Berkeley Parents Network: Private vs. Public High Schools

Berkeley Parents Network

Private vs. Public High Schools

Berkeley Parents Network > Advice > School & Preschool > Private vs. Public High Schools

Rough Language and Rowdy Behavior

November 2003

Are Private schools really better? What are the pros and cons? For the first time I am considering sending my 8th grade daughter to a private high school. I am concerned about the environment at their public middle/high school more than anything. But people tell me it's the same at private schools. There are just as much rowdiness, drugs and sexual activity at private schools, and that's just the way kids are these days .. everywhere. Here are a few examples of why I am concerned: last week my 6th grade daughter said some students in her class pulled a condom out of its cover and started messing around with it. Yesterday my 6th grade daughter said she was admiring someone's backpack and the girl turned around and said ''what are you looking at B-tch?'', apparently they call each other this in regular conversation. At the high school, they found human feces in the vending machine. My daughters do not use the restrooms at school because of the conditions, everything is everywhere except in the toilet. This is supposed to be the best school in the West Contra Costa Unified School District with the highest test scores. Even my 3rd grade daughter said a classmate got in trouble for using the B-tch word and I have seen 3rd and 4th graders dancing in extremely sexually provocative moves and postures. Is it just me, is this how all kids behave these days, am I just ignorant and have my head buried in the sand? I find the rowdiness and disrespect that kids display disturbing. When I go to my daughters' middle school, I feel intimidated by the kids because of the way they behave (I haven't ventured over to the high school). My daughters are straight A honor roll students in the GATE program. Academically, I think they would do OK in the public school, but should they have to put up with this kind of environment? Do private schools really have a different environment and turn out kids who are more respectful of adults and their surroundings? Please, any input would be greatly appreciated. Sarah princess3

Hi, I have taught in two different private K-8 schools and I have not seen the type of behavior you mention. Foul language is not tolerated and even stupid, shut up and sucks are not allowed in class. I have never heard a kid called the Bword or anything like what you describe. I'm sure such things also don't go on at other public schools and maybe they do at some private but in my experience (over 15 years working in private schools) the children are generally well behaved and respectful with the occasional exception. good luck finding the right place for your child

Education starts at home.

I’m a single parent of a 9th grader at El Cerrito HS. My daughter has a Math LD and has always been in the public school system, which has handled her alternative learning needs very well. She's a straight A student. Academically perhaps, private schools may better benefit her, but she is very active in sports, an arena in which I don't think the private schools can compete very well.

However I am the product of private education and from that experience I voice my concerns on Public V Private. I am also familiar with the Berkeley area schools via my nephews enrolled in a Berkeley private school. At the crux of your concern is the social environment. In my experience at private school I found just as much social disregard for rules/elders/social morals. In fact I think there was more sex and drugs going on at my private school of 8th, 9th, and 10th grade than in the public school I finally graduated from. Reasons for this perception can be anything from socio-economic background (access to $$), school population, to parents who aren’t as involved with their kids and leave the private school to be the surrogate. But what it comes down to in my most humble and experienced opinion is social and moral education starts at home and needs to be continually reinforced. If you are interested and active in your child’s social life, the margin for falling to the fray is considerably smaller.

My child has been exposed to all sorts of drugs/sex/violence/etc at ECHS. Sure it frightens me but I know I cannot place my child in a bubble and protect her forever. She is a good kid because I am there for her, always honest with her, continually reinforce right and wrong, and because I support her ability to make the right decision on her own. Ask your child where she would be most comfortable as far as schools go, allow her to be part of the decision. I believe the more we enable our children to be in control of their lives, the more likely success will be the outcome for their future.

Yes things have changed socially from when we went to school. Kids swear more, drugs/sex/violence more prevalent. Our country is on a moral downslide. For many of us, our moms stayed at home while we went to school, now both work. Most likely it will not matter from a social perspective if you send your child to a public or private school, in the end, our children make their own choices when we are not there to guide them.

If you are concerned about the conditions of your daughter’s school, get involved, file a complaint, and let your daughter know it’s okay for her to voice her opinion to school officials too! Many public school systems fail because we simply turn away, we don’t care to be bothered by something we feel should be handled by others. Fact is, no matter where your child attends school we need to be vigilant of the conditions in which they thrive. Perhaps if we all paid better attention to the public schools, private schools would still be a thing of the social elite. Education starts at home. Jill

I taught in the WCCUSD and now teach in a Catholic school. In my experience there is a world of difference between the two. As a teacher in the public school I heard children swearing daily. There were students who dressed in ways that were provocative beyond their years. There were countless instances of rude and other outrageous behaviors. In addition, the number of fights both verbal and physical were huge. All of these are things that I no longer face on a day to day basis in my new school. That doesn't mean that there aren't private schools that do have some of same problems...but I would be surprised if all were present. If you really want to move your kids you have to shop around to find the school (and school community) that matches what you want.

Should public schools be like that? I don't think so. Kids should be in schools where they feel safe. They should be able to walk down the halls without fear. They should be able to use the bathroom. And children should be able to be children and not have to grow up too fast dealing with obscenity and sexuality before they are ready. Unfortunately, that isn't what is happening at some public schools.

In part I think it is because there just aren't enough resources for the schools to deal with all of the problems. At my old school there were police called to campus almost daily. Between the fights, gang and drug problems, the administration was so busy that behavior issues like rudeness, swearing and inappropriate dress were pretty low on the radar.

That doesn't mean that we didn't try to deal with it. I did not ever permit swearing, rudeness, fights, provocative clothing, etc., in my classroom, but as a teacher there was only so much I could do. (There were times I would send kids out for truly outrageous and disruptive behavior and they would be bounced back in 5 minutes without any consequence at all.) Outside of my room I was even more limited. And, believe it or not, there are a lot of parents who don't think that it is a problem if their kid is in a fight, forget about if the kid swears, is rude or dresses provocatively.

At my school the teachers formed a committee and tried to set out guidelines for dealing with the ''small stuff'' in hopes that it would avert some of the bigger problems. In some ways it did help, but overall it didn't work because everyone wasn't behind the effort. I think that the administration, the faculty, the parents and the students all need to be part of the solution to those problems... and that is hard to do in WCCUSD.

Are these reasons to move your kid... that is a decision you and your family need to make. Personally, it is not a situation I want my kid to face in grade 3, 6, 8. Will I feel different when he is in high school? I don't know. If your child(ren) are bothered by what is going on at school you might want to move them. Or maybe you want to make some noise with the administartion and see if they can work to change what is going on. a teacher

Dear Sarah, I believe your posting outlines some of the main reasons why people seek a private education. In private school generally there are more teachers per student, contact with families is frequent, and students who cannot comply with standards are often required to leave or simply not renewed the following year. Also when people pay $10,000 to $20,000 per year per child sometimes they are very involved with their child's education.

All that being said I went to Public Schools for elementary, high and graduate schools and never found fecal matter in the vending machines. My first professional position was teaching at a very impoverished high school with a high proportion of gang members and students went to the bathroom safely. Why? Because those were the expectations. In the high school where I worked students did not bring weapons into the school - they were searched. Also the halls, and bathrooms were always monitored by teaching staff at all times. People were helpful, not confrontational and the students responded with respect. It wasn't that way at all the schools, our principal was a former PE teacher and she knew how to lead large groups of all kinds. I learned a lot too. When I hear these horror stories I wonder why parents do not form ''bathroom attendants brigades''. What child would do something weird in front of mom, auntie or grandma?

I recommend visiting some high schools in the next thirty days or you will be missing the deadlines coming up. I visited 10 private high schools in the Bay Area last year -all the kids and faculties were great, no need to be worried about your reception. claudia crask

I personally think the sense of intimidation you had when faced with working class girls swearing at you is a great reason to send your kids to public school . When they can handle that they can handle anything. Having worked on a video series concerning sexual assault, I realised that when we train middle class girls to be constantly nice and polite, we are setting them up to be victims of intimidation throughout their lives.

You do need to talk to your kids about what is appropriate for them to DO, particularly not to copy the bad behavior that happens to them. This is basic parenting. Even at the best schools there will be kids doing very bad things (although they may do them more politely).

Bullying takes many forms. The gross forms such as shouting and pushing are easier to take action against and can in the long run be less horrible than some of the cruelties thought up by smarter and more verbally adept kids. All good schools, public or private, have a clear way of dealing with bullying. Public schools can be very responsive to dealing with these issues - talk to the teachers, go to the PTA. Fiona

The opinions and statements expressed on this website are those of parents who subscribe to the Berkeley Parents Network. Please see Disclaimer & Usage for information about using content on this website.