Keeping 27-month-old in bed

I have a potty-training 27-month old who is quite lousy at staying in bed after the evening bed-time ritual. How do I be respectful of her 'real needs -- using the potty/changing her diaper -- while ignoring the others? I put her to bed with a diaper, but she gets up to use the potty three or four times over a short period of time (sometimes will go, sometimes will sing and otherwise look for attention) and sometimes she will come to me telling me she has a wet diaper (sometimes it is wet and other nights I'll trade it with another dry diaper four or five times before she stops). This behavior isn't new. We went through it when she transitioned to a toddler bed from her crib at 21 months. Finally the nighttime request ritual was taking up to two hours. I began putting her back to bed without talking to her or giving into her requests. After a few days, this ended the problem. I was quite happy to finally get my evening back. Thoughts? -anon

Getting 3-year-old to stay in bed

My daughter was late to transition to a bed (about 3 and 1/4) and probably would have been happy staying in her crib. The first few nights were OK and ever since it has been a nightmare. She is now sleeping on the floor on a mat, and gets up continuously after we tuck her in. I am so incredibly frustrated and resentful and I have no idea what to do. All of the advice that suggests you calmly walk your child back to bed seems ridiculous. My child is squirming away and saying ''no'' when we try that. If she is determined to stay up nothing seems to work. Despite her age (she'll be 4 in August) she still seems unable to talk about what is going on for her (scared, missing us during the day, etc). Also threats and offers of rewards really don't seem to work... and isn't it wrong to offer a treat to get your kid to do something? very very tired.

2.5-year-old won't stay in bed after move from crib

I've checked the archives on this and got lots of good & interesting advice, although I'm wondering if anyone else has any different advice on our particulars. This is the story of TRANSITIONS. About 2 months ago we transitioned our then 2 1/2 year- old from his crib into his new ''big boy bed.'' (He was perfectly happy sleeping in his crib, but was definitely interested in a bed due to our conversations, his friends & Caillou having a bed, etc.) About a week or so after that, we moved our 7-month- old daughter out of the bassinet in our room and into the crib in his room. Then 6 weeks ago we moved into our new house, in which he and his baby sister share a room. He says that he likes his bed, likes his room, doesn't want to sleep in the crib, and hasn't expressed any dissatisfaction in sharing a room with his sister.

In his crib, he was an angel to put to bed...regular routine, then he went to sleep. At first it was a similar story with his big boy bed, with minor variances. But about 3-4 weeks ago he started to figure out that he is capable of getting out of bed lots of times. After a few nights, we started putting him back to bed (without conversation) until he finally went to sleep. The first night was abut 30+ times, and the second/third nights were fewer and fewer. But now he LOVES this ''game'' and will continue for 90 minutes sometimes. He's not asking for anything when he gets up; he just stands at his door looking tired, or sometimes goes for a little romp around the house until he finds me or until we catch him. We generally stand outside his bedroom door and turn him around immediately to go back to bed, unless we sit on the couch in the living room (which is 12 ft away from his bedroom door) because we think he's going to sleep. My husband and I are losing our minds because we both feel like spanking him even though we've agreed that that doesn't jive with our parenting philosophy.

So far, in addition to just putting him directly back to bed without conversation, we've tried taking away special things the following day (too far away for him to care about in the moment.) We've left the light dimly lit at times (he doesn't seem to care about the dark usually.) I've also stopped covering him up until he stays in bed or goes to sleep. This used to help because after about 8 times he would cry for me to cover him up and tell me he was ready to stay in bed. Now, he MIGHT stay in bed for 10-15 minutes after I cover him, then he pops back out again.

Oh, and he has just gone through daytime potty training throughout this whole period of time (started about a month before we moved - on his own timeframe.) We need something else to try before we start regressing to staying in the room with him, which is one of last things I want to try. Thanks for any constructive criticism or helpful input. Another Set of Frustrated Parents

Our big problem is the morning. He has always been an early riser (anywhere from 5:30-6:30... if we're lucky), but when he was in his crib he had nowhere to go, so he'd sometimes fall back asleep. Now he gets up, turns on his light and starts playing. We have put an CD alarm clock in his room, which has been GREAT! We still go in between 6:15 and 6:30 to be with him, but he knows that ''wake up time'' isn't until the music starts (at 7). For over a month, there have been no requests to leave his room until he hears the music! It's amazing... Us too!

If you think he can't think that far ahead then you could try having a tangible reward for every night he stays in bed. For instance, you might tell him he's earning tv or computer time, starting from zero (no tv or computer at all), and every night he stays in bed he gets 10 minutes on the computer or watching tv, or whatever, which can be added up or used daily, however he wants. If he goes five days without getting up he gets a whole extra hour or something. It's a cliche, but I've found with my very spirited boy that rewards, and earning their way to something, have way more impact and effect than punishments. Finally, you might also emphasize (if you don't already), that he doesn't have to fall asleep, but the rule is he has to stay in bed. That gives him a little wiggle room. I even let my son take books (and only books, no toys) to bed with him, and he thumbs through them for a few minutes and then usually puts them down and goes to sleep. On nights that he's restless, he may get up to get more books from the shelf, but he sticks to the rules, for the most part. Susan

How to keep 2-year-old in bed and his room?

We moved our 24 month old to a toddler bed after finding him (several times) perched on the rails of his crib and unable to get back in or down, YIKES! He likes the Big Boy Bed, and if he is really tired he will just go to sleep, but MOST of the time he finds it SUPER FUN, to get out of bed, over and over and over again. I have been picking him up and putting him back in bed or telling him to get back in bed (while he laughs hysterically all the way), using a firm voice to say “stay in bed” and then telling him “good night.” But this is not working. 99% of the time I can do this calmly and without a fight from him, but that 1% where I break down and laugh along with him is obviously making this REALLY DIFFICULT.

What should I do when he rolls over walks to his door and opens it waiting for me to put him back to bed? This is obviously a game for him and I am at a loss for what to do. If I close the door he gets really really upset and cries and cries, not putting himself to bed or sleep. If I sit in the room with him, I think I just keep him awake. When he was in his crib we always put him down to bed said goodnight, closed the door over and he would fall asleep after some singing and other quite time to himself. Any suggestions as to what to do when he gets out of bed? I read the postings about toddler beds and most seemed to be on when to make the switch, not how to deal once you have made the switch. brandi

My thoughts on why this works so well is that both my daughter and I believe that we have ''trained'' the other to do what each person wants. My daughter believes she has trained us to read books that she enjoys every night, and we believe we have trained her to go to bed when we think it is time (while at the same time exposing the entire family to an enormous breadth of relatively complex children's literature at a rate of at least one chapter book a week). This has been a real win-win situation for all of us! All the best. -115 pages to go on Harry Potter, Volume 3

31-month-old will no longer stay in bed

Our son is 31 months. We are getting ready to get him a bed. Currently, he sleeps in the same crib that he has used since he was 3 months old. He still fits in it, and has always really loved it, preferring it to sleeping with my husband and me. In fact, he used to climb into it and pretend to go to bed, build tents in it, and generally enjoyed playing there very much. His bedtime routine has always been stable: bath, brushing teeth, stories, cuddle time, bed. Generally, we place him in his bed while he is still awake, and he puts himself to sleep without trouble. We often hear him in his room happily talking to himself before he actually falls asleep. In the last week, however, he has suddenly begun insisting that he does not want to go into his bed, that he wants to sleep in our bed. If we stay with him until he falls asleep, he will remain in his bed and eventually go to sleep - although it seems to be taking longer now for that to happen. If we put him down and leave him in bed awake - as we have done since he was born - he repeatedly gets up and comes out to say he does not want to be in his bed. We're not aware of any sudden event that would have caused this change, and are wondering if anyone has had a similar experience or has advice for successfully coping with the change. We'd rather not bring him into our bed for various reasons: we have other children and bed is our only alone time; I have problems with insomnia; and we're not in bed when he goes to bed, etc. Thanks for your thoughts! Debora

I am the parent of a 21 month old who just figured out how to climb (hurl himself) out of his crib. The day after he did this, I converted his crib to a bed. Our problem is, he will not stay in his bed. As soon as he is put there, he is up like a shot out of a cannon. He can open his door and comes down the hall. At Midnight the last two nights, my wife and I have given up and put him to bed with us. We would rather not start this as a habit, but we do not have a clue as to how to get him to stay put in his room at such a young age. I welcome any suggestions.

Here's my two cents about the screen tent gizmo referred to in the last digest:

We bought the tent (from One Step Ahead) before our second son was born, in order to keep cats *out* of his crib. For this purpose, it has been excellent. As a restraining device to keep a child *in* the crib, however, I'm pretty skeptical of its potential efficacy, because I'm sure that our son (now 11 months old) is going to be able to figure out how to unzip that sucker, at least part way, any day now (although his goal so far is fun with the zipper, rather than escape from the crib). Yes, even though there's a handy dandy pocket into which the zipper tab fits, snugly, I'm still convinced that it's not enough to foil a determined child. (And, yes, his mattress is at the lowest setting.) Does anyone else out there have longer or older-age experience with this contraption?

We had similar challenges with our 2 year old. We actually used suggestions from Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems by Richard Ferber, MD. These are ideas you have probably heard. We asked our son to stay in his bed. In exchange we would leave his bedroom door open. The process was difficult for 2-3 nights. He really wanted to be with us or us to say in his room with him while he went to sleep. We ended up working out a compromise that I remember another parent mentioning in this newsletter. He now sleeps in his bed - but we moved his bed into the doorway of his room and leave the door open. Since we made this change he has been willing to stay in his bed (at least until the early am when he sometimes comes in with us and cuddles). Good luck!

Take this with a grain of a salt as our oldest is 20 months and not yet is a bed. Our son frequently takes a nap on a couch in his room and I will often put a child gate across the door and take a nap in my room at the same time. His room is child proofed so I know that if he wakes up he will be somewhere safe until I go and get him. I would think that the same thing might be useful for your situation. A gate across the door would serve much like the barriers of a crib as long as your child's room is child-proofed. Also, a dark room isn't going to prove very much fun to play in. You could go to the gate to reassure them (but not pick them up) and tell them to get back into their bed.

My son has been known to sneak out of bed every once in a while and when it started to get more frequent, I struck a deal with him (this may not work with younger kids, he's 3 1/2): "you sleep in your bed when it's dark and when the sun comes up you can come to my bed!" This has worked amazingly well, although I'll have to think of a new strategy when summer comes around 8^).

Another thing to think about is why is he/she getting up at night or not staying in bed? Many times it is fear (ghosts, monsters, etc.) and some reassurance and/or a night light may go a long way toward alleviating the problem. Often there are other things going on in a child's life (starting daycare/preschool etc., a move, divorce, etc.) and the accustomed routine is out of whack. My son has been through all of the above and being understanding and supportive has really helped both of us. I usually tend to make exceptions to accomodate his needs, but at the same time let him know that it is an exception and not the norm ("I know you're having a hard time, so you can do xyz, but when things get better we'll go back to abc or we'll start efg"). This has worked out quite well in many situations.

2 1/2 year old refuses to sleep in new bed

22 month old refuses new bed and I need the Crib for the new baby

As an aside, we took her with us when we picked up the replacement crib for the new baby (found on the Marketplace! Thank you!), and she is very much the little helper in putting the nursery together for 'her' new baby. 3 is a great age!!

We moved, and now 3-y-o wants to sleep with us

We've done this both when her bed was in our room, as in our old house, and in our current place, where she and her brother have their own room. The one difference was that when her bed was in our room, I could reach her bed from mine and would sometimes just lay a hand on her as she went back to sleep in her own bed.

We read Ferber, hated it, found our approach to be more work, at times, than his, but our daughter's now almost five, and has slept very reliably in her own bed through the night since she was four, and still joins us for a bit in the morning.