Berkeley Parents Network: Not Doing Preschool

Berkeley Parents Network

Not Doing Preschool

Berkeley Parents Network > Advice > School & Preschool > Preschools > Not Doing Preschool

Starting Kindergarten without Preschool
Activities for 3-year-old not in preschool
Pressure from family & friends to do preschool
Are we the only ones who haven't signed our kids up for preschool?
Waiting till 4 to start preschool

Starting Kindergarten without Preschool

March 2003

My kids will not go to preschool nor have they been to day care before they will attend kindergarten. I would be interested to hear adjustment experiences of other parents whose kids have gone to school without preschooling. I imagine it depends on the child but there might be a ''general'' trend. Mary

Our three daughters started kindergarten without ever attending preschool. The two oldest daughters were anxious to start school and I noticed very little difference between those children who had attended preschool and ours that hadn't. Surely within the first semester any advantage had evened out. Our third daughter was apprehensive about leaving the nest and going to school, coupled with the birth of her baby brother a month before she was not too sure. She was fine when school started. No clinging to my leg begging me to stay. Also, all 3 girls missed the cut off dates to start school(the youngest by 1 week, the other 2 by a month) so they all started school at 5 1/2 so I would imagine that played a part it their adapting. Bobbi

Don't sweat it; kids do fine either way. Neither of my sons went to daycare or preschool and both were fine in kindergarten. I wish you the best

I chose to send my daughter to preschool, but my sister-in-law decided to keep her daughter (same age) at home until kindergarten. The one main difference between the kindergarten experience of these two girls was *not* academic, but rather, social. My niece struggled with dealing with her peers for an extended period of time, on her own (without mom's help or input). My SIL had assumed that because her daughter went to Sunday School each week, she was getting peer-experience and teacher experience. While this was true, it is totally different being with 19 other children for three to six hours every single day, all week long. Her daughter did not have the social skills to deal well with conflict, negotiation, sharing, compromise, and so on. To her surprise, her daughter had a hard time for the first six months or so. She has thus decided to send her now three year old daughter to preschool for a year before kindergarten. A Preschool Happy Parent

Activities for 3-year-old not in preschool

August 2002

I'm thinking of doing some sort of very small, at-home, joy school for my three-year-old daughter. She is very imaginative, has a large vocabulary, and has a pretty active mind. Is there anyone out there that has tried a joy school at home? Any advice about activities, or do's and don't's? I'd like to work with her for a year or two before she starts kindergarten, but I don't know where to start. I'd love your advice, rebecca

Check out Before Five in a Row: http://www.fiveinarow.com/before/

I can't recommend it specifically, but we have gotten a lot out of Five in a Row (for older children) and plan to get it.

Make books with your child. She draws the pictures and dictates the text to you.

Play tic tac toe. Good for 1)thinking skills in general, anticipation of possible moves 2)understanding symmetry (if first player goes in middle, all 4 corners are the same and all 4 non corners are the same move) 3) teaching letter writing. start with x's and o's move on to c's and l's, r's and f's, etc.

Explore the juvenile non-fiction section of your library for topics of interest --- backyard birds (get an ''identiflyer'' to learn birds and frogs by their call), dinosaurs, dogs, lizards, whatever. Try to find fiction about same topic --- talk about fact vs. fiction. My 4 and 2 year olds love the ''See How They Grow'' video series. The anthropomorphic presentation of facts about the development of farm animals, sea animals, forest animals, pond animals really appeals to them and has been a springboard for us for further exploration and imaginative play. My 4-year-old loves all the DK (Dorling Kindersley) books: Ocean, Shell, Reptile, etc. They are usually available in libraries. The Lawrence Hall of Science has an overlooked biology room downstairs with turtles, lizards, frogs, chincillas. The docents take the animals out and let you feed and hold them.

The authors of The Well-Trained Mind say that early childhood is a time for amassing information, ''pegs'' to hang other information on later,and a basis for analysis and critical thinking which comes later. I like this idea and young children do seem to be amazing fact sponges. So just find a topic that appeals and dive in. My daughter loved tidepool creatures for a while, so we learned all about periwinkles, starfish, hermit crabs, etc.with library books, videos, trips to the shore (Fitzgerald Marine Reserve in Half Moon Bay), Steinhardt and Monterrey Bay Aquaria, etc.

The Ooey Gooey Handbook is a great resource. If you get a chance to hear the Ooey Gooey lady talk, GO! She is a marvelous inspiration and a very entertaining speaker. She has ideas that I remind myself of all the time: ''Control the Environment, not the child'' is a great one. I also like ''Artwork is not a receipt for childcare'' ie, the artwork should be about material exploration for the child and not about producing some recognizable thing that the parents will appreciate!

http://www.ooeygooey.com/about.htm

Develop critical thinking as well as have fun by reading your child's favorite books ''wrong''. Say the wrong colors, wrong names, objects, feelings, etc. and let her catch and correct you. Kids usually love this (sometimes they get mad, though!).

Have fun! susan

Pressure from family & friends to do preschool

October 2002

Hi, I am a parent of two preschoolers and have received soo much pressure to enroll them in a preschool from family and friends. I am also a teacher but have taken the past three years off to be at home. I spend maybe a half an hour a day sometimes not even that, on fun activities that promote learning the pre-k skills. If done in fun and games they catch on soo quickly. I believe parents are the best teachers and role models for their children at this time and if given the opportunity to stay home why not spend the money on dance or gymnastic classes instead. I make sure we are doing things in the community and are involoved in a mom's club for the social interaction that I agree is neccessary. I was wondering if there are others who feel this extreme pressure to enroll their children too? It's kinda funny because a girlfriend sent her daughter to a good preschool and now that she is in kindergarten and the teacher informed her she doesn't have all the pre-k skills needed and what to work on at home-it would not have taken but minutes to teach those skills earlier. Plus it is fun to have an active part in their learning- I do believe those first years children are like sponges and as parents we should take every opportunity to fill thier minds with intrique.... please let me know if you have felt the same way. I understand working parents need to have child care but maybe a fun, nuturing environment is just as good as one that is strict and makes our children grow up to soon. Just a thought. frustrated mom

Kudos to you! I think it's great that you're staying with your kids for as long as it feels right to you!! My older child is now in kindergarten, after 2 years in preschool, and looking back I have to wonder if it did that much for him. It was fun, and it gave me sanity time, which I needed, but if he hadn't gone it would have been fine for him, I really believe. Do what you're doing!! You go! Susan

I can certainly understand your frustration at feeling pressured to put your child in preschool. It sounds as if you are doing a very good job of parenting. On the other hand, I think you might want to take a look at the reasons behind why your friends are bringing the issue up. I'm sure they mean well and aren't reflecting at all on you parenting or decisions, although they may be trying to tell you something about your child that could be worth listenting to.

Preschool is as much about socialization as it is about learning and being a day care type of option. Is your child well socialized? Does she get along well with others? How is she in a group? Is she really getting as much exposure by spending her days with you as she would be by interacting in a group situation with kids her own age? Does she seem to make friends easily? Rather than it reflecting on your parenting skills, it might be a hint that perhaps your child would do well to be in more group situations, and preschool can be a very good option. And it's really quite fun for the children, once they get used to the new routine, that is.

I found that when I finally put my child in preschool, he was genuinely happy about it, even though we had to give up our together time. He was just as loving and delightful as he was before we made the switch, but had even more people and activities in his life to make him happy. I was the one that had the tough time, frankly.

I'm sure that whatever you do will be fine with your child, but there really is a lot to be said for broadening her horizons by giving her even more than you already are. Best of luck! Been there

My opinion is that unless your home environment is impoverished there is no reason you ought to send your children to preschool against your wishes. There are many fine reasons to put your child into preschool: your child is very outgoing and loves to play with large groups of children, you need some time off. But I really cannot believe that preschool can provide children with anything that a loving parent cannot. I think the arguments about socialization are crazy. In developmental psychology (this is straight out of a textbook) socialization is: The process by which children acquire the standards, values and knowledge of their society. If you keep them at home and teach them your values and enrich them with your knowledge, you are socializing them. If you meet with families whose values your share or respect and let your children play together, play with other children and help them to learn to share, be respectful and not hurt each others' feelings, look out for younger children, say please and thank you, or whatever it is that you think is important, then you are socializing them.

At preschool they learn the standards, values and knowledge of preschool society. I am not particularly impressed with preschool society, as preschool knowledge seems to consist of rhymed taunts -- here's one my friend's kids came home with: ''Babies drool and big kids rule.'' Their values are ''Lord of the Flies'' where even the sweetest kids at the best schools (another friend's daughter) come home saying, ''I hate you'' and ''I am going to kick your butt.'' Of course, they do come out of it ready for school in the sense that they know how to stand in line, raise their hand to talk, and learn that the world is full of rules.

I have had bouts of sending my 4-year-old to preschool (because I want some time for my own projects) and I looked around at many options and tried two that seemed to be among the best. Some of the very best programs are full time and I was not interested in full time. THe first was very Lord-of-the-Flies. There were lots of sensory tubs, free crafts, playdough, manipultives, but the kids ran wild and the full-time kids ruled the roost, pushing smaller kids down and throwing sand in their face, not letting new kids into the clique.

We took a year off preschool. My daughter is now going to preschool that is ''more structured''. She says she enjoys it, she likes the ''crafts'' (teacher makes sure they come out pretty so the parents will be pleased with their children's art --- ugh.) The other day my daughter listed all the rules at her preschool: No throwing sand (fair enough). No playing with sand on the jungle gym. No playing under the jungle gym. No toys on the jungle gym. No climbing up the slide. Only good kids get a treat. Bad kids don't get a treat. I just hope that 6 hours/week there won't squelch her independent spirit!

I think both kinds of socialization (by kids a la Lord of the Flies) and by teachers (follow the rules, raise your hand, don't do this, don't do that) can easily wait until kindergarten, or, actually, forever. susan

Are we the only ones who haven't signed our kids up for preschool?

February 2002

We are feeling like we're the only parents in the Bay Area who haven't signed our kids up for preschool. There is so much talk of preschool in these newsletters, on the playgrounds, and in the Mothers' Groups. Are there other stay-at-home parents out there who plan to give their pre-kindergarten kids the basics at home? My oldest daughter is 24 months, and speaks in 5-7 word sentences, knows the alphabet, colors, counts to 20+... I know that socialization is a big reason to send kids to preschool, but with all the classes & activities available in this area (kindergym, music, Habitot, etc., at the Y, libraries, etc.), I feel like she gets that without having to spend hundreds of dollars (some preschools charge more in tuition than my state university did!) every month. Any feedback will be greatly appreciated. Thanks, a Berkeley mom

Hi. Our daughter is three and we're just starting her in preschool. She is also very verbal and smart and knowledgeable. We're doing it for a few reasons. One, we don't have the time and resources to engage her in as many projects as preschool will. Two, we want her to make friends and learn to spend time with the same children on a regular basis. Three, we haven't been able to get her into all of the programs out there that we'd like to (like those that you mentioned) and want her exposed to all of those enriching things. Bottom line, though, is that you should do what you feel is right for your child and definitely not put your daughter in because you feel any type of peer pressure to do so. Good luck! Laurel

Good for you for questioning the dominant paradigm concerning preschool. My son will be 3 this spring. About a year and a half ago I almost went crazy because every one I knew who had a toddler was totally preoccupied with getting their child enrolled, or on a waiting list for a preschool. Many of those moms were actually frantic about it, and I got caught up in the frenzy myself for a while. I spent a half a year researching and touring preschools, some of them co-ops, some not, about 9 total. I did not find any that even came close to meeting my expectations. They all appeared to me to be highly enriched and organized day-care centers for the middle and upper class, with prices to match! Some of the ratios were as much as 6:1, sometimes with a population of 24 children! To quote a teacher I once met at a playground who homeschooled her own children, ''children do not gather knowledge, or become socialized in a wholesome way when they are placed in packs!'' Or did she use the word ''herds'', I can't recall. This is a third grade teacher telling me this! She is not the only teacher I have met who chose to avoid government institutions when it came to their own children. So my advice to you is listen to your brain and your heart. You are your child's first and best teacher. I think that people are deluding themselves if they think that they are sending their child to preschool so that they can get properly socialized. My son meets with a peer group 3 times a week, has one-on-one play dates on a regular basis, and attends various short programs of gymnastics and music and movement. He has lots of friends of both genders, is very social, and easily shares things with others. Meanwhile, academically he's pretty much at kindergarten level. So who needs preschool?

I have a 30 month-old daughter and a baby on the way and I am not considering sending my daughter to preschool yet. I feel the way you do that with all of the available activities in the area she is getting plenty of socialization. I have been feeling the pressure since almost everyone I know is talking about preschool, but I am not ready. My feeling is that she is going to be in school for a long time, and my time with her is so precious that I want to take full advantage of it. From what I understand, one year of preschool will prepare most children for kindergarten, so if you are not in a hurry, then wait. Joan

I was a preschool teacher before my daughter was born, and I have no plans of sending her to preschool. I've ''tutored'' some other children, but really, see no need for preschool. Just my $0.02!

although we briefly enrolled our (now 7.5yo) in preschool for a couple months, we have not felt it necessary for him nor his siblings. Our 5yo has never been to preschool; nor his younger sister. So, if absolutely nothing else, you're not alone. Kathy

No, I don't think it is. I didn't go myself, and though I suffered in the socialization skills (I entered kindergarten only knowing how to be a bossy older sister. Took YEARS to re-learn social skills), I excelled academically. My son will be attending this year, mostly because it will be cheaper and more stimulating than his babysitter. Go with what suits you and your child.

Preschool is fun. I don't think there is a right or wrong choice, but I do think that my daughter (age 2 1/2) has blossomed in preschool. It is not that I cannot take her to gymnastics or to music classes, but in preschool children get the opportunity to trust adults who are NOT their parents, problem solve without the help of a parent, negotiate, bond with other children WITHOUT the help of a parent, and so on. My niece did not go to preschool, and my child did (they are the same age, 5). The way these two girls dealt with problems that arose was quite different. My niece's mother was always jumping in to work out her daughter's problems, or defend her, or simply remove her from a difficult situation because her daughter did not have the skills to deal with the issue on her own. Now that this child is in kindergarten, there is a huge change in her. She seems so much more confident (even her mother notices the change!).

Most importantly, for me, is the fact that my 2 year old LIKES preschool. She LIKES the music, the art, the mix of children and teachers, celebrating other people's holidays, and so on. She LIKES her friends, all of whom she chose for herself (rather than me choosing them for her and arranging playdates with the children I liked).

One last comment. Preschool doesn't have to be all or nothing. There are many half-day or part-time preschools around, co-ops, and so on. If you are interested in preschool, you can always find a balance that fits you and your child's needs.

With my son, pre-school was a good thing. It enabled him to learn how to get along with other kids and he needed the stimulation, plus the structure. He needed a lot of structure. He was a very active kid and needed limits. By the time he was five, pre-school had calmed him down and got him used to a school-like schedule. He could sit still and listen with the best of them.

Eight years later, we left our daughter in a home care situation so she did not start school until Kindergarten. She didn't need pre-school. She got along well with other kids and was very smart at an early age (very early reader). She had no problems with listening and was not as hyper as her older brother. If anything she was the total oppossite in that she would rather read than run around.

It all depends on your child. Pre-school is not a status quo thing. My son needed it, my daughter didn't. You can learn all the skills you mentioned in a non-pre-school environment (and I don't mean by sitting them in front of Sesame Street everyday either). From your description, your child sounds like she can already pass the kindergarden entrance test so I wouldn't worry about it. It sounds like you're doing a great job with her. a non-Berkeley mom

The opinions and statements expressed on this website are those of parents who subscribe to the Berkeley Parents Network. Please see Disclaimer & Usage for information about using content on this website.