Starting BUSD with a fall birthday

I'm looking for feedback on families with kids who started kindergarten (at a BUSD school, esp) at 4 yrs old (that is, with a fall bday who turned 5 before Dec. bday cutoff). I'm not looking for general pros and cons or why we should hold back, but rather real-life experiences from those whose children have *actually* started at that age or who intend to start this fall at that age. We're on the fence about whether or not to send our child and would love to hear more from others--the good and the bad--in the same boat. anon, please

I also know kids who waited, and so far that's working for most of them, too - although one has clearly been in the wrong grade, and is skipping a grade this year. I was a December kid, the oldest, and I can tell you that my experience was negative with that - I wasn't as challenged as I wish I had been academically, and by high school I was itching to get out in the world earlier than my friends were, and getting in trouble as a result. I also have friends who were a year younger than me in my grade growing up, and they had their own struggles and issues - we all did fine in the end, all went to good colleges and have made good lives for ourselves. I don't think there's a 'right' answer, although there are certainly plenty of people who will act as if there is. When your child is on the cusp, you will have pluses and minuses to either choice. FWIW, the National Association for the Education of Young Children has studies that have led them to say: send your turning-5-kid to K. You can google for their site and see what they have to say.

Follow your gut, talk to your son's preschool, and check out the culture of the school he'd be attending. And then make your decision and relax! Thriving November girl's mom

The short answer is that they are both doing great. They have always been advanced academically and are social and outgoing. What we discovered is that many people, especially professionals (k-teacher, pediatrician) will tell you to put your girl forward, keep your boy back. I can't speak for their middle school years, obviously, but right now with our girl there is no difference between her and her peers. With the boy, he occasionally wets his pants but I have seen this in kids of all ages in kindergarten, so I believe that this is normal. Otherwise, he is reading already, can add and subtract, and has lots of friends. Even plays soccer with the older boys at recess.

Bottom line is, follow your own instincts and know your child. Been there

Albany parents: when to start kindergarten?

We're considering a move to Albany in time for my son to start kindergarten. He will turn 5 in mid-September 2008. For parents with current kindergarteners, what has been your experience with boys with Fall birthdays? If he starts in 2008, will he definitely be one of the youngest? If we wait a year, will he be way older than all his classmates? In general, when people are considering waiting a year for kindergarten, are they thinking about birthdays that fall later in the year than September? Any feedback would be most welcome. Holly

Shy daughter's birthday in November

My daughter (4 y. 2mo.) seems to be ''ready'' for Kindergarten, excellent attention span, obedient to teachers...etc... (note: she is quite small and shy (mude)with ''new'' people (both adults & kids) until she ''warms up'', she also gets tired (=tantrums) after ''long days''. I would prefer that she does not start Kindergarten this year for several reasons, some greatly discussed, and other more personal like the fact that she would be ''closer'' in school years to her almost 2 y.o. brother and also -hopefully- closer in their relationship as siblings by staying longer at home since she now goes to a 3-hour preschool program). I will be staying at home anyway and think will enjoy her a bit more before we ''all'' start the ''school years'' (with its pros and its stresses). But of course I want what it is best for her and we are not sure what to decide! She likes playing with older children (girls) but most preschoolers say so, right?. Some people say she will be bored with younger/more immature children if she waits. Will it be too easy/boring?? We will try the Spanish immersion program at Cragmon (with good chances they say, since she speaks Spanish, very little English). Any advice from families/educators with similar experiences? Thanks!

In talking to others when we made the choice, the sentiment seemed to be unanimous that it was better to hold back than push forward. The only negative I have heard is that when these children reach middle school/high school, they can be self-conscious about maturing physically ahead of other kids. and there can be a down side to your child turning 18 before they graduate high school (if they decide to quit or do anything else you don't approve of, you have lost your legal parental rights to control what they do). Hope this helps. Mhel

Even if she makes it through kindergarten, problems often emerge in first and second grade when the emotional maturity levels will be more pronounced and the academic challenges are greater. My son is now in second grade and in first grade and again this year in second grade children had to repeat - it is far more tramatic for the child when they have to go back and repeat first grade after already moving on to second. If it were me I would not give this a second thought -keep her at home for another year never looked back

Should 6-year-old skip kindergarten?

Hi Everyone - My big six year old boy just started kindergarten in the BUSD and I'm wondering if anyone has any advice about moving him up to first grade? He can write his name, knows how to add, subtract, understands fractions, is starting to sound out words, can focus and follow directions. Last year he seemed too young and tender for kindergarten, but now he seems a little out of place. All constructive advice is appreciated! cybermom

At 6 years old, your son is the same age that most kids start the first grade, so he's right on track. If it were me, I would start him in first grade. Sounds like he's ready. Mom of 3 boys

Son with October birthday

Our son will be 5 next October and we are trying to decide when to start him in kindergarden. He is average in size (and we expect he'll be on the short side), does well socially, is able to sit still, follow directions, etc. He has a great vocabulary, but isn't necessarily advanced in terms of learning letters or showing an interest in reading or writing. It seems like everyone I talk to who has a strong opinion thinks we should wait to start him, making him one of the oldest in his class. Does anyone have experiences to share about starting kids (boys, especially) before their 5th birthdays? I was the youngest in my class as a kid and that always made me feel smart. I would hate for him to get the opposite message if we held him back. Thanks!

None of these boys is very big. Small to average, I'd say. None of them has needed any protection, because teasing and bullying are not part of the school's culture. That too should be the same at any decent school.

My son's class also has a couple of boys who were 6, or almost 6, when they started K. They're doing fine as well. All the kids in the class play well together despite a one-year age gap between some of them.

All the boys are bright and active but none of them is noticeably ''advanced.'' By the way, I don't think kids make connections like ''I'm younger so I'm smarter,'' unless they hear such things from others. A sensible school will make sure that kids realize that people develop in different ways and that a few months difference in age is no indicator of a difference in intelligence. If possible, take your son to a few schools and talk to the teachers there. That will help you decide what's right for him, not just what's right for a ''Generic Fall Birthday Boy.'' mother of boy with Sept b'day

Daughter with November birthday

At the risk of bringing this up yet again, my little girl will be turning 4 at the end of November and we are wondering if we should send her to kindergarten next year (we live in Berkeley). She is tall, verbal, and quite socialized, and people always think she is older than she is. Her preschool teacher believes she will be ready.

However, we have a son who has a December birthday and will not make the cutoff, and we wonder if there will be a potential problem having them 3 years apart rather than 2 (besides the fact that we will probably get less financial aid when they go to college - but that's still a long way off). Also, lately she has started saying ''I don't want to go to kindergarten'' for no apparent reason except that she hears us talking about it. She has said she's afraid it will be ''too hard'' and she has already shown perfectionist-first child tendencies.

I checked the website and there is a long discussion about boys, but not girls. Any new stories/experiences would be appreciated. Thanks. concerned mom

We deferred to my daughter's pre-school teachers who felt, strongly, that it was wrong for my daughter to ''stay back.'' Time has proven that they were right. And, if I plumb the deep recesses of my brain, I can remember a few moments around 3rd, 4th grade were my daughter stubbornly (immaturely?) insisted on parity and justice in every thing that was metted out. She is sort of the parity and even justice queen, so that might have been a function of her budding Supreme Court Justice personality not a function of her age.

Good luck to you Age not a problem in my doll

Son with August birthday

My son has a 8/31 birthdate. Right now he is the youngest member in his preschool class, which he is doing fairly well in. Developmentally, he plays/interacts/works well with the older 4- 5 yr olds in his class. But kindergarten could be a whole different thing. What is the best age to start a boy in kindergarten? Should I start him at the Sept just after he turns 5 yrs old or wait a year? I would love to here people's thoughts/experiences on this.

We asked for input from his teachers at his school, grandparents, other parents of boys... and the consensus we got for our kid was ''hold him back.'' Every child is unique so you need to really consider what is best for him.

The things that really influenced us to delay K another year:

1) his activity level and interests. He loves to play running games, be very active, and just wants to PLAY. He is only now starting to get into rule-based games and only now has the patience to sit/pay attention for 20 minutes or more at a time.

2) he has very poor motor skills. He has only just learned how to write his name but it is not legible (I only know what it is because I see him writing it). He can read very well, but he just does not have the fine motor skills to write or do small tasks.

3) he has poor impulse control. He still lashes out when he gets mad, instead of using vocabulary.

There is more, but these are the three things that influenced us to keep him in preschool another year. Hope this helps! Laurel

the authors have worked with boys for over 25 years and talk about some of the things they have learned in working with them. but i recommend the book for helping you decide when to put your boy in school because it talks about how boys develop differently than girls.

of course you are their parent and will be the best judge but you may find this will ease your decision if you decide he can wait. good luck anon

Here's what my son has to offer: ''the only time I wished I was a year older instead of younger was for sports. I got bigger slower than most other kids so I would have been better at water polo had I been older. Otherwise I did just fine. It would have been nice to be 18 in my senior year in high school and be a bit bigger for sports but thats it.''

I know what a tough decision it is! I was very grateful that my second child, a girl, was born in February. Sally

In my own classroom I have seen 4-yr-olds, born in November, do exceptionally well, bettering many other children 6 months older than they. A lot of these children have very little, if any, parental support. I think that sometimes you just have to put the child in the environment and see how he/she does. I would be interested to discuss this with you at length if you would like to talk more about it. Good luck with whatever you decide. Elaine

The article differentiates between an outdated view of child development where children are viewed as maturing according to their own time line and a more current view where stimulation, guidance, and instruction are believed to be required for development and learning. Advocates of delaying kindergarten entry generally hold the former view, whereas those who see the benefits of appropriate kindergarten instruction and intervention encourage children to enter kindergarten when they are eligible.

After reviewing the best research available, the article concludes that in general, there are no academic or social advantages to delaying kindergarten entry. Any early differences found generally disappear by Grade 3, and most of the differences found are usually attributable to young age plus low ability or bias in ratings. In fact, there may be disadvantages to delaying kindergarten entry, such as lower self-concept and, by high school, increased drop-outs and behavior problems.

Among the factors to consider in making a decision are the nature of the kindergarten program and intervention services available for children who may need special help as well as what you would like your child to be like in 10-15 years. Susanna

Fall birthdays from parents of teens perspective

I'm hoping some parents of teens will share their perspective on a decision made a number of years ago: If you have a child with a fall birthday -- October, November, even December -- in retrospect, how did your decision on when to begin school work out for your child -- whether it was to start your child in kindergarten before s/he turned five or to wait a year or even to repeat Kindergarten? My daughter, who turned five in late November, has been in a private kindergarten in a class of eight kids since September and is doing very well. Her teacher says she's ready to transfer to first grade (which will be in a public school) next fall. My concern focuses not on the next year or two but rather the middle and high school years, when peer pressure is strong, hormones are raging, and having as much maturity as possible to make good choices is so important. Obviously, every child is different, but in general, how do you (and your child) feel about the choice you made? And if you did choose to have your child repeat Kindergarten, how did you frame the decision in a positive way for your child? Lorraine

I'm not sure it was the right choice for either one, but if I had to pick the possibly bigger mistake, it was starting the 13-year-old "early." AT 16, my son looks like a grown man, and he feels ready to run his own life. On the other hand, we held him back because of social issues, and he continues to be pretty immature in how he handles responsibilities-- although he is getting better. We would have blamed all his elementary school problems on starting him early had we done so, but he still had social issues when he started a year later. As he has gotten older, his size has actually helped him resist social pressure. No one messes with him, and he seems comfortable in setting his own goals, not following anyone elses (including ours, of course).

My daughter has never fit in socially. Would it have been better if she had started a year later? I don't know--she's just a very private person who doesn't like to share herself with very many people. Academically, in the early years of elementary school, it was clear that she felt she was being pushed too fast. She actually did very well in kindergarten, and seemed well prepared for first grade, but she fell apart when she got there. Everything from "Wednesday folders" to "milk tickets" was a tremendous challenge. We finally took her out of the public school for 2 years and put her in Mills primary school, where the 2/3/4 classroom was set up like a kindergarten, and she felt able to move at her own pace. She returned to public school in 5th grade and has been strugling ever since. On the other hand, she also seems completely able to resist social pressures. There were girls in 5th grade at her school who were "dating" and calling boys on the phone, but my daughter (in 8th grade) still has no interest in these things, and avoids school dances as boring although she's happy to take social dance classes. I think this is a very individual thing, and depends very much on the child's personality.

I don't know if this helps. My one suggestion is to think about your daughter's attitude towards school. You might also check the tendency of the public school. In my youngest child's year (he's a May birthday, what a relief), there are a lot of fall birthday girls. Some of them are strugling a bit with the demands of the school (not so much what they have to learn, but homework and classroom demands for seat work), but socially they seem to do fine, because there are several of them.

I would also advise you to keep your options open every year. I know of several parents of late birthday children whose children did well in the early grades but benefited from repeating 3rd, 4th or 5th grade. The driver in these decisions was social fit not academic success.

In your case, your daughter is doing well in kindergarten, and so I think there is no reason to have her repeat kindergarten. She will be well within the range of the other kids, age-wise and otherwise. I say go for first grade next year.

Sports programs form age groupings by birthday, not by grade level, and the birthday cutoffs do not correspond to grade level cutoffs. The rub comes when most of her classmates, born, say, before Sept. 1, are in the classification above the one she is in. So she is not with her classmates in rec. sports. This has happened in both soccer and softball. There is no getting around it. Obviously, there is a slight advantage to being one of the bigger players in your group, but kids don't really see it that way if it interferes with their social structure.

I think these kinds of issues may crop up again, i.e., when driver's licenses are being obtained by "everyone but me". But basically, because she has friends in grade levels above and below hers, and because she does well academically and socially, Nov. 3 is still a lucky birthday for us.

I always worried that grade school was too easy for him academically, but I tried to supplement school with outside activities. (I've written here before that this might have been a mistake since he still had to spend 7 hours/day not being challenged and was able to slide through.) Maturity-wise, it worked out well.

During middle school I felt that it was a distinct advantage--his friends were younger and therefore he was not being pushed to grow up. He could keep up with the girls who were maturing faster. He was happy with his age/grade at this point and looking forward to driving before his friends.

However, now he's a 17- year-old junior in high school with "senioritis". He's ready to move on with his life in a major way and resents "wasting" his time sitting in class. He never got used to working hard, but now sliding brings B's & C's instead of A's.

I don't know how much of his situation is related to his age/grade. . . . good luck with your decision. Barbara

My son's birthday is at the very end of November and I understand that because of that he must wait to enter public school kindergarten until he is nearly 6 years old. Here is my question: If he were to attend a private school kindergarten the prior year; that is from nearly 5 until nearly 6 would he enter public school as a first grader or repeat kindergarten? Are there subjective or objective criteria? We live in Albany. Thanks.

On the issue of holding back a young boy from starting kindergarten:
I was agonizing myself over this question a few years ago and was
helped out by a long article on this very subject in "Parents Press."
This would have been a spring (April?) issue, 1994.  In the article
not only were several parents interviewed, but also several adults
who as children had been kept back due to "emotional immaturity."
All but one of the latter regretted having been held back for
various reasons.

In my own case my son's birthday is late October, and I opted to
let him start kindergarten at the tender age of 4.  My reasons were
1) he would have had to move from his preschool anyway as they couldn't
   take a child who was legally of age to be in kindergarten.
2) he seemed about average size for boys born his year, though he was
   born towards the end of the year.  He is also quite a strong child.
   I felt this was important especially for boys given the way they
   mix it up on the playground, try to top each other on the climbing
   structures and so forth.
3) he was "academically" ready; a very smart kid who has never had any
   problem with learning to read, do math, etc.


In general I am happy with my decision, although I can see that he is
not quite as far along as many of the other kids in his class in terms
of controlling his temper, acting in a composed and reasonable manner,
etc.  I'm beginning to think that this is just his personality.

It's a tough call and you just have to judge your own kid and how
ready you think he is.

As for private vs. public, I am strongly in favor of public schools;
the ones in Berkeley range from  good to excellent .  Sure
there are a few not-so-good teachers, but I feel life is full of
not-so-good co-workers and bosses, who we all have to deal with
occasionally, so best to learn to cope when one is young.

Good luck.

Re: holding him back I don't think it makes a great deal of difference either way - your child will either be one of the oldest in the class or one of the youngest. My son, now a teen, had a November birthday and we decided to wait the extra year. If I had it to do over, I would probably not do this now, especially since he has always attended public school. I would definitely do Berkeley public schools again, and have been very happy with them. But probably not the holding back part unless I thought my child was way below the level of other kids his age. There is such a range of skills in public school that the slight disadvantage in age & maturity, relative to other skills, is not that big a deal. And you may find that a child who is older than his classmates is understimulated academically.

On the other hand, a lot of parents, especially fathers, have told me that physical size is an issue for boys as they get older. So maybe if you have a kid who is on the small size already, this would be a reason for waiting the extra year.

I think your decision should be based on the child. My birthday is late in August, and my parents chose to allow me to wait until I was 6 to start kindergarten. Apparently, this was at least partially due to the fact that I was afraid of the road I needed to walk down (about a quarter mile dirt road) to get to the school bus when I was 5. As far as growing up on the older edge of the class, I appreciated it until I was in high school, at which point I would have preferred to be done a year early! Being older (and hence more mature) gives you an advantage over the other kids, although this is probably most relevant in the early years. As far as being challenged by school work, starting your child a year earlier won't solve that- if s/he's smart, the next grade up won't be sufficient to keep busy- I think you need to supplement with other activities, whether at home or during school hours. One program I came across that was very useful was a tutoring program where I (as a 5th grader) was allowed to go help struggling 3rd graders in English and Math after my own work was done. Don't know if anything like that exists here.

When to start school-- I held my son back in the first grade because he was not able to read even simple words like "the" and "and". In retrospect I wished that I would have kept him in Montessori pre-school one year longer and thus delayed kindergarten. He had a huge catch up time somewhere along the way, junior high, I think, graduated with a 4.0 and is now attending UC Berkeley! If he can read, send him on. There are lots of immature kids in even later grades.

Re: starting kindergarten. My information is that the cut-off date in California is Dec. 1. So if your son's birthday is late November, he should be able to start K while still four years old. I have also been told that if a child attends a private K, they can then go on to 1st grade in public schools even if their birthday is after the cut off.

Regarding putting your son in a private school in order to get around the age requirements in the public schools. I strongly suggest that you wait. Even a very mature child would benefit from starting school later rather than earlier.

My daughter's birthday is in early January so she went into kindergarten at about age 5 1/2. My son's birthday is at the end of October so he started school at about age 4 1/2. Although my children are nearly 2 years apart chronologically, they are only one year apart in school. My daughter is now a Sophomore in high school, my son is a Freshman.

I really regret letting my son start school young. It has been so difficult for him academically and he is still smaller than most of his classmates. If I had the decision to make all over again, I would wait until he was nearly 6 to let him start kindergarten.

My daughter however is a little older than many of her friends who are in the same grade. She is so thrilled that she'll be able to get her driver's license sooner than many of her friends so, clearly, being older does not bother her at all. Her academic performance is much better than her brother's making his difficulties that much more salient.

You might want to talk to your pediatrician about this idea. Mine told me (after my son had already started school and was struggling), that he thought all boys should wait until they are 6 years of age and more mature before they begin school. He informed me that boys frequently develop more slowly than girls during the early stages, (both physically and emotionally). He also said that it isn't a good thing to try to teach kids to read when their visual abilities aren't developed enough to facilitate it.

I'm sorry if I sound too insistent about this but I hate the idea of any child having to go through the difficulties that my son has experienced if it can be prevented. Once you've put a child in school, retaining them can be equally traumatic (something we've been struggling with for 10 years now). I'll say it again, make this decision carefully.

Our daughter's birthday is also at the end of November (she just turned 5), and is now attending kindergarten in Albany. The cutoff date is December 2 in California; so your son could start kindergarten before he turns 5 if you want him to. And if you sent him to private school for kindergarten, he would be able to enter 1st grade at 5 3/4.

I believe it has been discussed here whether kids with October or November birthdays should be held back (and in fact one of Alia's classmates turned 6 before she turned 5), but we are very happy with our decision to start her in kindergarten this year.

My son, born 10-26-91, is in Kindergarten now. We waited a year, until he was almost 6, and are so glad we did. He was definately more ready in every way this year. Our daughter, born 9-4-93, will be almost 5 at the start of next school year. We are torn - should we wait a year with her too? Even though she is, by virtue of having an older brother, so much more interested than he was at this age? Any related experiences would be appreciated.

I agree whole heartedly with Susan. I put my son into school early because the preschool teachers said he was well-adjusted and smart. He continues to be well-adjusted and smart, but the one year of maturity that he lacks has kept him from attaining his full potential. Being able to sit, concentrate, and focus all comes with maturity. Boys tend to mature slower than girls anyway. It does make a difference and over the years I have regretted our choice.

I've been seeing a lot of people suggesting a younger child be held back from kindergarten; I was planning to send my son when he was four, almost five (he has a Nov. birthday) but now I'm wondering if that's a good idea. My son has been going to a Montessori preschool since age 2 1/2, and has done well there. His verbal skills are good, he is social and cooperative, and he pays attention to the activities at hand. He is a little on the small side, but well-proportioned and good-looking (not at all scrawny, just a bit small).

Has anyone had a good experience with enrolling a younger child, especially a boy? I don't want him to be ahead of all his classmates and bored, nor do I want to rush him if waiting would be better. Please help! This is my oldest child, I've never done this before.

We did it both ways: our daughter went to kindergarten when she was 4 years 11 months old (her birthday is September 27), but our son had to wait until he was 6. I think we made the right decision both times. Our girl at almost 5 was plainly ready in terms of emotional maturity, attention span, interest, etc. Our boy at 5 was plainly not ready; even at 6 he had plenty of challenges--it was a successful year for him, but he had to work for it--which I guess is what you aim for.

I would definitely base my decision on the child herself, not her date of birth. The differences between children continue to surprise me; it's amazing how little you can predict from chronological age.

Hi Jennifer,

It sounds like our situations our similar. Our daughter also has a November birthday, and she attended a Montessori preschool for 2 years, starting at 2 1/2. She is also quite verbal, has a long attention span and is generally eager to learn. Alia is now in kindergarten, and has just turned 5. So far we're very happy with our decision to start her at this age. Despite her age, she is still more than holding her own academically. I would expect this to be true for your son as well, given his Montessori background. I think the concern expressed about starting kindergarten before the age of 5, especially for boys, relate to inability of some to sit still and focus on the task at hand. From your description of your son, this doesn't seem to be a problem, and it sounds as if he would do fine starting kindergarten when he's 4.

The only concern we had going in was whether Alia mature enough socially. We have been pleasantly suprised in that regard; she seems reasonably popular, and has developed a nice little circle of friends. But she is intensely aware that she is the youngest in her class (one boy turned 6 before she turned 5), and she was thrilled when she finally turned 5 and could say she was the same age as the other kids. Now she gets to watch the others turn 6, one by one--I don't know how she'll react to that!

Having said all this, I would have to agree with an earlier poster that the decision on when to start kindergarten should be based on the individual child. As I said, we feel good about our choice. Although I expect Alia's immaturity will occasionally cause problems for her, these problems would be outweighed by the likelihood that she would have been bored if we had held her back a year.

Both our daughters either turned or will turn 6 in kindergarten (one has a November and one a February birthday), and for both of them I think it was the right decision. Both are pretty smart (I'm their mother, but I think that's true) and were capable of sitting still and paying attention at age 4, but I was worried about the social stresses of elementary school more than the academic. In both their cases, I think we made the right decision. They are both very confident and self-assured. They don't have to struggle to keep up, either socially or academically. They pretty much take school on their own terms.

In our case, both my daughters attended a Montessori pre-school, so there was academically enough available to them that I knew they wouldn't be bored. Especially our November daughter watched a lot of her friends go off to kindergarten while she stayed behind, but she did have other friends, and make other friends, and she definitely enjoyed a year as one of the oldest kids there.

Also, they went on to a Montessori elementary school where again, I knew they wouldn't be bored in years to come.

I'm quite sure we made the right decision, and I know of other kids who went a year early who I think would be a lot more comfortable if they had waited a year, but to be fair I know other kids who went a year early who seem perfectly fine.

September seems a particularly difficult decision, because they really are very close to being the "right" age.

Good luck!

I would like to make a comment regarding when to start boys in kindergarten. I am a mother of three boys, the last one is in 1st grade now, and feel my experience mirrored everyone else's out there who had boys and responded. I agreed with what they had to say because they spoke from experience. I can say unequivocally, that boys should not start kindergarten as early as 4 years old, or sometimes even 5 years old. Depending on the child's nature, some boys need more time to develop their own sense of themselves and how to deal with others. Being verbal and having a long attention span is a small part of it. I believe you have to deal with the ramifications to the child when he gets to those most emotionally unstable years...the teen years. My oldest son started kindergarten at the 'right' age of 5, but due to my own ignorance about how to deal with teachers and such I agreed to let him skip a grade. He went straight to third grade from first grade. The rest of his school career he was always the youngest in the class. Academically he did excellently, but always felt 'out of it' because all the other boys started getting interested in girls before he did, started driving before he could, and basically felt a bit insecure about all of his abilities. If I had to do it over again, I wouldn't have skipped that grade. Boys need an added chance to feel good about themselves. Needless to say, I've made sure my other two boys are emotionally secure and able to handle dealing with life situations first before I worry about them academically (Luckily, they've been good students too). Just my two cents worth.

The long and short of it is that we placed our daughter in Step One's (terrific) bridge kindergarten program after her two years at parent coop nursery school, then she started kindergarten at Jefferson when she was turning six. I made this decision largely because I knew she would benefit from not being the youngest (she is the youngest at home, and doesn't like it much) and because she's so sensitive, stubborn, resistant to change, etc. She's also intellectually very bright, but this I think is so much less important in school starting age than social maturity, adaptability, etc. For us, waiting the extra year seems like the best decision we've ever made for her.

I talked to a lot of people about this, and while lots of my teacher friends said "why wait?" (knowing her brother, and us, and looking forward to her entrance into school), but a highly respected retiring principal friend and another retiring colleague both said they'd never met a child who waited who was sorry in the end.

I asked my 14-year-old (who had just turned 6 when he started Kindergarten) if he thought it had been a good idea to have him wait. His response:

1. Look how skinny I am--could you imagine me in 9th grade now?
2. Other kids look up to me because I'll be able to drive before they do. [We'll see about that--Mom]

My ideas: He's certainly able to handle the 13-year-old girls better than his 13-yr-old boy friends can! I also think that he'll have another year to develop judgement before facing issues as they come up for his grade. He was asked by his teacher when he was in a 2-3 combination years ago if he wanted to start the year in 2nd grade and go with the 3rd graders for the second semester and he declined then. I figured that if he was smart when he was 5, he'd still be smart at 6. He has always needed to find academic challenges, but that's certainly easier than struggling to keep up.

My son's birthday is September 27th. He attended the three and the four year old programs at the UC Child Study Center and went into the Oakland public schools for kindergarten just before his fifth birthday. It worked well for him; he hasn't had any problems socially or academically that appear to be age/maturity related. His best friend is a week younger (and physically smaller) and started kindergarten at the same time at a private school in Oakland; his parents opted to hold him back for a second year of kindergarten which seems to be working best for him...