Not Doing Preschool
October 2001
Our easy-going 12-month-old son has been in a nanny share care situation at
our house with 2 other kids since he was 5 months old.
He's signed up to start Montessori pre-school sometime between 18 and 20
months old.
But I want to hear what other parents and experts believe is the best time
to move from a share care into a pre-school environment.
Should we wait until he is 2 years old, or move him into Montessori at 18 -
20 months?
My daughter started in a preschool @ 20 months. When she was about 16
months we went to a meeting which incidentally took place at a
pre-school. She just loved it there! So I took my cues from how engaged
my daughter was & figured the time was right. I was a bit worried about
possible trouble adapting to, for example, nap routines because she was
kind of irregular, but she didn't have any sort of problem. She was in
the routine by her second day. In many respects it seems like toddlers
are more flexible than 3 year olds. If you are happy and excited about
the program your child is going to attend, I wouldn't delay starting.
beth
Here's one opinion: My son was and is very social and unafraid of new
people and situations, yet just as the pediatrician predicted, he had
his one bout of seperation anxiety promptly ay 18 mos. Luckily I had
followed the Dr's advice & weaned him from habits like nightime bottle
and pacifier prior to 18 mos, as I was warned that if I didn't, it
would be difficult between 18 mos and 2 1/2. I saw other parents
struggle during this time so I know it was good advice. On this note,
I think 18 mos would be very hard for a child to begin a new
situation, especially one as momentous as preschool. By 24-28 months,
my son was over the fears and willing and enthusiastic about a new
school.
May 2001
I'm thinking of sending my son, who will be 2 in August, to preschool in
Sept. The school I like has mixed classrooms with kids aged 2-4 together. I
wonder about the effect on him of being the very youngest kid in class with this
fairly wide age spread. I also wonder whether 2 might be a little young for any
preschool. Any thoughts?
Kathleen
I can share our experience with my 2yr 3mo old daughter here. Children are different so I
am not sure how much of our experience would be valid in your case.
In general what I have observed is that children (mine and my friends') at
this age LOVE to play with other older kids, and by doing so they learn so
much. I would imagine a group of 2-4 y-o's would be perfect for my girl.
The only concern I would have is, not every 4 y-o would like to play with
younger kids, and they might express such feeling with inappropiate behavior toward the
younger kids. So you might want to find out what the rules are for the kids with
disagreements, and how the care givers prevent the situation in which the older kids hurt
the younger ones - and most importantly, how you feel about all that. In our case I am
comfortable with their rules and handling in the daycare my girl goes to. I even feel
positive about letting children learn to get along with each other in this way.
Cherri
I know that many people think very positivly about mixed aged preschools,
but 2-4, that age gap is too wide, no doubt about that, I am a preschool
teacher myself, and from all I know, the needs of a 2 year old cannot be met in such a
group..and I have to add, that the 4 year old kids also suffer when the teachers have to
deal with 2 year olds..2 year olds have to learn the basic rules of socialisation, and 4 year
olds are very advanced, they want to be attended to, ask a lot of questiones and need
stimulating activities.....then what about potty training?...
It is really unfair to stick a 2 year old in such a preschoolsetting ......or is it a
preschool with
very small groups, like 4 to 6 children??? I doubt it though.
If you really want to do what is best for your child, then wait, find a home daycare with a
small group of kids, (that is usually not more expansive than a preschool), and send your
child to preschool 6 months or even a year later....and believe me, I know what I am talking
about!!!!!!!!!!!!
monika
We started our daughter in a similar situation about 2 weeks after her second birthday
(three months ago). I will admit that it was a bit hard on us at first, and that we had the
same concerns as you did about her being too little for preschool, etc. One of the most
important things for us was that the school was sensitive from the very first to her
developmental needs: for instance, they do not force kids to participate in, or complete, any
activity, including circle time, if they don't want to. For a squirmy 2-year-old, that was
really important. She's learned a lot about sitting still from the older kids, though, and
now stays for the entire circle time -- and she has even become a good napper, which is a
major accomplishment! In addition, we find that she is comfortable in the noisy, energetic
environment where previously she was a bit overwhelmed by all the activity -- she really
holds her own with kids of all ages and is getting better at verbalizing her needs. Her
friends now range in age from 2 to 5 1/2, and the older kids tend to take her under their
wing and teach her things, which I think is just great.
The most important thing for us was to give it time. We stayed with our daughter in the
mornings until she felt comfortable, then enlisted teachers to help all of us separate from
each other, and we only gradually increased the amount of time that she stayed at school
alone, so that it wasn't for a full month until after she started that she was there for the
whole day (naptime was the last transition). We also found that communicating with the
teachers was very important -- even to the point of calling during the day to check in and
make sure things were okay (there was one day that the teacher suggested picking her up
early, but usually things went well even if the goodbyes had been rough).
I say all this with a bit of amazement at how hard it was in the beginning, because I taught
preschool for years, and my degree is in developmental psych with a focus on early
childhood -- so I thought I knew the ropes! But as a "survivor" I can honestly say that it
does work out if you stick with it. If you're convinced that this is the right thing to do
you
then you can be honest with your son about the difficulties, but still positive and
enthusiastic about the good parts, and you will all be able to succeed. For me, the best days
are when I go to pick my daughter up at the end of the day and she doesn't want to leave
(and I love the art and cooking projects and the new songs and stories that she brings
home)!
Good luck.
Lauren
My daughter, now in first grade, started preschool in October a few months
after turning 2. She attended a small school in someone's house. At the
time, she was the youngest by almost 2 years, although other children her
age arrived over the months and years. We have photos of our little one
surrounded by big 4-year-olds. Everyone was very nice to her, she got to
play a bat in the Halloween skit because the original bat declined, and she quickly learned
to use the toilet at 2-1/2. There was only one difficult kid at the preschool when Julia
began there, and he liked her and played with her, so we never had any problems with big
kids running over the little kid. She also got to stay at the same place for almost 3 years.
Robbie
Two may or may not be too young for preschool. For some children it is, and for others it's
not. For our son ee chose family day care from 2-3 years because it was smaller and more
low key. We thought our son would have an easier time adjusting. This September he'll
start in preschool when he'll be 3.25. We chose both the family day care and the pre-school
because they have mixed age groups (among other reasons). I like mixed age because
children have more opportunities to seek out others with similar interests and abilities,
since not all 2 year olds, for example, are at the same place developmentally. They also
can see where they're going by looking at the older children. They learn a lot from the
older children and the older children get to be teachers and helpers which is great for
learning. Of course the youngest don't usually do as much helping and teaching as the
olders, but they have their own areas of strength where they can shine too. It's best if a
child is going to be in the program for more than one year. Having the same teacher for two
years is great (assuming the teacher is a good fit for your child) and by being in the
program for more than a year, your child has the opportunity to be the youngest, the
middle and then the oldest. As it turns out, our son outgrew the family day care. The
space is now too small for him and all of the older children are leaving, so it won't be as
mixed next year. He'll get to be part of a mixed age group in a 2.5-6 year old preschool
instead and we hope it works out so he can stay until he goes to kindergarten or first grade.
Also as a teacher, I have found most
effective my classes that were K-1, K-2 or K-2. Even though I'm a big
proponent of mixed age classes, as always, unless the overall program is
sound and unless the teachers are skilled and loving, and unless it's a good fit for your
particular child... the program won't be any good for you. Hope this helps.
Susan
February 2001
I am a stay at home mother of twin boys who will be 2 in May, making them 2
years and 3 months in September. For many preschools this is too young and
yet to wait a whole other year, until they are 3 years and 3 months, before they
begin some group play/enrichment environment seems like too long to wait. I
am torn between keeping them home full time and doing our routine of parks,
playgroups, kindergym etc. for a whole other 18 months (from now)until they
are over 3 years old, and signing them up for some form of nursery/preschool for
this fall. I am looking into a number of options from 2-3 mornings a week where
I go to a toddler program with them and stay (which leaves me no money for
anytime for myself) to a play program in a private home, to a three day a week
8:30 - 1:30 preschool program that takes 2 year olds. I have also looked into a
co-op program which interests me, but as a twin parent the workload is
prohibitive and the waitlist is long. Depending on the program, I might need to
work to afford sending the two of them. It is hard to know how I will feel 7
months from now and what they or I will be ready for.
I am looking for advice from those of you who have been through this
decision and what worked best and what did not work at all. Also,
recommendations on any programs for 2 year olds would be of interest to me.
Thanks,
Lea
My twin boys are a year older than yours and I know exactly how you feel. I
faced this decision about a year ago and decided to wait until they were 3 yrs 3
mos to put them in preschool this fall. It opened up a lot more
options. I was working out of my house however and had a babysitter. While I
still had no time for myself, I was able to manage it because the
babysitter watched the kids in the morning and I had them after naptime.
She cleaned the kitchen while they were sleeping and did laundry too which
helped. Let me give you one piece of advice. The time you are in with them
right now (just under two) is particularly difficult. After they turn two, things
become unbelievably easier because they play with each other. There is another
big change at 2 and a half, even easier. Although it is clearly more work than 1,
my recommendation is to see if you can get a share situation for a few afternoons
a week nearby where you can drop the kids at someone else's house with their
nanny to play. You can usually get a lower rate that way and it is cheaper than
enrolling them in preschool. Also, it gives you a few hours off. Otherwise, there
are always people advertising on the Childcare piece of this newsletter who have
a nanny who needs a couple of part time afternoons or mornings a week to
supplement income. You could have someone come in for a few hours. Or, if you
have room in your house could get an au pair to help on a more regular basis.
Your children will be well socialized if you hold off on preschool simply
through interactions at the park and at home with each other. My guys knew
the phrase "take turns" and could say it quite young. Anyway, I don't have any
concrete recommendations except that it probably isn't worth sending them to
preschool so young. You can get cheaper, more customized options (e.g., if you
want to be flexible on hours a babysitter can change week to week but a
preschool won't). Hope this helps.
Shannon
If you live around Albany, I believe there is still a very nice part-time
program called Playful Two's. It is (or was) run by Diane Gross, and her
number is 527-21489.
Louise
2000
I have a ten-month-old who is currently happy at his in-home daycare.
When he is two-ish, however, I think he might benefit from a more
structured preschool environment. I've been reading the various reviews
of preschools posted here, and wonder how much in advance people are
signing their kids up. If I need to start the application process a
year in advance, for example, I would need to start checking preschools out now.
Thanks for any insights you all may have. Wendy
I made the switch from family-care to preschool when my daughter was two
and half. KinderCare takes children from infants to kindergarten and I
am very impressed and happy with the care she and my one-year-old son
receive there. I think if I'd waited until Andrea was three she would
have been less flexible about the change. At two and a half she was
ready for the structure and the variety of activities pre-school
offered, but not as willful as she is now. An unforeseen benefit to me
has been the reliable hours of the center. In
family-care, our sitter took time off whenever she felt the need. I
didn't realize the stress this caused me until I moved my kids to
KinderCare.
Regan
April 2003
I work MWF and my son is with another boy and a nanny during
that time. The other little boy is going to preschool in Sept,
and I need to find alternative arrangements come Sept. He will
be 2 in Nov. He is very out going and I feel that he is
emotionally ready for a more stimulating environment.
I have researched preschools quite a bit, and since I am so
late in the game, I cannot find a preschool that is close, that
I feel comfortable with and that has a schedule that can
accommodate me. I am still searching. I have considered 2
options....put him in a preschool that is not one of my
targeted preschools, and then move him next year to one of the
ones that I have targeted, or put him in day care near my house
and then move him to a targeted preschool the following year.
Here are my questions...I have heard that it is not good to
move a child at that age around, so should I continue to look
for a preschool, and although it may not be convenient or one
of my targeted schools, keep him there for consistency sake?
Should I stick with a nanny situation until the following
year? Should I put him in preschool or day care and then move
him next year?
I am looking for any advice you can provide, including the
names of preschools or day cares you recommend that may have
openings in the Rockridge/South Berkeley area. Thank you.
jennifer
Have you considered a family day care? We put my daughter in a
small family day care two days/week when she turned two. Our
other child is 4 and goes to preschool. When we entered into the
arrangement with the daycare provider, we were clear that she
would be moving on to preschool the following year. It's working
out great. She hangs with 5 other kids (ranging from 18 months to
3 years) in a very loving environment. I feel it's perfect for
her now, but she will be too ''old'' for it when she's 3. I know of
many family/small day care situations that follow the same
formula (i.e. take care of children up to preschool age). Try
checking out Bananas or the ChildCare Newsletter for
recommendations, or contact me and I can tell you more about our
day care.
Laurel
My older son is a very outgoing kid, but I waited to put him
into preschool until he was over three. He was in a happy day
care situation and I didn't want him to have to grow up faster
than he wanted. At the time it seemed like a bit deal to me for
him to be forced to conform with an imposed schedule (eating or
naping at a specific time regardless of his needs), be rushed in
his potty training, dealing with multiple care givers, etc. In
retrospect, and when considering what I will do for my younger
son, I don't know if will make the same choice a second time
around. While the imposed schedule still seems harsh for a two
year old to me, my experience watching the little ones at my
son's preschool is that they are happy, having fun, and doing
well... and potty training happening sooner rather than later
doesn't seem so bad either.
As far as recommendations go, have you looked at Claremont Day
Nursery? They have three branches; one in the Rockridge area. We
really love the Kensington school, and I would imagine the
others are very simillar. They have part time as well as full
time programs, including short days, or three day a week
arangements.
Rose
I am a big fan of family daycare. Both of my kids had a
(shared) nanny until about age 2 or 2.5, then attended a
family daycare for a year, and then transitioned to preschool.
The family daycare was a great situation for both of them --
small, intimate, loving, and yet able to provide more social
experiences and resources than a sitter. Overall, a great
mid-step between the closeness of a nanny and the
resources of a preschool. When I first shopped for a
preschool or daycare for my oldest, I found that 2yos
seemed happier in small family daycares than in
preschools. Yes, there are certainly many, many exceptions
out there, but overall, I think a family daycare of 6 or 12 kids
is a wonderful middle ground that works well for lots of
toddlers. In short, if I were in your shoes, I would prefer
daycare to a preschool EVEN IF you could already get into
your favorite preschool. I wouldn't worry too much about
creating too many transitions. A year is a long, long time for
a 2yo. It's not like you'll be wrenching him from one ''home''
to another on a weekly basis. (That said, if your son is very
slow to adjust and has a very hard time learning to trust new
caretakers, you will probably disagree.) As for how to locate
a family daycare, call or visit Bananas in Oakland. They can
give you the names of all the family daycares in your area.
Judith
Not sure about their openings for Fall, but in the Rockridge
area I can enthusiastically recommend Claremont Day Nursery
(director: Tom Morabito at 658-5208) on College Avenue for 2
year olds. They also have two other locations in Berkeley and
Kensington, so maybe another can accomodate you if College Ave
is full. I was going to wait until my son was 3 (next Fall) to
start him in school, but we decided with the impending arrival
of a new baby this summer to start him at 2.5. Several of our
other friends started their children at 2 also at this school,
and they have been very happy here, depending on their
respective levels of readiness and history of interaction with
other children. The two year olds are in a small class (7 or 8
students max per day,) but also get to interact with and learn
from the older kids throughout the day. Mornings only, full
day, and flexible schedules are available. The teachers all
seem incredibly competent, experienced, and caring people to me,
and our son actually asks to go to school every morning, even
though he is only enrolled three mornings a week at this point.
Another nice feature for a busy parent is that they feed your
child a hot lunch every day, even if you are only a morning
student, so that is one less thing to worry about when you pick
them up.
cheryl
I was in your same situation with my 2 year old last year when
our share left the nanny situation to go to preschool. We bit
the bullet and went ahead to preschool. I am very glad we did.
Our daughter was really ready for more stimulation than her
beloved nanny, and although the initial transition was rough (as
we found with just about every new child in the school). While
I would leave her there with both of us in tears the first few
weeks, we have been thrilled with the results ever since. She
is very happy, has become more outgoing, is talking more and isd
becoming more social and extroverted. She enjoys her new little
friends, and I enjoy meeting them and their parents as well.
Our world has expanded far more than it could have in our nanny
situation (although we still see our former nanny frequently).
While I wish we would have kept the nanny for a few more months,
I have no regrets about our decision.
Claremont Day School may have part time openings coming up in
the next few months. The staff is so loving and wonderful,
particularly with the younger children. I have seen them
holding smaller kids and really giving them the kind attention
that they have been accustomed to prior to coming to school. I
think that sending a child to preschool is really tough no
matter when you do it. However, if you find a good school with
teachers who love and comfort the kids as they adjust to their
new situation, it is probably not all that much tougher than
adjusting to a new nanny share situation and then another new
preschool.
I would also urge you, however, to keep in touch with your
targeted preschools in the event that an opening becomes
available and you need only make one transition. But then
again, you might find an alternative that is even better for
your situation. Best of luck!
-- Been There
Hi,
Our daughter turned two this past November and she's been going
to Bari Nelson's home-based pre-school (on Cragmont in No.
Berkeley) since September. It's been a fantastic experience for
her. Bari is really fantastic with kids and she works with
another woman to provide a terrific experience for them. She
also brings in someone for music twice per week which my
daughter has really enjoyed.
We will be sending her to Beth El Nursery School starting this
Fall because we want to add some Jewish education to her nursery
school experience. I'm not too concerned about the transition
from one to the other especially since she'll know some of the
kids in the new pre-school.
Check out Via Nova Children's School near Ashby BART.
Deborah (former Via Nova Parent)
Lisa
June 2003
Our daughter is about to turn 21 months old and is pretty
wonderful - very affectionate, talkative, imaginative, outgoing,
adventurous, etc., etc. She was also the classic high-needs
baby who never slept (and still has plenty of sleep issues) and
seemed to go through the ''terrible twos'' long before two (and
now those symptoms have subsided). Here's the quandry: she was
cared for by us until 9 months old and then a wonderful nanny
(one on one care) from 9 months to now, Mon-Thur, 8 am to 6 pm.
She goes to the park/zoo/Gymboree/Lawrence Hall of Science/etc
everyday so gets lots of interaction with others. We have
enrolled her in a Montessori preschool to begin in September
(when she turns two) for 3 or 4 mornings (8:30-12:30) per week -
it's about 6 kids to one caretaker. Part of me thinks it will
be good for her to no longer have one on one care all of the
time and part of me thinks hey - she's still a wee one - what's
the rush? Why not wait until she's 3? I would be very, very
interested in the advice of all you experienced parents. As you
can doubtless tell, she is our first child and so the first time
we're dealing with this issue.
mama who wants to do the right thing
My son's been in a family daycare with a nice ''early preschool'' structure
(story and/or art projects, then snack, then playing outside, then lunch,
then nap, then music and/or free play and/or outside) -- run by a woman
with a degree in early childhood educaiton -- since he was 15 months
old, and has absolutely thrived there. His language skills have really
improved (talked in complete sentences before 2 -- and was a non-
talker at 15 months), he loves the other children, he loves art and
dancing and music, etc. etc. Granted he's different than your daughter in
some ways (the classic ''easy'' baby, though he does have sleep issues),
but he's also imaginative (plenty of ''tea parties'' with his stuffed
animals!), very outgoing, etc. This daycare situation has really benefited
his social skills (he loves the other kids, likes to recite all of their names,
give them kisses and hugs) and he's starting to show real empathy for
the feelings of others. So I'm absolutely convinced that high-quality
group daycare benefits young children -- in fact, my son has done better
there than he did in the nanny-share he was in from 6 to 15 months (with
an excellent nanny). If you feel that the daycare situation you've found is
high quality, it will be fine for your daughter.
Karen
There is no right or wrong answers to your question. Human
beings are very adaptable creatures. Do whatever you think is
right for you and your child. If you think she's too young, then
wait. She seems to be having a wonderful life with her nanny.
Preschool is not mandatory. If you think she would enjoy the
company of other kids and shared care, go for it. She will most
likely adjust well to the change.
good luck
I'm not sure why you think that ''it will be good for her to no
longer have one on one care all of the time'' at 2 years old?
You're right, she is still very little and I think that one-on-
one care with a nanny who takes her to Gymboree, Lawrence Hall
of Science, etc. sounds GREAT for her! My first daughter went to
preschool at 2 yrs. old and had a very difficult adjustment. My
second daughter will start preschool in the fall, at the age of
3, and I think that she will be much better able to adjust with
the change. Granted, they have different personalities and are
different children, but I do think that children do better in
preschool if they are a little older...there is such a
difference between a 2 yr. old and a 3 yr. old! They are more
social, able to share/play/interact better with other children,
etc. My daughter will be going to a Montessori school and I
recall the director saying that 3 year olds just adjust better
than the younger children (they start children there at 2 yr. 9
months - and not younger - just for this reason). If you can,
why not have her stay home with one-on-one care for another
year?
a mom
I started my daughter in preschool 2 mornings/week just 2 weeks
after she turned two. She was the youngest one in the class,
but it was a great experience for her. I was worried she would
be clingy, so I wanted to put her in a social environment. 10
months later, she is now confident, independent, polite, and
VERY social. It was a very relaxed preschool and they
explicitly taught things like how to make friends, so it was a
great choice for her.
Just wanted to share our experience!
Jaime
We started our son in school at 2.5 years. We were going to
wait until 3, but were expecting a new baby and thought the
transition would be better before the new baby than after.
Shortly after turning two he was much more interested in playing
with children his own age and older, and I found that most of
those children were not at the park anymore and were in school.
The result is that my child LOVES his school, which he attends
three mornings a week. He asks to go and see his ''friends''
which include all the kids in his class and others, and the
teachers. School is financially more reasonable than a nanny
and offers a lot more learning and socializing activities in my
opinion. Our friends also started their daughter at 2 at the
same school and she loves it too and goes every morning during
the week. Just make sure the school has a small # of kids in
their 2 year old class.
ca
Sounds like you're doing the right thing. We started our
children in preschool at age 2 and they loved it. They enjoy
the stimulation they don't get at home. Since you're only
sending her for 3 or 4 mornings a week, she'll still have plenty
of one-on-one time with you. Plus, that way you can get some of
the more boring housework done when she's having fun in
preschool, and then when she comes home you can devote yourself
to doing things she likes.
mom of kids who loved preschool
I'm curious to see the responses to this one, as I have been
contemplating the same issure re: my 21-month-old daughter. I
have not been through it, so I may not have the advice you
want. But I wanted to let you know that when thinking about
when my daughter should start preschool I took an email poll of
about 8 of my friends with older children asking their advice.
Now, these moms worked part-time or were home full-time. So
their kids didn't HAVE to have much out-of-home care. But all
of my friends (except the 2 with 3+ kids who seemed rather
desperate to get the last one out of the house) said ''what is
the rush?''. They all said the kind of activities you described
are probably plenty for a 2-year-old. They also reminded me
that if my daughter started preschool this fall, she would have
3 years of preschool prior to kindergarten which seemed like
overkill. Many also mentioned that even at 3 and 4 their kids
got physically tired from being at school, which was another
reason not to send a 2-year-old. My intuition about my own
child matched their advice, and I will keep her home next
year. We may do a cooperative preschool 2 days a week where I
go with her each time, as I do think she will benefit from some
minimally structured activities. But I think between music
classes, art classes, Gymboree, library, park, zoo, museums,
etc. a 2-year-old can get plenty of interaction and structure
without being in preschool.
anonymous
Our daughter (who had a similar social life, care
arrangement as your child) started pre-school this year at 2.
We were on a waiting list hoping to get in next year, but there
was a mid-year opening, so we felt she had to take it. She
had a hard time transitioning- it was just very stimulating for
her. She was always exhausted by the end of the morning,
and very whine-y about going. That said, she absolutely
loves her school now, she wants to go every day of the
week. I see the same thing with the other two year olds-
they're all really growing into the program now that they're
turning into 3 year olds.
It was the right thing to do for our family because we were
very much committed to this particular school ( a co-op), but
if I were to do it again in a perfect world scenario, I'd wait til
3. The 3 year olds just really get the large group scene and
the transitions from one activity to another.
If you can, I'd wait.
two cents
Clearly your instincts will guide you about what is right for
your particular child. My experience is that I have been very
glad that I have had my son, now 3 1/2 years old, in smaller
non-preschool settings. He will start a ''montessori'' preschool
this fall.
He has had a combination of Nanny/Parent/and small group in-
home daycare. I give a lot of credit to his daycare provider,
Sharyn Peterson of Wee Two Todddler House for providing
wonderful loving guidance to all the kids in her care that has
enabled them all to develop their own sense of strength and
confidence, and to develop social skills that reflect kindness
and empathy.
I wondered about starting preschool early as well, since it is
now very common to start kids at 2 years old. But more and
more, as I have watched him grow, I am really glad he has had
this time to learn and grow in the context of his 5-6 ''buddies''
as he calls his daycare friends, without the larger pressures
that a bigger peer-group and more curriculum-based program can
bring.
This small group setting has felt like a nice interim step to
help him develop socially, physically, and intellectually.
Good luck!
bryson
October 2002
I'm a ''stay at home mom'' who's looking into preschools for my
daughter for next fall. Since she will only be 2 years and 6
months as of Sept 1 (the common cut-off date), many of the
schools that require children to be 2.9 are essentially out of
the question for me. I'm beginning to wonder if it might be
better to just wait another year.
A little background so you know what I'm thinking (for what it's
worth)... I originally thought my daughter would be going to
kindergarten in '05, so it made sense to start preschool
in '03. Now that I see what the age cut-offs are for
kindergarten, it seems she won't go until '06 and so I wonder if
maybe 3 years in preschool is a bit much (plus by waiting
another year I'd have more options as to which school she could
attend).
On the other hand, we are talking about child #2 sometime in the
next year or so, and it would be nice to have her established in
a school before the hypothetical baby arrives. Also, frankly,
I'm with her *all* the time, and would love the time to myself
that having her in preschool for a few mornings a week would
give me! :) We have been attending (at various times) Gymboree
and Music Together classes, which she *loves*. She is also very
excited when we see children she knows at the park or in our
various playgroups, so I tend to think she would enjoy going to
preschool for all the activities and the social aspects... but
then again, it's hard to say since she is a sensitive child and
very attached to me.
I'd love to hear what other parents have to say about starting
preschool at that age (given that it's a choice, not driven by a
real need for childcare), especially as it relates to the
child's personality. Do you think it's worth waiting, for the
reasons I mentioned? What other factors would you consider?
Advice, please. :)
Many, many thanks!
I started my daughter in pre-school for two half-days a week when
she was a little over two. (She's now a bit over 2 1/4.) As you
have learned, most pre-schools don't accept such young children.
She attends the Cottage Playhouse in Montclair, which is actually
licensed as a daycare but run as a pre-school. The school has one
mixed age classroom with 12 children (aged 2 to 5) and two
teachers. It's a perfect environment for her. She loves older
kids and learns so much being with them. She likes to pretend to
be different big kids when she comes home; it seems to be a way to
try on their confidence and big-kid abilities. It's really helped
potty training progress because she has so many role models! The
teachers are great at setting up activities that interest all the
kids and have cultivated an incredible atmosphere of respect,
love, and safety.
I read different books on signs of preschool readiness, and my
daughter was definitely there, despite her young age. (I think
Penelope Leach and Meg Zweibeck were two of the authors I
consulted.) It's been a great arrangement for her and our family.
Preschool has been a more reliable source of childcare than a
part-time sitter, and the social stimulation and variety of
activities have really engaged her. We have another baby coming in
January, so I had a similar motivation as you. I know that it
wouldn't be ideal for all young kids, but she is really able to
communicate with people outside the family, is able to spend time
away from mom and dad, and has a great interest in the activities
they do at school.
Hope this helps.
-- Ilana
I think it obviously has to do with what developmental state
your child is at. Last year we decided to put our 2.5 year old
in preschool from 9-12:50 five days a week because our nanny
suddenly decided to go to school parttime. Otherwise, I would
have waited until she was 3.5 -- but I'm SO glad that she went
in at 2.5. I hadn't realized that some of the things that I was
attributing to normal terrible twos were in fact that she was
needing more stimulation and more challenge than she was
getting -- and to be a ''bigger girl'' than I was treating her.
(Before she started preschool she was in Gymboree, Music
Together, a ballet class, art at MCPC, weekly trips to the zoo,
aqarium in SF, play dates, etc... which I thought was PLENTY of
stimulation.)
The first 2 weeks were hard, and then she flourished far beyond
what I could have imagined -- loved the independence, the cool
toys/activities, her friends, having a lunch box. As a matter
of fact, nearly all of our games that she wanted to do at home
involved playing preschool.
I liked her only going until 12:30 so that she could have a
good nap at home and lots of 1:1 time. Looking back, I think
she would have had a really hard and frustrating year had I
waited until she she 3.5 before giving her this experience.
The decision to put her in at 2.5 was hard/traumatic for me,
but I had no idea how happy she was going to be.
I don't think that every environment is right at that age. We
ended up at Growing Light Montessori, which was perfect for
her. Things I liked: small class size, around 8-10 kids, 2
teachers, all toddler class with separate play area, really
astute and nurturing teachers who would carry her around and
hug her if she was having a ''needy'' day, and lots of great
activities that she adored and were far better and different
than toys commonly available. One piece of advice my wise
sister gave me which prompted me to look at Montessori is that
if your kid is not especially large or aggressive that the
Montessori method (properly applied) gives a bit more
protection. Big emphasis on sharing, taking turns, respecting
other's ''work'', that provides a chance for every kid to do
whatever they want without having to get their first, or be the
fastest. I think that philosophy was what my daughter responded
to the most. There is also an emphasis on trust and respect for
the kids as being very capable beings which she ADORED -- she
loved the fact that she was asked to put work away when
finished, throw away a used napkin, etc. Made her feel very big
girl.
Please feel free to email me with any questions -- this is a
topic that I'm pretty passionate about as I had such a profound
change in opinion!
nancy
my son started preschool last year two weeks before his 2 1/2
year old birthday. He was by no means the youngest in the
school. You sound like you have some good reasons for wanting
her to start preschool, and it also sounds like she might do
really well at the right school. (Another reason to do it now is
to get the whole preschool search thing over with by the time
your second child comes along!!) My son will have had three
years of preschool before he starts kindergarten, which my
husband thinks is out of control, but on the other hand, if you
can afford it, why not? I love talking to him about what he does
at school, and he is very proud to have his own ''place'' to tell
me about. I had him at the preschool 2 days a week last year,
three this year, plan to have four next year, and then by the
time he starts kindergarten he'll be all set for the big 5
day/week commitment. Good luck!
Fran R.
I just put my daughter in preschool last month at barely 2 years
old. Her birthday was just 3 weeks before school began! I
wanted to write because our family sounds like yours - I am a
stay-at-home-mom and we do many of the activities you mention:
Kindermusik, Gymboree, playgroups, Habitot classes, etc. My
daughter is also sensitive and a bit shy and clingy, but loves
learning new things and is excited when we go to our activities
with other children.
SO... I had a hard time deciding on preschool, but enrolled her
anyway. I figured if she wasn't ready I would take her out and
try again next year. (We were lucky enough to find a preschool
that starts at 2!) She has been there a month and loves every
minute of it! She is the youngest child, but is one of the
happiest and most involved in the classroom. She is bright and
talkative and understands that I am coming right back after
class. She hands tissues to the children who are crying (there
are lots of those too!) and tells them that their mothers will
come back too! She loves the activities and extra stimulation,
and now seems a bit bored with me! lol
The thing I did that was really helpful was to join a ''Mommy and
Me'' PRE-preschool class this summer. Once a week we went
to ''school'' together. The class was just like a regular
preschool class except that the parents went with the children.
So at the end of that class I explained to Kaytlin (who loved
every minute of it) that she was a big girl now and could go to
her own school all by herself. She was excited, but didn't
quite know what that meant. So for a few weeks before preschool
started we talked a lot about what would happen there and where
I would be while she went to school. We went to class the first
day and Kaytlin marched right in and told the teacher that she
was going to school by herself and Mommy was going home! We
never looked back :-) And I am thoroughly enjoying my two free
mornings each week!
Good luck with your decision! Just remember that nothing has to
be permanent - if you enroll in preschool and it isn't working,
there is no shame in taking her back out. In the Bay Area,
there is probably another kid on the waitlist who wants your
spot anyway!
Jaime
Pre-K programs are a great place for that last year of pre-
school for fall birthday kids. My daughter is in a wonderful
program and there are several great Pre-K classes in the Bay
Area. If your child is ready to start preschool and would
benefit from it, then don't worry about that third year. There
are more Pre-K options this year then there were last year and I
bet the trend will continue.
jc
We started our 2 year, 4 month old daughter in preschool in 2000,
3 mornings a week and have found it to be a positive experience
. She loves her structured program, which has a curriculum, but
emphasizes play and developing social skills more than academics.
She has developed some stong attachments to her teachers and we
feel she is enriched by having exposure to the other kids and
teachers at school. We were lucky to find a combination daycare -
preschool which didn't require she be potty trained. We chose
to start preschool earlier anticipating the birth of our second
child and knowing we would need time with the new baby as well
as a way to cope with the adjustment of our older child.
If you can afford the extra expense, its a great way for stay at
home parents to get a short break. We are now starting our second
child at the same age in the same program and are excited and
happy it has gone so well for the family!
K.C.
We started our daughter in preschool when she was 2 yrs 2 months' old.
Obviously, they don't require that the kids be potty trained. She had
been attending full-time daycare since she was 3 months old as my
husband and I both work full-time. Our daughter has thrived at her
preschool! This is her third year, and technically this year is pre-K. We
really felt our daughter was ready at 2 to start preschool, but waited a
few more months just to make sure. We initially wondered if it might not
be too early, but once we saw our daughter thriving so quickly there, we
knew we had made the right decision. All of this, of course, depends on
the child and the school. Even if you feel your child is ready, if the school
is not a good match for your child, it won't work out. We were lucky it
worked out and it's been so cool to see her develop socially,
emotionally, intellectually, etc.
Lori
November 2002
We are expecting a new baby at the start of summer 2003 and have
a toddler who will turn three right around that time as well.
Originally our plan was to start him in preschool next fall.
Some of the schools we are considering run all year, and could
accept him before the new baby arrives, which seems like a good
idea. Can anyone offer experience and advice about benefits of
starting preschool before or after new baby? I know preschool
is a big change for kids, and we want to make the transitions of
school and new sibling as easy as possible.
Cheryl
My biggest concern is for newborn and mom's
health. If you send your 3yo to preschool,
especially for the first time, he'll get sick
often for the first 4 months. He'll
inevitably spread it around the household.
It'll be inconvenient for parents to take
care of the sick household. It may also result
in the newborn getting earaches and such,
needing antibiotics, and restless sleep from
congestion. I think breastfeeding helps lessen
the severity.
I advise to wait until 4yo to start preschool.
Then he can suffer the requisite sick days,
adjust to a routine, obey teachers, make
friends and learn all the Pre-K skills so he
doesn't have to learn all that in Kindergarten.
Baby and mom/dad won't have to go through all
the adjustments along with 3yo.
kim
My son started pre-school within a month of the birth of our
second child, and from day one it's been great for him. Loves the
school, the teachers, the other kids.
He was excited about the baby, pre-school (we had visited it
several times beforehand), and his 3rd birthday, which also
happened in between the other events.
But he's also the type of personality that likes the attention and
excitement. It could have gone the other way just as easily. For
him, going to pre-school was all ''his'' - something the baby
couldn't share. He's great with his sister, possibly because he's
not at home all the time competing.
If you have the option of introducing school before the birth, it
certainly sounds less stressful for everyone, and would give you
more time to help your child adjust if necessary.
Helen
If your child can start preschool a while before the baby is
due (not just a week or two), I highly recommend it. She will
have a cahnce to develop a new routine and new friends, and you
will have a little time for all the last minute stuff (or just
relaxing). If she starts close to when the baby is born
(either before or after), I think that adds to the feeling
(already likely to some degree) that the new baby's arrival
itself has led to the big change, or that you would rather
spend time with the new baby than with her. If she is already
enjoying her new ''big-girl'' activities well before the baby
comes, it won't seem quite so drastic, I think. If you can't
start well before, I would wait until quite a while AFTER, so
the two changes don't seem linked.
R.K.
I know that in our case, having our daughter in preschool before
the baby came was a huge blessing! She already had established a
place of her own, with new friends, and more importantly, a
routine that did not change when the baby arrived. Although her
life at home was changing, and at times confusing, school remained
exactly the same, and this was such a wonderful comfort for her.
It gave her a place to go to each day where she could simply be
herself, and not the new big sister, or mommy's helper, and so on.
And, although it may not be very P.C. for me to say, it was a nice
break for me and for her. She arrived fresh home from school each
day ready to embrace her sister, and I--having spent time alone
with the new baby--felt that I could indulge her with my time and
not feel guilty about it. Good luck with your decision!
Marja
I think the answer to your questions depends upon...what kind of
toddler do you have, and how you think you can cope with both a
toddler and a baby at home(at the same time).
We had a similar situation. Our 2nd child was born in late
April, and our 1st child was due to start per-school in the Fall
just after he turned three. My toddler is so HIGH energy that I
ramped up his time with his nanny just after the baby was born,
and then placed him in his new pre-school early during their
summer session. Turned out to be the BEST thing for me b/c I
would not have been able to handle both all day, every day(my
husband is an attorney who works long hours). My son loved his
new school, and the summer session provided a wonderful
introduction and place to call his own. I was able to have
quality one-on-one time with my newborn, which was relaxing for
me. I must mention that my son has never had separation anxiety
issues, so pre-school was a very easy transition for him. He
goes five days a week from 9-2pm. Good luck!
- A mom who couldn't wait for pre-school to start!
January 2003
My child will be 2 yrs and 9 Months next September. Is it
better for him to attend a pre-school where the children range
in age from 2-3 or 2.9 - 3.9 - should he be the youngest or the
oldest in the class?
I think it depends totally on you child's personality. Some
kids love hanging around with older kids, trying things, and
not minding if their skill level isn't the same. Others
continually feel inadequate - that they aren't as capable, and
can never catch up. Some enjoy being the ''big kid'', either as
leader or care-taker of the younger ones, while others feel
like being the oldest is boring (especially if most of the
activities are geared to the younger ones). So, try to figure
out your own child's tendencies.
R.K.
My child has an October birthday, and here is what I'm
thinking about the situation. First of all, at preschool age, I
think you need to look at the individual child and not just his
or her birthdate to decide if he or she is ready to start the
socialization that is so important in preschool. My son has
been asking to go to school for several months now, and I
think he'll be more than ready at almost 3 to join with other
kids in preschool. I am not so confident that he'll be ready to
start kindergarten at almost 5, however. So I am looking for
programs that offer a third year of preschool or a
pre-kindergarten class. When the time comes, I plan to
decide what to do with the help of his preschool teachers.
Common wisdom these days is to start kids, especially
boys, in kindergarten later.
Carolyn
April 2002
Hello. I have a question about the chances of getting my son into a
preschool if I wait until he's four.
I was planning to wait until my son is 4 to send him to preschool.
He's 2 1/2 now (he'll be three in July) and in a family day care situation that we love
and that suits me, a single mom who works full time. The preschools I'm
interested in are telling me that it is unlikely he will get in because there
are almost never any openings for four year olds.
Does anyone out there have experience with waiting until your child is 4 to
go to preschool? Any experience with preschool admissions for a first-time
attending 4-year old? Any advice on how to proceed? Should I give up on
our wonderful family day care and hustle to get him into a preschool now
in case I can't get him in when he's 4 (which may be pointless since the
admissions process for 3-year olds is over at most places)?
Thanks!
~Rebecca
Don't even consider putting an end to good childcare
situation so that you can participate in another one with
uncertain results.
Preschools - especially exclusive ones - are
notorious for creating parental anxiety over admissions.
You should be skeptical about any school that is
attempting to manipulate you into applying prematurely.
When it comes to child care - especially in the case of
single-parent families - you should pick the childcare
situation that is right for you. There will be an
appropriate preschool for your child when he or she
turns 4. Just take your time and keep looking.
noshmama
We waited until my son was turning four to apply to
preschools because we were happy with his daycare situation
and were in no hurry. Sorry to say that we did discover that
in quite a few schools, four was too late. Having said that,
I can tell you that we did get into a preschool (a
cooperative) where we are happy. In your situation, I would
just sit tight for now and apply early and often for next
year. But for other people, I would say that if you do want
your child to attend a preschool, it might not be a bad idea
to get them started when they are three or so. In my son's
case, he entered a school where many of the kids had already
been there a year and had the benefit of knowing one another
and their teachers, surroundings, etc. I wish now that we
had started him a year earlier.
Linda
I recommend that you contact several schools that you have
seen mentioned in a positive way. Contact them soon. Let
them know when you would like your son to start, when his
birthday is, therefore what age he will be, and why you want
to wait until then. You may also want to state that you
understand there may be few openings for 4 year old boys at
that point. Ask them when you can visit their facility for
a tour. If you like the place, get on their waiting list
ASAP after(or during) the visit.
If they understand that your realize the openings will be
limited, then they may be relieved and may treat you in a
calm manner and may be glad to put you on their waiting list
for the start time you want. If you get on enough lists,
you are likely to be offered at least one space when they
learn that some other 4 year old boy is moving out of town
or going to kindergarten earlier than expected. Best of
luck. I think you will get a spot somewhere. Stay in touch
with them and be positive with them. Their jobs aren't
easy.
Suzanne
This was the exact situation for my son. He stayed with his
family day care, where he had been since he was 4 months old,
until he was 4 1/2. He is now in a pre-school for one year.
This was a very good decision for us, and in his last year in
day care he really thrived. The transition to pre-school was
relatively easy. Things that made it easy were talking about
all the new things he would learn, supporting his growing up,
and having a ''moving on/graduation'' ceremony at his family day
care. Regarding getting into a preschool: yes. I found that
many schools did not have an opening for him at that age, but
there were several that I liked that did have a space. I say-
don't sweat it too much. Maybe you won't get into your first
choice, but it will porbably work out well anyway. By the way-
we go to Via Nova, which will likely have an opening, and we're
very happy there. Good luck.
Mona
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