Berkeley Parents Network: Bedtime Fears

Berkeley Parents Network

Bedtime Fears

Berkeley Parents Network > Advice > Sleep > Bedtime Fears

2.5-year-old is afraid of the dark

July 2004

I hope someone out there can help. Our oldest daughter (2 yrs, 8 months) is having serious fears when we put her to bed. Up until about two weeks ago, she was going to sleep pretty well on her own, after our bedtime routine of tooth-brushing, stories, singing, and then a lullaby CD. We've had a nightlight in her room for some time, but starting a couple weeks ago, she started getting more scared of the dark. We solved that problem, but now she's afraid of noises (airplanes overhead, cars outside, house creaking, etc etc). We're trying very hard to be empathetic, but it's hard. We've given her animals to snuggle with, which helps a little, but not all the time. The end result is that we leave her room after our bed-time rituals between 8:30 and 8:45, but she can be up for another hour or more calling for us.

We go in and try to calm her, but as soon as we leave, she starts getting upset again. We were co-sleeping with her until about 6 months ago, and I'm sure we could get her to sleep if one of us stayed with her, but we're not keen on going down that path again.

We also have a 3 month old, so that might have something to do with this, though the night-time fears only came recently.

Any suggestions would be great! Empathetic but tired....

Our son is also 2 3/4 yrs. old. We co-slept as well for just under two years. Our son has been sleeping in his crib for some time and going to sleep on his own after our bedtime routine around 8:30. About 2 months ago, he began to say he was ''scared of monsters'' and wanted us to hold his hand. We did this, but the time he needed us with him became longer and longer, up to an hour or so.

Last month my husband left to tour with Ozzfest for 2 months. In preparation for the prolonged parental absence, one of the things we did was to have Daddy make a recording of himself talking and reading stories. Well, the tape has become the charm we needed to help our son go to sleep. Sometimes he does need to have me rewind the one-sided cassette once, but he always falls asleep to it eventually. I place ! the tape recorder on the top of the dresser where he can see it and hold his hand for a few minutes. I tell him that I will see him in the morning and Daddy's voice will stay with him until he falls asleep. It works wonderfully. Maybe the sound of you and your partner's voice will block out other sounds and help your child feel like you are still with her. Hope this helps. Heidi

When my son was this age I started him on guided meditations based on a book by Maureen Garth called ''Sunshine''. She wrote several books of meditations for children. He's almost six now and every night after his bedtime story he says, ''Tell me about my star.'' He closes his eyes and I start a 5 to 10 minute story that always begins, ''Picture the light from your own special star shining down on you, making you feel peaceful and relaxed. Take a d! eep breath in and let it out. Follow the light from your star down the path to the Worry Disposal. If you have any worries, throw them in, and the Worry Disposal will grind them up.'' My son pretends to pull the worries out of his head and names them as he throws them away. ''Now your worries are all gone. You feel light and happy as you walk down the path to your secret garden. Open the magic gate that only you can open, and close it behind you. Inside the magic walls of your garden you are safe.'' And so on. The idea is to make him feel safe and relaxed. Often he falls asleep before I finish. Two other things that helped when he went through fearful stages: a dreamcatcher (he always made me spin it to ''turn it on'') and designating his biggest teddy as the Papa Bear who would protect him and the other stuffed animals. Hang in there! Sympathetic Mom

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