• 6-year-old too rough, loses control, hurts his friends
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6-year-old too rough, loses control, hurts his friends

We need some help with our 6 year old son. We have had some trouble with him since he was little with hitting other kids (and pushing, etc.). Not much more than other children do, but he was bigger than most of them (he is large for his age still), so he would sometimes hurt them. I was, of course, horrified every time it happened. This situation did get better – with a strict “no hitting ever” policy with swift repercussions (leaving wherever we were, taking away of privileges, etc.). While I say it is much better, it is still an issue, even at 6. Sometimes, esp. when he is around his friends, he just seems to lose control. We are constantly having to reprimand him (put that down, don’t play so rough, stop running, get off the chair, etc.). And not just one time, but over and over again. Now, what has happened is that this uncontrollable behavior is now becoming the thing that defines him. It has gotten so bad, that he is no longer allowed to play with one of his friends because his friend was hurt the last time they played together, and his mom is afraid for him. Here’s the worst part: when I explained to him that he would no longer be able to play with his friend, I told him that it wasn’t because he was a bad boy, it was because his friend’s parents and his parents decided that they didn’t play well together. I did tell him that he played too roughly for his friend. Well, then my son said, “Mommy, I think you’re wrong about me, I think I am a bad boy.” He had said that before (worrying that he was a bad boy), but never in quite the same way that seemed so sad and as if he was resigning himself to the truth. Another incident has happened since then and he said it again. I explained to him that it was his behavior we were unhappy with and that I know that in his heart he is a good, sweet, gentle and loving boy, but that he needed to learn how to be gentler with his body. He kept crying and saying, “If I keep doing bad things, I must be a bad boy”. So, here I have a 6-year-old who is already questioning himself! I feel like the worst mother on earth!

All that said, I have just spoken with someone at the Ann Martin Center and it sounds like a great place (that is also somewhat affordable) for us to figure out what is going on. I wanted t see if anyone has some similar experience with them that they might share. Or, if you have had a similar situation with your child and had some other advice or recommendation to share, that would be fabulous too! I am completely distraught and losing sleep over this and don’t know what to do! I really hope someone can help.
distraught