Berkeley Parents Network: Books about Parenting Teens

Berkeley Parents Network

Books about Parenting Teens

Advice, discussions, and reviews from the Parents of Teens weekly email newsletter.
Berkeley Parents Network > Advice > Teenagers > Books about Parenting Teens

Books about How to handle adolescent boys

March 2004

Hi, I needed a recommendation for a pre-teen and teen books. How to handle boys age 10 and up. I hope to find a book with short notes and straight forward not so big, how to handle their NO will, stuborness and friends and peers...etc.

The best teen parenting book I know is called ''Get Out Of My Life! (but first can you drive me and Cheryl to the mall?)'' by Anthony Wolfe (you should check the author's name and spelling). It is straightfoward, and full of great practical advice and many many examples of how to put it into practice. I can't wait to see the books other parents reccomend! Berkeley Child Therapist

The best teen parenting book I've ever read is ''Get Out Of My Life, but first could you drive me and Cheryl to the Mall?'' by Anthony Wolf. He also has a wonderful one for sibling issues called ''Mom, Jason's breathing on me!'' Melinda

''Raising Cain'' is a great book for anyone raising boys...I read it when my son was 10, just like yours and you'll be glad you did - especially when they turn 12-13 - They really do change so much so fast, physically and emotionally! Good luck... boy oh boy

Almost anything by Mike Riera (Uncommon Sense for Parents of Teens) or Michael Thompson is good. Susanna

Books about Parenting Teens

July 2001

Re: Friend's difficult 13-year-old. Please get her the book The Explosive Child, author Greene. It addresses the child who blows up disproportionately to the problems at hand. It has been a real help to me. Terry

Re: difficult teen I am also a single mother of a 13 year old boy. My son goes between being sweet and rude. I know with him, the rudeness is his way of seperating from me. Every family is different and some kids have a much harder adolescence than others. I would recomend reading the book, The Stardust Lounge, Stories from a Boys Adolescence,by Deborah Digges. I think understanding what kids are going through and getting support for yourself can help you live through the teenage years.

I attended a UC-sponsored session by Mike Riera, and I concur that he knows his teenagers. I bought the book HOW TO SURVIVE HIGH SCHOOL, written just for teens (he has another one for parents) and did as he suggested, just leave the book around and don't say anything to your kid. A few weeks later, he picked it up and read it all. Several months later he still goes back and rereads it and shared it with a best friend. He's a freshman.
Bonnie (2/00)

Dec 1999 Many of us have read Reviving Ophelia, but I recently found several other helpful books. (and I welcome other recommendations ) -Altered Loves, Mothers and Daughters During Adolescence by Terri Apter -The Body Project, An Intimate History of American Girls by Joan Jacobs Brumberg -Positive Discipline for Teenagers by Jane Nelsen and Lynn Lott -Rebel Without a Car, Surviving and Appreciating Your Child by Fred Mednick

From: Leah (5/99)

I've finally just got around to reading UCB Parents' The Colorado Tragedy, part 2", and I'd like to recommend a book, though I haven't actually read it (awful, eh?). I'm not sure how soon I'll have time to read it, but I'd really love to hear what members of this newsletter think of it, if you've managed to find the time. The reader reviews on Amazon.com are mostly extremely positive. Here's a bit from Amazon's official reviewer: "Reviving Ophelia, Mary Pipher's groundbreaking book, exposed the toxic environment faced by adolescent girls in our society. Now, from the same publisher, comes Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys by Dan Kindlon and Michael Thompson, which does the same for adolescent boys. Boys suffer from a too-narrow definition of masculinity, the authors assert as they expose and discuss the relationship between vulnerability and developing sexuality, the "culture of cruelty" boys live in, the "tyranny of toughness," the disadvantages of being a boy in elementary school, how boys' emotional lives are squelched, and what we, as a society, can do about all this without turning "boys into girls." "Our premise is that boys will be better off if boys are better understood--and if they are encouraged to become more emotionally literate," the authors assert." Sounds good so far!

I have read excerpts in the press and they were excellent in providing pointed anecdotes about the culture of cruelty among teenage boys, many examples of which I witnessed teaching at an all boys' Catholic high school, and which seemed to be implicitly accepted by much of the staff. I also would recommend William Pollack's *Real Boys*, which can be too mired in anecdote and loosely written, but still provides very good suggestions. Finally, I strongly recommend anyone involved in a boy's life to read the editorial by Jodi Jenter in the June 8 *Daily Cal.*. From my experience, there often is little space for an openly sensitive heterosexual male in our society. I am not sure whether that is for good or bad, bit it seems too ingrained to change at a societal level. Especially, my fear is that raising a boy to be not only sensitive, but also respectful and polite, might cause difficulties with others limited to the strictures of traditional roles. What also needs to be examined is how many women reinforce the stereotypes of a malehood that denies the expression of emotion. Luckiliy, however, in this area we have at least some space for such boys. (June 1999)

Although I have not read Raising Cain, I have just started to read Real Boys by Dr Pollack. He also addresses the emotional lifes of boys as well as the disadvantages of a "boys will be boys" mentality. He agrues that boys do express their emotions - usually through their actions; and it is up to us to recognize and acknowledge these emotions. He believes that many teaching methods are directed to the way girls learn and may also contribute to the acting out that many boys do in school. Thus far I have enjoyed and appreciated the sections of the book I have read. My sons are only 2 and 3 1/2. I would be interested in other parents thoughts. -- Ellen (6/99)

I just finished reading a wonderful (and in some respects shocking) book that I recommend very highly to any and all parents of teens: Ask me if I care by Nancy Rubin. Ms. Rubin taught Social Living at Berkeley High for some 20 years, and her book, published in 1994 I think, generously quotes (with permission, of course) from student journals she asked her students to keep. The topics coverd include students' own stories, experiences and concerns and perceptions about sex, drugs, pregnancies, angst at parents and family, future dreams, STDs and AIDs, and friends, other stuff. To me, it was fascinating and in some ways, a whole new world! --Ashok (3/99)

My daughter, who is now 15, started to put me through the grinder when she was 11. I don't think teen related issues are related to chronological age, but to when the good ol' hormones kick in. When this happened, I ran to the nearest book store and found a book that I found incredibly helpful. I thought some of you might find it as useful. It's called: Get Out of my Life, but First Could You Drive Me and Cheryl to the Mall? A Parent's Guide to the New Teenager by Anthony E. Wolf. The most important point I learned from this book was, "Choose your Battles." By the way, my daughter read the book after I finished it and she approved of it as well! -- Olga (3/99)

For all those parents of girls, especially preteens and just teens I'd like to recommend Mary Pipher's Reviving Ophelia, Rescuing the Selves of Adolescent Girls. This book did much to give me hindsight, not only for my daughter, but for myself. It would have been so much more useful if I'd had it when she was younger. There are no answers in it really, but a lot of insight into their lives and our society. -- Veronica (3/99)

I've read Reviving Ophelia and it is excellent. I think it should be required reading for parents of both male and female teens. It provides a strong dose of reality about what girls are experiencing as American teens in the 90's. A student I worked with here on campus mentioned the book to me and said she believed it was on target and an accurate reflection of what her teen experience had been. Linnea (3/99)

From: Sherry (9/98)

I know that there will be many more issues, but I certainly feel that I
have learned a great deal in the last 10 years.  My daughters are now 18
and 22.
Two books which I found particularly helpful are:
Kirshenbaum, Mira and Foster, Charles: Parent/Teen Breakthrough, The
Relationship Approach
Riera, Michael,  Uncommon Sense for Parents with Teenagers

Mike Riera is local and also has an excellent web site:
http://www.mikeriera.com/

Hang in there.  Sherry

From: Karen (9/98)

I have a recommendation for the parent asking for books on raising teenagers. Our family therapist had actually recommended this for me when we were going to counseling for some communication problems. It's called the STEP program (System Training for Effective Parenting). There's actually a whole series, but there is one specifically for teens. It's written by Gary McKay and Don Dinkmeyer. It was very, very helpful. And I'm happy to say it's given me insight and ideas into parenting my two teenagers! The book/books are available via amazon.com or at most chain bookstores. <

Books about Sex

I'd like to put in a word for two books regarding sex that are written for the teenage audience. One is Dr. Ruth Talks To Kids by Dr. Ruth Westheimer (New York: Macmillan, 1993, 96 pgs). The sub-title is "Where You Came From, How Your Body Changes, and What Sex Is All About." I gave this book to my son when he was 10. (Remember those "Now You Are 10" booklets for girls?) Now that he is a sophomore in high school, his health class is reading Changing Bodies, Changing Lives by Ruth Bell and other co-authors of "Our Bodies, Ourselves" and "Ourselves and Our Children" (New York: Vintage Books, 1998, 254 pgs). I wish I could have had these two books on my shelves when I was growing up. -- Bonnie (4/99)

Internet Resources

From: Susan (9/98)

in reply to "Raising Teenagers" there is a website "Parenting Today's Teens" that has some useful information. the url is http://www.parentingteens.com


Two Web Sites of Value:
1.  Mike Riera who wrote Uncommon Sense for Parents With Teenagers has a
very interesting site:  http://www.mikeriera.com/
2. Awhile back I stumbled across a copy of an excellent newsletter
called Parenteen, published by The Parents' Coalition of Bay Area High
Schools.
Their url is: http://www.pcbahs.org/
    Every short article in the Winter 1997 issue (the only one I have
seen) looks excellent, including recommendations for a book called
Character First by Joseph Gauld. Emotional Intelligence by Daniel
Goleman is reviewed and another article is entitled Managing
Relationships: How Teens See it. Looks as if the coalition has monthly
meetings and has published Survival Suggestions for Teens and Parents.
For instance, they published "Recommended Guidelines for Parties" adoped
by University High Parents Association.
    Back issues of the newsletter are apparently available for $1.25 per
copy  (415-389-9441) Though my source is 1997.  Best to peruse their web
site.
    Warmly, Sherry Reinhardt  (mom of 18 and 22 year old daughters)

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