Help for depressed teen who may be gay

My 14 year old son is depressed and struggling with confusion about his sexual preference. He is resistant to the idea of therapy because he says he can't imagine sharing personal details with a stranger. He knows that his father and I are don't care if he is straight or gay. We just want him to be confident and proud of who he is. He is an extraordinary, smart, funny, kind person. I am looking for any suggestions for a good therapist who might be able to help (either by working directly with my son or with my husband and me) with with depression and sexual preference issues? Concerned mother of a sad teen

Whether your son is, or is not gay, this process will help him discover that he doesn't need to pick a label or hurry and grow up. He just needs to feel accepted and find folks that honor his path. It does get better. Two Moms with Gay Son

it is difficult to come out and it is harder if the process is seen as a therapeutic issue rather than a social-emotional/societal one. i might suggest that you support your child checking out both of these organizations and see what is going on that might be of interest.

if your child's high school has a gay/straight alliance group or committee, he should join it. there is power in belonging and that can be 100 times more effective than one-on-one therapy. gay since age 15

Lesbian phase in high school?

Having the normal teenager aingst around the house that comes with the age and high school years. The other day, my friend, who has finished colleging two kids ask me how things were going with a new rebellious phase concerning courses in high school. She then said, Oh, did xxx go through her lesbian phase yet? I asked what she meant and she said many teenage girls go through a brief lesbian identity phase in late high school and early college. I had not heard of this. I have nothing negative about lesbians so please don't jump on me. I just want to know if this is a common passing phase I should expect. I truly appreciate any help or insight appreciative

Off the top of my head, I can think of five BHS friends who declared themselves gay or bi when they were about 15, although I doubt they all acted on it. One truly was and is a lesbian, two were having sex with each other during weekend sleepovers, and the other two I'm not sure about. Of the two who were having sex, both also acquired boyfriends about a year later. I don't know if they're continuing bisexual behavior in college.

My overall impression was that at this particular age, bisexuality can be more or less equal parts curiosity, desire, the pleasure of impressing their friends, the security factor of being sexual with so familiar a body, and perhaps the practical reason of not being able to get pregnant with a female partner. With one exception, I found all these young women likeable, intelligent, and energetic. (The exception thought it just hilarious to make unwanted passes at my daughter, and pretended not to understand when my daughter pointed out that she was practicing the sexual harassment that they all scorned from boys!)

Anyway, I doubt the phase, or whatever it is, is any more or less harmful than heterosexuality (apart, of course, from the risk of being abused by homophobic classmates). And if your daughter does come to you with tales of friends' sexual preferences, it's a great opening for conversations about love, sex, values, taking care of yourself--talks that will keep the two of you close even as she continues separating. Anonymous

Teen cousin just came out, parents in shock

My cousin (male, age 19 if it matters) just came out and his parents, who I have no doubt will be wonderful once they 'adjust.' Right now they are in the initial stages of shock and struggling to wrap their brains around it. They have asked if for good books for parents, and they have already been told about P-flag. They're both very bright and somewhat psychologically savvy, but in this area, whatever the best books for parents are, is probably the way to go. Thanks in advance. anon.

They will probably be surprised by how many parents of gay children are around them. Please encourage them to join Pflag to meet other parents where they live; it will be much more beneficial than any book they would read. anon mom