Hates being alone at bedtime
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Hates being alone at bedtime
July 2004
I need help with everyone's favorite topic: sleep! I don't see
anything similar from previous postings...
Our current bedtime issue for our daughter, 2y 9mo, is that she
repeatedly says ''I don't want to be in here [her bedroom] by
myself'' when we leave her room at night. It's a logical
complaint, and my husband recalls hating being left alone at
night. (With many siblings, it wasn't an issue for me). She
wants one of us to sleep with her, which is not acceptable to
us, but is sometimes the only way we can get her to nod off. The
dog would love to sleep with her, but she says she wants a ''real
person.''
As a baby and young toddler, she was always able to put herself
to sleep. but last month when visiting family, she and I shared
a bed - out of necessity - for 9 straight nights. She grew
accustomed to that, although there have been several nights
since when she's done just fine. It's only been this past week
that her sad but logical request leaves us completely stumped
for a response. We have a nice bedtime routine, and we've tried
removing any potentially-scary elements from that (certain
videos, books) and those nights I mentioned where she did fine?
Well, we had a reward system set up and she earned a pretty cool
prize from it. I feel I can only bribe her so much.
Suggestions? Anyone?
My son is about the same age and having a similar problem. The way I
have dealt with it is that I tell him he has no chioce, he has to sleep in his
bed by himself, in a nice but firm way. I sit with him (and sing) for awhile
then I tell him I'm leaving to do something specific (like cleaning the
kitchen) but I'll be back to check on him. I leave then come back 30 - 60
seconds later. I rub his back, tell him I'm checking on him but I'm leaving
again to finish cleaning. Then I leave and come back in 2 or 3 minutes.
I repeat this gradually lengthening the time until he is asleep. When I
started he was awake a long time. Now he's asleep the 2 or 3 time I
check. Hope this helps.
Anon
You said it yourself. She's gotten accustomed to sleeping with
you and likes it. What kid wouldn't? She's smart....and she's
testing you. Stick to your guns. If you have removed all of the
scary elements and she still enjoys/employs the bedtime routine,
don't give in. You will regret it later if you do. Reward systems
aren't the worst thing. We recently went through the same thing
at naptime. We tell our daughter how important it is for her to
take a nap, that she'll feel better, etc. and occaisionally
rewarded her for taking one. She is now back in the habit of
napping regularly and rewards aren't necessary always, ;-) )We
just stuck to our guns(it took a few weeks) and that was it. It's
all about controll and your daughter wants it. Good luck.
anon
I just have to thank the person who posted the advice about the
2 1/2 year old who didn't like being alone, who suggested
telling your kid that you would be back to check on him in 5
minutes (or however long it was). We had been having problems
with our 2 3/4 year old that were similar and we spent one week
lying in his bed to help him go to sleep, the next week lying
next to his bed on a mat to help him go to sleep and the 3rd
week we did as you suggested and go in at periodic intervals (3-
5 minutes until he seems almost asleep then 8-10) and it has
worked like a charm! Because he knows we are coming back
regardless, he isn't frightened (as opposed to before we tried
only coming in when he cried), and because we don't spend 30-60
minutes in his room, we have our evenings back and with each
other!! Thank you!!!!!
very relieved
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