Berkeley Parents Network: Teenagers & Homework

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Teenagers & Homework

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Berkeley Parents Network > Advice > Teenagers > Teenagers & Homework

Honors student can't stay focused on homework
Too Much Homework in Middle School
Parental control of homework
Teen won't do boring homework
See also: Homework at Berkeley High
Related page: Homework in Elementary School

Honors student can't stay focused on homework

October 2006

Do we need some kind of executive skills tutor or other help? My daughter began High School this fall and is not completing her homework and turning it in on time. She tested into 4 honors courses so there is MORE homework assigned now than she had in Middle School. She is very bright but has difficulty with some of what I have recently heard called ''executive skills'', like the ability to break projects down into the necessary sub-parts and then complete each of these and then rebuild it into the final project.

Because of the recent phone calls from a couple of her teachers that she is not turning her homework in on time (this school will not accept late homework after 2 days, period) I made it my business over the weekend (she worked both Sat. & Sun to complete one project that should not have exceeded 2 - 3 hours IMHO) to closely observe her and this is what I saw... she cannot seem to stay focused on the project or homework at hand. She becomes distracted by: myspace, e-mail, computer solitare, etc., anything except doing the homework(!) The homework does not appear to be too hard... just too hard to stay focused and get it done!! Her procrastination is really starting to frustrate me and my husband as well as her grades are going to seriously be impacted by her not getting the homework in on time. Other parents please advise me.. is she just lazy or is there something else going on here? She seems to have very high expectations for herself and says she wants to go to a top college but if she does not start to get it together and find the skills to stay focused and complete her homework in a timely manner, I fear for her future
Homework Nightmare

The answer to helping your teen focus on homework is simply to unplug the internet. Our bright child ran into problems last year completing homework and turning it in on time. During a candid conversation she told us that the distraction from the internet was the reason she was unable to complete her work and that we needed to ''unplug her''.

The results have been remarkable. With limited internet access her grades have improved to normal and she is back on track. If she needs internet access for a project she asks for the internet cord and then returns it when done. (Sometimes I have to retrieve it and remind her it was her idea).

Try it and I think you will be amazed at the difference. Possibly it can be returned when her homework is completed. Good Luck! Unplugged in Walnut Creek

Your message sounded so familiar! My son is also a high school freshman, with similar organizational challenges. I have two bits of advice for you. First of all, consider having your daughter assessed for an undiagnosed learning disability. My son is very bright, and always earned good grades (mainly A's, a few B's). It was only when he enrolled in a very demanding middle school program that some significant organizational challenges emerged. His teachers suggested an assessment, and we found out that he does have executive function deficit. It is related to his processing speed and working memory. He has a very high IQ, and we would never have suspected that he had any kind of disability had we not had him tested. Often, really bright kids with subtle disabilities can compensate without realizing it, and do well in school. They may not even realize that they are working harder than they should be. These kids are often diagnosed in high school or even college, when increased demands make compensating impossible. Secondly, my son has benefited enormously from the programs at Student Organizational Services (www.SOS4Students.com). They are located in Walnut Creek, but work with students from all over the Bay Area. My son took ''Nailing Ninth Grade'', a fantastic 2-day summer workshop designed to help kids prepare organizationally for high school. SOS has many other programs, and also offers one-on-one coaching, and study space consultations (where someone comes to your home and evaluates the student's study area). The coaching service is very popular, and has a long waiting list. The workshops fill quickly as well. The SOS staff is hip and great with teens, plus they know their stuff. They have fabulous ideas for kids and parents about organization and time management. I can't recommend them highly enough! Good luck Another Ninth Grade Mom

You were wise to observe your daughter. The behavior that you describe sounds like pretty classic ADHD, which is often overlooked in girls until high school. If this wasn't what you were hoping to hear, join the club. I resisted the idea that my son had it, until he started to falter in school. I would suggest that you make an appointment with Dr. Brad Berman who is an excellent behaviorial pediatrician. Jocelyn

We went through this too. I was convinced it was just laziness on my son's part but that ended up not being the case. We had him evaluated (we paid for it -- about $5,000 but I've since found out you may request that your school evaluate your daughter and many public schools will do this free of charge) and discovered my son had a learning disability that affected his concentration as well as his organizational skills. We're still working on this with him, but it's helped him -- and us -- to understand that he's not being willful but is sincerely unable to focus on tasks without some guidance. I would pursue getting an evaluation and see if that brings anything new to light. Best of luck to you!
Mom in Same Boat

I feel for you -- we spent last year in homework hell with our bright 7th grade son. The calls from teachers about unturned in homework, all of it. We got frustrated, thought he was lazy, but soon realized there was more to it. For one thing, he was starting to get depressed about his poor performance and the negative feedback. We decided to do some learning disabilities testing. That took a long time, from deciding to learn more about this last April or so, to having gotten some results last week.

But I'm very glad we did. Most of the people I talked with along the way thought he sounded like he had ''executive function disorder,'' the kind of inability to break projects into bite size pieces and organize time and paper that you describe.

The people at Children's Hospital who did the testing were wonderful throughout and spent over an hour explaining the results in detail, and they clearly had gotten to know and understand our individual child very well. In his case, the results did not show Executive function disorder, but rather ''ADHD without the H.'' Which really does fit, a daydreamer sort, distracted not by external things but by stuff from his own mind.

We are not sure yet what the next step is, we are both resistant to medicating, but feel like already this has been a huge help. The docs at Children's met separately with him, and explained it all, emphasizing the areas where he scored really well. Be aware, this took more time and cost more money than we first imagined. But it was so helpful. One thing all the professionals emphasized, which really echoed my gut, is that kids want to do well, the don't just blow stuff off in most situations. They are not lazy anon mom

Our son sounds very similar to your daughter. Very bright, easily distracted....homework is the last thing he wants to do. Makes everyone anxious, makes me hover over him. Not good. It takes him 3-4 times as long to complete projects and assignments as it ''should''. We've recently had him tested, he's 16 and received a mild ADHD diagnosis, so we are going to try to get support and accomodations from his school. We often try new techniques at home...rewards for timely completion etc. If there is something your daughter loves to do (a sport/instrument/etc) you might be successful in using that as the carrot. It often works for us. Fortunately my son has many passions, so getting school work done so that he can go to a lacrosse game motivates him. I recommend you have her tested privately. Best of luck
been there

I am both a parent of a child who had great difficulty with focus (coupled with high intelligence and ambition) and a professional educational therapist. I suggest that you eliminate all the distractions to see if your daughter still has trouble with focus. I think there is a mistaken notion floating around among young people that you OUGHT to engage in all these activities simultaneously and that there is something wrong with a quiet, calm environment. It is difficult for anyone to be productive when her attention is being constantly diverted and concentration is fragmented. Try an experiment: track how long she spends and how much homework is accomplished in an environment that supports concentration. Delete the solitaire, lock out the My Space, put the phone away, shut off the TV, put some classical music on the stereo and turn on a timer for one hour segments of time. Go over the assignments with her at the beginning and end of the homework period to make sure she understands and completes the work. If you try this for a while and your daughter still can't get her homework done, you might want to evaluate for AD/HD. That's what my kid had, and thanks to prompt intervention, she has been a successful student whose self-esteem was restored with the knowledge that she wasn't lazy or dumb. We found the strategies and structure that she needed to be very productive and is thriving in college (though she still needs the strategies and the structure)
Linda

My daughter has been working on this same issue for the last couple of years. she seems to have it under control but can spend way too much time sitting at the table supposedly studying/doing homework - like most of her weekends. She also gets distracted by the computer - which she started out using to listen to music but was easily drawn into watching video clips. We talked to her about what she was doing all that time sitting at the table and she realized that she was spending a lot of time pulling up the music she wanted and then getting distracted. She's very self motivated and doesn't like to get behind in her school work = so we didn't have to push her. She realized herself that the computer was distracting her and she wanted to do other things besides sit at the table ''working''. She now leaves the computer off while she's doing her homework. Another trick I've tried is turning on background instrumental music for her (we're currently using George Winston's CD ''forest''). This was something I started doing in college. You just need to get the right kind of music - instrumental jazz and classical work pretty well. We also try to set times for the assignments - although she sometimes goes over time it makes her aware of the time.
Laurie

Our high school-age son has the same focus problems. He was diagnosed with ''executive ordering'' problems when he was 9. It was easier to get him to focus on his work when he was younger because we could sit with him and re-direct him. Now that he is in his teens our son is very resistant to any help from us. He didn't need a tutor, so it was hard to figure out what would work. We were advised to hire a ''hip'' young college student to be a mentor. My son interviewed the applicants along with us and really like the young man we hired. 2-3 nights a week they went through my son's backpack , checked his calendar,and wrote out a work-schedule before doing their homework together for a few hours. The guy that we hired functioned as both (for lack of a better word) a ''re-focusser'' and a role model. He was a really wonderful addition to our family. (and took a lot of pressure off us!) Maybe a young woman undergraduate that your daughter connects with might work. Been There

Dear Homework Nightmare;

Here are four thoughts.

First, my 12th-grade daughter, who had a year or two of homework issues, and she had the following to say in response to your post.

''Get her into an extraccuricular activity which sucks up most of her day or week. She'll shape up naturally because she doesn't have all the extra time to fool around, and she'll be more motivated because she'll be with other kids and the peer pressure is definintely felt. sports and club kids get some of the best grades anyway because they are generally happier, and this makes them more responsible, because they feel like they actually have an impact on whats going on in their lives.''

Second, testing into four honors courses and taking them may be a bit too much. Talk to the counselor about cutting back. With so much homework, she may not know where to start. Also, the ninth-grade is such a variable year for most kids that this is not a disasterous harbinger of things to come. You may just need course correction, no pun intended.

Third, your daughter may need help. May I recommend Maggie Jacobberger, out in Lafayette. (925-878-5202, and Maggie[at]ivyenrichment.com, www.ivyenrichment.com) If not a convenient location, then she may be able to recommend someone else.

Fourth, there are how-to-study books, and I am an expert in how these do not work, if your kid really doesn't want to use an improvement method. (I am batting zero for three!) Anyway, I've read several, but not all. The best one I found was ''Study Power,'' by William R. Luckie and Wood Smethurst. It's origin is a program at Harvard to get bright students who are failing to overcome study habit problems and succeed. Luckie and Smethurst moved to the Atlanta area and have been successful with their method. Like all such books, they say right at the beginning to not proceed if you really do not want to work at this. I did not listen, and put my kids through this and one other book. Both experiments were complete and total failures. Your mileage may vary.

Good luck, Nathan

Too Much Homework in Middle School

Feb 2006

I'm worried about my twelve-year-old son's workload. He is a seventh grader at King, and gets pretty much all A's, but not because he's ''academically gifted'', but because he works really hard.

Anyway, I'm concerned because of the extremely great amount of work these kids are given. His English teacher told him that in seventh grade, these CHILDREN are supposed to have THREE HOURS of homework each night! He told me this, and I couldn't believe it. When I heard that, I started adding up all of the ''requirements'' for a child his age, and realized that if he met all of them, he would have about fifteen minutes of free time each (week)day. He is ''young'' for his age, and still loves playing with his models and toys and his brothers; he still needs time to play.

He does not do quite three hours of homework (I would be shocked if that really happened every night), but it's usually 1.5-2+ hours a day, and the stress of it is really seeming to get to him. I know that middle school is a rough transition, but he started middle school last year with very few problems.

Is anyone else experiancing this? Is this normal? It seems to be taking a toll on him; he comes right home from six hours of school, sit down, does a few hours of homework, and it's almost time for dinner, so he's really tense. If anyone tries to talk to him when he does his homework, he snaps at them, or even yells, only to feel remorseful later. I suggested taking a break before homework, but he insists--and he's probably right--that if he does, he won't be able to finish it. He does get some energy out--after dinner, he and his brothers go and play in our backyard for an hour, but he still seems more aggresive and tense than he's ever been. Is there anything I can do? I don't want to lose the sweet, loving son I know to middle school. Please give me some advice; my wife and I are at a tal loss.
William

Middle school homework can be way out of proportion to the developmental needs of our children. Some kids seem to ride the pressure more easily than others. I have had two kids go through middle school. The first one did well with a lot of parent involvement and teacher conferences to keep up with assignments. The second one has much less interest in pleasing teachers and is satisfied with Cs. As parents, we take the attitude that top grades are not that important in middle school.Enjoying the process of learning and having time for play and social life are equally important at this stage. The kids are learning how to juggle teacher expectations more independently and to talk to their teachers when they have a problem. In our family,we expect our middle school kid to do his best and we get involved to help him out and keep in touch with his teachers by email and phone if he falls behind. Most teachers are very responsive to parental concerns Re: kid stress and will modify due dates if they see the kid is really trying. Our kids do sports after school and are often exhausted by 9:00 pm without having finished homework. They do it the next day early in the morning or turn it in late. A good night's sleep and family time are much more important at age 12-14 than an A on HW assignments. Talk to your son's teachers and explain the situation. You can work something out together to make your kid's school experience more balanced. Our job as parents is to advocate for the health and wellbeing of our children in and out of school. Put the homework concern out on a school etree, on the PTA agenda and hash it over with the other parents and teachers of 7th graders. 1 and 1/2 hours is plenty for 7th grade, maybe 2 on occasion, but not on a regular basis. Good luck,
Marilyn

I definitely share your concern about middle schoolers feeling too much homework pressure. I was shocked when my 11 year old entered 6th grade at Lincoln Middle School (in Alameda) and had several hours of homework nightly. Her core teacher says that homework should average 20 minutes per class per day, so that comes to about 2 hours. I think that's too much homework for a child that age, a child who wants and deserves lots of time to hang out in her tree house, do crafts projects, play with her pets, and generally be a kid. My repeated and clear message to my daughter is that the most important thing for her is to give attention to not just homework/grades, but also other important areas of life such as music, sports, church, and last but certainly not least family and friends time. When she recently brought home all As I told her that was great but it did make me wonder if she had ''enough balance'' in her life. She knew I was partly kidding about giving her a hard time about making As, but she needs to hear someone articulate a different message from what I believe is overemphasis on homework and preparing for the standardized tests on which teachers and principals are increasingly pressured to have their students score well.
a pro-childhood mom

Hi William,
I read your post about your son's HW and have some ideas. First, I teach middle school, not at King, but 6th grade at a charter school. At the beginning of the year, I had complaints from some parents that I gave too much HW. I have struggled with this and believe I have reached a compromise. The first thing you should do if you haven't already is speak w/ your child's teacher. Ask her/him how much time she/he thinks the HW should take and tell him/her how much time your child spends on HW. Ask whether that is a reasonable amount of time or is your child spending too much time on HW. Also, your child might have some anxiety about how he's doing. Sounds like he's a really conscientious student. Setting up boundaries at home might help; like have a snack and 15 min. of loafing time when he first gets home before starting his HW. Also, check what the assignments are and when they're due. Is your son freaked out about getting stuff done that he has a week or so to complete. How about setting up a schedule so if he's working on a big project, set aside 15-20 daily to work on that. I definitely don't think he should spend 3 hrs per night on HW but 1-1/2 is not unreasonable. His anxiety might be about other issues. Please start by speaking w/ the teacher. Best of luck to you. It sounds like your son is really thoughtful and probably a student any teacher would be lucky to have. Susan S

I also have a 7th grader at King and have not experienced anything like what was described (3 hours of homework/night). I urge concerned parents to raise such issues with the principal or VP. The VP names and email addresses can be found on the King PTA website, http://king.berkeleypta.org/admin.html. Also, try posting to the un-moderated King Discussion group. Check it out and subscribe at King_Discussion-subscribe[at]yahoogroups.com.
Rebecca

I agree that our children don't need to be in school all day and then work on homework most of their evenings. Beacon School (a private school from pre-school through Middle School in Oakland) has a very positive approach towards homework. The founder, Thelma Farley, believes that in the early grades all work should be done in school. She encourages families to spend time together and not be driven by busy work. In Middle School the homework is reasonable. It often focuses on projects. My son is graduating from there this year and has had an incredibly positive school experience. Sara

Parental control of homework

Sept 2000

My older daughter (17) can have the TV or radio on while she's doing her homework and, although I can't do that kind of stuff, she is perfectly capable of it. However, my younger daughter (soon to be 15) is not and it totally slows her down, but she insists that it isn't a problem. In addition, she gets really defiant). "You can't tell me what to do"!!!! Last night she had on the MTV music awards and then called her friend while she was doing her homework. I told her she needed to get off the phone. "You can't tell me what to do". "Oh, yes I can". Anyway, she was doing her homework from 8:30 - 10:30, after which she took her book and went to her room to read and stayed up until 11 or 11:15. My initial take on this matter is to make it really clear to her that she is to do her homework without the TV or phone and really establish with her that she is still a child and will do what I tell her to do (goddammit!). However, I was talking to a woman at work today who said that she's really old enough to suffer her own consequences and all we can do is to tell her that she's responsible for herself and her success or failure. It was an eye opener and I think I agree with her. However, of course, I'm concerned that Amber will not be able to succeed and that part of my job is to help her to establish good habits that will help her to succeed. At what point do you relinquish this kind of control? When do you allow them to make their own decisions? I don't know what to think. What do you think? Toby

I, too, had the same problem with my 14yr. old last year. The radio was always on when she was doing her homeword and she would talk on the phone or watch TV. I left her to her own devices, and she proved to herself that it just doesn't work. She failed English. Now she will have to make it up sometime before she graduates, which translates to an extra english class for one semester. It's just more work for her in the long run. But you know your own daughter. This may work for her and may not. My daughter has to learn her own lessons. I guess I'm lucky that she does learn. At 14, who's the boss? I told my daughter that she has to come home, do her homework ( without music, etc.) and then she can do whatever she wants, talk on the phone, watch TV and and listen to music all at the same time if she wants. END OF CONVERSATION! Anonymous

No matter how much your daughter doesn't want you interferring, stay with it. Maybe you can compromise -- part time with TV (on her easier subjects) and part time without on her more difficult subjects. Do the without TV, etc. 1st while she is still fresh.

What the other mother said is good in theory but it might set your daughter up for failure (especially since you know your daughter). When do you not control what they do -- when they go to college and you aren't there.

Hang in there. Your daughter is spirited and you wouldn't want it any other way. I think a compromise situation usually works best. You are respecting their opinion but you are also doing what feels right to you.

Flora

I have generally followed the "consequences" route with my two sons (one just graduated and one just starting BHS) but there are exceptions. The problem with consequences is that some of the possible consequences are too damaging. For a person early in HS the event of a few low grades may be sufficient to give them what my husband and I refer to as "a reality dose". But later in HS when college issues are at hand, a failing grade may mean dashed hopes for the future, not getting into a school the young adult wants to get into.

An example of consequences that are too serious would be a young person who refuses to wear protective head gear while biking or roller-blading ("it isn't cool"). In which case, I've intervened by taking away the bicycle or blades until there was compliance. I will not have my son in a hospital with head injuries for the sake of "natural consequences."

Regarding tv/radio/phone and homework perhaps you can work out a deal. If your daughter keeps her grades at a certain level then you will not interfere. If they go down you then could restrict the use of other distractions until they are up again. You have to be willing to seriously follow through however. How do you restrict TV if it is in your home and available? On this issue, unfortunately, once we had to buy a lock which fit on the electric cord and turned the power on or off with a key. When our sons came home from school the TV was on "off" and did not go "on" until homework was shown to be done. The fortunate side of this was, we did it when they were younger (in late grade school and middle school) and by HS they knew we were serious. If you tried it in HS it might just make your daughter furious. I think the "prove it to me" attitude would work better.

Anonymous

My sense is pressure ( control) can lighten up when things get done on a reasonable timetable ( not so late at night that the kid is exhausted and functioning poorly the next day) etc. I control phone time ( I pay the bills), lightening up when I feel a good faith effort is being made to follow through on responsibilities. We just shifted from a very relaxed middle school to a tighter high school. My daughter seems to be relieved by the tighter framework and is responding well to it. Having pondered this a lot I am now convinced more supervision ( if not control, exactly) is a good thing - my 14.5 yr old cannot yet handle all this on her own, doesnt have the self control, etc. She needs a lot of support - and that seems to mean my not controlling exactly but helping keep track of what needs to be done, tuning in a lot for status reports on how things are going, providing incentives if things get done on time for the ostensible bedtime of 10 pm. ( she doesn't always make it but the guideline is helpful, it keeps things for going too late or makes that more the exception than the rule). I would not allow tv or phone calls while homework is being done. If a call comes in while she's doing homework I take a message or, if she wants to take it - I try to show some flexibility but also let her know I am mindful of the time, what needs to be done, and that one cannot do two things at once. I'm sending this message because it has taken me a while to figure out that it is too soon to let them take all the consequences - seems to me.All feedback is welcome. suzanne

Teen won't do boring homework

My daughter is in the 8th grade at Albany Middle School and has developed a pattern of not doing all of hr homework in several subjects and when I find out, we struggle to get it all caught up in a flurry of activity. Some it she says she was not aware of (one teacher found she was reading a book most of the class) and others of it, she says she didn't realize there was another section to it, etc., etc. Mostly she claims lack of consciousness but when we had a serious talk recently she said that she isn't interested in doing the homework though she realizes her grades will be affected by this and she does care about her grades.

This pattern began last year when she had mono for two months and missed so much class it was almost impossible to catch up on everything. She took the tests and passed most of them with flying colors so I think she feels she doesn't need the homework. We're going around in circles and I don't have the energy or the will to carry a whip to MAKE her do her homework, partly because I'd have to check each day with her teachers to see what homework she has and I'm usually at work or in school at that time. One of her teachers and I have arranged to have the teacher sign off on my daughter's planner that she has in fact copied down all the homework given so that I can check it in the evening. Clearly, not getting the homework affects some of her skills in math and writing, although she can usually pass tests well and it will affect her grades (it sure did last year). I'm worried about how she's going to progress through high school and on to college.

This is not a problem during the summer when she takes ATDP classes. She got an A+ in high school Japanese. And yes, she's very bright and she's bored with homework she sees as uninspiring make-work. And of course she's a teenager now and her friends and their interactions and being a counselor to them all is much more satisfying that homework. A lot of other kids are having the same problem but that's no comfort. Anyway, I really don't know what to do. I'm sure others have encountered this problem before and I'd be happy to hear any solutions.

I hear from my son who is maintaining a 3.5 or better and tests very high on the yearly standard tests that homework is a joke for the most part . He does it somehow but I seldom see him do it at home. I assume he does it because his grades are not low, in fact they are rather high.

Here is my own personal "bottom line." I have one son who just graduated BHS and the younger who is one year ahead of your daughter now in 9th grade. If you labor through homework, following up to see if it is done and checking it, ( I've known some who practically did it with their sons or daughters) you may well give her the message that school is for YOU not for her.

Instead, I have followed a line of initial and intentional "neglect." That is, I won't micro manage homework. I am willing (especially in the earlier middle school and freshman years of HS) to let my son get bad grades if that is the consequence of his choice to neglect homework. I also am ready at a moment's request -- from him --to pitch in and help so he never feels he is in this alone. However it is clearly under his area of responsibility. If you do this early, by later high school teenagers are beginning to get the message that their basic life choices really do mean something, really do have consequences, and are important and are their own. In my view later parenting is one of support, listening, and establishing (requiring sometimes) mutual respect. It means a terrible risk of letting your child fail for a while....as long as the failure is not life shattering. It also means that you are good on your word and really will be there to help when asked.

It is SO hard to call this one because you do not want to let a downslide in grades and attitude continue into real alienation and depression. Often the teenager's lack of attention to some detail in their life is an attempt to prod for parental reaction. Taking homework out of the arena of dispute may mean that your daughter will simply pick another area to prod for your attention. What is then happening is more an issue of a youngster looking for a way to get reassurance that, though they have gone past the childhood stages of interacting with their parents, the parents still love them very actively and sons or daughters still have claim to their parents time, interest and attention.

My older son did this attention grab (will you REALLY support me) by setting up last minute panic attacks about school and tests and even social engagements. And yes, I really did drop everything and help. Because he asked. And yes it cost me something real with my own schedule, yes he did it several times until he was really sure I'd be there. We then had to work on the meaning of respecting each other's time and obligations by better planning (on both sides). We are still in this negotiation process with the older son. Life and growing up takes time. Adults tend to forget how many lessons are part of growing up.

This approached worked for us. I would even recommend it. My sons are responsible and lovely people in my own opinion. I was told at the very beginning of having children...raise them to be some one you would enjoy being around as adults. Not bad advice. It still holds.

[Please submit anonymously as my son might not want to be identified]

Hi, I had a similar problem with my son when he attended Albany Middle School two years ago. Like my son, your daughter sounds very bright, but extremely bored, not only because of the difference between her ATDP and AMS grades, but because she knows just how much homework she can get away with not doing, and still pass her classes. Perhaps at this point, not writing down her homework assignments has become a habit, but putting all your effort into whether or not she does her homework is not going to improve her attitude about her schoolwork. If she is choosing to read over listening in her classes, she is most likely not being challenged.

I've already gone on and on about what I think of AMS on this newsletter, but if you want to know more, please feel free to e-mail me! Just briefly: When my son was in the 6th grade, he was getting by at AMS, with a B average. I think that because he has learning disabilities, he was never encouraged to push himself academically. Fortunately, we moved to East Oakland and my son started the 7th grade at Bret Harte Middle School. They listened to me when I told them my son was bored in school and needed to be encouraged to excel. He had the talent, but not the motivation. Now in the 8th grade, he is in Geometry, 2nd year spanish, and the honors core class. His english teacher from last year still continues to encourage his eclectic reading choices and often lets him borrow books from his private collection. (previous choices include: Origin of Species, Sophie's World, Plato's Republic, Marx for Beginners, Capitalism for Beginners--next he plans to read the Communist Manifesto and Catcher in the Rye.) Last week, he brought home his best report card yet, 5 A's and 1 B (he missed that A in spanish by about 20 points!) and now has a 3.83 GPA. Not bad for a kid with three different learning disabilities!

I think there are 4 factors that made the difference for my son:

1) He and I are no longer the only ones who believe in him. All his teachers value his intelligence and give him plenty of praise and encouragement.

2) I made sure that he is an active participant in his education. Anyone can be a passive student and just go to class and let mom talk to the teachers when there is a problem. Instead, I taught my son to advocate for himself whenever he is bored, is graded unfairly, or doesn't understand a class policy or the school work. If he can't resolve an issue for himself, he goes to his resource specialist next, if it involves his LD. I only get involved if he can't fix it himself. This is his education, and he has taken ownership of it. He is never arrogant or rude to his teachers, but he won't take no for an answer!

3) The MESA summer Academy. I can't say enough wonderful things about this program and the excellent teachers who dedicate themselves to their students. 4) He set goals for himself for highschool and college. He plans to take math classes at a community college during the summer, so he can take differential equations by the time he's a senior. He wants to attend MIT, Berkeley, or Stanford and major in Biochemical Engineering.

Girls are very different than boys at this age, but as a teenage girl, she really needs to get in touch with her own power, just as boys do. However, butting heads with you about homework is a waste of energy. Take another approach to the problem and address the real issue, if you can. You may not have to take as drastic a step as changing schools, but perhaps it's not a bad idea! Speaking for myself, I turned to my friends, drugs and alcohol for many reasons, but one of the primary reasons was boredom. When I finally dropped out of high school, I went to community college during what should have been my senior year, due to the advice and encouragement of my probation officer (Mark Smith, thank you, wherever you are!) and did quite well. Although I stopped going to school when I met my son's dad, I did eventually find my way to UCB and am now preparing to apply for graduate school. I swore I would do everything possible to help my son avoid the difficulties I had in school. I really hope this helps! I'd be happy to talk to you further if you like.

Patti

My daughter started slacking off on homework in middle school. I decided to let her experience the consequences of her actions and thought she would come around. She is very bright and has a lot of common sense. She learned how to bring her grades back up to mediocre just in time for semester grades and then back off again, letting them fall. Eventually, in high school, she got far enough behind that she couldn't keep it up, and certainly couldn't get ahead. She fell into a cycle. The worse she did, the lower her self esteem, the lower her self esteem, the worse she did. At this point she resented my intervention because she had been on her own with this responsibility.

I jumped in anyway. I began overseeing each assignment, I enlisted grandparents and tutors, I required weekly progress reports from teachers. It was ugly. It did feel like my education. After much battling on the subject she began to do the work in order to get her family off her back. It took a full year to get her back on track. Now, finally, she has begun to do the work because she wants to ... because her accomplishments feel good to her. We are all still closely involved. She still needs us. She still needs someone looking over her shoulder. When she occasionally drops the ball she doesn't let on that she needs help and she slips behind. I have to be there to help her realize it's been dropped and help her pick it up. She appreciates the help. She now believes that she has choices in her life. She didn't before.

I do believe that my initial approach might well work for some children, but it didn't for my daughter. The key, I think, is to pay very close attention. Don't hesitate to become involved. Support feels different to each of us, find out what your child needs. Please list this anonymously. Thank you.

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