• My father is appalled son & daughter share a room
• Bed/Crib arrangement for 2 yo and infant
• 3-year-old and infant sharing a room - safety?
• Scheduling Naps and shared bedrooms
• Girls sharing a room to free up a bedroom for guests
• Should 21-month-old and baby share a room?
• 28-month-old and 4-month-old sharing a room
• Siblings Sharing a Bed?
• Worried about Toddler & Infant sharing a room
• Twins with Different Sleep Patterns
• Toddler & Baby Sharing a Room
• One and Five year Olds Sharing a Room
• Baby and 4-year-old Sharing a Room
• 2.5-year-old and 6-year-old Sharing a Room
• Remodeling: should we add another bedroom for future sib?
• More advice about bedroom configurations
• More Advice about Siblings

My father is appalled son & daughter share a room

My son (5) and daughter (6) are 14 months apart and have shared a room, sleeping in a double bed, since we moved them out of their cribs 4 years ago. We live in a home with enough bedrooms for each to have their own, but this arrangement seems to be working very well for our family. The kids enjoy being together, they are very close and it also makes our bedtime story reading and snuggling so easy. They are very aware that they are different genders but are not modest and we don't see this as an issue. We plan to move them to their own rooms when we feel it is appropriate and are happy to have the option. The problem -- my father (their Grandfather) is appalled that we would have them share a room still. Any advice that we could share with him or that would convince us to change our plans would be welcomed from both families who have kept their kids together and those who have chosen not to. Is there an issue with different gender kids sharing a room? At what age is it best to separate boys and girls?

We have a girl, a boy and a girl (two years and three years apart, respectively) and, at 10 1/2, our son has always shared a room (but not a bed--we have bunk beds) with one or the other of his sisters. He started asking for his own room only about a year ago. We have not had enough space in our house for three separate kids' bedrooms, but we are currently adding on an additional room to be ready in time for my son's eleventh birthday. In the meantime, my son and 7-year-old daughter respect each other's privacy when dressing and respect each other's space. They negotiate room ownership when friends come over to play. They have a close relationship and still enjoy chatting with each other at night (if the younger one is still awake when the older goes to bed).

It probably would have been ideal to separate them last year, but the promise of separate bedrooms has been sufficient balm to soothe the occasional privacy tensions.

I should add that, while my oldest daughter does have her own room, she isn't terribly exclusive about her space. Our family culture is one of open doors and a lot of togetherness, so sharing rooms is very comfortable. mom who's been there

I never thought of them sharing a bed, however since you brought up the topic, I would weigh in that I would not have put my kids in the same bed regardless of their gender. I feel strongly that they need their individual space for health and privacy reasons. My son has dust mite allergies and to make sure he is not bothered by them I sealed up his mattress and pillow, keep stuffed animals off of it and wash his bedding in hot hot water every couple of days. But allergy aside, I think that while I have created a safe ''togetherness'' environment for them in their shared room, I have honored their individuality by letting each spread out on their beds, choose their own styles of sheets, and get up at different times. My daughter likes to put on her clothes in the morning under the sheets to stay warm. As of last year, she does not like her brother seeing her naked- if they did not have their own beds, she would not have this warm and cozy option. I think that you will soon start to see the habits of your children change which will make the bed sharing less ideal. Also, in the past year my daughter has become an avid reader and has a reading light that she flips on once the overhead light goes off and she reads herself to bed. My son has always wanted the room dark and this development would not have sat well with him had they shared a bed (luckly he does not notice the little allumination from the book light). I love that my children want to be together. I will keep them together until they request a change. I think you should continue to foster their shared room experience by getting bunk beds for them. It seems premature to separate them altogether. Anyway, that was a long-winded way of letting you know what works for us. Good luck with your decision making process. Pillow talk

Bed/Crib arrangement for 2 yo and infant

We are expecting our second child and plan to have both children in the same room eventually. They will be a little over 2 years apart. However, the room is fairly small and already feels full with a dresser/changing table, glider, and crib. I'm wondering if anyone has a crib that has a trundle bed underneath? I've been looking online and can't seem to find one. So maybe this is not such a good idea since it doesn't seem to be available. Should we just go ahead a buy a regular bed? Of course we can move some furniture but then it just makes things a bit more inconvenient for nighttime wakings (but I guess we will feel compelled to bring the crying child out of the room anyway). Would love to hear any thoughts on bed/crib arrangements! Mimi

We are now expecting a third child and still have the same size room! I spent time looking for a crib-size trundle bed with no luck, either. There are some cribs with trundle-style storage drawers underneath, but these aren't big enough for a crib mattress. I did find a kid's furniture store on College (I forget the name, maybe Kid's Room?) that said they could special- order a crib-size trundle drawer to my dimensions. Instead, I built one myself (I'm relatively handy, but no mastercraftsman). Now we're ready to go with the crib-size trundle bed stored underneath a twin-size daybed (for the oldest) and the crib all in the same room. afern

3-year-old and infant sharing a room - safety?

We are hoping to put our 3 year-old and our 4 month-old in the same room ASAP. I have read the related posts and agree with most parents, who feel that sharing a room is a great thing. Our concern has to do with safety for the baby - - our toddler is VERY affectionate with his brother, but sometimes that affection gets a little rough. Also, he likes to wake his brother up. We wonder how other parents ensure that the baby is ''safe'' from the toddler. I saw the posts about the crib tent, but apparently there is only one manufacturer and the product received some extremely NEGATIVE reviews on Amazon. Any suggestions about makeshift barriers etc. would be welcome. Laura

Now having said that, they do wake each other up from time to time. We have a pack and play in our room to move the baby into if things get bad -- and if she wants out she sleeps in our bed with us. But this has been less common lately and I think they are just learning to sleep through each other's bad nights. Now if I could only get them to share other things so well... :) Good luck! anon

Scheduling Naps and shared bedrooms

We have two boys - 4 months and 4 years old. We are thinking of moving the baby into a crib in his brother's room in another month or so. My questions are in regard to napping: 1) How have you kept to a nap schedule with one older, active child - with a busy pre-school and park/playdate life? 2) Where should the baby nap when the big brother is home - in his crib in the shared room? in a pack-n-play in our room? (Most toys are in the shared room and I hate to kick older brother out for what could be 3 hours!) 3) Has anyone felt as guilty as I that baby #2 naps at least once a day on the go - ie, in the car seat or at the park? (The 4 y.o. is no longer napping but takes a pretty long ''quiet time'' in his room - which is essentially independent play for him and a break for me.) -Learning my way with two.

When my younger child still took two naps a day, he almost always had his morning nap out and about. JI just couldn't find any way around that without staying home a lot more than my older child and I wanted to. JI also kind of pushed him toward taking only one afternoon nap, because it was much more convenient and he slept so much longer in the afternoon when he skipped his morning nap. JI think these second children are pretty adaptable! Good luck and happy sleeping! Alonn

Nighttime in the same room is a little harder, and usually if one awakens, you have two children on your hands unless you quickly remove the crying/screaming child to the parents' room or living room.

Assuming your stroller reclines, what's so wrong with naps at the park, where there's fresh air? Many people do it with something covering the opening to keep it dark. Hopefully this also helps the younger one become a deep sleeper. That could only help... anon

Girls sharing a room to free up a bedroom for guests

my girls are 3.5 years apart and I am wondering from others experience what the pros and cons are of them sharing a room. we have a 3 bedroom house and it would be nice to have a room for guests/grandparents, but i wonder what would be best for the girls? If we get a bunkbed or trundle set up (which is most effiecient space- wise) does one feel like they are getting the make shift bed or would it be better to get them each their own bed so they each have their seperate space within the same room? Thanks for any input! juli

They have bunk beds that are both on the floor, as I want to wait until the youngest is older before tempting her with a bunkbed. It works just fine space-wise. And probably gives them a sense of space. Other than the sleep thing, its really fine. I think they like sleeping in the same room and knowing each other is near. I can hear them talking to each other in the morning sometimes and its sweet. Hilary

They have bunk beds that are both on the floor, as I want to wait until the youngest is older before tempting her with a bunkbed. It works just fine space-wise. And probably gives them a sense of space.

Other than the sleep thing, its really fine. I think they like sleeping in the same room and knowing each other is near. I can hear them talking to each other in the morning sometimes and its sweet. Hilary

What I have done now that I have 2 children of my own in a 3 bedroom home. My thirteen year old has a full size bed and all the cool stuff like a computer, t.v. PS2 etc... in his room. His 9 year old sister has a trundle bed (stores under her single bed) and when we have guests (which we do way too often!) My son's room becomes the guest room and we pull out the other mattress and son sleeps in it for a few days while we have company. It works for us. We discussed the situation with the kids and they agreed to making the ''sacrifice'' while company is staying. Son is happy because he has a full size bed. Daughter is happy because trundle works great for sleepovers too. Hope this is of help to you. Good Luck! Sue

Personally, I was upset that someone would give higher priority to occasional guests than to their own children who live there everyday - not to mention the waste of usable space if guests visit only a few times a year. I frequently notice kids ''don't rate'' the same equality and respect that adults do, and that makes me pretty sad, because of the subtle message it sends that they are not important or don't count.

So thanks again, BPN! There are many creative people on this board - I learn so much from you all. Anonymous, please!

Should 21-month-old and baby share a room?

We're expecting a new baby boy in about a month who will arrive when my older daughter is 21 months old. My husband and I are disagreeing over whether the kids should share a room or each have their own room. We have a 3-bedroom house, so they could theoretically have their own rooms if we give up the study/guest room. I'd prefer the kids to each have their own space, mostly because I feel guilty about making my daughter share everything so soon (this was an unplanned pregnancy) and I feel her room is one thing at least that could remain hers and hers only. I'm also worried about the baby waking his older sister, who is a light sleeper. My husband says she is too young to care about having to share a room and that sharing a room will build a better friendship between the two kids. He's also worried about making guest accomodations less comfortable for visiting grandparents (they would have to sleep on a futon in a downstairs living room). Would like to hear what others' experiences have been, especially those with similarly spaced children. Thanks! Soon to be Mom of 2

I have a friend with 7 children who lives in a 3-bedroom apartment. All the children sleep in one room and study in the other bedroom. I can't complain about not having enough room around her! My mom grew up in a family with 8 children and several adults in a 5-room house. I think it's good for developing social skills! You can always move them apart when they're teenagers.

I was scared to death that the baby waking, crying, and wanting to be fed 3 times a night would wake the older one, who didn't sleep through the night til she was 18 months! But very surprisingly, she slept right through the crying and rocking and nursing back to sleep. I was amazed. Since then, we've bought 2 twin beds (they were in a crib and low futon til this summer), and tried to squeeze the crib in there too--we're expecting a boy in January. But it was the sheer size of all the furniture that made us decide to give up our treasured 3rd bedroom (our rarely used guestroom, AKA Grandma's Room) for the baby boy. We would have put all 3 kids in together if the room was big enough. The girls seem to really enjoy sharing a room--the older one probably has no memory of having her own room. Yes, they fight and bicker, as all siblings do, but they also hug, and play together, and love each other.

I think they really enjoy each other's company at night, and one will not fall asleep easily if the other is not there. They chat in the evenings and mornings and play in their big-girl beds during the day...

I always had my own room as a child, and my brother had his, but I was often scared of the dark, and would lie awake listening for scary noises. In retrospect, I think I would have enjoyed sharing a room with him, at least until the pre-teen or teen years.

I say, put them in there together, and if or when #3 comes along, THEN consider giving your oldest her own room, or put the new baby in the guestroom. Best of luck with your family of 4, whatever you decide! Heidi

28-month-old and 4-month-old sharing a room

I have a 28 month old and a 4 month old. The baby has been sleeping in a bassinet in our room; however will soon outgrow it. I would like to move him into the crib that it is in our older son's room (older son sleeps in a twin bed). Both kids go to bed sometime between 8 and 9 pm.

How do I coordinate them sleeping in the same room? Do I put the baby down in our room and then move him later?

I am interested in hearing how other parents with 2/+ kids sharing a room do it.

We haven't had a huge problem with them waking each other up at night. The older child knows that she needs to keep quiet so her brother doesn't wake up. The younger child sometimes wakes up crying, but I keep a travel crib on hand that I can move him to if he doesn't go back to sleep easily, and needs to be moved.

It works, fear not! another mom of 2

Bedtime went well for us. But, night wakings were really hard (they both woke up ALWAYS), and often the toddler would not go to sleep after baby's early morning wake up. Toddler became really cranky after a few months of sharing, so we have temporarily separated them again. But, i'm ready to try again in a week or so..... Camille

We have always put both boys to bed at the same time. When the younger was still nursing I would nurse him while my husband read to our older son. Then they both were put in bed and went to sleep. Fortunately my older son sleeps like a log, so the baby waking during the night never disturbed him. Otherwise the schedule goes something like: brushteeth, pjs, get in bed, story, song, lights out. Once the baby moved into a toddler bed we added a second story for him since he wanted to pick a book just like his brother.

Also, the toddler bed only lasted a few months. One night the baby decided that he preferred to stay in his brother's bed after story time to sleep. Now the two share a bed and are inseparable. I have even found them both sleeping on the floor because the older decided it would be fun to ''camp out'' and the baby followed him.

Some nights it does take longer than others for them to get to sleep. Early on I don't think it was ever related to them sharing a room... the older one just wasn't sleepy some nights. Now it is because of sharing. Some nights they giggle too much. Sometimes they fight a little while first. Usually once one falls asleep the other does too. Most nights they both fall asleep easily. Rose

Siblings Sharing a Bed?

I am considering having my 3 year old and 1 year old share the same bed sometime down the road. And I was wondering if anyone else out there has had any experience with this - pro's, con's, at what age would you consider it safe. Thanks. patricia

Worried about Toddler & Infant sharing a room

Hi, everyone: My 2 1/2 year old son has had his own room since he was born, but now we have a new baby sister for him. We don't have an extra room, so she will have to go into his room (she's 6 months). We have already moved him into a ''big boy bed'' in preparation, but I am now starting to have second thoughts. Although he is usually very loving with her, he occasionally gets way too physical, and has actually bitten and hit her so hard she cried. Not often, but enough to make me worry about leaving them in the room together all night long. I have a monitor, but I am still nervous that he is going to climb into the crib and hurt her somehow before I can get it to rescue her. Anyone else had this experience? Any suggestions? Thoughts? Many thanks! Kelly

I have three year old twin girls. One is a very good sleeper and goes down very easy. the othe fights going to sleep at night, is afraid of the dark, continually gets out of bed, experiences night terrors and will get up in the middle of the night and scream for no appearent reason. When the latter happens, we can usually pick her up and she'll got right back to sleep. I also have another daughter that is 5 and also a very good sleeper. We have considered putting the two that sleep well together and give our difficult sleeper her own room. The twins do not seem to want this so how do we deal with the problem sleeper. We are worried that the other child is not getting the proper sleep and may be learning bad sleeping habits.

I can't really tell from your message where your twins are now sleeping in relation to each other, but maybe if you put both of them in the same bed, like a futon mattress on the floor, things might get better. The presence of the "good" sleeper can help the "problem" sleeper. Good Luck!

20-month-old and 6-month-old

We have a 20 month old and a 6 month old and would like them to start sharing a room. Anyone have advice on making the transition? When one wakes up doesn't it always wake the other? The older one is too young to understand the "go back to sleep, honey" thing and just cries when woken. Then everyone is up... should we wait? Any advice is welcome. Thanks! Rachel

We have a 2.9 month old boy and a 12 month old boy who need to share a room. The baby has been in our room in his crib so far. They both sleep very well but the baby wakes up a bit earlier than his brother in the morning and our older one is sleeping less for his naps, though pretty much at the same time as the baby. I'd like him to have quiet time in his room ven if he doesn't want to sleep. How can I intoduce the baby to the toddler's room without messing up their sleep needs and making our older son feel like his room has been invaded? We spend a lot of time during the day in "his room", sharing toys etc. Should we do this asap or do we wait??? I've had the boys share once or twice a week on days when the older one had to get up for preschool anyway but how do we handle naps? Any ideas??? P.R

Then once we moved her in--she was at that point only waking at 4 to nurse--we would put her to bed about 1/2 hour before him and she was usually asleep when he went down. When she wasn't, it didn't seem to keep her awake longer having him in there. In general it's worked well--they seem to take great comfort in having each other around. The only downside is that I think she would sleep later in the morning if he didn't wake her up at 7 to play. He'll actually get books, turn on the light and climb in her crib!...And lately, she's been waking because of teething and he sleeps right through it! Good luck! Saskia

They get along very well except for very occasional moments of "he grabbed my toy," but the 3 1/2 year old is definitely not old enough to realize that he shouldn't throw a blanket over his brother's face or knock him over etc. That's my hesitation; on the other hand, I know that lots of kids share a room from very early on. Any advice on handling the transition and on safeguarding the little one from the big guy (and the big guy's toys from the little one?) Corliss

During sleep hours, the sharing arrangement worked surprisingly well. The older children slept through the baby's crying, and they never did anything objectionable or unsafe to the baby. During the baby's naptimes, I did need to keep the older kids out of the bedroom. During waking hours, the children's interaction and my supervision of them were basically the same as when the baby slept in my room.

I recommend having children share rooms for at least a few of their growing up years. Speaking as someone with a college roommate who had never shared a room before, I can tell you that sharing a room as a child builds valuable social skills for later living with roommates and spouses. Beverly

We put my daughter in with her older brother when he was four, and we put their beds close together because he wanted to hold hands as he fell asleep! But we also put a gate up so that she couldn't get into the room on her own, at first. Now she is a toddler, and the gate is rarely up, but when he wants to play without her, or doesn't want some set up to be destroyed, the gate goes up. She fusses abit, but all her toys are kept in the adjoining living room, and so I can usually distract her. Also, I'll put her in the crib with some toys when I'm in their room with my son. I think it is good to preserve the older one's space. As a result (maybe) he doesn't ask for the gate so often.

Also, it is good to stagger bedtimes, but sometimes they enjoy falling asleep together, giggling and playing for awhile, then settling down. A couple of times we've had to separate them to get her asleep. They both end up in our bed by the time the night is over, but I think sleeping near each other, and playing together like that at bed time, is a great thing. Kateri

I have a 5 year old and one year old--both boys. My older son has a bunk bed in his room that we bought with the intention that the boys would eventually share a room. My younger son is sleeping in what we still try to use as an office. However the only time we can do office work is when he is sleeping, and so we can't do it while he is napping in the office! One feeling I have is that 4 years age difference will make it difficult to manage certain issues-- if they are both sleeping in the same room--different bedtimes, choking hazards, time-outs. The other thought I have is that the office could also be a playroom and maybe we could all use the space , especially as our house is small and common areas are few. Yet as time goes by, my older son wants his little brother around less and less (I certainly sympathize with the problem of a grabby 1 year old). I have been debating this issue back and forth for several months. The youngest has slept thru the night for some months now, but does wake up about an hour earlier than the rest of the household. The other option is to carve out a corner of our bedroom for office space. I go back and forth on my arguments. I guess I'm wondering how it's worked out for others with children with at least a 4 year age difference in sharing a room. Thanks.

As to bedtimes, that's been tricky since they tend to have the same bedtime. We need to separate the boys or they won't calm down. So we each take one, alternating kids each night, and they each have their routine. The 16 month old is already stuck on his routine, so I would be careful what you decide to do because you will be hard-pressed to change it. The other hard part has been crying at night with teething. I don't let the baby cry for long because I don't want the older one to wake up. But then the baby gets into the habit of crying and sleeping with us. Anybody know how to handle this one? I just figure it will sort out in time. Good luck.

I also have two boys 4 years apart (currently almost 6 and almost 2), and they share a room. The most important thing we did to make this work was to convert the closet into a private space for my older son. We put a metal gate that has a door-like opener across the door (the younger one won't be strong enough to open it for a few more years yet.) For sleep, we have bunk beds, but the younger one still sleeps in a crib. What he wants most to do is sleep with his older brother in his bed, but the older one is ambivalent about this. Also the older one falls asleep much more quickly and the younger one carries on for awhile and bothers him. What we end up doing a lot is letting my older son fall asleep in our bed if the younger one is just too bothersome. Then we carry him back into his bed later.

2.5-year-old and 6-year-old Sharing a Room

I read with interest the post of how one set of parents got their three year old to stay in bed and go to sleep. I have that same problem with my 2.5 year old son who kept climbing out of his crib and is now sleeping on a matress on the floor. We have the added complication that he shares a room with his 6 year old brother. The younger one refuses to go to bed without his brother and then they start jumping around and getting each other more pent up. They pay no attention to my telling them to stop or my walking out on them. At some point between 9:30 and 10:00!! the 6 year old gets fed up and goes into another room to sleep all the while complaining about how miserable bedtime is now. The 2 year old isn't falling asleep until 10:30 or later. Once our guest room frees up in two weeks (after the soon to arrive grandparents leave) I could move one boy into that room temporarily, but I want them to learn to go to sleep in the same room. I am beside myself. Please let me know how you solved this problem. Thanks Linda