Berkeley Parents Network: Teens Having Friends Over

Berkeley Parents Network

Teens Having Friends Over

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Berkeley Parents Network > Advice > Teenagers > Teens Having Friends Over

Opposite sex hanging out in their room?

My son would like kids to hang out in his room. Since "kids" includes girls, is this reasonable?

I haven't been plagued yet with the issue of boys "hanging out" in my daughter's room. However, she has told me she expects to be able to do this! When I grew up this wasn't the norm at all. (In fact, nearly *everything* in the boy/girl department is totally different from when I was a teen!) I think that if teens have friends of the opposite sex in their rooms, there should be an open door policy and the parent should pass by frequently to monitor activity. Each family has to determine their own tolerance level for this.

For me, friends of the opposite sex in a teen's bedroom is not a good idea and I would seek other places in the house for them to hang out. My view is: why add more temptations? Teens are already bombarded by them and probably don't need more.

I think a good thing to remember in dealing with teens is that, despite their vociferous statements to the contrary, they actually do want -- and need -- limits. It gives them security and lets them know what our expectations of them are.

FRIENDS IN ROOM: I have a daughter. Girls are welcome anytime! No one is allowed when I am away Boy or Girl. I would rather my daughter invite her boy friends into our home verses meeting them around the block or standing out front. Her friends know my home is always a safe haven if needed. Not an issue yet but see the storm coming.

Regarding the teenager in the room alone with girls: Please don't allow this. I was date raped/heavily pressured to have sex or to go farther (ie oral sex) than I wanted to when I was at a boy's house and his parents were there! We were alone in his room with the door shut. I protested when my parents instituted the "open-door" rule but later on, I appreciated it. It gave me an out. (I am sure your son is not going to do this, but his female guests will probably be more comfortable if the door is open)

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