without making her feel bad about herself. We have heard that there are some excellent summer camps that build self-esteem while also providing support and tools for weight management. Suggestions? Marilyn

I am 5' tall, a healthy weight, and wear a size 2 or 4 petite. The ideal weight for this height is between 95 and 110 pounds. Your daughter, wearing a size 16 is not just 20 pounds overweight, in fact she is most likely obese, or at the very least, very close to it. Being overweight/obese at the young age of 13 is already damaging her health and her long term health outlook is extremely poor.

To help your daughter you need to break through your denial and face the painful truth. You probably need to dramatically change your home environment, both physically and psychologically. This is a family problem, not hers alone. As a parent, you need to step up and recognize that someone, and if not you, who?, needs to provide better family health leadership/management.

I suggest that you start working with an obesity specialist/therapist who can help you identify the root causes of your family's health imbalances so that you can make specific system-wide changes that will help your daughter lead a healthier, happier, life.

On the bright side, since she's only 13, her metabolism is relatively high, and will remain so for another decade, so loosing weight at this age is a lot easier then for a middle aged adult. former fatty

What to say to an teen who overeats

I have a 14 year old girl who has always been very happy, outgoing, friendly, with lots of attention from boys. Lately, however, I've noticed that she doesn't get many phone calls or invitations. She seems unhappy, insecure and increasingly lazy. Sure, she's a teenager, but unfortunately, she has also gained a lot of weight (maybe 20 pounds in a year and a half). She loves to dance, but is not doing that well, I think, because of the added weight. We eat very healthy (and fairly low-calorie) meals in the house (healthy breakfasts and sitdown dinners with lots of vegetables every night), but with my 14 year old, it's the quantity that's the problem. Instead of one bowl of cereal, it's three. When I ask her what she eats at school for lunch, it often sounds like she has a four course meal. I've eliminated junk food from the house (we're down to only having dessert on Friday and Saturday nights), but nothing seems to help. On the nights we have ice cream, she will eat almost an entire pint. At this age, it's very hard to control how much she eats.

My question is, what do I say to her to help her lose weight and change her eating habits? Whenever I try to get her to stop eating so much, she says I'm trying to turn her into an anorexic. Come to think of it, I think the overeating problem started not long after a lecture at her middle school by someone trying to prevent anorexia in teenage girls. I really want to help her, but don't know how. Anon.

And you know what? Boys, dates, social stuff--if she isn't accepted as she is, then how worthy are these people and should she/you want them in her life? Mom, she needs YOUR acceptance and love as she goes into the teenage years. Just take a deep breath and say three times: I can't control it and I can't cure it and I didn't cause it. anonymous parent

12-year-old is 25-35 pounds overweight

I have an 12 year daughter who is 25-35 pounds overweight, and it's getting worse. We rarely eat out, buy healthy/organic foods. Because of afterschool tutoring, homework, parents long work hours and two other children our days are long and exhausting. I'm wondering if there are any gyms or classes that specialize in helping overweight children. I saw some sleep away summer programs but they are to expensive and I doubt Kaiser would pay. These are the things we have tried: nutrtion classes, restricting unhelathy food intake, some excercise in the evenings- both pareents work every weekend, she used to swim 3-4 times a week-it didn't really help and there is no time for it now. I stopped naging but she's becoming more aware of her body and is very unhappy. I am more concerned for her mental well being and health. We need something intense and consistent maybe during the summer? Or anytime. Have any other parents dealt with this issue? Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Signed: worried mom

For me, the weight came off easily around the time I entered college. I weight about the same as a 30-something mother as I did in 8th or 9th grade.

Meanwhile, the best thing you can do is to exercise WITH your daughter. How much exercise do you get? Do you run? bike? include her in whatever excercise you do. still fitting into my Bat Mitzvah dress

I would also recommend the ''Health at Every Size'' journal. Weight is similar to height, mostly influenced by genetics and fairly immutable. Most people who become obsessed with weighing less at your daughter's age end up either with an eating disorder or gaining weight beyond their genetic set-point because of frequent dieting attempts. I would encourage you to help your daughter feel healthy and happy in her body right now. Check her previous height/weight charts with her doctor. If she has always been heavier, this is probably her body, she is not overweight for her set-point. If she has gained recently, it may be her response to puberty or a growth spurt. She also may need some support in self-regulationg her own eating without guilt, shame, good foods or bad foods. Either way, most diets lead to more weight gain.

Engage in healthy family behaviors, do not obsess about weight (hers or yours), and help your daughter feel good about herself as a whole person. Good Luck, Eating Disorder therapist

My biggest comment to you is: don't harp on her weight. Don't judge her food choices, even if it kills you. It makes it worse--if she's using food to cope with her feelings and she feels judged, etc, she'll sneak and eat in private.

Read Overcoming Overeating (and I think the authors have a book for kids, too) and see if it helps you understand. You're doing all the right stuff...try to get her active, try to find something (even if it isn't physical) that she can throw herself into and be excited about.

Best to you-- this is a tough road. Been there.

I asked her about weight watchers because I am going now, nearly all the women in my family are overweight, and she said that when she mentioned it to my niece at age 9 or 10, my niece said ''why can't you just accept me like I am, why do I have to be different?'' So she gave up on the idea. That said, we have had several 10 - 12 year old girls at weight watchers who have lost between 20 - 25 pounds and have become lifetime stars.

I hope some of this helps. My niece said that it's really hard for her now that she has lost 60 pounds because she realizes that people now say hello to her when she walks into a room and she knows that they either didn't see her when she was heavier or chose to ignore her when she was nearly 300 pounds.

I applaud you for trying to help. It seems that you're doing many of the right things. Good luck to both of you. Aunt to a Terrific Niece

Need suggestions for getting daughter's weight under control