Wake-ups for Night Feedings
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Wake-ups for Night Feedings
May 2006
Has anyone tried waking their baby before their own bedtime to
avoid the 3AM wake up? Our 5 month old goes to bed around 6PM
and sleeps til about 3 or 4AM. Then sleeps til 6. It seems
like he is probably too young to go from 6PM to 6AM without
food, so we were thinking about waking him at around 9 or 10 PM
to give him a bottle and then seeing if he will sleep til 6AM.
We are still exhausted from the first 5 months of
sleeplessness... even though things are much better, we would
like to get a full night of sleep if possible. Any thoughts
would be very welcome.
jenny
DON'T DO IT!!!! Every time we tried to do this kind of thing to
manipulate our baby's sleep it turned out bad. You should be
thrilled that he sleeps as long as he does. This is my
experience with two kids. Just wait it out, I am jealous that
you get so much sleep
Been there, done that
We used to do what the Baby Whisperer calls a ''Dream Feed,'' where
we sneak in with a bottle or a boob around 11pm. With my first
son, he wouldn't even wake up, he'd just suck it down and then go
right back to sleep. My 2nd would wake up, but then go back to
sleep when he was done. Both of them were sleeping through the
night once they started on solids, though, so we didn't have to
do it forever
Jill
Our pediatrician told us that a 5-month-old doesn't ''care'' when
his/her ''long'' sleep is. So, we used to wake our daughter up
around 9:30pm or 10pm to give her a bath (the trick is make sure
she is up long enough to interrupt her sleep cycle). She seemed
to enjoy the warm water, then I'd feed her and put her back down
to sleep. This worked wonderfully! She'd then sleep 'til 6 or 7
in the morning so I finally had a ''full'' night's sleep. Good luck!!
---Beth
We did a 10 p.m. ''pre-emptive feeding'' from the time our daughter
was 4 or 5 months old and stopped when she was 8 or 9 months old.
It did seem to get our daughter to cut out the 1 am feeding.
She would barely even wake up and go right back to sleep when she
was done
K.E.
This was a big topic of discussion in my moms group when our
babies were around this age. Some were firm believers in the
''dream feed,'' which is basically what you're describing, and
others adhered to the Weissbluth philosophy that you don't
interrupt your child's sleep patterns to suit your own needs. I
also once met a couple who had their daughter sleep from
something like 4 to 6pm, then woke her up and kept her awake til
9 or 10pm so she would sleep the night through. Weissbluth would
be horrified! But it worked for them.
In the end, I recall that the moms who woke their babies up at 9
or 10pm and the moms who let them sleep had about the same
results. It's very normal for a 5 month old to be waking up at
least once during the night. In fact, you're lucky it's not
happening more often! As tired as you are (and I do recall that
the height of my sleep deprivation was when my daughter was
around 6 mos), I would suggest giving it a few more months and
then work on eliminating the night feeding, with your partner
going in to sooth the baby without a feeding. But you could also
try experimenting and see what happens!
good luck
This worked well for us with our now-toddler at around 5
months! He was doing a six hour chunk, but something like 8pm-
2am. At the time I was going to bed at 12:30am or so (I was
trying to work in the evenings after he went to bed), and I
would wake him up to nurse right before I was ready to hit the
hay. Sure enough, he would go for another five or six hours if
I did that, and he didn't have any major problems getting back
to sleep. In general, he was a pretty average sleeper -- not
great, not terrible -- so if yours is too perhaps you'll also
have luck.
Good luck -- it keeps getting better in terms of sleep
Past that stage
Hi. We tried this in an attempt to avoid the 4ish wake-up, and our son (4-5 months at
the time) started waking again at 2 or 2:30, even though he had eliminated this feed
a
while back. It wasn't till we stopped waking him that he went back to sleeping 'till
4.
I've heard that feeding later doesn't ensure a later waking, it just disrupts the
natural
sleep pattern. That was our experience. Incidentally, our son started sleeping
through
'till 6 am without waking around 6 months, so you may be almost there
lj
I wake my baby (5 mos. old) every night before I go to sleep to
gain a longer set of sleep hours for myself. The only time I
don't wake her for this feeding is if she just went down within
the past 1-1.5 hour. It doesn't always work as planned, as
sometimes she wakes again at 3 am anyhow, but usually it 'tops
her off' till the morning hours.
Now, I've thought all along that I am pretty gosh darn lucky that
she's alright with this arrangement, as she only really lightly
wakes up, relaxedly eats again, and then immediately falls asleep
again for the rest of the night, saving myself from engorgement
and another early feeding...And I keep thinking one day she will
decide that either she doesn't want to be woken up or she's not
actually hungry, but until then, it's working. I say give it a
try and see how your baby handles it. THat's just about all you
can do...try and see. Good luck!
--good night time sleeper
Sept 2002
My just turned 5 month old is still waking at 3am for a night
feeding. She really eats, and then falls asleep. Will she
outgrown this or is this a habit I should help her break by just
not offering her my breast at 3am and letting her cry.
THANKyou
lori
My breastfed infant wanted to nurse at 3 am until he was about 8
months old, then he would wait until 5 or 6 am (going from about
9 pm to 5 am). Since at 5 months old he was still exclusively
on breastmilk, I was still nursing on demand. Since you are
within several months of him going longer on his own, why deny
him the breast AND make him cry it out ? Also, if you don't
breastfeed during the night, you will run the risk of not having
enough milk during the day. Maybe formula babies can
be ''forced'' to not eat during the night, but I think exclusively
breastfed babies should not be at such a young age. I know
you're probably desperately tired (as I was), but by the time
your little one is 10 to 12 months old, it will seem well worth
it to have met their needs when they were so little. To keep my
sanity, I would try to go to sleep right after I breastfed at
9pm (hard to do, but you need the sleep) so that when he awoke
at 3 am I had had 5-6 hours of sleep (and this was a luxury
since at 3 to 4 months he still woke up at midnight also !).
a less sleepy mother of a 15-month old
She's hungry and going back to sleep as soon as she eats. Feed
her. Her little belly won't wake her up to eat when it's big
enough to take in a substantial amount for the night. In the
meantime, try a dream feeding around 11pm or as late as you can
before you go to bed yourself.
anon
My baby is 6 months old and she still has her same feeding
schedule (go to sleep at 9:30, wake up at 12, 3 and 6 to eat),
so I can't tell you if your child will outgrow her night feeding
(though I suspect that once you wean her to formula, which takes
longer to digest, she might). But I would like to urge you to
continue feeding your baby, she cries because she's hungry and
not feeding her won't make her any less hungry.
anonymous
At five months my daughter still woke up at 3 (and several other
times) for a night feeding. I think this is very normal.
Babies go through a lot of changes in their sleeping and feeding
patterns over the first year. If it's not bothering you too
much, I would say let her nurse. When my daughter was much
older, (at around 11 months), we night-weaned her because I was
ready to do it and she was eating a lot of solids. I would say
that generally, babies sleep longer and feed less at night as
they get older. Good Luck.
Brightstar
My child had at least one middle-of-the-night feeding until he was
at least 10 months old (he would eat at 10 pm, at 2 am, and at 6
or 7 am). He, like your child, really ate, and then immediately
fell back to sleep. My feeling was, as long as he was really
eating, he needed the food. They say that breast milk is digested
very easily, and thus breast-fed babies need to be fed more often
than babies who are fed formula.
At around 9 months old, the middle of the night feeding began to
be later and later -- 3, then 4 am. Finally, by about 14 months
old, he was able to sleep through from 8 pm to 7 am.
By the way, although all of the books SAY that babies can sleep
through the night at 3 or 4 months old, I've never met a real live
mother with a real live baby who did that consistently. So I
don't know where these books get this idea.
Karen
With regards to your 5 month old and the 3AM feeding - you should
be so happy that you have a five month old that only nurses once
in the night. That is not always the case. I would say do not
take away that feed because if she demands it then her body
probably needs it. I can suggest, however, that you try a
''sleepy feed'' - one where you wake the baby up before going to
bed yourself to feed her. She probably won't really wake but
will nurse until content and then, maybe, sleep through the
night. In any case, this time will pass, so enjoy it while you
can. My twenty month old finally started sleeping through the
night at about 18-19 months and I miss those feeds now, if you
can believe it!
An Oakland Mom
Yes the baby will grow out of this. No its not unusual at this
age. My 10 month old doesn't wake hungry, most nights,
anymore. Good luck! Just be patient.
Heather Jacobsen
Our daughter didn't sleep thru the night until she was 18 months
old. Even if your 5 month old does stop feeding at 3am- there
will be something else soon that you don't find comfortable or
is exhausting and it seems to me that our task (as mothers and
parents) is to find some way to tolerate what we can and change
what we can easily change and not obsess about what we can't
change. Surrender!
good luck
anon
Please don't let your 5 month old cry at 3 a.m. It's still
normal at this age to wake up for a night feeding. My 6 mo still
eats at 3 a.m. Some experts say babies should sleep through the
night by 6 mo, others say 9 mos. Also sleeping through the night
can mean going just 5 to 8 hours between meals. If your baby
fell asleep at 7 p.m., she hasn't eaten in 8 hours and is
probably hungry.
a mom
It sounds like to me that your baby is truly hungry if she is
really eating. She might be going through a growth spurt or
just need more food right now. A baby's stomach isn't all
that big and she might not be able to go without food for
many hours. Also, Sears and Sears (The Baby Book) define
sleeping through the night as 5 hours at a stretch, not the
enitre night. They also strongly advise against letting babies
cry it out, too. That makes sense to me: I wouldn't feel very
good if I was hungry and left to cry. By the way, my thriving 13
month old still feeds at least once a night - it's a nice
snuggly time to check in and as she sleeps with me, it's not
an all out wake up event either.
Anon
I recommend the no-cry sleep solutions book by pantley. There is
a way to compromise between breastfeeding when they wake, and
just letting them cry it out. This book with help create
solutions that help your baby learn to gently put herself back
to sleep, rather than being forced to by being left to figure it
out on her own. It might take longer than a few nights, but I
think it is worth it.
Good luck!
If she is really eating at 3 a.m., then she needs the food and
you should feed her. In a few months, when it gets to the point
where she doesn't want food so much but wants help falling
asleep, then you can teach her to fall asleep by herself with
the ''cry it out'' plan. You'll probably be able to tell the
difference between the demanding ''I'm HUNGRY'' cry versus the
tired ''I'd really like to fall asleep'' cry. I think five months
is probably a little early for crying it out - she could easily
still need a night feeding for a 3-4 more months. Personally, I
found 9 months to be a good age for Ferberizing.
Fran
I think that a five-month-old still needs alot of breastfeeding.
That's a really young baby! I realize we all have different
expectations (and needs) regarding our children's behavior, but,
gee, if at all possible in your situation, I would continue to
breastfeed at night. This is such a volatile topic...I'm sure
voices from all over the spectrum will be heard. In the end,
you'll find your own way as a parent, doing the best you can for
your baby. Although my sleep has certainly been choppy, my gut
feeling is that I am doing the best thing for my child by
continuing to feed him at night. At 20 months he wakes up twice
a night. I know someone who did actually train her less-than six-
month baby to sleep through, but my understanding is that the
majority of babies don't, not for a long time. I'm not sure
where the expectation that young babies will sleep all night
long comes from.(Wishful thinking? Societal pressure that women
can raise young families with only a slight interruption in
their professional lives?) My stepmother was surprised when I
told her about all the controversy now on this issue. She said
that she didn't think any of her four children slept through the
night until they were at tleast three years old. I have the
deepest respect for moms that must work to support their
families and understand that when you have to sleep for the
family to survive, well, then, the baby will adjust. But I still
feel, regardless of what baby-trainers say, that five months is
way too young to be forced to stop night-feeding.
You didn't say anything about how big your baby is or how she
eats during the day, so first I would talk to your
pediatrician.
I lucked out and had two big, strapping babies who slept through
the night pretty early. When my daughter stopped sleeping
through the night when she was about 4 months old I asked the
pediatrician and he assured me that she did not need to nurse in
the middle of the night. We let her cry it out a couple of
nights, and she's been (pretty much) sleeping through the night
ever since!
anon
After breastfeeding 2 children (now 3 & 6 years) I can tell you
this: breastfeed at 3am and you will both go back to sleep
happy. Your baby needs to ''eat'' at this time otherwise baby
wouldn't wake up.
Mary
I would just like to add in a quick comment about nursing
infants during the night. It's not a habit to break! When
infants wake up in the middle of the night and scream,
they're usually hungry. Breastmilk is very easily digested
and their tummies are tiny. Besides, nursing during the
night aids their emotional, intellectual, and physical
development. Infants are meant to breastfeed continually
throughout the night and day. All of this is readily available
information on some great websites and in books about
breastfeeding. While it's great you asked for advice (and are
getting plenty of it), I would do some research on your own
because according to me, it is like starving a baby
unintentionally to deliberately not feed it when it is hungry. I
would hope this is intuitive and rational at the same time. I
don't want to be harsh but I've recently also heard of a
mother trying to distract her baby with toys during the night to
'break him of the habit' of expecting to eat.
anon
I would suggest the following (which we did successfully with our
son when he was about three months old): Wake her up and nurse
her before you go to bed. This gives you five to six hours of
uninterupted sleep and your baby still gets the same number of
nursings.
Ina
I have 14 month old twins, but a baby is a baby and I think that
I can share my experience with you even though you have a
singleton and I have two. I was getting up for two night
feedings (for one pf the babies-- the other weaned herself at
nine months) until one of my daughters was almost a year old
because she really seemed to need it. If you want to ''sleep-
train'' you can do that-- just pat the baby when it wakes up, but
don't feed-- if you are prepared for crying. I took another
approach: I picked her up and held her until she went back to
sleep. This takes a lot longer than nursingwould but after two
weeks, she stopped waking up because she understood that there
would be no more food at that hour.
You didn't say how much the baby weighs. This seems to be one of
the biggest factors-- is the baby really eating enough, big
enough to sleep through for several hours. If the baby is more
than 12 puonds or so then the answer is yes. I will tell you,
though, that I tried to cut the night-feeding baby off from one
of the feedings at about eight months and it just didn't work.
I just had to wait until she was ready.
I used to read about other people's babies who sleep through the
night at three months and wonder what is wrong with me (and my
daughters). The truth is that some babies do and some babies
don't .. The range of normal, healthy behavior is so great that
judging what is ''right'' by any standards other than your own
experience is just going to make you feel bad. I know how
tterrible sleep deprivation makes you feel-- believe me-- but
this will all be over soon. Good luck.
Maria
My daughter had a feeding once a night until about 14 months.
Since it was only once a night where she seemed really hungry
and she went back to sleep, I continued it. At about 14 months I
tried to help her get back to sleep with just comfort and she
responded to that so I figured she did not need the calories at
that time. She quickly stopped waking up. So, I believe 5 months
is still small and they very well might be really hungry once a
night. It is when they want to eat all night long and seem to
use mom as a pacifier that I believe there is a habit that needs
to be curtailed.
Elizabeth
In addition to the thoughtful replies you've already received, I
thought I'd add one more thing that helped me. But, first, I
would agree that 5 months is still young enough to possibly need
that middle-of-the-night nursing. If your doctor feels that your
baby is getting enough food during the day, though, you may want
to try giving her a bottle filled with water. My son began
sleeping through the night at 4 months and then started waking
up once a night at 7 months. I nursed him on those wake-ups for
the next two months, until his regular 9-month well-baby exam.
Then I asked his doctor about it. She said, ''Look, if someone
gave you Godiva chocolate whenever you woke up in the middle of
the night, you'd keep waking up, wouldn't you?'' I asked her if
it would hurt to give him water, instead (which two of the baby
books I had suggested). She said, not unless I enjoyed waking up
in the middle of the night to nurse. I tried water that night.
He guzzled it down pretty quickly. But the next night, he took
one sip and fell right back to sleep. There was never a third
night. He's almost 3, and except for illness, he's slept through
the night ever since.
Good luck.
Gwynne
Sept 2002
My 6 1/2 month old boy is waking regularly at night (every 1 1/2
to 2 hours) for feedings. He won't go back to sleep unless he
nurses. I would like to get him to sleep through the night, but
I don't want to let him ''cry it out'' if possible. I don't know
of other methods. I have ordered the No-Cry Sleep Solutions
book, but don't know much about it. Any suggestions?
Tired in Berkeley
We had the same problem a couple of times with our now eight
month old son. What we finally did was start with limiting the
night feedings so instead of me nursing him, my husband would go
and calm him down and put him back to sleep. This took some work
as at first he would cry and cry hoping for me to come and nurse
him. However, because he was being comforted I didn't feel so
bad letting him cry and after a few nights he would fall asleep
very quickly in my husband's arms. Then came the really hard
bit as he was still waking up a lot. We finally did let him cry
through when he first woke up...letting him know we were there
but then letting him cry it out...and after some tough nights it
seems to have worked. He is now sleeping 6 - 8 hours in a row
(a miracle to us). However, i know the crying it out thing is
not for everyone so you can do a modified version of it. ie the
first time you let him cry for one minute, go pick him up (with
a tranistional object if possible), then put him back in his
crib. Then when he wakes up again you wait two mintues and do
the same thing. Anyway, GOOD LUCK as i know how difficult this
can be
Janina
Have you tried putting the crib right next to your bed? You can
place a long pillow between the crib and your bed to cover the
opening.
I really liked the no-cry sleep solutions book. It takes a lot
more work than the cry-it-out one week approach - more like a
month of working and re-working, but we were unwilling to do the
cry-it-out approach and also unwilling to keep feeding all night
and this book was great for us. Also having Dad transition into
being the night-time caregiver for a while was a great solution -
he slept in her room a few nights at first and then moved out
and started to go in when she cried. He has to be very patient
and determined to make it work. Once the breast was removed from
the equation, the night wakings reduced gradually and have
finally stopped (at 16 months old!). I do wish we would have
followed the sleep solutions plan that we created a long time
ago, like at around 6 months! Good luck!!
Mom finally getting sleep
We have been there!! Same thing - our boy woke every 2 hrs
throughout the night until he was 6 mo. old. We then saw a sleep
consultant, and made a little progress. She had us focus on
having him learn to fall asleep on his own at bedtime, believing
that when he then woke during the night he could get back to
sleep on his own. We established a bedtime routine, which ended
with putting him in his crib, in his own room, awake. I nursed
him as part of the routine but then would wake him up before
putting him in the crib. Then we basically did let him cry,
checking on him every 10 min. or so. He cried about 1/2 hr the
1st night, much less the 2nd night, and not much at all the 3rd
night. It sucked to hear him cry, but it worked, and it worked
quickly, and bedtime has been a breeze ever since. This reduced
his night wakings to 2-3 instead of 5-6. We then tried
everything for the next 6 months short of letting him cry it out
during the night (we were willing to do this at bedtime, but when
he cried in the middle of the night it was just too brutal; a few
times we did try letting him cry out of utter desperation and it
was horrible and didn't reduce his night wakings anyway). We
have finally achieved success with our latest round of sleep
training and at 13 mo. he's been sleeping through the night for a
month now. What finally worked for us was giving up all
nighttime contact with mama. His father comforted him for each
waking; he'd pick him up until he was calm, then put him back
down and pat his back until he was settled. It took a few weeks,
and there was a lot of crying at first over the loss of nighttime
nursing, but at least he wasn't crying alone. We wish we'd done
this back at 6 months, but we both had so much sleep loss that it
didn't seem fair for the father, who was the only parent working
outside the home, to then lose all the sleep. But it's generally
what the books recommend, and it worked for us.
My first child was sleeping through the night beautifully,
naturally and easily by six months. I thought I was so smart and
accomplished! I'm kidding, sort of... Then I had my second child
who is now nine months old. She is not a good sleeper, and I
realized that every baby is different (I did everything the same)
and mine happens to not be a good self soother. Well, she is
finally sleeping through the night for the most part (about 7-5,
a nurse, then maybe another hour of sleep; good enough for me!).
So of course, I got all the sleep books with this one. I was
a bit obsessed with it. My conclusion? LOTS of babies don't
sleep through the night and its normal and natural.so I chilled a
bit. Then I got a book called The No Cry Sleep Solution. It has
a lot of great ideas how to help your child be a better sleeper
without doing the cry it out thing, which I wasn't too into. Now
finally, my daughter has naturally become better with a little
help. I think she'll never be as good as my eldest, although you
never know. I can still dream, can't I? SO, don't obsess too
much on getting your still small baby to sleep through the
night,and check out the book.
Hilary
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