Sleeping with a Territorial Kind of Guy
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Sept 2004
Periodically my husband accuses me of swiping the covers from
him and taking up too much of the bed, as if I were doing so to
be mean. This invariably happens in the middle of the night when
I'm sleeping until he wakes me up to complain, in a cranky and
obnoxious way, as opposed to gently reclaiming his share of the
covers or something. I've assured him that this behavior is
unconscious on my part, and used to feel hurt by his
accusations, but now I'm just puzzled. He was shipped off to
boarding school as a child, had to become very self-sufficient,
and still has what I regard as hang-ups about space, territory,
etc.
I thought this behavior was unusual until two women at work said
their men complained about exactly the same thing and, again, as
if the women were committing these foul deeds on purpose! Any
comments, stories, suggestions? (I'd be very interested to hear
the male point of view on this matter as well.)
Heres what we do:
We each have twin sized comforter on our queen sized bed and we
have a quilt we throw over the top when the bed is made. at
night, the quilt comes off, and we each have our own comforter
so nobody wakes up all pissy because of ''stolen'' covers (I get
very silly and petty about the cover thing too, I just HATE to
wake up cold so I am mean about it even though I know its
obviously accidental!) Also, we use comforters with duvet covers
so we dont need a top sheet, its a good system for a happy
couple who arent so good at sharing our blankies :)
Hope that helps!!
Do like the Danes do -- each of you have your very own twin sized
downie. That way you each have your own covers to pull at and
they are each of the right warmth rating. I've slept in such
beds many a time - while I was initially hestitant that this
would make it hard to cuddle together and/or create a draft down
the middle of the bed, it's actually a very cozy way to sleep
together. The other method is to get a LARGER downie than your
bed requires - get a King duvet if your bed is a queen, or a
Super size King ($$) duvet if you have a king-sized bed. with
all the extra acreage, it's hard to steal it all!! Oh and be
understanding of midnight grumps-it's very wearying and annoying
to wake up cold and have to fight for blankies.
warm and cozy
This is our solution to a happy marriage: buy two twin size
comforters with comfortable comforter covers so you each have
one.No more thrashing,no issues of different heat tolerances,no
more stolen covers! Good luck.
happy sleepers
My wife used to hog the bed and sheets occasionally, although it
wasn't a point of major contention. She stopped after I started
sleeping with a long 'body pillow.' It was kind of like having a
speed bump in the middle of the bed.
Anon.
I have only one piece of advice for you: get separate
blankets! Sounds unromantic, but you'll both sleep much
better. My partner is the expert in rolling himself into
blankets to the point that I would end up completely
uncovered and cold - I think it's an exaggeration to call that
being territorial, it's just unpleasant. With each our own
cover we had nothing to worry about.
saving cuddling for when we are awake
This is not a gender thing. My wife woke up one night, half
asleep, angrily pushing me and saying ''you're taking up half
the bed!''. The power of the subconscious to reveal the
truth :) Though I can comfortably sleep in a child size bed
myself, I supported my wife's need to get a bigger and more
comfortable bed, and oversize duvet. She's happier now. I
suggest giving in to your husband's needs, and to try and not
argue with the tone of someone uncomfortable and mid-dream. As
a note, my wife finds it difficult to fall asleep after waking
up, or being woken up, which I think may be part of her
frustration with a perceived bed hog. I fall asleep
immediately after being woken up, so finding myself
uncomfortable, when it may happen, doens't bother me as much.
pushed aside
Hi. I get this complaint a lot as well. One thing you could try
that my brother actually suggested to me, is separate blankets
for the two of you. If you each have you own blanket, the
likelyhood of stealing blanket space is minimized. Hope you find
a solution!
Lisa
My husband sleeps like a pile of lumber with a tarp tucked in
around it. He's either flat on his back or flat on his stomach,
encased in the covers like a sausage, somewhere close to the
middle of the bed. When he flips from front to back or back to
front, the covers wind up with him like a giant roll of paper
towels in reverse. The solution for us and maybe for you was a
bigger bed and an extra wide comforter. We don't use a top sheet
or any other covers and we don't tuck anything in at the bottom -
just a duvet cover on the comforter that can be taken off for
laundry. It's fast to make up too! Because it is thick, the comforter
stays on top of the pile of lumber, not tucked in around it, and
since it's wide and isn't tucked in, it can shift around on the
bed so that I always have at least a good sized corner of it. Maybe
this will work for you!
G
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