UCB Parents Advice about Sleep
The Toddler Who Never Sleeps
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I have a healthy, active 2 year old who never wants to go to sleep.
My daughter has been sleeping with us since she was born, and we're
just now trying to get her to sleep in her crib. But we have almost
always (barring a few short periods earlier) had trouble putting her
to bed. She is so full of energy at all times, even late at night she
wants to read (more) and play or listen to songs or just keep awake
somehow. She is a healthy, active 2 year old, but she just never
wants to go to sleep. We have fun all day, she's usually not cranky
or whiny but never seems to need any sleep. Putting her to bed at
night drives me up the wall. I've tried reading to her, nursing her,
singing to her, cuddling, walking around holding her, rocking her,
keeping her out all day so she's exhausted, giving her a snack before
bedtime, just about everything me or my husband could think of. But
nothing works. It takes a minimum of an hour to put her to sleep,
mostly more.
People have suggested trying the ferber method but i hate the idea of
letting her cry for hours, by herself, before she falls asleep. I also
fear that at 2 years and 2 months of age, she's too old for it and it
will take months of crying herself to sleep to get her used to putting
herslef to sleep.
I read through the archives for sleep issues and as far as I could tell,
people who wrote in dealt with this while their children were younger
than my daughter.
I hope someone out there has some advice about something I could try.
Any suggestions would be a big help.
Thank you
I have no advice, but my 2 and a half year old son is just the same
way! He take a 2 hour nap at daycare (I wish they would cut this
down to an hour- but they are reluctant), and he sleeps 8 hours at
night. He never seems tired- he rarely gets cranky, etc. Needless
to say, my husband and I don't get the hours that some parents get
between the time the child goes to bed, and the time the parents go
to bed. We are tired by 11, when my son is getting tired, so we all
go to bed together. I also have tried everything, but my son is just
not tired. My husband and his whole family sleep less than average,
and my mother in law says she had the same issue with her three boys.
So I am looking for ways to deal with it rather than fighting it. I
often let him watch a calming video, like baby songs or the hungry caterpiller before we start reading books, to give me a little time
to wind down. I hope some parents out there can give you (us) some
good tips!
The most important thing I've heard for going to bed is having a
regular ritual/routine, that you stick to (ie bath, pajamas, book,
bed). That allows the child to know what to expect and helps them
comply.
I'm reading a book "Sleeping Through the Night" by psychologist Jodi
A. Mindell. I haven't finished it, nor started the complete "Basic
bedtime Method" she suggests, but just by understanding more about
sleep issues and by following a few hints (e.g. on establishing
positive bedtime associations) my life has gotten considerably
better. Now I know it can improve even more and as soon as I finish
the book I am going to try the full method, which seemed to have
changed the life of many parents and babies in an average of 2
weeks. Another thing I like in this method is that your baby will never be
"abandoned" to his/her crying, you have to check on them every
few minutes (no pick up or nursing, but ensuring them that you are
there and care for them). And no, your baby is not too old for this
method.
Good luck.
I, too, have a very active 2 year 3 month old daughter. We are done
with naps (she sleeps in a bed so there is no way to keep her
'trapped' even for quiet time. However, she seems to accept the night
time sleep thing and will (usually) go to sleep within 15-25 minutes.
When I was still nursing, my husband would lay down with our daughter,
read a few books (we have now limited it to 2 nighttime books) and
then sing to her (these were songs that I used to sing as I nursed her
to sleep so she was familiar with them). I can now put her to sleep,
using this same ritual. It took some crying but we didn't let her cry
it out alone - I'm sure you are consistent in your parenting, but once
you decide to try a routine, stick to it. It is the only way your
daughter will know that you mean business.
I don't suggest the Ferber method to you since you aren't interested
in it but do suggest that you may need to let her cry for short, 5
minute intervals. At each interval, you can go in, remind her it is
time to sleep and that you love her and then leave the room. You are
right that it will take a while because she is older but that doesn't
mean it won't happen.
Try reading a book called, "Helping Your Child Sleep Through the
Night". It has sections broken down by age so you aren't limited to
information on 9 month-olds. I don't know if this helps. Good luck
to you.
Some children need closeness and cuddling with a parent to relax and
fall asleep; other children stimulate themselves into wakefulness with
the same kind of care. It may be your daughter is the latter sort
of child. Since your daughter is old enough to understand some of
what you say to her, you can try telling her that she needs to learn
to go to sleep by herself, and that you will help her. This means
gradually reducing and ritualizing your bedtime routines, then leaving
her. Most likely, she won't like it and will cry, maybe even for a
long time at first. This is hard for a parent to listen to, but
most children only cry for a few bedtimes. Some children (like my
son) will cry routinely for 10 minutes, then fall asleep; and, over
time, give up the crying part of the bedtime ritual.
I think we parents want to be loving and responsive to our children,
and so we go to great lengths sometimes to keep them contented.
While this is generally a very good thing, it can work against the
child's real needs when it comes to helping children learn to
regulate themselves. In a situation in which a child is not settling
to sleep easily no matter what the parent tries, it is worthwhile for
the parent to consider whether he or she is part of the problem.
We also have an active child who doesn't seem sleepy at night. Ever.
She's three now, but has been like this since birth. Some days as
a newborn she would sleep only 20 minutes in the whole day. Even now,
she sleeps less than her 7 year old sister. I have to say, Ferber may
be your answer. Yes, it is really hard, but the truth is, spending over
an hour "helping" your child get to sleep is probably just making
the problem worse, getting you frustrated and angry, and not helping
your kid at all. We did Ferber at 2 (after trying and failing many
many times) and it made a big difference. Remember, you do get to go
in to the room to reassure them. And the advantage of this age is that
you can lay the ground work and TELL them what you are going to do
in advance and work out the whole ritual ahead of time. That
really worked for us. Now, she still can take an hour to go to
sleep, but it's relatively quiet and on her own. The thing I found
with Ferber is that I had to be absolutely consistent with the
method and not fudge it at all. These little guys can sense weakness
and ruin the whole effort. I psyched myself up for it by thinking of
it as the classic testing phase and that I had to be absolutely consistent. It was either that or a nervous breakdown. Now, we can
slip back a bit, but I can talk to her and get it back to a
reasonable number of going back in through non-Ferber methods. It
does get better!
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University of California, Berkeley.